'Mythic Quest'’s Imani Hakim Wants To Remind Us To Take Care & Take A Beat
In xoNecole's Finding Balance, we profile boss women making boss moves in the world and in their respective industries. We talk to them about their business, and most of all, what they do to find balance in their busy lives.
I remember waking up and turning on my TV to catch a new episode of Everybody Hates Chris in high school. If you would have told me that I would be interviewing Imani Hakim, who played Tonya, the little sister of Chris on the show, I wouldn't have believed you. Now in 2021, Imani Hakim is a grown woman and is making her mark in the TV/film industry. Since the show, Imani has landed roles such as portraying Olympic Gold Medalist Gabby Douglas in Lifetime's award winning TV movie, The Gabby Douglas Story and a role in 2017 film Burning Sands.
Currently, you can watch her on the AppleTV+ series Mythic Quest. A series that explores life at a top video game company within a set of an overworked and determined team of programmers and coders. Being a person that is interested in gaming herself, Imani couldn't have been more thrilled when casted for the role on Mythic Quest. Imani is proudly showing representation and bringing much-needed awareness to Black women entering the video and STEM world unapologetically.
Now, I can talk all day about Imani's amazing career growth and her contributions to society. But what I wanted to know more about was how she is taking care of herself on a daily basis. We are all human, after all. And as humans, we need certain things to keep moving, to keep grinding, and to keep our inner peace.
Courtesy of Ruben Badua
When I was able to chat with Ms. Hakim, we couldn't have been more aligned with understanding the importance of prioritizing self-care. As Imani has navigated through the industry since being a child actor, she has learned to always show up as herself authentically. Part of that is to pour back into yourself when it is necessary. We can get lost in the day to day sometimes and we should remember to take a beat.
After my chat with Imani, she expressed, "I really love that I had the opportunity to reflect. I think that it's important because actors and entertainers are put on a pedestal. People forget that we are still human. So when you are asking the deep questions, it reminds people that life is happening to and for us as well. We also have to find moments of self-care."
In this installment of Finding Balance, we talk to Imani Hakim about being authentically yourself, love languages, and the importance of taking a break.
xoNecole: Since your role in 'Everybody Hates Chris', how has it been navigating through the television and filming industry as a Black woman?
Imani Hakim: Well, the industry was different when I first got started. I think I was very lucky with kicking off my career the way that I did. I booked Everyone Hates Chris within three months after moving to Los Angeles and that is not a common thing. So my view of what the industry was like was skewed compared to what it actually was. As I was transitioning from that role and getting older, I was faced with some challenges like colorism and seeing a role I auditioned for being given to someone who is white. I really had to check-in with myself because it does something to your confidence. You try to make yourself more palatable for the industry, but I learned that I ultimately had to show up to the table authentically and not as someone else. It was a bumpy ride, but it was a necessary ride I had to go through.
With your current role as Dana in the AppleTV+ series 'Mythic Quest', what has it taught you about the importance of black women in the STEM field?
Imani: Fun fact about me is that I consider myself a nerd (laughs). I write myself and one of the first pilot scripts I have ever written was about a female gamer. So when Mythic Quest came, I was like WOW, this is perfect (smiles). To be able to play a role like Dana, who is a black female gamer, is so vital and important. Representation in the STEM field matters. There are plenty of young girls and boys who watch this show and can say to themselves, "I can be that!" I didn't have that kind of representation growing up and I feel honored to be that representation for others.
What piece of advice would you give other black women who are pursuing the acting world that you wish someone told when you were starting out?
Imani: Be yourself. Do not feel like you have to water yourself down for anyone. Authenticity is your superpower and be unapologetic about it. One thing that I've learned as I got older is that once you do that, it will get you further than you think.
At what point in your life did you understand the importance of pressing pause and finding balance in both your personal and professional life?
Imani: It is so important to me to press pause. A few years ago, I had that moment of 'this isn't everything'. I had just gotten out of a long-term relationship. I realized that I put my focus on my relationship and I made myself available for my career. I didn't take breaks, I missed out on events with friends and family, etc. I was burnt out. I told myself that I had to find some sort of balance. I made a commitment to myself to allow myself to live my life and still be successful. I can have it all! When I am able to take those breaks and communicate that to my partner or my team, I am a better person and I am a better actor because of it.
"As I was transitioning from that role and getting older, I was faced with some challenges like colorism and seeing a role I auditioned for being given to someone who is white. I really had to check-in with myself because it does something to your confidence. You try to make yourself more palatable for the industry, but I learned that I ultimately had to show up to the table authentically and not as someone else."
Courtesy of Ruben Badua
What are your mornings like?
Imani: So a typical morning for me is I wake up and I do not touch my phone. I make sure I give myself time to stretch and move my body. I give gratitude to my body and I am intentional about being present. After that, I brush my teeth, grab some coffee, do some reading, and then I work out. If I have time to include meditation, then I do that as well.
How do you wind down at night?
Imani: With literal wine (laughs). I like to watch anime with my partner or a movie we haven't seen. I also like to play chess if I'm feeling frisky (laughs).
Do you practice any types of self-care? What does that look like for you?
Imani: My favorite type of self-care practices are things like skincare or moisturizing my hair. I really make a thing out of it. I will light some candles, pour some wine, change the lighting, and really set the mood. I take my time with it and it's such a good vibe.
"I made a commitment to myself to allow myself to live my life and still be successful. I can have it all! When I am able to take those breaks and communicate that to my partner or my team, I am a better person and I am a better actor because of it."
Courtesy of Ruben Badua
How do you find balance with:
Friends?
Imani: When my friends talk, I listen. It starts there. I think sometimes when we are with the people that we love, we don't give them our undivided attention. So I try to be intentional about that. I also make sure I book out, so I am able to show up for my friends and attend different events with them.
Love/Relationships?
Imani: One of my favorite things is knowing about your love languages. Once you figure out how to show them love through that, it is really easy to fit those moments into your life. What my partner and I do is communicate how the other wants to be loved. My top love language is physical touch and his is acts of service. So without saying a word, I will clean the apartment or cook him a meal to let him know that I care. I think for any relationship, whether it is romantic or platonic, you should discover the love languages for the people in your life.
Exercise?
Imani: During the pandemic, I really got into walking because it was really hard to find the motivation to be active. As I kept walking, one mile turned into miles. Then three miles of walking turned into four miles. I think people underestimate the benefits of walking, I know I did. We really need that Vitamin D. Walking feels really good on my body and for my mental as well. It's a time to just be with myself, sweat a little bit, move my limbs, and listen to a podcast or something.
When you are going through a bout of uncertainty, or feeling stuck, how do you handle it?
Imani: The way that I tend to handle those moments is I take a moment. I struggle with anxiety and depression. I really practice asking myself, "What do I need right now?" If I can't find the answer and I am too in my head about it, then I give myself a break to gain some clarity. I also like to talk to my partner and vent about how I am feeling to him. At the end of the day, it's about taking a beat. I think sometimes when we are feeling uncertain or feeling doubtful, we have a tendency to jump into action. When in actuality you need to breathe into it. Sometimes, do nothing and the answer will come to you.
"I think sometimes when we are feeling uncertain or feeling doubtful, we have a tendency to jump into action. When in actuality you need to breathe into it. When in actuality you need to breathe into it. Sometimes, do nothing and the answer will come to you."
Courtesy of Ruben Badua
And honestly, what does success and happiness mean to you?
Imani: Success means to me stability, joy, and passion. If I am stable and I am able to give myself the essentials, then that is success. Happiness is peace and acceptance of what is.
To learn more about Imani Hakim, follow her on Instagram here.
Featured image courtesy of Ruben Badua
'K' is a multi-hyphenated free spirit from Chicago. She is a lover of stories and the people who tell them. As a writer, 9-5er, and Safe Space Curator, she values creating the life she wants and enjoying the journey along the way. You can follow her on Instagram @theletter__k_.
Exclusive: Dreka Gates Talks Farm Life, Self-Mastery, And Her Wellness Brand
Dreka Gates is making a name in wellness through authenticity and innovativeness. Although we were introduced to her as a music manager for her husband, Kevin Gates, she has now carved out her own lane outside of music as a wellness entrepreneur. But according to Dreka, this is nothing new.
In an xoNecole exclusive, the mom of two opened up about many things, including starting her wellness journey at 13 years old. However, a near-death experience during a procedure at 20 made her start taking her health more seriously.
“There's so many different levels, and now, I'm in a space of just integrating all of this good stuff that I've learned just about just being human, you know?” Dreka tells us. “So it's also fun because it's like a journey of self-discovery and self-mastery. That's what I call it. So it's never-ending.”
Courtesy
If you follow Dreka, then you’re familiar with her holistic lifestyle, as she’s no stranger to promoting wellness, self-care, and holistic living. She even lives part-time on a Mississippi farm, not far from her grandmother and great-grandmother’s farm, where she spent some summers as a child.
While her grandmother and great-grandmother have passed on, Dreka reflects on that time in her life and how having a farm as an adult is her getting back to her roots. “So the farm was purchased back in 2017, and it was like, ah, that'll just be a place where we go when we're not touring or whatever,” she said.
“But COVID hit, and I was there, and I was on the land, and I just started remembering back to going to my grandmother's during the summertime and freaking picking peas and going and eating mulberries off the freaking tree in the bushes.
“And she literally had cotton plants. I know some people feel weird about picking cotton and stuff. She had cotton plants and I would go and pick cotton out of her garden. And she had chickens, and I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots.”
"I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots."
You can catch glimpses of Dreka’s farm life on Instagram, which shows her picking fruit and vegetables and loving on her animals like her camel Eessa. Her passion for growing and cultivating led her to try and grow all of her ingredients for her wellness brand, Dreka Wellness. However, she quickly realized that she might be biting off more than she could chew. But that didn’t stop her from fulfilling her vision.
Watch below as Dreka talks more about her business, her wellness tips, breaking toxic cycles, becoming a doula, and more.
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A poet by the name of Ivan Nuru once said, “If it’s out of your hands, it deserves freedom from your mind too.” Because some of my clients struggle with getting a good night’s rest due to incessant overthinking, I have found myself sharing that quote with them from to time — because the reality is, if you’ve done your best (and you’re being honest about whether that is indeed the truth or not), what else can you do? It, whatever “it” may be, needs to be released, so that you can stop stressing yourself out, especially when it comes to rejuvenating your mind, body, and spirit via some much-needed rest — and sleep.
One thing that can help you out in this department is the art of thought blocking (you can read a bit more about that here). Something else that you can do is decide to become what is known as a mindful sleeper. If you’re curious about what that is and what it entails, below, I will strive to explain it in a way that will make it easy for you to implement mindfulness into your sleep routine as soon as…tonight.
What Are the Nine Principles of Mindfulness?
You’ve probably already heard somewhere that mindfulness is all about being in the moment; however, since it’s such a buzzword these days, I thought that it would be a good idea to share what the nine principles of overall mindfulness are, as it specifically relates to sleep, just so that you can grasp a greater insight into how it can help you to rest better.
Mindfulness is about having:
1. A beginner’s mind, which is all about not focusing on any other night but tonight.
2. Non-striving, which is all about not trying to force yourself to fall asleep.
3. Letting go, which is all about releasing labels that make you feel like a failure when it comes to finding sleep as a challenge for you; it’s also about releasing unrealistic expectations as you try to figure out what sleep practices are truly best for you.
4. Non-judgment, which is all about not trying to “grade” your sleep performance.
5. Acknowledging and accepting, whichare all about acknowledging the fact that some nights are easier than others as far as sleep is concerned while accepting that there aren’t always immediate hacks that will work — and that is okay.
6. Trust, which is all about believing that, one way or another, your body will eventually self-regulate.
7. Patience, which is all about knowing that developing an effective sleep routine takes time.
8. Gratitude, which is all about choosing to focus on the good in your life when you can’t sleep instead of the bad (including not being able to sleep).
9. Generosity is all about thinking about the parts of your life that you share with others while also being intentional about sharing what is positive in your world as you allow those around you to do the same (during your waking hours).
If you read these and sense a pattern, I would agree. At the end of the day (pun intended), sleep mindfulness is about letting yourself off of the hook as far as rest and relaxation are concerned. The method to the madness in doing that isstress plays a huge role in sleeplessness.
And so, the more you remain in the moment and also the more that you let go of any tension you may be feeling by implementing these nine principles, the easier it will be to find the quality of sleep that you desire.
Why You Should Practice Sleep Meditation?
GiphyYou know, a wise person once said that you shouldn’t remove one thing without replacing it with something else — not if you don’t want to return to the former thing, anyway. So, as you’re in the process of applying those mindful principles to your sleep routine, something that you may want to add is sleep meditation. Since one of the main points of meditation, overall, is getting you to focus on being in the moment, it would make sense that it would be a part of becoming a mindful sleeper, right?
Although there are different types of meditation that you can do that may help you to rest easier and better (you can read about some of them here), mindful meditation is relatively simple. It’s all about deep breathing and muscle relaxation.
Pretty much all that you need to do is make sure that your room is as dark as possible (minus maybe a scented candle to soothe your senses), get into a comfortable position, think of a place that makes you feel tranquility and harmony, and then take slow and deeper breaths from your nose as you exhale through your mouth — all while focusing on nothing but the present moment. That’s it? Pretty much.
If you’re new to sleep meditation, it’ll be counterproductive to stress yourself out about doing it perfectly, so start off with meditating for five minutes or so.As you become more comfortable, try and get to the point where you’re able to do it for about 15-20 minutes a night. That’s a good window to calm your mind, body, and spirit all the way down before getting into bed. Then, once you are all cozy and comfortable, consider applying the following sleep hacks, so that you can stay asleep once you actually fall asleep.
6 Ways to Be a (More) Mindful Sleeper
GiphyIt can’t be said enough that mindfulness is about staying in the moment. That said, here are six (other) things that can help you to become a more mindful sleeper (which, honestly, is something that we all should strive for).
1. Get off of your devices.
I’ve got a girlfriend who is pretty much a phone addict. Know what else she is? An insomniac. The fact that she refuses to put those two things together never ceases to amaze me because there is plenty of data to support that the light from your phone’s screen can do a real number on the melatonin levels that your body needs in order to rest.
Not only that, but how can you focus on yourself and being still in the moment if you’re reading all of the celeb gossip on various apps? Sis, if you’re really serious about sleep, the devices need to go off (including if you get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night). The nonsense will be there when you wake up. Trust me.
2. Participate in body scan meditation.
Another type of meditation that is gaining more traction is something known as body scan meditation. Basically, it’s all about getting calm, still, and quiet enough to see if you feel any specific sensations throughout your body. If you do happen to notice some tension, tightness, or uncomfortableness somewhere, validate that by pondering what could be the cause. It’s a way to help you feel more connected to your body, which actually can help you to relax more. You can read about how to do a body scan meditation properly here.
3. Name five good things about your day. Then give thanks.
Stress and worry are not your friends, especially when it comes to sleep. One way to do them less is to bring gratitude into your sleep space; one way to do that is to verbalize five good things that happened during your day (no matter how big or small) and then express gratitude for them. It’s another way to reduce stress levels in your system. Science backs it.
4. “Bore yourself.”
I have a friend who once said to me that only sociopaths watch movies on their phones. Yeah, whatever, dude. LOL. Although I don’t have a television in my bedroom (by design), sometimes I’m like, “Hell, I might as well” to that, and I will watch a movie on my phone and think absolutely nothing of it. When it comes to being a mindful sleeper, it’s definitely a counterproductive act because you don’t need to do things that will stimulate you; actually, it’s best to do things that will bore you to tears — which is actually where acts like counting sheep can come in handy.
Even if it’s something like lying on your back and listening to a guided meditation YouTube video, be intentional about being bored. In a way, it’s its own form of melatonin, whether you realize it or not.
5. If you happen to wake up, go to another room (for a moment).
I once read an article that said that if you’re unable to sleep after 20 minutes of being in bed, you should go to another room to meditate, sip on some tea, or read a book chapter. The method behind the madness is if you toss and turn in your bed for long periods of time, it can “program” your mind to associate your bedroom with sleeplessness, which could ultimately end up doing more harm than good. Actually, when you stop to think about it, that makes a lot of sense.
6. If you share a bed — cuddle.
It was about this time last year that I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand.” Simply put, if you want to fall asleep, have an orgasm. I’m. Not. Playing. Or shoot, at least do some cuddling with your partner. Between the bonding and feelings of safety that being close to someone else provides due to the oxytocin that is present and how much cuddling can actually relax your senses while creating feelings of positivity, it’s one of the most comfortable — and proven — ways to lull you to sleep.
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A psychologist by the name of Susan Albers once said, “Training your mind to be in the present moment is the number one key to making healthier choices.” As you can see, this doesn’t just apply to when you’re awake — training your mind to be mindful can benefit you, greatly, while you’re asleep too.
Sweet dreams, sis.
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