I've been in a 5.5 year relationship and my mate hasn't proposed yet. He says it's no rush and that it's always my timing. Should I break up because we aren't on the same page, or should I stay?
When a man is ready to commit, he will commit. It's probably the best piece of advice my mom could have ever given me as a woman. Did I listen right away? Of course not. Was she right? Absolutely. But like most women, I was convinced that I had what it took to make a man settle down.
I had the looks, I was educated, successful, and owned my own shit but no matter how great I thought I was, when a man wasn't ready to settle down, he just wasn't ready.
When I first read your question, I completely related to you.
Every woman wants a happily ever after and if you're a woman who doesn't, it is probably because you are in denial and masking your disappointments in love as a rejection to the idea of love itself. So trust me, I get it. Unfortunately, I have to agree with your boyfriend and say there is no rush. If your boyfriend isn't ready to be a husband, don't try to force him. When a man is ready to commit to marriage, he will prove it to you once he decides he wants to spend his life with you.
So many of my clients have chosen to give their men ultimatums and ultimatums rarely work, especially with a man because you cannot change anyone (including your man).
However, it is really important that you are very clear about what your expectations are and not waiver on them.
When I first started dating my husband, I was a single mother and I told him immediately that I was an all or nothing kind of chick and I meant it. Any decision your boyfriend makes out of desperation of losing you is likely only going to be temporary and when you sign up for marriage, you are signing up for "death til us part." When you pledge your life to someone for forever, just remember that forever is a really long time in comparison to the 5.5 years the two of you have been together.
The real lesson for you is to ask yourself, are you doing all of the things that you think a wife should be doing?
These things include but are not limited to the following:
Do You Live Together?
I have an unpopular opinion about cohabiting with your significant other before marriage so if you two are living together, I suggest you consider moving out. Your boyfriend doesn't get to enjoy the benefits of having a wife until he puts a ring on it and living together is one of those benefits.
Do You Perform Wife Duties?
There is no need to cook every meal for him, keep his house clean, do his laundry, take care of his business, tend to his mother's needs, and play stepmom to any children that he may already have. If he's asking you to do these things, consider renegotiating this mess you've gotten yourself into. Let him understand the difference between having a girlfriend versus having a wife. If you start to pull back, he will feel it and likely immediately step up.
Do You Share Expenses?
Once again, you should not be allowing any man to depend on you in any capacity until the day you say "I do" and even then, I have my thoughts. I once had a girlfriend who gave her man access to her bank account and one day, he took every penny from her and never looked back. Don't be that girl.
If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, it's time for you to fall back and perhaps that includes falling back in love with yourself because sometimes we forget to love ourselves above anyone else and that includes the man you are in love with. I believe that we are all single until we are married and I do not care how long you have been in a committed relationship.
If you answered "no" to all of these questions, just be patient. Your time will come and rushing it will only put more stress on you and your partner.
xo,
Your Favorite Valentine
Featured image by Shutterstock
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Below, Angel shares the skincare products that make her skin glow and her go-to makeup looks.
Check out her routines below.
Skincare
Vogue/YouTube
Angel starts with La Roche-Posay Hydrating Gentle Cleanser. “I love skincare. Makes me feel good, makes me feel cleanse, especially after a long day because I’m always on the go,” she said. “I play sports, so my face is always drenched with sweat, and I always gotta keep it clean.”
Vogue/YouTube
Angel uses two moisturizers. She uses Fenty Skin Hydra Vizor Invisible Moisturizer SPF 30 first and follows it up with Cetaphil Soothing Gel Cream with Aloe.
"You have to use the thinnest layer and then the thickest layer," she said. "I learned these tips because one time I posted a skincare routine and they were like, you need to run that back. And they taught me you need to do thin then thick and then I could see the complete difference with my skin."
Vogue/YouTube
She keeps Laniege Lip Balm with her at all times, including during games.
Vogue/YouTube
One-Size Setting Spray is her go-to for keeping her makeup fresh on the court. “I usually spray my beauty blender with my setting spray,” she said. “People usually wet the beauty blender under the water, but why not set it with this.”
Vogue/YouTube
She rounds out her beauty routine with mascara, brows, and her lip combo using Rare Beauty Kind Words Lip Liner and Covergirl Clean Fresh Yummy Gloss. But before closing, she made sure to give flowers to the WNBA stars before her who were also known for getting glammed on and off the court.
“I gotta give kudos to the girls who were wearing makeup before. Lisa Leslie, Skylar Diggins, Candace Parker. Everybody already had their edges and their lashes, lipstick on," she said. "Tina Thompson; she used to wear a full red lip on her lips during the game, but that’s something I could probably never do.”
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Feature image by Vogue/YouTube