As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer.
This is Amanda Hampton's story, as told to Charmin Michelle.
My husband doesn't complete me.
Don't get me wrong—he is everything to me, I truly couldn't see myself without him. But life will never be a fairy tale.
I hate this misconception, and even expectation, of marriage. I've been to several weddings, and heard and listened to numerous vows where the overarching theme is always the bride and groom gushing that the other "completes" them. And that they plan to live happily ever after.
I cringe every time.
I've always had this notion, sure. But being on the other side now as a new wife, I know that girl…I was that girl.
These are my confessions of a nontraditionalnewlywed.
Getting Married Is Not An Accomplishment
Before my husband and I met each other, we were two, whole, single people. We met in college in 2005 and kept an eye on something blossoming into more than friends. We were young, wild, and free—simply enjoying growing up together. We eventually went our separate ways for years, and rekindled only three years ago (2017). Both of us desired to be married, but we never saw ourselves as unequal or half a person. We wed in January of 2020 and he has been my sanctuary from this crazy world since.
He shows up for me everyday, gives me love, support, and wisdom, and I do the same for him.
He pours into me and I pour into him. It's nothing special, that's what teammates do for each other. Our marriage adds to the motivation to be our best selves, but we both understand that marriage will never complete us. I, alone, solo dolo, am responsible for my wholeness. And yet ironically, I don't desire to be complete. Completion signifies an ending.
Marriage Is Not An SOS Button
The belief that it's some magical button that checks off everything on your warped societal "say-so list", is absurd. You have to put forth work in a marriage just like anything else you would want to be successful. Marriage is a beautiful thing, yes. But I truly believe that we simply cannot let it be our largest goal in life.
As women, we need to get real about this attitude that getting married is some sort of power move over single women. Again, marriage is not an accomplishment. Your matrimony did not make you some "all-knowing" being that can discredit or put down other women because you're married. Every woman has a different path to walk and her choices and struggles therein are not yours to judge.
Marriage takes a lot of work. But staying happily married is the true achievement.
My advice: enjoy the ride. I've learned in this short time that marriage is actually a beautiful union of two individuals and can spark intense personal growth and emotional development. But it's just a stop, not the destination.
Married Me Will Still Be A Boss
Finding Amanda and my role in my marriage is important, and always has been. This comes from wanting to give my household love and attention. But I am also working to find my professional purpose and maximize on it.
Married me is just as ambitious and fearless as single me, so no, I don't aspire to be just a wife.
I want it all—love, family success, happiness, health. Hell, dogs haha. Being a fierce, goal-oriented woman does not have to die when you say 'I do'. Can we throw away these outdated societal ideals? Let's stop telling women to put everything on hold or on the back burner once they get married or have a child.
Go raise the children and cater to your man.
Cook for your family every night and clean your house everyday.
You've been married for awhile, you should have more children.
Don't you want to be a stay-at-home mom and work for your family?
Nah.
Don't get me wrong, I don't mind doing or being any of these for my husband. But this wife's got goals! We live in a glorious time where women (especially black women) are the fastest growing demographic of entrepreneurs and graduates of in the country. So, we are allowed to have a career and happy home life.
Stop thinking you have to choose. You can have it all.
Marriage and motherhood are beautiful experiences and are to be celebrated, but never let it hinder the potential. Of course, there's nothing wrong with being a stay-at-home mother or wife. But if you have a sister, daughter, niece or friend who's only objective is to be married, maybe try encouraging them to start a business, get a degree, travel or take a job in another state and really find themselves before getting married. Then at least they know the options available to them. Times are changing and pivoting away from the idea that women should sacrifice their career for home life.
Sis, accept that position in another state and uproot just like men are afforded to do. Fight for that promotion without worrying if it would take too many hours out of your day. Accept that higher paying job that may make you the breadwinner. If these are career goals for yourself, wholeheartedly go for them. And not with the fear that you would somehow discredit or disrespect your spouse. Marriage and motherhood are to be celebrated but never let it hinder the excellence within.Your partner is a teammate. And sometimes you may have to lean on them, other times you may have to support them. But Married Amanda is just as fearless as Single Amanda. So, there's no plans for me slowing down anytime soon.
We must also be careful in how we go about presenting our journeys. Women, mothers, and wives: we must stop judging or lifting a nose to discredit a woman that has chosen a different path than us. The choices or struggles of another woman are none of our business.
Ladies, what I'm trying to say, is marriage is a beautiful thing. Children are a blessing. Being in a position to be a source of comfort to my husband is something I will always be. My husband is definitely my soulmate and I want to spend the rest of my days growing together. For always, I will be an amazing wife.
And I will also be a mother, soulmate, teammate, queen, boss, AND me, too.
To keep up and learn more about Amanda's approach to marriage, career balance, and maintaining it all, you may find her on Instagram at @_amanda_AF.
Featured image courtesy of Amanda Hampton
Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Alaska Wasn’t On My Bucket List, But My Glacier Adventure Made Me A Believer
We all have bucket list destinations at the top of our lists. I visited one of those at the top of 2024: Japan! But what happens when you get an opportunity to go someplace that wasn’t on it? For me, that was Alaska. Now, I’d submitted my short film to the Anchorage International Film Festival, genuinely thinking it would be a long shot to get in with a short film about fibroids and Black women’s health.
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert