As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer.
This is Maya's story, written by Charmin Michelle.
I know this may come to a surprise so many, but here we are. Yes, I got a BBL. If you aren't aware, a BBL is a Brazilian Butt Lift, a cosmetic surgery process where the doctor uses a combination of liposuction and fat-grafting, transfers the fat into the butt, resulting in added volume, defined curves, and a lift. It is technically lipo and a fat transfer. But yeah girl, this has been on my to-do list for a while. And now that I am able to afford it, I went for it.
This was a really personal decision for me to get one, and I also went back and forth on whether I would share. In the end, I am in a position to share what I know, so I decided to do so. It could help other women who are considering the surgery make a more informed decision. So, here we go:
Why, sis? Why did you get a BBL?
Maya Galore/YouTube
For my surgery, I got 360 lipo, meaning the doctor took fat from my entire abdomen, my love handles, my entire back, my arms, and my sides. I got a fat transfer which means my doctor just took that fat, and put it somewhere else. The fat was then injected into my hips and my butt, creating the hourglass shape I was going for.
I am actually not one of those people who got a BBL to get a fat butt, to be twerking, as someone looking for clout, or whatever. To be honest, I didn't even do this for my career. I got a BBL specifically to have a more feminine look about my body. I wanted an hourglass shape, being that that's not something I was born with. And like most women, I've always have body issues, or things I didn't like, so the things this surgery did for me, I could not have gotten in anybody's gym. Plain and simple. I have been super, super, super fit before—working out, eating clean, all of that—and I had no curves whatsoever. Like...none.
So my decisions had nothing to do with anyone else—my friends, my family, my man. I wanted to look more feminine in my clothing and I just wanted to be happy with myself when no one was in the room but me and Jesus.
And I have been considering this for years. I know it's easy to say that I got one because it's trendy or popular, or whatever the case may be, but I have been researching this for a long time. This is nothing new, ladies. There is nothing new about it. And I had been researching BBLs hard.
Let's talk numbers:
Maya Galore/YouTube
If you are familiar with BBLs, or if you've been doing your research, then you are familiar with Dr. Fisher in Miami, who conducted my surgery. His prices are on the expensive side, my entire BBL surgery—minus the arms—cost $8,000. I added my arms for another thousand, totaling $9,000. This price includes the surgery, my post-op care, the first five massages at his facility afterwards, and more.
A little BBL preparation insight:
Maya Galore/YouTube
Okay, so 30 days leading up to my surgery, I had to stop taking all my vitamins, I couldn't drink alcohol, no drugs, and no medications. I tried to eat clean because doctors advise you to be close to your goal weight before having the surgery to avoid trying to lose weight after (and potentially alter results). You have to get blood work done, and have approved labs prior as well. Sidebar: I was on keto but had to get off because they messed up my labs. Once I began eating food from all food groups, my levels were good to go for surgery.
Obviously, because of the times, I had to take a COVID test as well. You will also need excess fat for the procedure, which is another reason I chose not to lose weight before surgery. You will need a BMI of 32 or less.
Dr. Fisher took 4,000 ccs, the maximum amount of fat you can transfer, and put almost took exactly 2,000 cc's in each butt cheeks and hips.
How is the healing process for a BBL?
Maya Galore/YouTube
The healing process is...something. You learn the tips and tricks of many things that you've never even thought of before. Things like wearing foam boards under your shapewear to tighten skin, or drains, or placing a marble in your belly button to prevent the skin from hanging too low. I had on waist trainers (and more) all the time. The scars are everywhere your lipo entry points are for both removing fat, as well as taking it out. I couldn't take a bath, couldn't get in the pool for six weeks. And using the bathroom is a new normal (and super uncomfortable).
Everything is uncomfortable. Everything.
The bulk of healing or recovery comes from your lipo areas, not even your butt or hips. You can't sit down until three weeks after surgery, but when that period is over, it's important to ease into it to begin the softening process because you'll notice that it's not soft like a normal booty for a while. The sooner you start to sit, the faster it gets soft. Please keep in mind that doctors cannot change your genetics and they can only work with what you have. This is why BBLs look different on everyone.
I wore four foam boards in my faja (shapewear), and a triangle on my back to create the dip. It's important to note that you're not fully healed, or won't see full results, until six months later despite feeling normal immediately, or not feeling sick.
Also, there is no maintenance for BBLs, which is a perk.
Any regrets?
Having the BBL surgery is something that is extremely personal for me. I did something to improve myself and this is a part of my self-love journey, and it's all about loving on yourself, regardless of what that looks like for you.
Financially, I was more than okay, I made this choice when it was a good time for me.
Spiritually, I was a mess. I prayed to God that this was the right thing to do. Every little sign where I questioned if getting a BBL was a part of my story, I paid attention to. He and I talked a LOT. But he gave me the confirmation I needed to move forward, which is why I did.
And honestly, not everyone understands this. Many people questioned my integrity, or somehow thought I was above having cosmetic surgery, and it's so hard for me to rationalize why people were shocked. But, listen, I am a woman with her own personal body issues at the end of the day. I feel like, of all the things to discuss about my experience in having a BBL, that that isn't one that I should have to explain. This is a reflection of something I've been going through my whole life with my body, and it was a choice I made, that I'm super happy about.
This was self-love for me. I loved myself enough to get myself out of that negative space that I felt about myself and my body.
Maya is a social media influencer and has a beauty channel on YouTube where she sometimes blogs about her daily life. Follow her on Instagram @maya_galore.
Featured image via Maya Galore/Instagram
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There is quite a bit of science to back this up too. For instance, physical touch can lower stress and boost immunity. Physical touch makes us calmer and more compassionate. Physical touch reduces pain and anxiety. Physical touch helps to cultivate emotional intimacy with other people. Physical touch creates comfort and pleasure. Bottom line, physical touch does so much for us which is why we should learn as much about it as we possibly can.
That’s not to say that all of us desire to be touched in the same fashion, though. For example, did you know that there is quite a bit of research to support the fact that men and women (overall) long to be touched in different ways?
In the effort that we all become more “fluently effective” when it comes to how we “speak” the language of physical touch to those around us (especially when it comes to our partner), let’s explore how a man wants to be touched vs. how a woman prefers to be.
Men and Women Are Different. Even When It Comes to Touch. Why, Though?
GiphyBefore I get into some things that I discovered about men and women when it comes to where they prefer to be touched and how those places differ from one another, first let’s — pardon the pun — touch on why there is even a difference in the first place. Apparently, because women’s fingers are naturally softer, they are better when it comes to touch discrimination. What is that? Touch discrimination is basically having the ability to tell the difference between different types of touch sensations. And this is probably a big part of the reason why research also says that when compassion, anger, or happiness is conveyed through touch, men and women tend to respond/react a bit differently as well.
Case in point: One study stated that when two men try to convey compassion through touch, it doesn’t really resonate well, although men can detect anger, even through the slightest touch, extraordinarily well. And happiness? Well, when two women are sharing that feeling through touch, it is clearly conveyed — meanwhile, between a man and a woman or two men? Yeah, not so much.
The thought process for these three emotions is, when it comes to compassion because women have been the prominent caregivers throughout history, they have “mastered” the ability to express it. Anger? Remember, men are good at detecting it — studies say that it’s because they tend to feel and express anger more often; I’d venture to say that being protectors and providers requires being aware of that emotion far more often as well. Happiness? Reportedly, women tend to be happier more often than men are and they also convey their emotions, openly, more than men do too.
How Men Feel About Physical Touch (Overall)
GiphyOkay, so when it comes to unique things about men and women as it relates to touch, let’s start with the fellas, out the gate. I wanna do that because, when I was doing my research on all of this, I immediately came across something that proved what I just said in the intro. What part in particular? Did you know that, even when it comes to truly platonic friendships, men still wish that their female friends would engage in physical touch more than women do (via their male friends)?
That’s because, even when it comes to intimacy among friends, physical touch displays trust and a feeling of closeness — and research says that men find that to be valuable. And so yes, this does amplify the point that physical touch and the need for it go well beyond sexual intimacy.
Still, I’m sure that it comes as absolutely no surprise that if you were to ask a group of men and women who prefer the love language of physical touch more, it’s going to be men (especially if they are over the age of 45). And while there are many theories for why this is the case, mine is that, since men are traditionally known and expected to be providers and protectors and that is hard work, I think they feel safe, reassured, seen, validated and deeply cared for through physical touch. It’s a way for them to get “off of the clock” from using touch to take care of others to being touched in a nurturing way.
Some other interesting things about men and touch is, although women seem to be more at ease with being touched overall, guys are more comfortable with being touched by strangers, especially in a flirty way (in part, because they process it as a potential for “opportunity” — read between the lines there), they prefer women touching them over being touched by men and they are known to initiate touch more if who they are touching is a woman.
And what about touch as it relates to sexual intimacy? Well, according to science, while both men and women enjoy their genital region, lips, ears, shoulders, and inner thighs to be caressed, men also respond to the back of their legs to be touched while women barely even acknowledge that part of their body (in this way). Men also consider their hands to be an erogenous zone far more than women do. It should also be noted that men are more aroused by touching their partner than being touched by them.
How Women Feel About Physical Touch (Overall)
GiphySo, what about women and touch? Well, something that is associated with women quite a bit is affective touch. If you’re not familiar with what that is, affective touch is all about having the ability to touch in a way that cultivates feeling and emotion. Not only do women tend to be better at doing it, but they also find it to be a more pleasurable experience than men do. Research says that this is because of the fact that, overall, women have had more positive experiences, as it related to touch than men.
Something else that is interesting about affective touch is women who express themselves through touch are typically considered to be more affectionate and trusting as opposed to men who touch a lot. And so, since women like to give affective touch, they are also highly responsive to it — and that could explain why women like to touch and be touched (like reaching out to touch someone’s hand) when someone is sharing their thoughts and feelings with them.
Another thing to note about women and touch is because their pain perception is a lot more sensitive than men’s, even slight adjustments in touch (pressure, temperature shifts in body parts, etc.) will affect them in a way that won’t affect men. When it comes to sexual intimacy, specifically, this could explain why even a slight shift in touch can bring a woman into or take a woman out of the mood far easier and quicker than it would a guy’s.
Something else that should go on record here is how women respond to touch based on their menstrual cycle. For instance, when a woman is ovulating, she tends to be more sensitive to touch; plus, she also finds kissing to be more of a priority. Meanwhile, the drastic shifts in hormones during menopause and postmenopause can make women less sensitive to touch.
As far as sex and sexual stimulation go, women reportedly like to be touched more than to touch. Also, when a man looks into a woman’s eyes while touching her, that increases her arousal levels significantly (men prefer women to gaze at their genitalia; not sure if anyone is shocked there — LOL). Places where they prefer to be touched include their breasts, neck, and butt; some even say that they can orgasm just from being stimulated in those spots (along with their lips and ears). As far as the type of touch that is most effective for women during copulation, oral reigns.
And what about how men feel about oral sex? Well, I once read an article that said that 27 percent of the male participants in their study would rather get some fellatio tonight than receive a raise, so…you do the math. LOL (while we’re on the topic of oral sex, a little over 50 percent of men and women find it to be more intimate than intercourse and consider refusal to engage to be a relationship deal-breaker. Agreed).
GiphyOkay, so with all of this intel on how men and women differ in the touch department, what does all of this even mean? To me, it’s a blaring reminder that even something as simple as touching has billions of layers to it — that even though touch is something that we all need, the art of it is something that must be studied and mastered; especially when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex and even more so when that person is our partner.
And yet, we shouldn’t take this information lightly because, when you (again) factor in all of the ways that touch is holistically beneficial…just imagine how much better intimacy would be, on all levels, if we respected how people prefer to be touched more often.
A poet by the name of John Keats once said, “Touch has a memory.” Think about that the next time you reach out to touch someone — and they reach out to touch you. Then ask yourself: what memories do you want them to have? What memories do you want to keep?
How can all of this data help to make that happen?
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Featured image by Giphy