Prayer. And lots of it.
It's safe to say that's what helped my now-husband and I not have sex for the more than two years that we dated.
The decision to be celibate was an easy one to make at first. It was one of those situations where we knew we'd be husband and wife one day, even though we never really said it out loud. Of course, that made it even more difficult to wait because, what would the harm be in having sex with someone who you knew you were going to marry anyway?
In those extremely difficult moments, I always had to come back to being intentional about our celibacy. It was a vow that I made and knew I would regret if I didn't keep it. In part, it was a promise to God because I felt like I had disappointed Him enough in all of my failed situationships and I wanted to make a change. This was also a personal promise because I had finally discovered my value and wanted to fully know myself before I gave away this invaluable part of me to someone else.
But trust me, even with those promises, it got challenging.
We Set Boundaries
Clearly, we were attracted to one another. If not, we would have kept friendzoning each other like we did for the first 2+ years we knew each other. But once we crossed over into a serious relationship, and realized just how much we wanted to act on that attraction (and make up for lost time), we knew we had to set a few limits.
For starters, it wasn't anything unusual for him to spend the night when we first started dating. It was actually expected. Especially if neither of us had to work the next day. We found out the hard way that that was just asking for a night and morning of passion. So, him not staying the night anymore was the first boundary that we set. After that, I noticed that when he did leave or drop me off after a date night, he stopped prolonging the goodbyes.
Before I knew it, he was either at the door with his coat on ready to leave my apartment after a TV night, or wouldn't even come inside when he dropped me off. At first, I was in my feelings and was extra offended. But I was late to the party and realized these were more of his efforts to make sure we didn't cross that infamous line.
I Went With My Gut
Because let's be honest, if anyone was going to cross that line, it could have been us. Yes, we probably sound like very responsible people setting boundaries and whatnot. But to be real, there were times where I just knew we were going to end up doing it, like, in the heat of moment think, It's about to go down.
But that's where I'm convinced the prayers came into play. There were moments that going to a certain level honestly just did not feel right. It wasn't like a stomachache or anything like that, just this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that I was doing something wrong and something that I would regret. It became so strong, I didn't have a choice but to listen to it.
We Were True To Ourselves
I think another reason we were able to stay celibate during our dating phase was because it's what we wanted. Anyone who knows us knows that we grew up in church and were taught that sex was this thing you were supposed to steer clear of at all costs. But if we made that decision for our parents, or even to keep up appearances, I can't honestly say that we would have been successful. It all came down to what we felt was best for our relationship.
When we did get married, we didn't even put it out there that we had abstained from sex. Partly because we just made it by the hairs of our chinny chin chin. But also, because we just never really felt a need to have this major announcement. It's not even that we were embarrassed. I mean, these days celibacy seems to be the new trend. It just means that it was a decision that we felt good with within ourselves and didn't feel we needed to tell the world at the moment.
This doesn't mean that couples who do have sex before marriage are bad, or couples who are more open about their celibacy are doing it (or not doing it) the wrong way. In fact, some of those couples were an inspiration to me during my times of weakness. It was just about what was right for us. Now that we've been married for almost a year, it was one of the best decisions I've ever made.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert