

Burned out. Stressed. Just all-around unfulfilled at times. From the outside, looking in, my life was great. I was a lawyer, I had my own apartment, my car was paid for, and I was personal training on the side. I was taking trips and, to others, I was #goals. But your girl was tired.
I always had the desire to move abroad, but I didn't know how people would react and I didn't know what steps to take to do so. I knew that practicing law abroad was out because I would need to take an overly expensive exam to do so. I was good on that.
I had several friends that moved abroad after college to teach English in Asia. Again, this was right after college when most people are still trying to figure out life but still put money in their pockets. So, it made sense. But what about someone who has been in their career for the last 7 years? A career that you put so much time, money, and effort trying to get?
I knew I would get several side-eyes for my decision, but I could no longer stand to be in the rat race that I was in. After lots of research, praying, and chatting with friends who had done it—I knew it was what I wanted to do.
I settled on going to South Korea because I didn't have a teaching degree that other countries require and they had the best benefits package for those without credentials. Yes, it was a significant pay cut from what I was used to but the cost of living made it worth it. Plus, my apartment, utilities, and healthcare were covered, which was something I definitely wouldn't get at my regular job. I would make about $2,000 each month plus receive a nice pension for each year that I carried out a contract.
I initially went through a recruiter, but that didn't work out. I posted in a Black expats in Korea Facebook group, asking if anyone had any other leads and, minutes later, another woman messaged me about a program she was working for that had a great reputation. I reached out to the rep and somehow, someway within weeks I was hired to become an English teacher in Korea.
It took some time to explain this to my mother, mostly because she's never been one to understand my need to travel the world, but after a few months, it clicked that my mind was made up and nothing could stop me from going. Lucky for me, the time that I would need to be in Korea to start was right around the same time that my lease was up at my apartment. Talk about divine order.
I officially left the states on July 20, 2017.
I was anxious, nervous, and excited. So many emotions were running through me all at once. I had watched several YouTube videos to get an idea of the Black experience there, but I took it with a grain of salt because each experience is what you make it. I was assigned to teach in two elementary schools in a city about an hour outside of Seoul. I instantly connected with the kids and knew that I was where I was supposed to be.
Sure, there were rough days and the language barrier was tough but prior to going, I spent time on my own learning their language too so that I could show them that me being there wasn't a one-sided thing; it was for us all to learn from each other.
During my one year abroad, I was truly my happiest self. I was refreshed and glowing. I traveled often, bonded with an amazing group of Black women who kept me sane, and learned more about who I was as a person.
The plan was to stay longer than a year, however, I had a minor situation with a racist business owner that left a bad taste in my mouth. This happened around the time that we had to give notice if we would renew our contract. As things go, I was over the situation within days but it was too late to change my decision.
I moved back to the States on August 8, 2018. I've been back a little over a year now. I miss my life abroad often. While I'm not 100% back in the rat race I was in before, I miss the freedom and peace of mind that I had while being there. Not having to worry about bills, or keeping up with the latest styles and trends. I could unapologetically be myself there.
I am making the most of my time at home, but I also see myself making a move abroad again. Something keeps calling me back and I just can't stay away!
xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissions@xonecole.com.
Featured image by Shutterstock.
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Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Does hearing the phrase, “you’re such a good girl,” during sex turn you on? If so, you might have a “praise kink.” When I hear the term praise kink, the church girl in me wants to immediately play “The Lady, Her Lover and Lord” while riding reverse cowgirl. But that’s not what is meant by the term praise kink.
A “praise kink” is a sexual fetish that focuses on overt praise, exaggerated compliments, and an outpouring of verbal affection.
What Is a Praise Kink?
The concept of praise kinks isn't new, but thanks to TikTok, a lot of people are now realizing they might identify as praise kinksters. Currently, the hashtag #praisek1nk is trending with 568.9 million views, with tons of creators posting about their love for compliments and words of affirmation during sex. I, too, love a good compliment during sex. I once had a lover sing my praises about how good I was at a certain bedroom activity. His affirmations gave me WAP, but does that categorize me as having a praise kink?
How To Know if You Have a Praise Kink
Just because you love receiving praise doesn’t mean you have a praise kink. Someone with a praise kink experiences an intense level of sexual excitement from being praised or verbally affirmed by their partner during sex. You might have a praise kink if hearing your partner tell you how pretty you are makes you cum or if the thing that makes sex go from good to great is hearing your partner's thoughts about how good you are at giving head. And if, during solo play, the thing that gets you all hot and bothered is recalling the times your partner called you a good girl, it’s probably a praise kink.
Generally, a kink is a sexual activity that is needed for someone to enjoy sex. When it comes specifically to praise kinks, if you need reassurance from your partner that you're sexy, or good in bed in order to orgasm, you have a praise kink.
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Examples of Praise Kink Phrases To Try With Your Partner
If you’re new to the term and looking to explore, you probably have questions about what phrases to use. It may take a lot of communication and some trial and error to figure out what phrases work best for you and your partner. Ultimately, the best phrases to use vary from person to person and are based on what sex acts you and your partner enjoy, or what parts of their body they like complimented.
To get you started, here are some generic praise kink examples to try out with your partner:
Praise Kink Examples:
- You're such a good girl/boy.
- You're so good at [insert skill].
- You look so hot when you [insert activity].
- Your [insert body part] is irresistible.
- You taste so good. I can't get enough of you.
- You just have the perfect [body part].
- Just like that… you’re doing so good.
- Who taught you how to be so good at [something?]
While many examples of praise kink involve specific verbal affirmations, praise can also come in the form of brief words or phrases like “yes,” “keep going,” or simply a moan. No matter what type you prefer, praise kink is all about finding what feels good and exciting, and turns you and your partner on the most.
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Originally published on November 4, 2022