Fact: Plenty of women have voiced their concerns about being objectified by men.
But what happens when the tables are turned.
Some women, including feminists, actually approve of women turning the tables on men, and objectifying them for their own gratification. Elite Daily writer, Alexia LaFata said in a 2015 article, women objectifying men isn't the same when the tables are turned. She wrote,
...Until you live in a world in which your objectification leads to excessive victim-blaming, unwelcome catcalling, mortifyingly high rates of sexual assault and rape and having your value in society based exclusively on what you look like, I will continue to exercise my God-given right to objectify you.Because the objectification of women leads to all of those things. The objectification of men does not. And that’s why it’s okay to do it.
Even though a woman's objectification of a man isn't the same in reverse, does that make it okay for women to do? The answer is no. Sexual objectivity can easily lead to sexual misconduct or rape, and just like this is a problem for women, it can also be a problem for men.
Actor Morris Chestnut, star of the Fox drama Rosewood, who has been shirtless many times on film, understood this part of the objectivity discussion. But he also understood that when it comes to himself being shirtless on his own show, that objectivity could have meant that his show would possibly fail before viewers gave it a chance.
This week, he sat down with DJ Envy and Charlemagne on The Breakfast Club to talk about Rosewood. During the conversation, he started discussing how he asked the show's writers for less shirtless scenes. Morris said that he did that because he wanted audiences to know the characters before their bodies.
I didn’t want it to be just about me taking my shirt off every week. I didn’t think that we could really survive and have the long term longevity just about being shirtless, or people turn on the show to see people naked. I wanted them to get involved and really start learning the characters. My character, the other characters on the show... Charlemagne: Are you saying that you didn’t want to be sexually objectified? You wanted to be known for more than just your body?
That’s part of everything. That’s part of the show...My female lead, she’s in a bikini, that’s one of the aspects of the show that people may turn to watch. But I didn't want it to be just about that. Literally, every time I opened up the script, the first four episodes was, “Okay, here’s the shirt off, here's a shirt off," and I didn't want it to be like clockwork. ...Show comes on at 8:00, okay 8:15, shirt off. I didn't want it to be like that.
Morris went on to say that he's even asked writers to add in more bikini scenes for his Rosewood co-star, Jaina Lee Ortiz, so that guys can tune in and enjoy the show too.
I said, 'Look, we have to write more bikini scenes for Jaina,' my female co-star, because I want dudes to watch the show too. I don't want dudes not to watch the show with their wives because I'm taking my shirt off every week.
Morris asking Rosewood's writers to take out some of his shirtless scenes was probably not that big of a deal for some television watchers, but it's a problem for men on the receiving end of the objectivity, especially entertainers.
In the documentary, The Disintegration of D'Angelo, Quest Love revealed that the reaction by female fans to D'Angelo's "Untitled (How Does It Feel)"video almost ruined the singer, and is part of the reason he went into hiding for over 10 years.
D'Angelo felt tortured, Questlove says, by the pressure to give the audience what it wanted. Worried that he didn't look as cut as he did in the video, he'd delay shows to do stomach crunches. He'd often give in, peeling off his shirt, but he resented being reduced to that. Wasn't he an artist? Couldn't the audience hear the power of his music and value him for that?..."One time I got mad when a female threw money at me onstage, and that made me feel fucked-up, and I threw the money back at her," [D'Angelo] says. "I was like, 'I'm not a stripper.' "
The video, which featured the singer naked from the hip bones upward, left many music video watchers feeling sexually frustrated.
But they weren't nearly as frustrated as D'Angelo, who said that the pressure to stay looking as cut as he was in the video, was too much for him. He revealed in an interview with Tavis Smiley:
It would bother me a lot of times live when we were touring for ‘Voodoo’ and I had this amazing band, the Soultronics. Questlove was the drummer, [bassist] Pino [Palladino], of course I had the incomparable Roy Hargrove on trumpet, Frank Lacy on trombone. Just this outstanding band, and we were doing some amazing stuff musically. And a lot of times the crowd — or a lot of the ladies were just screaming, ‘Take it off!’ And I kind of felt like, for lack of a better thing, a male stripper, you know? Or I [was] expected to be that, you know what I mean?”
As good as some men are to look at, the fact remains that some men don't want women to treat them like objects, cat call them, or grope them. Just like men don't have permission to violate women, women don't hold special "objectivity" privileges either.
If we ever want to live in a world of equality, we need to keep this in mind before we go throwing dollars or touching on a man's junk without his permission.
Check out Morris' full Breakfast Club interview below, where he talks about asking for fewer shirtless scenes at the 18:39 mark.
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But Shellie, I don’t like them. Sex feels better without them. In an unbelievably ideal world where everyone waited until marriage and then remained with their spouse until death, you could be out here raw-ing it. With that not being even close to the case, though, it’s time to stop trying to skirt around using condoms and, instead, it’s time to figure out which ones can give you maximum pleasure.
Believe it or not, I’ve got a few tips, in the rubber shopping department, that just might help you out.
First Up, Most Women Can Tell When a Condom Is On
GiphyMy guy friends and I tend to have the most random conversations, boy. Take the time when two of them were trying to debate me down about whether or not women can tell if a condom is on. Their vote is that we can’t. Mine was that we absolutely can. And I mean, shouldn’t the one with the vagina (me) have a say, fellas? LOL. Hey, they don’t have to take my word for it because science also states that based on the material that the condom is made out of and how well it fits on a woman’s partner (more on that in a sec), they definitely help her to know if a guy is wearing one or not.
Not only that but data also backs up that a condom can also diminish the sensation that women feel during sex to a certain extent — not to mention that, sometimes, rubbers can affect natural vaginal wetness too.
With condoms having a 98 percent success rate at preventing STI/STDs and unwanted pregnancies (when used correctly, that is), by no means am I even coming close to implying that you shouldn’t use them (especially if you’re not in an exclusive or monogamous relationship [check out “Why I Use The Word 'Monogamous' In Marriage And 'Exclusive' In Dating”] and you and your partner don’t get tested annually).
All I’m saying is if you want to get the most out of your condom use experiences, you shouldn’t just assume that whatever condom the guy has on tap is what will work well for you — and figuring out what will bring you the most (pun intended) pleasure means that you should consider the following points.
Make Sure the Condom Fits Your Partner Well
GiphyWith the average size of a man’s penis being a little over 5” when it’s erect (relax, vaginas are around 4” unless stretched), it really is time to let all of the Magnum dreams go. And what I mean, specifically, by that is, guys bringing those just to fit into some stereotype of “packing” is doing no one any good because if it’s too big for him, it will result in slippage and if it’s too big for you, it could make sex a bit uncomfortable.
And what if it’s too small? Well, that could be semi-painful for him which could cause his performance to struggle. Bottom line here: condoms should have a snug fit and cover the entire penis.
And if you want to purchase some for your own collection — well, if y’all are close enough for him to be inside of you, you shouldn’t feel uncomfortable talking to him about which kind/brand of condoms you should have on tow at your house. By the way, for tips on how to choose the right condoms, check out verywellhealth’s “Condom Size Chart: Finding the Brand and Style That Fits Best.”
Opt for Condoms That Are Free of the Following Things
GiphyWhile reading an article on what many doctors consider to be the best condoms, what stood out most to me was a female doctor who said that women must keep in mind that whatever goes into their vagina, also gets absorbed. This includes ingredients that condoms may be made out of including parabens, fragrances, GMOs (genetically modified organisms), synthetic dyes and flavors, and glycerin (for starters).
And gee, when you’ve got that stuff, not only inside of you, but moving around at a semi-rapid pace (at least some of the time), there’s a pretty good chance that your vagina isn’t gonna be very happy about it.
The remedy? Consider investing in some organic/vegan condoms — ones that are free of all-a-dat. Loveability makes some (here). Smile Makers make some (here). HANX makes some (here). And that’s just a few options to choose from. This point is a very valid one to keep in mind because, sometimes, it’s not the condom that’s pissing us off — it’s what it’s made out of that’s the actual issue.
Pre-Lubricated Condoms Can Improve Your Partner’s Stroke
GiphyIf you’ve never tried pre-lubricated condoms before, you definitely should because they can have your back, on the sexual pleasure tip, on a few different levels. For one thing, these types of condoms can definitely decrease the chances of a rubber breaking which can give you the peace of mind that you seek during the act. Also, condoms that have lube in them can make it easier for your partner to put it on, can make it more comfortable when it’s time for his penis to go inside of you and can reduce the amount of friction that you feel (especially if you’re not naturally wet enough) while you’re having sex.
While we’re on this topic — I don’t know why (so many) people think that they can’t get an STI/STD from oral sex because they absolutely can. So, if you are going to use a condom during fellatio (or a dental dam during cunnilingus), adding some flavored lube to an already flavored condom (like perhaps this brand here or this brand here) can make the experience much more…satisfying.
Polyisoprene or Polyurethane Condoms MAY Reduce Yeast Infections
GiphyOkay, this point is a bit tricky because, technically, condoms can’t give you a yeast infection; in fact, since they prevent sperm and semen from entering into your vagina which can potentially throw off your pH balance, rubbers usually play a role in preventing them.
Still, I wanted to include this due to what I said earlier about all of the “extras” that can sometimes go into making a condom — because those things? They might irritate your vagina which could ultimately lead to a yeast infection. Plus, if on the off chance, you’ve got a latex allergy, condoms that are made from that material could give you a yeast infection too.
The solution to both? Consider going with alternatives like polyisoprene or polyurethane. Although polyisoprene is more expensive than latex condoms, they are super comfortable and latex-free (although you can use them the same way that you would a latex condom, including when it comes to oral and anal sex).
Meanwhile, polyurethane deserves a shout-out because it’s actually stronger than latex and it can even handle oil-based lubricants (which is something that latex is not able to do). Polyurethane is also thinner than latex and polyisoprene which means that sex can end up feeling more intense for you with those.
Textured Condoms Are Bomb If Orgasms Are Your Goal
GiphyUh-huh. I keep trying to tell y’all that if you want your partner to be sensitive about and thoughtful towards how your vulva appears (check out “Did You Know That There Are 10 Different Kinds Of Vaginas? Yep.”), the jokes about uncircumcised men really need to cease; especially since word on the street is the extra skin can actually make sex more intense for them while giving women more orgasms in the process.
And that actually helps to make sense of why textured condoms can cause women to cum more often and consistently as well. Thanks to the tiny ribs and dots on textured rubbers,they have the ability to stimulate the nerves that are inside of your vagina far more and easier than “regular” condoms do. Oh, and if you add someCBD lube to them? LOOK. OUT.
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I’ll be real with y’all — when it comes to condoms, I think it’s always important that their purpose is protection over pleasure as far as how they are made. Still, with all of the advances in them out here — and now that you have this info as far as what your vagina would prefer — rubbers don’t have to feel like a downer. The right one can have you and your vagina climbing walls — plus, you can have the peace of mind that your health and family planning preferences aren’t being compromised in the process.
Music to your vagina’s ears. 90s R&B, to be exact…I bet. LOL.
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