I've gotta hand it to them. While the Black streaming channel Fox Soul is relatively new, I've made the time to check out some of its content (we've got to support our own, y'all) and I dig where they are going with it. One show, in particular, that a lot of the xoTribe may enjoy is Out Loud with Claudia Jordan. She explores topics like how sex is for women over 40, what single mothers would do differently if they could, and why Black women creatives are so oftentimes overlooked (when pretty much every industry uses us as their muse. SMH).
Another show that I sometimes catch on there is called On The 7 with Dr. Sean. One episode I watched, in its entirety, featured actor Isaiah Washington. Because I continue to be baffled by him going over to the Republican party, and because I agree with the wisdom of Dr. Sean when he said at the beginning of the episode that, "We live in a culture where people dim you because of your conclusions, but they don't understand, sufficiently, your reasons," I decided to hear Brother Washington out. I still don't get it. I really don't. But he did say something that helps to set the stage for where I'm going with this piece. When Dr. Sean asked him if he would rather be respected or liked, Isaiah took a long pause and said, "Both." That threw me. There is always such a, shall I say, "strong energy" about him that led me to believe that being liked wasn't actually a relevant matter to him. But as I clicked off of that episode and presented that very same question to myself, I've gotta say, being respected won out by a landslide. I'll explain why.
What Does It Mean When Someone Likes You?
Image by Giphy
Let me just say, off the rip, that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be liked. Ideally, when interacting with individuals, Isaiah is correct in the sense that it would be awesome if they liked and respected you. But that wasn't what was asked. The question that was posed to him was, if he had to choose between like and respect, which would it be? And yeah, that isn't what I think needs to be our top priority. Let me tell it, part of the reason there isso much drama, both online and off, is because there is way too much time, effort and energy either being put into being liked or getting all in a tizzy if someone isn't liked that much. Why do we care? Why do we really care?
It's just a theory, but I'm gonna put it out into cyberspace. Feel free to share your thoughts about it. There are plenty of articles that point to the fact the social media is "feeding the monster" when it comes to making individuals more narcissistic. You can check out ones like "Excessive posting of photos on social media is associated with increase in narcissism", "Narcissism and Social Media: Should We Be Afraid?" and "Social Media Has Created a Generation of Self-Obsessed Narcissists" and see that it's a topic that shouldn't be ignored. And since narcissism is a word that is used a lot these days, let's quickly review what some of the traits are, according to an article featured on PsychCentral's website:
- Has a grandiose sense of self-importance.
- Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
- Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).
- Requires excessive admiration.
- Has a very strong sense of entitlement.
- Is exploitative of others.
- Lacks empathy.
- Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.
- Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.
Hmph. Now tell me that, whenever you log on to any of your socials, after five minutes, you don't see some, most, or even all of these things displayed. People are constantly posting their thoughts, views and insights (almost to the point where I'm wondering what else they do during the day) and when someone likes what they say, it's all good. Oh, but let someone provide a different perspective or even totally disagree and now they need to be canceled or silenced. Know what that is indicative of? Pure narcissism. If you can only interact with people who agree with you or praise you or you can't exchange thoughts without poppin' off and clappin' back, not only are you putting yourself on a pedestal, you are also significantly stunting your growth as an individual. It's like what one of my favorite quotes says—"If you only see things through a keyhole, everything will be keyhole-shaped to you." Not only that, but your narcissistic tendencies will, whether you realize it or not, constantly drive you to want to be liked; quite possibly, above anything else.
And here's the interesting thing about the word "like"—when you like something (or someone), it means "take pleasure in; find agreeable or congenial" them. Pleasure is enjoyment. Finding something agreeable means you find it to be conformable. Congenial means "suited or adapted in spirit, feeling, temper, etc.; compatible." Know two things that all of these definitions have in common? One is that wanting someone to like you has little to do with anything but you. You want them to take pleasure in you, to conform to you, and to be suited to you. Two, all of this points to feelings and feelings are both fleeting and fickle.
Don't believe me? Think about some of the celebrities that you "liked" two years ago that you don't anymore. Or, a little closer to home, think about some of the friends that you once liked that you know longer do. To spend a lot of time, effort, and energy wanting people to like you is to spend a lot of time, effort, and energy on investing in folks' ever-changing emotions and, at the end of the day, your ego as well. That can have distracted, uncomfortable and to a large degree, unstable and unproductive as well.
My most genuine, comfortable and honestly, easy relationships have been with people who I don't have to get to try to like me. At the same time, I don't have to try and like them. Know what else? There are some things that we find agreeable and there are some areas where we are compatible, but there are also some places where we couldn't be more different. It's those that actually make the relationship so valuable because we challenge each other, we influence each other to evolve, and that happens because we respect each other more than we like each other. What I mean by that is, we "esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability" (which is one definition of respect) far more than we look for ways where we are alike or we find pleasure in each other. And so yes, a lot of blood, sweat, tears, and hard lessons have brought me to the conclusion that I would much rather have someone see my sense of worth than simply enjoy having me around. The first is lasting; the second is totally unpredictable. (Somebody in a dysfunctional relationship needed to hear that. Please never forget that point.) Hands down, I would rather be respected than liked—any day of the week.
Why You Should Prefer to Have Them Respect You Instead
If you're still not totally convinced that being respected is better than being liked, here's a story that just might sway you. I like to support independent films (especially Black ones) whenever I can. One that I recently re-watched isPlug Love. This time, it held a bit of a different meaning because one of the main characters is a huge Kobe Bryant fan. (Mercy, y'all. I'm pretty sure it will be quite some time before we hear his name and there isn't an "ouch" that reverberates somewhere in our spirit.) Anyway, the more the character bragged on Kobe, the more I thought back to what may have very well been his last podcast interview.
On January 8, 2020, ALL THE SMOKE podcast (with Matt Barnes and Stephen Jackson) featured an interview with Kobe Bryant. In the roughly 40-minute episode, a lot of ground was covered. One thing that stood out to me was Kobe's response to when he found out that some people don't like him. (He was a complex guy; some didn't). While some might find what he said to be flippant, I found it to be how folks act when they care more about being respected than being liked. He basically said, "OK…and who are you?" In other words, what do you bring to my personal world that should make me so concerned about whether you enjoy me or agree with me—or not? Being liked wasn't a big deal to him. Full stop.
On the flip side, though, unless someone is a flat-out hater—and yes, I do know that those kinds of folks exist…unfortunately—you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who didn't respect him, if not as a person, as an athlete. In his 41 short years on this planet, reading his Wikipedia page alone will exhaust you—"five NBA championships, was an 18-time All-Star, 15-time member of the All-NBA Team, 12-time member of the All-Defensive Team, was named the 2008 NBA Most Valuable Player (MVP), and was a two-time NBA Finals MVP winner". How can you not esteem this man's sense of value, commitment to excellence and his totally incomparable and, in some ways, supernatural abilities? All of what Kobe made happen was not the result of him sitting around and trying to figure out ways to be liked all of the time; they came from focusing on how to be his best person by his own standards. It came from doing what needed to be done in order for him to respect himself; it's that kind of mindset and drive that tends to cause others to respect you.
It's basically like what the Margaret Thatcher quote up top speaks of. Ask anyone who actually knew Kobe personally, and they'll tell you that his dedication to his craft was almost to the point of being obsessive. You didn't have to like or "get" why he was so into his gift; he did. And whatever it took to excel, he was going to make that happen. Compromise wasn't an option. We can clearly see the fruits of his labor. Yes, they deserve our utmost respect.
No compromise. Every day, I see examples of people who either prefer to be liked over being respected or they don't really know the differences between the two. I say that because in order for folks to "like them", they will compromise—if not outright sacrifice—their values, their ideals, their dreams…whatever it takes to keep folks agreeing with them or finding pleasure and satisfaction in them. And again, like Margaret Thatcher said, if you are going to put yourself in that position, there's a huge chance that you won't accomplish much. At least not anything that you can truly be proud of and at peace with.
So yeah, I'll take being respected over being liked any day. I think Kobe would agree with me, which puts me in some pretty good company. Bottom line, being liked is cool but if you've got to choose, go with respect instead. It's healthier. It's more beneficial. It lasts longer. Literally.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
How To Respect Someone's Path When It's Nothing Like Your Own
How To Stop Being A People-Pleaser & Start Doing You
Featured image by Giphy
- Women Need Love and Men Need Respect? | Psychology Today ›
- What is more important: to be liked or respected? - Quora ›
- Entrepreneurs Should be Respected, Not Loved - Both Sides of the ... ›
- Ask Jo: Is it better to be liked or respected? - Be Leaderly ›
- Is it Better to Be Liked or Respected at Work? | HuffPost ›
- Interview: Would You Rather Be Liked or Respected? ›
- Why the Most Successful Leaders Don't Care About Being Liked ... ›
- 42 Ways to Make People Like and Respect You - The Muse ›
- Why It's Better To Be Liked Than To Be Respected | Fortune ›
- Women business leaders need to be respected more than liked ... ›
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
The Kamala Effect: Top Black Women In Politics To Watch Now, Into 2025
With a landmark Election Day coming up soon, everyone will be watching to see whether Vice President Kamala Harris makes history by becoming the first Black woman to become president of the United States. And as she has gathered monumental support from Black women around the world (including the more than 44,000 who raised millions in minutes shortly after she announced she’d be running), other Black women politicians also stand to make history in their respective elections, running to serve local and statewide communities.
Just as there have been barriers to Black women serving as CEOs of Fortune 500 companies (with only four having been appointed to those roles), there’s a massive glass ceiling for Black women in politics as well. Only 0.4% of all members of Congress identified as Black, and only 13.4% of all women who have served in Congress to date have identified as Black, according to research.
To date, no Black woman has served as governor of a state (though there has been a Black woman lieutenant governor, which we’ll get to later.)
Glass Ceiling In Politics For Black Women
Black women face the ever-so-usual gender bias and racism when running for office, but they also have to deal with another major deterrent to launching a viable campaign: funding. According to the Washington Post, while campaign fundraising “overall” saw a boost for women in 2020 compared with 2018, “Black women across party lines raised significantly less money than White women.”
The publication further reported that in 2020, data reflected “that the 113 active Black women candidates running on all tickets raised nearly $81 million in the first three quarters compared to the nearly $811 million pulled in by their 379 active White women counterparts across party lines, according to data provided by the Center for Responsive Politics. More than $1.5 billion was raised by over 1,000 White men from all parties in the same timeframe.”
Paying staff, covering marketing and ads, travel expenses, and more are all vital and very costly, expanding one’s reach, impact, and exposure to land the votes. This is one major reason that, when Black women finally make it to the finish line with enough support to get a serious spot on the ballot, it’s more than a big deal.
So, here are a few Black women in politics who have made history, continue to push barriers, and powerhouses to watch as we near Election Day on November 5:
Angela Alsobrooks
Andrew Harnik/Getty Images
A Maryland native, Angela Alsobrooks graduated from Duke University and the University of Maryland School of Law. She worked as a law clerk in the Howard County Circuit Court and the Baltimore City Circuit Court before taking on the role of Assistant State’s Attorney in Prince George’s County, a role in which she made history as the youngest and first woman in the role. She’s now running for the state senator seat in Maryland, which, if she wins, would make her the fourth Black woman in history to serve in the Senate.
Winsome Earle-Sears
Winsome Earle-Sears is a native of Kingston, Jamaica, who served in the United States Marine Corps. Before becoming the first woman to be elected lieutenant governor of Virginia and the first Black woman elected to statewide office, she served as the vice president of the Virginia State Board of Education and a presidential appointee to the U.S. Census Bureau, co-chair of the African American Committee and the Advisory Committee on Women Veterans to the Secretary of Veterans Affairs. She earned a bachelor’s degree in economics from Old Dominion University and a master’s degree in organizational leadership with a concentration in government from Regent University.
She has filed to run for governor of the state in 2025 and, if successful, would become the first and only woman (as well as Black woman) in the U.S. and its territories.
Lisa Blunt Rochester
Lisa Blunt Rochester represents Delaware in the U.S. House of Representatives and serves as an Assistant Whip for House Leadership. She also serves on the House Committee on Energy and Commerce. Raised in Wilmington, Delaware, she graduated from Fairleigh Dickinson University with a degree in international relations and later earned a master’s degree in urban affairs and public policy from the University of Delaware.
She’s also running for the state senate seat in Delaware and would make history if elected. If she and Albrook are both successful, that will be a first as well, as it would be the first time two Black women are serving in the U.S. Senate at the same time.
Carol Moseley Braun
A native of Chicago (who now lives in the Hyde Park neighborhood the Obamas also call home), Carol Moseley Braun became the first woman senator from Illinois and the first Black woman to serve in the Senate when she won in 1992 (and was the only Black woman to serve in the six years she held her seat.) She later served as U.S. ambassador to New Zealand, a visiting professor at Northwestern University, launched a food company, and now serves as chairman of the United States African Development Foundation. She graduated from the University of Illinois at Chicago and the University of Chicago Law School.
Lauren Underwood
Samuel Corum/Getty Images
Born in Ohio but raised in Illinois, Lauren Underwood was sworn into Congress in 2019, becoming the first woman, the first person of color, and the youngest (as a millennial!) elected to represent the state. A registered nurse by trade, she’s the co-founder and co-chair of the Black Maternal Health Caucus and the co-chair of the House Democratic Policy and Communications Committee. She also serves on the House Committee on Appropriations. Before that, she served as a senior adviser at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS). She is a graduate of the University of Michigan and Johns Hopkins University.
Ayanna Pressley
Representing Massachusetts, Ayanna Pressley was the first Black woman to be elected to Congress from the state. Before that, she served as a member of the Boston City Council, becoming the first woman of color to serve in that capacity. In that role, she formed the Committee on Healthy Women, Families, and Communities, addressing issues including domestic violence and human trafficking. She empowered many, going viral and making headlines in 2020 when she revealed she has alopecia and unapologetically took off her wig to rock a bald head, shifting the narrative on Black women, code-switching, and appearance in political arenas and beyond.
Jennifer McClellan
Jennifer McClellan was sworn into the U.S. House last year, becoming the first Black woman to represent Virginia in Congress. A Virginia native, she earned a bachelor’s degree from the University of Richmond and her Juris Doctorate from the University of Virginia School of Law. She was previously elected to the Virginia House of Delegates in 2005 and served in that post until she was elected to the Virginia State Senate in 2017.
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