We can always count on Monica for a Monday mood, and today is no different. The singer recently dropped by V-103's The Morning Culture with a word about life after loss and proved that true healing is all about perspective. While the After The Storm singer seems to be facing her share of storms this year, Monica says she brought rain boots.
Along with losing her uncle in July, the singer has been extremely candid about her highly publicized split from her ex-husband, Shannon Brown, and despite their on-going divorce, says things have been going relatively smoothly. Monica says that unlike most exes, she and her ex are able to live under the same roof because they have handled every aspect of their relationship with love, even when it came to their divorce:
"It's not messy because I didn't ask for anything. At all. Period. To each their own, no judgement for people who do. But a lot of times, when you see people fighting it out, that's what they're fighting over."
While prenups seem like an essential part of any marriage in the digital age, Monica told the hosts that she didn't need one. The mother-of-three shared that part of the reason she and her ex-husband's divorce is going over so smoothly is because money was never a motive in their marriage:
"Our relationship didn't start based upon money. He was coming off two championships, I'm coming off two number one records after 30 million records, this was not about money. This was strictly about love and life and wanting to experience a different level of love, that is the one thing we always had and have in common. Our relationship was never about stuff."
Contrary to popular belief, breakups don't always have to mean bad blood, and although Monica and her ex-husband no longer see eye-to-eye, they can still effectively co-parent because they have the same goal in mind:
"You gotta take a back seat to what your children need. School is starting. Things are happening, so who's more important here? Is it you or them? And typically, when you see people that constantly have problems, they're thinking about themselves and their own issues. I'm not saying that it's easy but I can tell you this, when it's not easy, it's not anybody's business either."
According to Monica, although this has been one of the most unexpected time periods in her life, it's also been one of the most eye opening. Along with dealing with the aftermath of filing for divorce, she also noticed that there was another relationship in her life that needed repair, and it was the one she had with herself.
"I just started doing things, like I got a massage for the first time. I've never taken time to do certain things so I'm learning that."
Monica shared that she only recognized the importance of leveling up her self-care game after experiencing the loss of her marriage and shortly after, her uncle. It was at this point Monica realized that she had been sleeping on taking time for far too long, packed up her things, and took a trip to Vegas:
"Even though you see [me on] vacations, my vacations are for my kids. So I'm planning, I'm orchestrating, I'm making sure nobody is doing anything they not supposed to be doing. So I said you know what? I'm going to do something different. I went to Vegas, I sat in the Four Seasons and did a bunch of nothing."
Monica said that although she's still never gotten a facial, after 38 years of living and 14 years in the music industry, she's finally gotten her first massage and she's looking forward to taking more time for herself in the future simply because she deserves it.
"I went to a magic show, I saw Criss Angel: Mindfreak, we went and we had massages. I just sat in a cabana for like five hours, and was like damn this is good, who knew? But you learn over time."
The Chapter 38 singer's chaotic year is proof that loss is only subjective. While she lost a close family member and a marriage, Monica also gained a new appreciation for herself. Just ask Mo, it shouldn't take divorce or death to convince you to choose you today.
Watch the full clip below!
New Monica! She's Back To Discuss Her Music, Love And Divorce With The Morning Culture!youtu.be
Featured image by Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com
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Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
GiphyIf you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
GiphyThere is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
GiphySomething that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
GiphyEven if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
GiphyI saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
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Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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