As we leave last year behind us, I can admit that things still feel like nothing has changed. It is hard to not forget what last year has done to us mentally, emotionally, and physically. While we can't change what has happened, we can change how we move forward, regardless of what is to come for 2021. Offering an assist in helping us find our way back and improve our mental health is licensed professional counselor, Pamela Smith. When it comes to mental health and prioritizing it for yourself, she mentioned that it is easy for us to get so wrapped up in our everyday obligations that it hinders us from realizing what exactly we actually need for positive mental health.
"Being a black woman is very difficult. As much of an honor it is, it can be extremely difficult. So my self-care is knowing when. Not only will my body tell me it's time for me to have several seats, but mentally you can feel [yourself] becoming more and more drained." Pamela Smith was willing to share 5 mental health practices with xoNecole that we all can apply for the year 2021. If you apply these practices, it will help you differentiate if you are operating in survival mode vs actually living for yourself.
1.Maintain a Schedule
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"The pandemic hit everyone off their balance. This sense of normalcy was hijacked and it caused a lot of fear in people. In my profession, what I have learned is that uncertainty is a true root of anxiety. You need to bring back something that can ground you and to keep you tethered to life," Pamela explained. "This year, one thing you can do is create a new schedule for yourself and maintain it. You can bring in some of the old things you used to do in your routine, while also opening up to adding something new. Part of creating a schedule, with or without limited resources, can help with that fear of uncertainty. You have something to look forward to and you feel less and less impacted by things you don't have control over."
It is something about setting intentions that helps with the flow of each day for people. We cannot predict what each day will hold, but putting in certain daily tasks for yourself can help you stay focused, feel more grounded and centered.
2.Be Kind to Yourself
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"We are our own worst critics. We don't need somebody else to beat us up because we do a really good job doing that on our own. In this new realm that we're in, remember you are not by yourself. It may feel lonely right now, but I promise you are not alone in this. There are a lot of people feeling the exact same way," Pamela began. "To help with that aloneness, learn to quiet that voice in your head that is telling you those negative thoughts. Give yourself grace and know that you are just doing the best you can."
"If you are not doing the best that you can, then step your game up. When you are able to be kind to yourself, it can ease that feeling of something's missing. It will allow you to live with a mindset of positivity and gratitude."
What does being kind to yourself look like? Is it reading positive affirmations out loud to yourself, taking a nice bubble bath, or letting out a good cry? Whatever comes to mind that can pivot those negative mental stories when we are alone, apply and repeat. These kinds of moments will always come, so practicing your go-to act of kindness will go a long way.
3.Take That Nap, Sis!
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"I will admit that this is the most difficult one. We give so much of ourselves to others, that it's hard to find time to pour back into ourselves. Every day we are the employee, the mother, the daughter, the friend, the soror, you know we are all of the things. So this certain self-care technique is beneficial to add to the daily hustle and bustle. I recommend getting a good sleep regimen to get some quality rest," Pamela shared. "Even if it's not a nap and you need to plan for times to eat or exercise, do that for yourself. It is those moments of pause that makes a huge difference for your body's energy. Think about your cell phone. When you see that 10 percent notification come on, we instantly put it on the charger. If we treated our bodies just like we treat our cell phones, we would be able to perform a lot better."
A moment of pause is exactly what we all need. It is easy to lose track of time and it is difficult to imagine where to fit in this moment of pause. But if you are determined to add 15-30 minutes of recharging, you will find a way to fit it in. You can create your own time during the day and there is no wrong answer. It is OK to give yourself permission to relax and it will not stop you from completing the rest of the world's demands of you.
4.Practice Forgiveness
Giphy"I don't think I have met anyone that hasn't experienced some sort of trauma. The severity differs, but I do believe that everyone has had some sort of trauma or traumatic event in their life. Oftentimes, we don't know how to deal with that trauma because we don't know who we are. Not knowing who we are doesn't afford us the ability to forgive ourselves for something we did in our past. Forgiving yourself will be beneficial for self-discovery and once you can do it for yourself, you can forgive others."
"Everything that you are now is a sum total of all your experiences. Accepting that you will not rely on your past experiences can help with you reimagining a new definition of how you are showing up for yourself."
Self-reflection and letting go of some of that baggage is important for this one. Just like we said goodbye to 2020, try and say goodbye to things that you have been holding on to that no longer serves you. You may have done something you regret or the way someone mistreated you is still in the back of yor mind. Right now, you owe it to yourself to not let the past have so much power over you. You cannot change what happened. So let us accept what was, acknowledge the heaviness it brings, and be brave enough to leave it exactly where it is in order to move forward.
5.Accepting Life Adjustments Aren't Always Bad
Giphy"We got very creative during this pandemic. Us as a people, if we can't do anything else, we are going to make things happen. This pandemic allowed us to be on a time out. To sit and think for a moment on what is important to us. Because of this time out, we have readjusted our priorities a bit. We went back to the basics to try and maintain our relationships and build new ones," she began.
"While the pandemic has been hard for us, our values have shifted and who is to say that is not what we needed? Who is to say that by adjusting our values and accepting what we have zero control over, this doesn't help us in the long run? We started to appreciate things we already have instead of looking for the next thing to gain."
To learn more about Pamela Smith and her practice, you can check out her website here and follow her on Instagram.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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'K' is a multi-hyphenated free spirit from Chicago. She is a lover of stories and the people who tell them. As a writer, 9-5er, and Safe Space Curator, she values creating the life she wants and enjoying the journey along the way. You can follow her on Instagram @theletter__k_.
The Mecca Of Fashion: The Top Street Style Moments At Howard Homecoming
Outfits were planned, bags were packed, and cameras were ready to capture Howard University's collegiate spirit during its centennial Homecoming celebration. Not only does it hold the number one ranking as the most elite Historically Black College and University or its top performing academics, diversity of students and alumni, but the HBCU also leaves a legacy of style and grace.
The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
What Kamala Harris' Loss Teaches Us All About The Power Of Failure
Many supporters of Vice President Kamala Harris were disappointed, distraught, and even angry at the outcome of the 2024 presidential election, and when she finally conceded to Donald Trump a day after Election Day, there was an air of distress, deflated hope, and plans to turn to radical self-care in the aftermath.
Onlookers at Howard University, where Harris gave her concession speech, were in tears, with many offering bittersweet gestures of support to a woman they believed would not only make history but shift the landscape in a positive direction for women and other marginalized people in America.
Cardi B, who endorsed Harris, said she felt "really sad" after Trump's win and, in an Instagram Live, added, “I swear to God, I’m gonna f**k you up. Get away from me! I’m sick of you!” referring to Trump supporters.
The Aftermath of Kamala Harris' Loss
Supporters react as Democratic presidential nominee, U.S. Vice President Kamala Harris concedes the election during a speech at Howard University on November 6, 2024, in Washington, DC.
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Shavon Arline-Bradley, president and CEO of the National Council of Negro Women (NCNW), told The Guardian that Harris’s campaign of inclusion and strong support from the Democrats’ most loyal voting block – Black women – could not withstand “the wall of white nationalism and racism and classism and sexism and misogyny.”
Another woman told the publication that when she “woke up on 6 November and saw that Trump had won the election,” she was “disgusted, disappointed, just annoyed, really annoyed.”
While feelings of disgust, annoyance, fear, anger, and anxiety might be quite justified considering the contentious nature of Trump’s campaign, his felonious background, his statements on foreign policy, and the violent behavior of his supporters, there are key lessons from Harris’ loss that can we all can be inspired by.
As Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, the first woman elected to become president of an African nation, wrote for AllAfrica.com, “Seeing Kamala on the campaign trail, strong and resilient, gave girls and women everywhere a vision of what's possible. Her journey reminded us all that setbacks don't define you; they shape you.”
“This campaign has shown that even when the ultimate goal is just out of reach, the courage to try again matters. Women are ready, willing, and more than capable. The path may be tough, but it is also wide open.”
Here are a few more reasons Harris’s loss shows the power of failure and how we can learn more from a failure than from success:
1. Failure builds resilience unlike any win could.
Oftentimes, tying the word “resilient” to Black women can seem like a problematic broken record, but the truth remains that resilience is a vital trait for leaders in business.
As actress, producer, and entrepreneur Issa Rae has said, “You didn’t fail. You’re still alive. Are you stopping? … You have an opportunity to continue. … I grow and I get better.” Before producing and starring in HBO’s Insecure, she’d taken a break from college to pursue shopping a script in Hollywood and going for that full-time and failed.
That was at least 20 years ago. She’d press on to launch her own YouTube show that later morphed into a top-rated iconic HBO drama. She and the Hoorae Media team have brought several other scripts to screen, with Rap Sh!t, A Black Lady Sketch Show, and Sweet Life: Los Angeles, to name a few.
2. Failure allows us to exercise our ability to pivot, innovate, and incorporate new strategies and approaches.
One good and pivotal example of this is Oprah Winfrey’s foray into launching a network. According to the Los Angeles Times, she famously said, “A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another stepping stone to greatness,” a key notion when, during the early days of launching her network, the ratings were tanking. OWN just didn’t offer what was marketable or competitive at the time.
The network adjusted its offerings, adding reality TV and celebrity-focused programming as part of a larger plan to compete in the market. Today, it’s seen record ratings quarters and continues to offer top shows like Queen Sugar, Belle Collective, and the Love & Marriage franchise.
When the Lip Bar founder Melissa Butler appeared on Shark Tank in 2025, all five investors rejected her idea, calling the lipsticks “clown makeup” and “colorful cockroaches.” Butler took one of the judge’s more constructive feedback, becoming the face of the business, and more than a decade later, the brand is a multi-million-dollar company with an expanded line of cosmetics sold in large retailers like Ulta Beauty and Target.
3. Failure prompts a bold humility that allows for authentic connection with others and better servant leadership.
Oprah has also said, after Beloved was noted as a “flop” by her agent at the time, “It taught me to never again–never again, ever–put all of your hopes, expectations, eggs in the basket of box office. Do the work as an offering, and then whatever happens, happens.”
The best leaders know that they’re not the smartest in the room, must sometimes lean on and help others in order to truly be great in their role, and that humility is a quality that leads to sustainable success.
Think about these words from another woman who is a clear leader in her lane: “I really think a champion is defined not by their wins but by how they can recover when they fall,” tennis champion and investor Serena Williams told The National. “I have fallen several times. Each time I just get up and dust myself off and I pray, and I’m able to do better or I’m able to get back to the level that I want to be on.”
What Could Be Next For Kamala
While there are no confirmed reports of Harris’ plans once she’s officially out of office in a few months, there are many options for further civic involvement, advocacy, legislative change, and even another run in 2028. One expert points to the fact that the previous candidate, John Kerry, lost and came back as a cabinet member in the Barack Obama administration.
(It’s also worth noting that Shirley Chisholm, the first Black candidate to seek a major party's nomination for President of the United States, and the first woman to run for the Democratic Party’s presidential nomination, continued serving in the House of Representatives after an unsuccessful bid for the nomination. In 1977, she was elected as Secretary of the House Democratic Caucus.)
Other experts say there’s the option of running for Congress or governor to make an impact in those roles. She could also start her own law firm or serve in other ways within the private sector.
If Harris is holding to the values and drive she exhibited in the 107 days she had to campaign for U.S. president, this isn’t quite the end for her legacy, and this so-called “failure” will only be a catalyst for an even greater movement toward service and advancement.
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Featured image by Andrew Harnik/Getty Images