Although I don’t talk about it much on here, I actually have a platform for Black men, one that I’m about to expand. I come from a Black man. I loved my daddy dearly. Some of my favorite people are Black men. And I don’t believe you can be authentically pro-Black without factoring in Black men. Plus, misandry drives me totally up the wall, so there’s that. And if you factor all of this in along with what I do for a living (work with couples), I end up talking to men a lot. And I mean, A LOT.
Whenever the topic of sex comes up and one of them either damn near goes in while trying to explain what made an experience super mind-blowing, or they share some of the out-of-character things that they did in order to keep a particular woman in their life, something that I will oftentimes ask is, “Lawd, is coochie really that good?" And it never — and I do mean NEVER — fails. Every single time, no matter who the guy is or what the context of the question may be, the answer is always a resounding “Yes!”
From a physical standpoint, when I asked a friend what viscous innards (which is what I’ve heard some guys use to get around saying the “p” word) feels like from a physical standpoint, he paused for a minute and said, “It’s pretty hard to define. Probably the best way to explain it is if you run your tongue along the inside of one of your cheeks. And even that doesn’t do it justice.”
I tried it, and while it did offer me more perspective than I’ve probably ever had about it (from a man’s perspective), I decided to ask several guys to share their thoughts on basically why someone in my world once said, “You girls are sitting on a million dollars and giving it away for a Happy Meal.” With middle names leading the way, here are 12 men who tried their damndest to explain why vaginas, in their eyes, are one of the best things…EVER.
1. William. 31. Married for Three Years.
“Men who say they don’t know when a woman is faking are men who suck at sex. My favorite thing about a vagina is how it involuntarily reacts to stimulation. Its wetness. Its warmth. The way it clutches onto my penis whenever a woman is about to orgasm. It's wild. And then when my wife had our baby, and that same vagina birthed my daughter? Something that brings life in the bedroom and delivery room? Vaginas deserve a standing ovation on an hourly basis.”
2. Christopher. 27. Single.
“Wow. I’ve never been asked this before. Let me think…I think my favorite thing is how comforting a vagina is. Like the moment you enter it, it’s warm, wet, snug — like your penis is getting a hug, and because it’s so sensitive, it’s an erotic hug. Call it corny if you want to, but vaginas make a man feel safe, like no matter what, everything is gonna be alright with the world. Why do you think we run to them when we are stressed out and sh-t?”
3. Prince. 44. Married for 11 Years.
“It’s really sad how so many of the ones with vaginas and then ones who are fortunate to partake of them seem to treat them as nothing more than recreational use. I can only imagine how excited God was at the mere thought of introducing a woman’s body to a man after he vowed to not just enjoy it but protect it — for the rest of his life. Because I’m married, without going too much into detail, what I will say is, if you really value how amazing a vagina is, you’ll get why you should be married to someone who owns one before being worthy of having it. That’s how marvelous it is.”
4. Cal. 36. Single.
“You never know what you’re gonna get. It’s like Christmas. Some are meaty, some are bony. Some have hair, and others don’t. Some have full lips, some thin. Some taste sweeter than others. Some have huge clitorises, and others have ones that are barely there. Some are super tight, and there are those that are a bit looser. It’s exciting every time, and no matter what is going on, you’re gonna find something that you love about all of ‘em. Guys who say that it’s all just p-ssy are liars. The variety is what makes vaginas exceptional. Love that sh-t!”
5. Rogerson. 27. Been in a Long-Term Relationship for One Year.
“There’s nothing like the taste of a [healthy] vagina. It’s got a ‘barely there’ flavor to it that’s subtle but interesting enough that you never want to stop tasting it. And then, because it’s attached to a woman who enjoys it? A guy who won’t go down on you is stupid as f-ck because giving a woman pleasure in that way is like a drug. Hell, when I found out that there are probiotics up in there too? [His partner’s name] will tell you that I probably like to go down on her more than she wants me to. I have an oral fixation for her vagina — there’s nothing that even comes close to how it makes me feel. Let me call her and see what’s up now. Sh-t.”
6. Maxwell. 30. Single.
“I think my favorite thing about a vagina is how much it has in common with the penis: If you’re not cut [he means circumcised], both have foreskin. Both grow when aroused. Both have thousands of nerve endings. Vaginas and penises have so much in common that it’s kind of hilarious that men and women have as much conflict as they do. It’s like sex reminds them, ‘What is all the BS about? You were made to get along. Relax.”
7. Ethen. 39. Engaged One Year.
“Has anyone said how fun it is to figure out what a woman’s favorite kind of orgasm is? With us, there are two speeds: ejaculation and orgasm. Yes, ladies, sometimes we just nut, other times our toes curl. Anyway, for the most part, that’s it for fellas. For women, orgasms are like Baskin Robbins because there are so many ways to make you experience pleasure. That alone makes vaginas a very complex and challenging thing. Many men like challenges…”
8. Azriel. 25. Single.
“I like that you will never get a response out of a woman like you will when you are in her vagina. Whether it’s your mouth, fingers, or YOU, there is a version of her that shows up that you will never see otherwise. I also like how it feels totally different from any other type of her body. Yeah, God was all up in his bag the day he came up with those. Nothing like it in the world. Never has been, never will be.”
9. Zeke. 30. Been in a Long-Term Relationship for Two Years.
“Funny you would ask me this because I was just thinking about this a couple of days ago. We, as men, get bored quickly — I don’t just mean when it comes to women but with life, in general. Know what never gets boring? VAGINAS. No matter how many times you’ve seen one, tasted one, experienced one, you want another go at it. And don’t let it be attached to a dope-ass lady.
"Some of y’all need to get off of TikTok and talk to some actual men. Men don’t cheat because they need new vagina; they cheat because the person with the vagina isn’t working for them. You get someone who likes sex as much as you do and is a peace-filled person — you ain’t gettin’ tired of her or HER. Vaginas were designed to infinitely hold your attention.”
10. Quest. 31. Married for Six Months.
“This is a two-part question because there are vaginas, and then there’s your vagina. Back when I was out here in these streets, what I liked about vaginas was the fact that they are one of the few things that can give you just as much pleasure as you’re giving. I think that’s what makes sex so addicting — you’ve got something that gives and receives crazy pleasure, and so does your partner. And since nothing else even comes close, there lies the hamster wheel.
"Once you get married, though, the vagina that is being shared with no one else becomes almost like a sanctuary. You can run to it knowing that it wants to nurture you — and that creates a level of fulfillment that doesn’t come from being in multiples. Married vagina is where it’s at. You gotta be married to get that, though.”
11. Milo. 42. Recently Engaged.
“Some vaginas feel like you’re visiting while other ones make you feel like you’re at home. It’s hard to explain, but sometimes you will experience one, and it just…fits. A lot of men won’t tell women this, but we factor that in when it comes to who we want to commit to. You can have some of the best stuff in the world, but if it doesn’t make us want to just fall asleep in there, we’ll keep looking. The vagina that you can commit to isn’t just about technique — it has a look, taste, and feeling that is hard to find anywhere else. That’s how I feel about my bae’s. It’s unmatched.”
12. Vernon. 33. Married for Three Years.
“When a woman lets you enter into something as majestic as her vagina, there are no words. Women like to make fun of guys who come quick, but all I ever think is, ‘Yeah, you try staying inside of you for 30 minutes!” The softness, the warmness, the wetness, and then add some movement to it? Vaginas have a power that money, status, and fame will never bring a man. That’s why women should use it wisely, and men should be selective who they enter into. Vaginas have a way of altering people, whether they choose to admit it or not. The wild thing is, I totally believe that they were designed to.”
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There you have it — 12 guys sharing what damn near renders them speechless when it comes to our va-jay-jays. It’s enough praise to get off of this thing and do some vaginal mapping, sex journaling, and/or rethinking about if you’re giving your vagina to someone who truly deserves it or not…because these guys have just confirmed that not everyone is worthy, chile. NO, NOT. AT. ALL.
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Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
GiphyIf you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
GiphyThere is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
GiphySomething that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
GiphyEven if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
GiphyI saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
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Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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