Although I don’t talk about it much on here, I actually have a platform for Black men, one that I’m about to expand. I come from a Black man. I loved my daddy dearly. Some of my favorite people are Black men. And I don’t believe you can be authentically pro-Black without factoring in Black men. Plus, misandry drives me totally up the wall, so there’s that. And if you factor all of this in along with what I do for a living (work with couples), I end up talking to men a lot. And I mean, A LOT.
Whenever the topic of sex comes up and one of them either damn near goes in while trying to explain what made an experience super mind-blowing, or they share some of the out-of-character things that they did in order to keep a particular woman in their life, something that I will oftentimes ask is, “Lawd, is coochie really that good?" And it never — and I do mean NEVER — fails. Every single time, no matter who the guy is or what the context of the question may be, the answer is always a resounding “Yes!”
From a physical standpoint, when I asked a friend what viscous innards (which is what I’ve heard some guys use to get around saying the “p” word) feels like from a physical standpoint, he paused for a minute and said, “It’s pretty hard to define. Probably the best way to explain it is if you run your tongue along the inside of one of your cheeks. And even that doesn’t do it justice.”
I tried it, and while it did offer me more perspective than I’ve probably ever had about it (from a man’s perspective), I decided to ask several guys to share their thoughts on basically why someone in my world once said, “You girls are sitting on a million dollars and giving it away for a Happy Meal.” With middle names leading the way, here are 12 men who tried their damndest to explain why vaginas, in their eyes, are one of the best things…EVER.
1. William. 31. Married for Three Years.
“Men who say they don’t know when a woman is faking are men who suck at sex. My favorite thing about a vagina is how it involuntarily reacts to stimulation. Its wetness. Its warmth. The way it clutches onto my penis whenever a woman is about to orgasm. It's wild. And then when my wife had our baby, and that same vagina birthed my daughter? Something that brings life in the bedroom and delivery room? Vaginas deserve a standing ovation on an hourly basis.”
2. Christopher. 27. Single.
“Wow. I’ve never been asked this before. Let me think…I think my favorite thing is how comforting a vagina is. Like the moment you enter it, it’s warm, wet, snug — like your penis is getting a hug, and because it’s so sensitive, it’s an erotic hug. Call it corny if you want to, but vaginas make a man feel safe, like no matter what, everything is gonna be alright with the world. Why do you think we run to them when we are stressed out and sh-t?”
3. Prince. 44. Married for 11 Years.
“It’s really sad how so many of the ones with vaginas and then ones who are fortunate to partake of them seem to treat them as nothing more than recreational use. I can only imagine how excited God was at the mere thought of introducing a woman’s body to a man after he vowed to not just enjoy it but protect it — for the rest of his life. Because I’m married, without going too much into detail, what I will say is, if you really value how amazing a vagina is, you’ll get why you should be married to someone who owns one before being worthy of having it. That’s how marvelous it is.”
4. Cal. 36. Single.
“You never know what you’re gonna get. It’s like Christmas. Some are meaty, some are bony. Some have hair, and others don’t. Some have full lips, some thin. Some taste sweeter than others. Some have huge clitorises, and others have ones that are barely there. Some are super tight, and there are those that are a bit looser. It’s exciting every time, and no matter what is going on, you’re gonna find something that you love about all of ‘em. Guys who say that it’s all just p-ssy are liars. The variety is what makes vaginas exceptional. Love that sh-t!”
5. Rogerson. 27. Been in a Long-Term Relationship for One Year.
“There’s nothing like the taste of a [healthy] vagina. It’s got a ‘barely there’ flavor to it that’s subtle but interesting enough that you never want to stop tasting it. And then, because it’s attached to a woman who enjoys it? A guy who won’t go down on you is stupid as f-ck because giving a woman pleasure in that way is like a drug. Hell, when I found out that there are probiotics up in there too? [His partner’s name] will tell you that I probably like to go down on her more than she wants me to. I have an oral fixation for her vagina — there’s nothing that even comes close to how it makes me feel. Let me call her and see what’s up now. Sh-t.”
6. Maxwell. 30. Single.
“I think my favorite thing about a vagina is how much it has in common with the penis: If you’re not cut [he means circumcised], both have foreskin. Both grow when aroused. Both have thousands of nerve endings. Vaginas and penises have so much in common that it’s kind of hilarious that men and women have as much conflict as they do. It’s like sex reminds them, ‘What is all the BS about? You were made to get along. Relax.”
7. Ethen. 39. Engaged One Year.
“Has anyone said how fun it is to figure out what a woman’s favorite kind of orgasm is? With us, there are two speeds: ejaculation and orgasm. Yes, ladies, sometimes we just nut, other times our toes curl. Anyway, for the most part, that’s it for fellas. For women, orgasms are like Baskin Robbins because there are so many ways to make you experience pleasure. That alone makes vaginas a very complex and challenging thing. Many men like challenges…”
8. Azriel. 25. Single.
“I like that you will never get a response out of a woman like you will when you are in her vagina. Whether it’s your mouth, fingers, or YOU, there is a version of her that shows up that you will never see otherwise. I also like how it feels totally different from any other type of her body. Yeah, God was all up in his bag the day he came up with those. Nothing like it in the world. Never has been, never will be.”
9. Zeke. 30. Been in a Long-Term Relationship for Two Years.
“Funny you would ask me this because I was just thinking about this a couple of days ago. We, as men, get bored quickly — I don’t just mean when it comes to women but with life, in general. Know what never gets boring? VAGINAS. No matter how many times you’ve seen one, tasted one, experienced one, you want another go at it. And don’t let it be attached to a dope-ass lady.
"Some of y’all need to get off of TikTok and talk to some actual men. Men don’t cheat because they need new vagina; they cheat because the person with the vagina isn’t working for them. You get someone who likes sex as much as you do and is a peace-filled person — you ain’t gettin’ tired of her or HER. Vaginas were designed to infinitely hold your attention.”
10. Quest. 31. Married for Six Months.
“This is a two-part question because there are vaginas, and then there’s your vagina. Back when I was out here in these streets, what I liked about vaginas was the fact that they are one of the few things that can give you just as much pleasure as you’re giving. I think that’s what makes sex so addicting — you’ve got something that gives and receives crazy pleasure, and so does your partner. And since nothing else even comes close, there lies the hamster wheel.
"Once you get married, though, the vagina that is being shared with no one else becomes almost like a sanctuary. You can run to it knowing that it wants to nurture you — and that creates a level of fulfillment that doesn’t come from being in multiples. Married vagina is where it’s at. You gotta be married to get that, though.”
11. Milo. 42. Recently Engaged.
“Some vaginas feel like you’re visiting while other ones make you feel like you’re at home. It’s hard to explain, but sometimes you will experience one, and it just…fits. A lot of men won’t tell women this, but we factor that in when it comes to who we want to commit to. You can have some of the best stuff in the world, but if it doesn’t make us want to just fall asleep in there, we’ll keep looking. The vagina that you can commit to isn’t just about technique — it has a look, taste, and feeling that is hard to find anywhere else. That’s how I feel about my bae’s. It’s unmatched.”
12. Vernon. 33. Married for Three Years.
“When a woman lets you enter into something as majestic as her vagina, there are no words. Women like to make fun of guys who come quick, but all I ever think is, ‘Yeah, you try staying inside of you for 30 minutes!” The softness, the warmness, the wetness, and then add some movement to it? Vaginas have a power that money, status, and fame will never bring a man. That’s why women should use it wisely, and men should be selective who they enter into. Vaginas have a way of altering people, whether they choose to admit it or not. The wild thing is, I totally believe that they were designed to.”
_____
There you have it — 12 guys sharing what damn near renders them speechless when it comes to our va-jay-jays. It’s enough praise to get off of this thing and do some vaginal mapping, sex journaling, and/or rethinking about if you’re giving your vagina to someone who truly deserves it or not…because these guys have just confirmed that not everyone is worthy, chile. NO, NOT. AT. ALL.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Alaska Wasn’t On My Bucket List, But My Glacier Adventure Made Me A Believer
We all have bucket list destinations at the top of our lists. I visited one of those at the top of 2024: Japan! But what happens when you get an opportunity to go someplace that wasn’t on it? For me, that was Alaska. Now, I’d submitted my short film to the Anchorage International Film Festival, genuinely thinking it would be a long shot to get in with a short film about fibroids and Black women’s health.
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert