Exploring the so-called “great outdoors” might not be at the top of your bucket list, but it might need to be. Black women have been finding peace, sisterhood, and adventure through exploration in nature for centuries. Communing with the outdoors has been found to have health benefits such as reducing stress, supporting a healthy lifestyle, increasing focus, and boosting emotional wellness.
And while there have been ongoing challenges and travesties related to racism and sexism related to land and the outdoors, today, there’s a growing trend of groups cultivating a love of the outdoors among Black women that are bringing culturally inclusive activities to the forefront, particularly when it comes to camping.
In fact, research has shown that the number of Black campers is growing to be more reflective of U.S. demographics. In 2020, Kampgrounds of America (KOA), the dominating company with a massive system of campgrounds across North America, found Black people represented 12% of campers, and 60% of first-timers were “non-white.” (For context, that percentage was once in the single digits).
Friends Shunte' McClellan, Cayela Wimberly White, and Jocelyn McCants are taking things to another level with the Melanated Campout Experience, bringing “culture to the woods,” and facilitating a transformative and inclusive journey to enjoy the beauty of nature and the connection of community.
Hosted by Melated Cares, a nonprofit "created to curate culturally conscious events to encourage BIPOC to embrace the outdoors," their most recent event brought hundreds of diverse campers together to enjoy golfing, restaurant meals, yoga, guided fishing, lip sync battles, and more with the backdrop of scenic lake views in Georgia.
We caught up with two of the co-founders, McClellan and White, to talk about what sparked the venture, how camping has enriched their lives and friendship, and why more Black women should embrace experiences in nature:
Michael Rhea's Photography
xoNecole: What sparked the idea for the Melanated Campout Experience?
Cayela Wimberly White: I’ve always liked to go camping. When I was in college, I’d take people camping. We would go to the woods.
I was [also] in 4H, and I’d go camping with them. … And even my grandparents, going to the country in south Georgia, as a matter of fact, and being outside. My grandparents actually had an RV, and we’d just go out and play in the RV. It just happened naturally over the course of life. And a lot of times, you would go out and you wouldn’t see people who looked like you, so [when I saw] others who looked like me, I’d get excited. And so it just went from there.
Shunte' McClellan: One weekend [Cayela] tricked me into coming. She was like, 'Oh, yeah, come on out. We’re going to have a good time. It’s going to be an intimate experience, and I don’t think you’ve given it a fair chance.' I am a pretty adventurous person anyway, so I took her up on it, and it rained. It was a little chilly. It was football season. We were still able to go to the grounds. I still got to know Cayela and some of the other people in the group intimately because we were not distracted.
I got to sleep in a hammock for the first time and just the whole experience— didn’t know it could be like that. My fear was that we [were going to be] outside. There’s going to be bugs. It’s going to be hot-—this or that—and I had already previously put roadblocks up. It was Cayela’s interference that said, ‘Hey, you should try it. Instead of saying no, at least go one time so you can experience.'
It only took one time in the rain, and I still felt like this is the best—best sleep I’d had in a long time. I thought I knew Cayela, and just getting to know a different side of her personality—it was just amazing.
"I got to sleep in a hammock for the first time and just the whole experience— didn’t know it could be like that. My fear was that we [were going to be] outside. There’s going to be bugs. It’s going to be hot-—this or that—and I had already previously put roadblocks up. It was Cayela’s interference that said, ‘Hey, you should try it. Instead of saying no, at least go one time so you can experience.'"
CW: We were in the North Georgia mountains at a private campground—a rather small campground with about 30 sites or so. We rented out the loop at the end …and we were the only people who looked like us. And with us having that time together, even though we were the only ones looking like us—we still had a good time.
SM: [We thought] we have to share this experience with as many people as we know. So, our first intro into this was going to be our friends and family. We were just going to rent out a campground and just introduce everybody to the great outdoors…
We brought things we were excited about. We like to play games. … We had kickball and volleyball. We like to dance, so we had DJs. I didn’t know I liked to fish until that intimate time with Cayela, so we said, ‘Let’s show people how to fish.’ So it was like, we’re going to do some traditional camping stuff but put our own flair on it.
During that time, we knew what we wanted to do. We had [our] experience [as friends], and we had Cayela. She does event planning, and we tapped into that side of her talents as well. The first year [of the Melanated Campout Experience], was it perfect? It wasn’t. It rained that year— the same like that year Cayela tricked me into going—and guess what? Those same people in year one fell in love, too.
We’d rented a huge event tent…so we made sure our core activities didn’t get interrupted. We had people under the tent, and we fellowshiped the whole weekend and had an awesome time.
xoN: How were you all able to expand Melanated Campout to a successful venture in terms of growth of attendance and in business?
SM: One, just to talk generally about viability, this is year five for us. Our first experience was a little over 100 campers in 2019, to over 400 today per event. I think how it’s been viable is that we all, in our own right, have a certain skill set. We have a project manager from IT, and Cayela and I are both engineers. She’s a director on the corporate level. I’ve done Lean Six Sigma process improvement stuff.
The best thing we could do is what I pride Cayela and Jocelyn in nurturing me in this skill: customer service. At the end of the day, people bought into what we were doing because of how friendly we were, we were very accessible in the beginning, and we made sure that we provided excellent customer service.
What ended up happening is that each year, when [a participant] had a good experience, the best gift we could have for growth is word of mouth. So, yes, we spent money for marketing in year one and year two… but the biggest, when we started tracing and tracking where we got the most bang for our buck, was word of mouth. We actually tracked that in our sales, [asking participants] "How did you hear about us?"
Moving on to today, people hear about you, companies hear about you, and [they] want to be part of the movement—getting their brand in front. That’s how we’ve been able to scale up and be profitable.
"We spent money for marketing in year one and year two… but the biggest, when we started tracing and tracking where we got the most bang for our buck, was word of mouth. We actually tracked that in our sales, [asking participants] ‘How did you hear about us?’"
xoN: What are benefits you’ve seen in your life from enjoying multiple camping experiences?
CW: For me, it allows me to take a step back and decompress and just disconnect from the hustle and bustle.
SM: For me, once I started getting more involved in camping, it propagated in other areas. I need to be present. I need to enjoy this. I remember my first time fishing, and I [said] ‘I ain’t touching no worm!’ And it’s like, ‘Well, how are you going to eat?’ And the sense of accomplishment of catching your first fish. Just knowing that, I’m shero now. I just caught this fish. The joy that I get is hearing other people’s [good] experiences.
xoN: What would you say to Black women who might be apprehensive about camping?
CW: That’s a great question because we hear that so much from our Black sistas. It’s ‘You do everything else.’ [Laughs]. The first thing when you say [something] to somebody about camping, it’s like, ‘Black people don’t camp.’ … You run corporations. You run a business. You run a family. You might be a single mom. You might be a caregiver. You do everything else, so this is something you can do, and you’re doing this for you.
For more information on Melanated Campout and future events, visit their website, or follow them on Instagram.
Featured image by Michael Rhea's Photography
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The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak
From their perspective, their friend should simply know what they should and shouldn’t do. Yeah, one day, I’m going to write an article about how a lot of relationships could be spared so much drama if we all stopped automatically expecting others to think, act, and even love like we do. Anyway, my client did pause for a moment; then she shared that there was one thing, in particular, that she had told her friend that she didn’t appreciate and her friend just kept on doing it — so much to the point where it was starting to feel not only intentional but disrespectful too. In response to that, here’s how the rest of the dialogue between us went down:
Me: “Did she apologize?”
Her: “I mean, after I about lost it and told her that I was sick of her sh-t, she did. I don’t know if I can trust it, though.”
Me: “Has the action happened again since?”
Her: “The last time was only a few weeks ago. It’s too soon to tell. I know I’m starting to put distance between us, though. I’m not sure if I want to be friends with her anymore at this point.”
*le sigh* What to do, what to freakin’ do, when you’ve got a friend in your life who does something that bothers, offends, hurts, or harms you (because those are all different things, y’all), they apologize and you’re not exactly sure what to do with their apology. That is something that I’m pretty sure that all of us have gone through, probably more than once. If you definitely have, and there have been times when it’s left you feeling stumped, let’s unpack it all a bit — just so you’ll know how to move, with complete peace of mind, for the sake of your friendship and, most importantly, your peace of mind.
People with Regrets Apologize (and Every Self-Aware Human Should Have Regrets)
GiphySometime last year, I was talking to a friend of mine about his spouse. As he was raving about all of the things that he adores about her, something that he said caused my eyes to get semi-big: “I mean, she doesn’t believe in apologizing which can get on my nerves but that’s about it.” Whew, chile. Also, another article for another time: It’s very hard for a marriage to function, in a healthy way, if both people aren’t willing to apologize and forgive because there are going to be countless times when doing one or the other is going to be extremely necessary. Why?
Because we all make mistakes and sometimes poor decisions (and no, those two things aren’t the same either) must be corrected with an apology. Not only that but we all also experience times when someone needs to apologize to us and, because of the first thing that I said, we should forgive them and LET. IT. GO.
Yeah, those “I don’t apologize” people? Talk about folks who I don’t trust because that typically either means that they have way too much pride going on or they suck and taking personal accountability for their actions — and neither of those things makes it easy when it comes to trying to have a solid relationship with someone else. Honestly, the only kind of folks who “cause me to pause” more are the ones who claim that they don’t have any regrets in life. Truly…what in the world are you talking about?
If you’ve been rocking with me on this platform for a while now, you already know that I totally and completely loathe the saying, “I don’t regret anything” (check out “Why Regret Might Not Always Be A Bad Thing”). SMDH. Some statements, I just think that they have been popular for so long that people repeat them without really thinking about what they actually mean.
When it comes to regret, if you look up its definition, you should see the word “remorse” somewhere in there and remorse means “deep and painful regret for wrongdoing; compunction” — and if you NEVER feel this way, that low-key sounds like either you think that you never do anything wrong (which is a completely delusional mindset) or you don’t care to “right your wrongs” whenever you do them (which makes you a pretty unsafe individual to be around).
And why am I laying down all of this foundation? Because, before getting into how to discern someone’s apology, it’s important to first surround yourself with individuals who even get that they should apologize from time to time in the first place — not because you think so but because they think so. I’m telling you, it can spare you a ton of time and potential heartbreak to follow this tip.
I say that because I ended a relationship about six years ago, mostly because the person reached out to me to help them out with something, and when I wrote out a full email about something they did that was highly offensive and would result in my not obliging them — not only did they not apologize, they didn’t even acknowledge what I said. What kind of makes it “comically worse” (utter audacity-wise) is the few times that I’ve seen them since, they’ve acted like nothing even happened. Then I had to think back to other times when I’ve brought hurt feelings or offenses to their attention and how they would deflect, play the victim, or change the subject (bookmark that).
Hmph. We talk about narcissism a lot both on and offline — uh-huh, be careful about those narcissistic friends out here. They always want to be the center of attention. They constantly put their own needs first. They have a hard time forgiving and yet think that you should dismiss whatever they do that’s wrong (or damaging). I could go on and on about those jokers. For now, I’ll just bring this point to a close by saying that if you want to trust someone’s apology, you need to trust that they care enough to apologize in the first place. And lawd, won’t that preach?
Next point.
Karma Is Attached to Apologies
GiphyOne day, I’m also going to write an article about how much forgiveness tends to be weaponized — and how absolutely insane that is. Meaning, so many people think that they deserve an apology for all of the things that they do while others don’t — and that’s not really how forgiveness works. If you’re looking at it from a Scriptural standpoint, the Good Book tells us that if you want to be right with God, you’ve got to forgive other people (Matthew 6:14-15). Science says that if you want to be healthy, it’s wise to forgive as well. Adding to both of these things, since karma (which is basically just reaping what you sow) doesn’t discriminate, if you want to be forgiven in the future, you should forgive others in the present.
And that’s what I mean when I say that karma is attached to apologies. When it comes to some completely bold and If-I-were-a-different-type-of-person-things-would’ve-gone-very-differently things that have happened to me throughout the years — what has kept things peaceful and put me on a faster track to healing is choosing to forgive others; especially when they make a point to apologize (check out “How I Learned To Forgive People In My Life Who Weren't Sorry”).
Honestly, a part of the reason why I can do closure so well is because I can accept an apology. What I mean by that is I think a lot of times, we stay in “hamster wheel relationships” (same problems, no new solutions) or we’re so super devastated (because we’re not just sad, we also beat ourselves up with guilt and yes, regret) if something should happen to someone who we used to be in relationship with and it’s partly because we don’t accept apologies.
Me? I never want to be so high and mighty in my mindset that I think I can gamble my relationship with God or my health simply because I want someone to think that what they do and ask forgiveness doesn’t deserve mercy while I’m somewhere thinking that I should be pardoned for all of my mess. I don’t know about y’all but I need God’s forgiveness, plus, it feels good — cleansing even — whenever people who I’ve hurt or harmed have forgiven me and so I give forgiveness in order to receive it — because every single human needs to receive it.
Next point.
A Sincere Apology Doesn't Deflect, Justify or Play the Victim. It Takes Full Ownership.
GiphyNow that we’ve talked about why you should only befriend people who forgive and apologize and how you shouldn’t be in relationships if you don’t know how to forgive (and apologize) — let’s talk about what a sincere apology should even look like.
Years ago, I had a friend who violated a very clear boundary of mine. She kept trying to push something on me that I didn’t want to do until one day, she did it anyway. And boy, was I pissed. When she saw how angry I was, she called me crying and, although she did say that she was sorry, she also went into all kinds of reasons why she thought that she was the bigger victim. The more that I listened, it was like she wanted me to apologize to her for violating me (whew, chile). Yeah, don’t trust those kinds of apologies because they are chocked full of manipulation.
And this is where we start to tiptoe into the difference between accepting an apology and trusting one.
Since she literally said, “I’m so sorry,” I accepted her apology because, although I think that my discernment is pretty keen and she was trying to manipulate matters, at the end of the day, who am I to brush off her efforts to acknowledge what she did? Did I trust her apology, though? Absolutely not because to trust something, you’ve gotta be confident in it, and anyone who decides to make what they did to you totally about them? They don’t really get what an apology is all about.
Hmph. I grew up with people who would apologize and also deflect (shift blame, gaslight, go into semi-denial mode), justify poor behavior (make excuses, follow their apology with some long ass story) and/or play the victim (act like they are more hurt than you are) in the midst of their apologies and those types of individuals typically only apologize in order to “move on” from what they’ve done — not to really make sure that you are okay about what had transpired.
And those people? Whether they are too selfish, not self-aware enough or they’re simply ignorant about what a sincere apology looks like, if those three factors come into play, their apology can be accepted yet not really trusted in the sense of you believing that they will do their best to not repeat the action again. How could you TRUST it if they don’t fully OWN it? Make sense?
Next point.
Accepting Apologies and Actually Trusting Them Are Quite Different
GiphyIf you know that someday, you will need to apologize to someone, you will get again why I say that none of us should really refuse someone else’s apology. Another way of looking at this is if someone apologizes and you don’t accept it, it’s basically saying, “I don’t acknowledge that you acknowledge what you did that you are trying to take responsibility for” — and honestly, what kind of sense does that make?
Because while you are thinking that not accepting their apology is harming them, it’s really only hurting you because you are choosing to hold onto what their apology has actually released them from. Plus, y’all know that I am pretty word-literal and, at the end of the day, accepting an apology simply means that 1) you are responding to what they are saying and 2) you are receiving the effort. Over and out.
Now TRUSTING an apology? Again, that is something entirely different. I’ll give you another example. Everyone who knows me (check out “5 Signs You Really Know A Person”) knows that if I come out to a big function, that’s love — DEEP LOVE. Back when I was an entertainment journalist, I had my fill of stuff like that; these days, low-key is how I get down. Anyway, one time, a friend invited me out to a crowded and pretty important function. After a bit of convincing, I made the personal request of not wanting to go along with someone else in their world who I am not fond of (who they are now not even friends with because they discovered on their own just how shady the person can be).
My friend assured me that it wouldn’t be an issue — only for me to get to the place where we were meeting up and my friend then telling me on the way to the venue that the person would be joining us. When I tell you that we literally had the conversation about that not happening just a few hours before? Chile. My response? I left before we headed there and went back home. I am BIG on my boundaries being respected and I’m not going to be set up to be put in a position to somehow be the bad guy if I’m not kee-keeing with someone who I didn’t want to be around, intimately, in the first place. Plus, my friend needed to fully enjoy her night without worrying about what the energy was going to be like.
My friend owned that it was “bad business” to even move like that — that it was thoughtless and a bit manipulative on her part because a part of her thought that if I was pushed to the wall on the matter, I would just get over it. She apologized. I accepted it. However, I didn’t just accept it, I trusted it because, a few weeks later, she invited me to another event, out of state, all expenses paid.
Listen, if you know me, you know that it wasn’t the free trip that “moved me” because my favorite place is always gonna be at home. LOL. It’s that my friend didn’t just acknowledge what she did, she also took it upon herself to make amends — and that’s what a real apology should always include.
And what is amends? It’s “reparation or compensation for a loss, damage, or injury of any kind; recompense.” That said, when we really get the weight and magnitude of something that we’ve done to another person, it’s never enough to just toss a flippant “My bad” in their direction — it’s important to put forth the effort to set things right.
I got that my friend understood how much effort it took for me to do the initial outing with her in the first place because she took a few steps up from that and turned another event into a girls' trip — just us. That was a couple of years ago now. We’ve not had an issue in that lane since.
Your friend who hurt you and apologized? One way to know if you can trust the apology to the point where you know that it’s okay to move on fully from the matter is if they are willing, on their own, to make amends. If, in their own way, they ask you, “How can I make this right?” If you get that from them, I really recommend that you give them a chance because not only does it seem like their apology is heartfelt, but they also want to help you to heal from what they did — and at the end of the day, because none of us can change the past, just “own” our part in it, there’s not much more that a human can do.
Plus, people who go so far as to make amends, they typically also put forth the effort to try and change their behavior (or not repeat the action). And again, what more can you really ask for from any fallible individual (and we are all that)…right?
____
No one is perfect. We’re all going to mess up. If you really get that, when a friend apologizes to you, let both of yourselves off of the hook and accept it. And during the apology, if they take full ownership which includes making amends, trust your friend enough to have faith that they will try to not hurt you, in that way, again.
Accept is about recognizing.
Trusting is about putting your confidence in something.
When it comes to apologies, specifically, I hope it’s easier to now know the difference.
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