May is a month of healing. Although we are still in the midst of Eclipse Season, the energy is grounding this month with Taurus Season underway, and some significant changes are happening in the sky. On the 1st of the month, Pluto goes retrograde, and this is the first Pluto retrograde since Pluto entered Aquarius earlier this year. Pluto retrograde is all about finding your power, not letting change intimidate you, and finding the beauty and inspiration within change. Jupiter will be in retrograde until December 30, and many people will be finding their way and soul purpose.
On May 5th, the second eclipse of 2023 happens, and it’s a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Scorpio. This is a powerful and impactful eclipse, and its energy overall is about finding your power, allowing breakthroughs, and letting go of the chaos. This eclipse is closing a chapter and creating the space for a new beginning. Venus moves into Cancer a few days later, on May 7th, and over the next few weeks, love takes on a sweeter, more emotional tone, and Venus in Cancer is all about feeling things through. Relationships that are meant to be will be becoming clearer than ever, and Venus in Cancer is not afraid to love, so you can expect more displays of affection, nurturing, and care during this time.
Mercury has been retrograde in Taurus since April 21st and officially goes direct on May 14th. Once Mercury is out of retrograde motion, the latter half of the month will be a more grounded experience, and less communication and financial delays are likely. Mercury retrograde has been highlighting the loose ends within plans and a sense of security in life and allowing more beneficial and stable paths and opportunities to appear. Jupiter also enters Taurus on May 16th but will be here until May 25, 2024. Jupiter in Taurus impacts finances, relationships, love, and value systems. During this transit, stability, logic, patience, and dedication is favored, and Jupiter will be sharing a little more love and financial growth with the world.
Before Gemini Season begins on May 21st, the fixed signs continue their monthly debut, and there is a New Moon in Taurus on May 19th, and Mars enters Leo on May 20th. The universe wants to shed some light on opportunity this month and how much better life can really get. There is passion, growth, and empowerment blooming in May, and it’s not the time to be rigid in perspective or stance. Know that you are worthy of being seen, loved, and valued.
ARIES
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleIn May, you are opening up to love, Aries. This is the month to address any feelings or emotions that you have been putting on the back burner and to not be afraid to open up to others. Love is a strength, not a weakness, don’t ever forget that, Aries. The eclipse at the start of the month will be wrapping things up for you and helping you see clearly what is going to benefit your health, well-being, and heart.
A long-term transit begins for you this month, and that is Jupiter moving into Taurus and into your 2nd house of income on May 16 until May 25, 2024. Jupiter is a benevolent planet, and its influence is a blessing. For you, this means good luck coming in financially, and although you do have to be a little more cautious of overspending or going to the extreme, overall, you are moving into a time of greater wealth and opportunity this month.
TAURUS
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is all about using your voice and communicating, Taurus. Your season is here, and it’s your time to show up and express yourself. You are worthy to take up space, and you are getting clarity on what paths and avenues you can do that best. Mercury has been retrograde in your sign since late April and officially goes direct on May 14th, and you can finally take a breath of fresh air this month and move forward.
May overall is about balancing your needs with the needs of those in your life.
The energy is both in your 1st house of self and in your 7th house of relationships, so you are finding the balance here this month. The most significant transit for you of 2023 happens at the end of the month, and that is Jupiter moving into your sign. You are moving into the luckiest time of your life in over a decade in May, enjoy it.
GEMINI
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a new beginning for you financially, Gemini. This is a month where you are seeing the intentions you have been setting financially and within your career world come true for you and when new doors of opportunity are opening. Your ruling planet Mercury has been in retrograde since April 21st and will finally be direct on the 14th of this month. You are getting the closure that you need right now to plan your next steps.
As the month moves forward, a New Moon is happening in your 12th house of endings and culminations, and you are healing, accepting what’s been, and letting go of what has been holding you back. Gemini Season officially begins on May 21st, and by the end of May, things are back in full swing, and you are living confidently. It’s about choosing yourself this month, Gemini.
CANCER
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is all about letting go of the past and allowing love, Cancer. You are seeing chapters close, clarity appearing, and the past being laid to rest. You are recognizing that you can’t always fix what’s broken or what needs to be let go of, and divine intervention is coming into play. At the start of the month, there is a Lunar Eclipse in your 9th house of adventure, and you are feeling free and less restricted right now.
Know that new life comes from endings and that a chapter closing in your life doesn’t mean the end of everything else.
Things are happening for you, and the universe has your back as you process. Before the month ends, lucky Jupiter moves into your 11th house of friendship, and you are entering a time of community, happiness, social life, and fulfillment. Your power of manifestation is especially strong when Jupiter is in the 11th house, and you have some good times coming over the next year.
LEO
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is bringing forth a coming together in your life, Leo. The past, present, and future are coming together as one, and you are feeling a sense of wholeness. This is a month of recognizing some of your long-term dreams and goals in life and in love and making sure your cup is full before pouring onto anyone else’s. This is the month to ask yourself if you are living the life you have envisioned for yourself, Leo.
Jupiter moves into your 10th house on May 16th, and your career life, reputation, and achievements come into clear view over the next year. You are moving into a time of more recognition in your life, but also a time of figuring out how you want to show up, go after goals, and what you want to be known for. On May 20th, Mars moves into your sign until July 10th, and you have extra energy, confidence, and passion within you over the next few months. The power is in your hands right now, Leo. What do you want to do with it?
VIRGO
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a successful month for you, Virgo. You are moving into financial blessings and support and feeling like you have everything you need surrounding you this month. This is a good time to value yourself, your people, and how far you have come in life. You are reaching some important goals financially in May, and it’s allowing you to enjoy your life more and figure out where you want to go from here.
The Lunar Eclipse happening at the beginning of the month is when you are starting to see things come to fruition for you.
Not only does your ruling planet Mercury go direct this month after being in retrograde since April, but Jupiter is also entering this same area of your chart in May, and you are moving into a year-long journey of adventure, travel, charisma, inspiration, and direction. Jupiter will be in your 9th house until May 2024, and this is a good time to knock off your bucket list and explore the world.
LIBRA
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecolePatience, patience, patience, Libra! This month is about watching out for impulses and thinking things through before continuing forward. Miscommunication or disagreements are more likely in May, and extra precaution is needed. Overall, this month is allowing you to find your sense of freedom without disrupting the things you have going on and the people that are there to support you.
With a Lunar Eclipse happening in the sign just after yours this month, you are moving through some closures in May, but they have been long overdue in your life and are facilitating your healing journey. These culminations you are moving through this month are allowing you to see some things more clearly and to define the person you are or want to be. May is your opportunity to set things straight and to get some things in order.
SCORPIO
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a month of deep healing for you, Scorpio. You have been going through a lot over the past year or so, and you are asking yourself now if the light at the end of the tunnel will be appearing anytime soon. In May, you are addressing some more challenges that need to be seen so that you can let go of any resentment or disappointments that have been disrupting your progress and happiness.
The second eclipse of 2023 happens this month, and it’s a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in your sign.
You are experiencing a big growth moment in May, and it’s overall creating a much-needed breakthrough in your life. Another significant transit is happening this month, and that is Jupiter, the planet of luck, moving into your 7th house of love from May 16th until May 2024. The work you have been doing is finally being recognized, and you enter a time of romance, connection, and commitment.
SAGITTARIUS
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a month of commitment, direction, and beginning something new. You are breaking free from previous miscommunication challenges and removing roadblocks from your life. This is a month where you are seeing things clearly, and ready to communicate what you know. With the Sun in your 6th house for most of May, you are cleaning house, getting things in order, and focusing on your well-being, Sagittarius.
Moving further into the month, Jupiter enters your 6th house, where all the energy has been the past month, but this time, Jupiter will be here for a year. Over the next year, your working life, health, and daily routine are moving through a healing journey and are receiving some extra support. You are letting go of what isn’t for your highest good and doing the things that are not only going to benefit you right now but in the long haul as well.
CAPRICORN
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleSuccess is yours, and you are accomplishing goals this month, Capricorn. May is about receiving the recognition you have been looking for, for the work you have been putting in. Even though there are some extra responsibilities on your plate at this time of the year, you are feeling capable of it all and proud of the position you are finding yourself in this month.
Financially, there is a lot of growth occurring for you this month, and some pleasant surprises are in store for you right now.
With the planet of good luck, Jupiter, entering your 5th house of romance for the next year or so, you also enter a new journey of love this month. Jupiter in your 5th house is facilitating happiness in your life, and you can expect to receive a little extra love during this time. You are feeling in tune, prepared, and inspired by what is occurring for you this month, and your energy is grounded enough to receive the blessings that are coming to you.
AQUARIUS
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is an impactful month for you, Aquarius. Through the ups and downs you have been moving through in life, they have only made you stronger and wiser, and May is a month of reminding yourself that you are enough. Pluto entered your sign this year after being in Capricorn for almost two decades and officially entered your sign this year. On May 1st, Pluto goes retrograde in Aquarius, and you are taking a step back and looking at the path that is opening up to you more clearly.
May is all about seeing your part in what has been playing out for you and also creating necessary boundaries between the people who are making things more difficult for you than they need to be. Choose your battles wisely, and consider making peace with yourself and others this month. Jupiter enters your 4th house before May ends, and a move, family dynamics changing, and emotional growth are all more likely for you over the next year.
PISCES
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a pleasant surprise for you, Pisces. Love is taking on a new tone, and new doors are opening for you here. This is the month to take those first steps and welcome a new beginning in your life so that you can move forward into your dreams more freely. The eclipse happening at the beginning of the month on the 5th is happening in a romantic, loving, and joyful area of your chart, and you are feeling the love that you have been looking for in your life.
You have been on a deep healing journey this year, as Saturn entered your sign a few months ago.
More focus has been on you, your personal growth, and your sense of stability in life, and with Jupiter entering your 3rd house in May, you are facilitating communication breakthroughs in your life. If there is anything you have wanted to say to someone, this is the month and the year to do it, as you are especially supported when it comes to self-expression and connection right now.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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And that is why I decided to put emphasis on the word “late” for today’s topic. Because if you and someone break up and they approach you, well after the fact, with an “I’m sorry,” if you struggle with whether or not to accept it due to the timing of it all, you should definitely ponder that a bit.
And as you’re doing so, it might help to read a bit deeper into what an apology should look and live like, even from an ex, regardless of when it shows up.
Your “late.” Or his right on time.
Three Things That a True Apology Consists Of
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that when you work as a therapist/counselor/coach, a lot of people never really see you as human — and this can include your close relationships. What I mean by that is, it’s almost like they expect you to be free on-call therapy to the point where they “forget” to actually check on you sometimes.
Such is the case with one of my longest-running friendships. Even during the weeks between losing my mother and losing $4K (SMDH), she would just keep calling me to vent about her marriage. I finally got so fed up that I brought it to her attention that for the past couple of years, that is exactly what our friendship has been like: her venting, me listening without her being very invested in my life at all. In response, she texted me an apology — and boy, was it beautiful.
I’m not going to share the details of what she said; however, I am going to tell you three things that it consisted of because it’s what I believe ALL APOLOGIES should entail.
1. She took full ownership for what she believed that she did. I framed this point in this way because, something that everyone needs to forever keep in mind is the fact that two people start and, to a large extent, end relationships — and what I mean by that is, it’s never like one person was perfect and the other was the villain. That said, though, when someone is making an apology to another individual, they are going to own their part and articulate what that part is. It’s not gonna be a simple “My bad.”
It’s going to be “I am really sorry that I wasn’t there for you when you needed me” or “I apologize for taking you for granted” — something that sounds like they get the “offense” that transpired. By doing this, they recognize their missteps — and that is what puts people on the road to not repeating them.
2. She did not deflect or gaslight me. You know what one of the worst apologies are: It’s when someone says they are sorry and then follows it up with, “But you do it too” or “If you hadn’t done ‘A’, I wouldn’t have done ‘B.'” Justifying your actions is a surefire way to make someone believe that you don’t really think that you did something wrong (or that bad) in the first place. And really, how can they trust you (again) if that is how you feel? Oh, and don’t get me on gaslighting.
Ugh, ain’t nothing like someone claiming that they want to set things right with you, only to act like they don’t really get where you are coming from with the issues y’all were having in the first place. A good gaslight line in an apology: “If that is what you think happened, I apologize.” Yeah, you can keep that, jack. Never accept this kind of apology — because it isn’t one.
3. She addressed why she needed to make the apology in the first place. Wanna know one of the main reasons why I don’t trust people who don’t believe in having regrets (check out “Why Regret Might Not Always Be A Bad Thing”)? Did you know that apology means “a written or spoken expression of one's regret, remorse, or sorrow for having insulted, failed, injured, or wronged another.” How, as a human, do you think that you are out here not making any mistakes or poor decisions that you sometimes need to APOLOGIZE for? That is just…insane.
And one of the reasons why apologies are important is because if you feel bad about “failing” someone, it’s usually because you value them enough to want to keep them around. And yes, in my friend’s apology, she also explained why she didn’t want me to feel hurt in the way that she had hurt my feelings and what she would do to prevent that from happening in the first place.
So y’all, with all of this out of the way, before getting deeper into this topic? If an ex is hitting you up to apologize to you for something, please make sure that he hits all three marks of a true apology.
Now let’s keep going.
A Genuine Apology Should Also Include an Amends
GiphyA few years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Heads Up: It's NOT An Apology If An Amends Isn't Made.” You know how I mentioned a second ago that a solid apology has no gaslighting in it? Hmph. Ain’t it wild how someone can do something that hurts or harms you and yet, they want you to just “hurry up and get over it”? GASLIGHTING.
Someone in my family, after unpacking years of abuse that I experienced at their hand, they had the nerve to say, “I’m not going to keep apologizing to you for this.” Hmm…Okay. So, how about you let me give you a consistent three months’ worth of the years of mistreatment that I experienced from you and then flippantly throw an apology your way. Let’s see how you feel about it. How much you believe that I am being genuine and sincere.
Listen — and please hear me GOOD on this: when someone really gets the magnitude of the pain or discomfort and inconvenience that they caused, they aren’t going to be fine with just saying that they are sorry for it; they are going to ask you what they can do to set things right.
It’s actually a part of the reason why I named the four children who I aborted (check out “Why I Named The Children I Aborted”) because I do have some real remorse for those decisions. Each of their names have an intentional meaning and I strive to leave out their purpose, through those names, on a daily basis. It’s a small way of making amends.
You know, back when my first book came out, my first love reached out, via email, to send me an apology. The apology hit most of the points that I mentioned earlier. Looking back, there wasn’t an offer to make an amends, though, and trust me, there was A LOT to make up for.
At the end of the day, amends means “reparation or compensation for a loss, damage, or injury of any kind; recompense” and while none of us should use bitterness, resentment or emotional stagnation as the “bar” for which we should expect amends to be made, if you’re trying to figure out just how sincere an ex is with their apology, if they want to do something to make things better, that’s a good sign.
There is a caveat, though.
Discern the Motives. Always.
GiphyEarlier this summer, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “What's Your Motive For Sex? (It Reveals A Lot. Trust Me.)” Then, a few weeks ago, I wrote another article entitled, “As Cuffing Season Steadily Approaches, What The Heck Is 'Winter Coating'?” and boy, when I tell you that both of these complement this point really well? Goodness.
If you’ve never heard of the dating trend known as winter coating before, it’s basically when an ex creeps back up around cuffing season — and if you know what cuffing season is all about, you can absolutely connect the very probable motives behind those dots.
Now can there be exceptions? There are ALWAYS exceptions. Still, if you haven’t heard from your ex in years and here he comes a couple of weeks before Christmas, unless the two of you got together or broke up around the holidays, stay on potential “winter coating alert,” because it might not be about “building bridges” so much as getting into your bedroom.
That said, if it’s been a minute (six months or more) since you’ve heard from an ex and he suddenly reaches out to apologize, absolutely take out a moment to discern the motive — and shoot, feel fine with even asking what is causing him to make the move…now. If it’s in the spirit of the holidays and wanting to go into a new year with a clean slate, got it. If it’s because he’s been in therapy and realizes that he didn’t end certain things in his past very well, understood. If it’s because he didn’t like how the two of you broke up and he wants to try and make peace, that’s fair.
On the other hand, if you sense that he wants to rekindle something (check out “Nelly And Ashanti Are Giving It Another Shot? Here's What You Should Know About 'Ex Reconciliation'” and “I'm Thrilled That Ryan Destiny & Keith Powers Are Back Together. 5 Things Before Reuniting With Your Ex, Tho.” and “What Happens When 'The One Who Got Away'...Comes Back?”) — although that’s kind of another article for another time, do check that motive.
When someone apologizes, you should really be the only focus for them; not what they can get out of it on the back end. Listen, even if he hopes to get back with you (or back in bed with you), that shouldn’t be something that is discussed during the apology. If it is said or even implied, something about HIS MOTIVE is disingenuous. And if that is indeed the case, to a valid extent, so is he.
We All Should Give the Grace and Mercy That We Desire
GiphySooner than later, I’m going to write an article about forgiveness (beyond what I already have here). For now I’ll just say that if you are someone who thinks that other people don’t deserve forgiveness? That is either your pain or your ego talking and, either way, you can’t trust “their” judgment.
All of us mess up sometimes and if you are a karma (or you reap what you sow) believer, then you absolutely should want to extend others grace and mercy so that you can receive it in your own time of need (and you are absolutely delusional if you think a time won’t come, sooner than you probably think, that you will need it).
Besides, do you know all of the self-inflicted drama and trauma that comes from NOT forgiving others: higher blood pressure, insomnia, stress, anxiety, the higher risk of a heart attack, a weakened immunity, a greater risk for depression and anxiety — whatever he did, is it really worth all of this? Yeah, while a lot of people think that weaponizing forgiveness is empowering, really all it’s doing is putting themselves in harm’s way. Physically. Emotionally. SPIRITUALLY: “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." (Matthew 6:14-15 — NKJV)
By the way, no one is saying that forgiving that man means that you have to allow him back into your life. After all, access is a privilege. Yet if he comes to you and acknowledges that he feels sorry for some things, for the sake of your own sanity, why not let him express it? Don’t wanna meet up or talk on the phone? Understood. Email and/or text are there for the taking. Don’t want to go back and forth? Who said that it needs to be a discussion or a debate?
All I know is, the more time you spend on this planet, the more you want to put out the energy that you want to come back. Forgiving others tends to make life easier. Not forgiving? Oh, the way that it boomerangs, sometimes in ways you never saw coming, chile. Dodge that kind of experience (and typically hard life lesson) if you can.
Yes, Better Late than Never
GiphyToo late to apologize. Yeah, I don’t really know if there is such a thing (because forgiving and reconciling are not one in the same and some of y’all will catch that later). I’ll wrap this up with a story to prove my point.
Once upon a time, I knew a woman who was in a serious relationship and yet, whenever her boyfriend would bring up the possibility of marriage, she would stall him out. When I finally asked her what her deal was, she explained that she still harbored so much pain from the man before him that she didn’t fully trust that he was the real deal. About five months later, here came her ex with a thorough explanation for why he made some of the decisions that he did while they were together. Now that she had the full story, she was able to heal. She got married to her boyfriend that following year.
You see where I am going with this? Although your ex’s apology might be “late” as far as y’all’s relationship timeline, the timing may be BRILLIANT when it comes to true when and why you actually need it. Yeah, a Scripture that I adore is “Timing is the Father’s business” (Acts 1:7 — Message) and sometimes those apologies, in the grand scheme of things, are more on time than you could ever imagine; they’re when God deems you need them not when you want to have them.
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It is Oprah Winfrey who once said, “True forgiveness is when you can say, "Thank you for that experience” and sis, if you remove the bitterness and anger and look deeper, there were valuable lessons, even in and from the most challenging relationships. And that is worth appreciating through forgiveness and, if need be, full and complete release.
Bottom line, should you accept an ex’s late apology? Absolutely.
What better way to illuminate your present on a whole ‘nother level.
Just as forgiveness always does.
TRUST ME.
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