May is a month where passion, freedom, and growth are all coming together in alchemy. Some significant transits that Astrologers alike have been anticipating are occurring this month, and it’s changing dynamics moving forward. May begins with Venus moving into the fiery energy of Aries on May 2, and will remain in this independent and direct sign until May 28. While Venus is moving through Aries this month, love and relationships are about initiating intentions, being confident in your pursuits of love, and recognizing that you deserve the love you give.
The second out of the four Mercury retrogrades of 2022 is happening on May 10 and will begin in the sign of Gemini until May 22 before finishing its retrograde transit in Taurus until June 3. With Mercury retrograde moving through one of its ruling signs, Gemini, communication haywire can feel even more prevalent for the time being. Extra precaution should be used when it comes to transportation, communication, networking, and investments with this Mercury retrograde. Mercury retrogrades are all about having a sense of humor and acknowledging that sometimes we don’t always know why things are happening the way they are, but that they probably needed to.
On the same day that Mercury goes retrograde, the most significant transit of the month occurs as Jupiter, the planet of blessings, moves out of its year-long transit from Pisces and moves into Aries. Jupiter will be in Aries this year from May 10 through October 28 and will be retrograde in Aries from July 28 to October 28. Jupiter will move back into Pisces for a brief moment at the end of this year, and then finish its year-long transit in Aries from December 20 until May 16, 2023. While Jupiter begins its transit in Aries this month, the vibes turn from emotional expansion and understanding to inspired direction and understanding of thy self. While Jupiter is moving through Aries, there is a lot of drive, inspiration, and momentum to grab ahold of, and it is exciting energy for the world.
Moving more into May, there is a powerful Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Scorpio on May 15-16, and transformations are evident. Whenever the moon is in Scorpio, emotions run deep and intimacy levels are heightened. Scorpio’s strong intuition never goes missed and during this eclipse, the revelations will be plenty. This is the Eclipse to release any emotional and financial restrictions you have been feeling, and soak in the gratitude of what is present for you right now.
Gemini Season begins a few days later on the 20th, and there is a New Moon in Gemini on May 30 before the month ends. Gemini likes to keep things light and exciting, and moving out of May the collective is bringing light to the inspired ideas and visions that this month has brought.
Aries Horoscope for May 2022
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a month of flow, grace, and abundance for you, Aries. A lot of the powerful energy and changes this month in the stars are directly influenced by Aries. Venus, the planet of love, enters your sign on the second day of May, signifying the flow of love that is coming to you this month. There is positive energy with you right now when it comes to self-love, expressing yourself, and allowing others to shower you with some love and attention right now as well.
Jupiter enters your sign on May 10 for the first time in over a decade, bringing an extra dose of good luck into your life right now. With Jupiter in Aries until October 28 and going retrograde in your sign starting July 28, you are moving through a time of self-development and putting more focus on what you see for your path moving forward, what your personal goals are, and how you can show up in your authenticity. There are some mountains to climb this month, but your confidence is at the forefront making everything happen for you with ease.
Taurus Horoscope for May 2022
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleYour season is here beautiful, Taurus! May is a month of emergence, synergy, and things coming to the surface that you have been planning and intending for. This is your time of making power moves and rising above the transformations that have been occurring for you this year. You are getting your ducks in a row in a sense this month and making sure the plans you have been working on are starting to see growth and unfoldment.
Mercury goes retrograde this month, and this is an important Mercury retrograde cycle for you, being that this retrograde will be in your sign from May 22 to June 3. You are taking a step back and processing what is ahead of you right now. Some plans need reworking this month and taking things day by day will help this healing process. With Venus in your 12th house until the end of May before moving into your sign on May 28, you are emotionally replenishing right now. It is out with the old and in with the new for you this month.
Gemini Horoscope for May 2022
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a game of balance for you, Gemini. You like to keep things moving and fuel your infinite curiosity in life, and this month is reminding you of the importance of taking things slow, having patience, and allowing the magic to come to you. There is a sense of stillness, contemplation, and peace with you this month, Gemini. The second Mercury retrograde of 2022 is occurring in May, and it begins in your sign. From May 10 to May 22, Mercury will be retrograde in your sign, and taking your time with communication, transportation, and gaining clarity is needed.
Gemini Season begins on May 20 and there is a little bit more of a sparkle in the sky for you right now. Things are coming to you this month, and the magic is being felt better than expected. The key is staying hopeful about the opportunities and experiences that are presenting themselves at this time, and remembering that the sky's the limit for you. There is a New Moon in Gemini on May 30 before the month ends, and you are owning your power in life, and walking through new doors.
Cancer Horoscope for May 2022
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a time of life coming full circle, and seeing your happy outcomes bloom to fruition, Cancer. There is a bright radiance shining forth from you this month, and you have your eyes on the prize. You know what you want, and you have the confidence and passion to go after it right now. With Venus and Jupiter in your 10th house of career in May, your professional life and goals are at the forefront. May is all about putting your best foot forward and receiving the recognition and acknowledgment for the hard work you have been putting in.
The energy is transforming and moving around for you in May, and with a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in fellow water sign Scorpio from May 15 to May 16, you are feeling the passion and excitement in your romantic life. The eclipse this month will be transiting your 5th house of romance, happiness, children, hobbies, and creativity, and there are some wake-up calls when it comes to your gifts, talents, what makes you happy, and how you want to shine in life coming through for you this month.
Leo Horoscope for May 2022
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a karmic and eye-opening month for you, Leo. Things are getting deep for you this month and there is alchemic energy with you as you see the patterns of your life when it comes to the past, present, and where you are headed. Taking time for your healing, acceptance, and for time to process the adventures of the month is necessary. You are embarking on a new journey in May as many different paths in life open up for you from previous intentions and actions.
Friendships, community, and spirituality are key themes for you in May as you work with others in collaboration and learn more about how to balance your needs with the other responsibilities on your plate as well. Mercury will be retrograde in your 11th house of friendship from May 10 to May 22, and there will be a New Moon in this area of your chart on May 30 before the month ends. What comes up for you right now is happening so that you can process, reflect, and release. Go to the places that feel like home or that excite you in life, and remember that you are evolving.
Virgo Horoscope for May 2022
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is all about purification and forward movement for you, Virgo. You have been waiting, hoping, and intending for the things that are showing up for you in May, and they're doing so through you dropping the doubt and the worries. Instead of focusing on what could go wrong this month, take note of everything that is going right. Chapters end, emotions get cleansed, and the sky is clear for new possibilities. What is washed away this month is the density that has kept you in one place out of restriction rather than comfort, and you are ready for some new landscapes.
There is a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in your 3rd house on May 15 and May 16, and this is a magical time for you when it comes to communications and self-expression. Your ruling planet Mercury goes retrograde this month and will be moving through the areas of your life having to do with career, achievement, travel, and adventure. The universe is asking you to look at the goals and career steps you have put into fruition and what you are working on and make sure these same intentions align with the end goal you are hoping for.
Libra Horoscope for May 2022
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a month of reflection and growth for you, Libra. Life is mirroring to you what your emotional world has been telling you within, and you are seeing clearly why things have been playing out the way they have recently. With Jupiter and Venus moving into your opposite sign of Aries this week, you begin a very significant, once-every-decade journey of love. The opportunities are there, and your vision of love in general right now is colored with enthusiasm, openness, and opportunity.
Moving more into the month, there is a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in your 2nd house of income on May 16. Mid-month is a good time to pay off any bills, clean out your purse, and release any financial plans or restraints that have done you more harm than good. The key this month is the space that is being created for your growth. What you do in this space, in these moments of reflection, allows you to let go of what’s keeping you from growing connections, and putting you in the right space to receive and gain clarity.
Scorpio Horoscope for May 2022
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is a month of release, replenishment, and freedom for you, Scorpio. There is a sense of a clearing coming into your life in May. There are big chapters in your life coming to a close this month as you take the time to let things develop into where they want to be. With Venus in your 6th house of health from May 2 to May 28, a lot of the month you are focused on what is going to make you happy and healthy. You are putting the effort into your daily routine, habits, and working life, and are feeling the love in your everyday environment with this energy.
We also have an important Full Moon Eclipse occurring in your sign from May 15 to May 16 this month. This eclipse is hitting home for you and is bringing the personal growth, insights, and goals you have been focusing on to the forefront of your life. La Luna will be shining its light on you in mid-May and you are feeling all the feels this month, Scorpio. By the end of the month, there is a New Moon in your 8th house of intimacy and you are seeing new beginnings within love, shared finances, and commitment.
Sagittarius Horoscope for May 2022
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is a time of rebirth for you, Sagittarius. The flowers in your life are blooming, and you are birthing something new right now. With your ruling planet Jupiter changing signs this month and moving into a fellow fire sign, you are receiving all the good luck energies from this change. Jupiter is entering a long transit having to do with love, romance, creativity, children, and entertainment for you. The good vibes are flowing from you and to you and there is a lot of gratitude in your life in May.
Moving more into the month, Mercury goes retrograde in your opposite sign of Gemini from May 10 to May 22, and during this time you are learning through love. Relationship balance may take some more effort during this time, and keeping an open mind when it comes to these partnerships is needed. This isn’t the month to rush things or to force things to happen, it’s all about having patience, taking intentional action, and believing in your ability to do great things.
Capricorn Horoscope for May 2022
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleNurture your world, Capricorn. May is a time of inspiration, nourishment, and development for you as you ground your heart in the present moment. Jupiter in Pisces and Pluto in Capricorn come together on May 3 and form a sexy sextile, giving you a boost of empowerment and self-confidence. There is a guardian angel on your side this month, and you are feeling this sense of support in your life. With a Lunar Eclipse occurring a few weeks later in your 9th house, you are realizing that a lot of the adventures, intentions, and plans you had set out for yourself have come true and continue to for you.
With the second out of four Mercury retrogrades happening this year occurring this month starting May 10, you get some important opportunities to plan, replan, then plan again. This Mercury retrograde transit is asking you to take a look at where your habits, routines, and patternings are on the day-to-day and to see what has been benefiting you and making you happy, and what doesn’t anymore. Don’t let the pressure get to you this month, and make being kind to yourself your biggest priority in May, Capricorn.
Aquarius Horoscope for May 2022
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleLife is changing for you right now, Aquarius. May is all about the growing perspectives you have been tapping into. You have been connecting to your spirituality, your gifts, and your deep insights, and your heart is giving you all the clarity you need right now. With Venus and Jupiter moving into your 3rd house this month, you get the communication breakthroughs you have been looking for in May. Confusion clears, clarity enters, and the hope remains.
On May 10, Mercury goes retrograde in fellow air sign Gemini, moving retrograde in your 5th house of romance until May 22, and there is also a New Moon in this same area of your chart on May 30. What is switching up for you this month is the way you have been going about love and allowing it to come to you. Some boundaries may be necessary to put into place during this Mercury retrograde, but once the New Moon hits on May 30, you are overall seeing the gifts of where your heart has been heading in love. This month is all about what’s going to make you happy and feel like you are living out your purpose.
Pisces Horoscope for May 2022
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleMay is a wake-up call month for you, Pisces. You are experiencing a major chapter of your life closing this month as Jupiter moves out of your sign where it has been since December 28, 2021, blessing your life. While Jupiter begins its transit in Aries on May 10, (it will briefly dip back into your sign in retrograde from October 28 to December 20) you begin a journey of financial growth, expansion, and development. Jupiter, the planet of blessings, has been giving you clarity on thy self, your authenticity in life, and your personal goals, and now is moving into the energy of your chart having to do with assets, financial growth, and income.
From May 15 to May 16, there is a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in fellow water sign Scorpio, that will be moving through your 9th house of adventure. Although life is looking a lot different than it used to right now, you still see the full picture of everything you’ve ever wanted. The completions you are seeking and obtaining right now are creating spaces for more stability to grow for you and your emotional world is giving you the clues on what paths are going to take you there.
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At the beginning of the year, we are being shown how significant 2025 will be for love. From March 1, 2025, until April 12, 2025, Venus, the planet of love and relationships, will be retrograde. Venus goes retrograde approximately every 18 months and hasn’t been retrograde since the Summer of 2023. With love taking a step back at the beginning of the year, we move through a time of understanding the emotional world better and letting go of trying to control outcomes here.
What Does 2025 Have in Store for Love?
It’s time to refocus your relationship priorities overall, and with this retrograde happening in both Aries and Pisces, Aries being the first sign of the zodiac and Pisces being the last; there is a chapter we are closing and a new one we are walking into.
Another significant factor that is influencing relationships this year, is Jupiter’s entry into Cancer. Jupiter brings blessings, abundance, luck, and expansion, and in water sign Cancer, brings these gifts to your emotions. Cancer rules emotional safety, foundations, close loved ones, family, support, and emotional well-being, and with Jupiter in this sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, we experience blessings in stability within love. This is a good year for building stronger foundations in love, aligning with those who are loyal and supportive, knowing what you need emotionally, and being a lot clearer on it.
Letting Go of the Past: The Astrological Theme of 2025
Overall, the guideline for the year when it comes to love is to focus on the bigger picture and let things work themselves out without forcing them to. Magic will come in for you this year when you can assess your needs and wants, let go of illusions or smoke and mirrors, and focus on the things you want for yourself rather than what you don’t. Your focus and beliefs on love are the priority right now, and things will be coming full circle for the better.
Read below to see your personal 2025 love forecast. Read for your sun, moon, and rising signs.
ARIES
2025 is one of the more significant years for you, Aries. A lot of the major transits are happening in your sign, which includes Venus retrograde in Aries at the beginning of the year, Neptune in Aries from March 2025 until 2039, and Saturn in Aries from May 2025 until 2028. Not to mention, Chiron, the wounded healer is currently in your sign until 2027.
What this means for you when it comes to love, is that you have learned a lot about where you want to be here, and it’s the year to implement more of these tools and knowledge of the heart.
This year for love is about honoring your integrity and what you need personally to thrive in life and creating that space to let it in. You need someone who will be there for you through whatever you are experiencing in life and not someone who adds to these challenges. This year is a time of rising above, and choosing better for yourself.
TAURUS
2025 for you when it comes to love, is all about perspective and taking better care of your heart, Taurus. Uranus, the planet of change, rebellion, progress, and upheaval, has been in your sign since 2019, and this year you get a break from all of the surprises. From Jul. 7, 2025, until Nov. 7, 2025, Uranus leaves your sign and enters Gemini, giving your mind and your heart some time to breathe.
This year you are being given the opportunity to see things for what they are, rather than what you fear them to be. You are able to see your relationship dynamics clearer, allowing you to feel more confident in what you are building and creating for yourself in this area of your life. What you are working on this year is letting go of overthinking, and allowing things to play out the way they are meant to in love.
GEMINI
This year you are feeling in balance when it comes to love, Gemini. Relationships are important to you in life overall, as you are a relationship-oriented sign, but it can be difficult at times to keep the balance and perspective here. This year, with lucky Jupiter in your sign until June, you have the opportunity to be blessed with some fortunate circumstances personally and within romance.
You are feeling yourself this year, and this is attracting you success and new opportunities within love.
Uranus will also be in your sign this year from Jul. 7 until Nov. 7, and some surprises are in store for you. Pay attention to what happens in your love life during this period, as similar themes will be coming back around for you when Uranus officially enters its Gemini transit from 2026 - 2032. Overall, this year is about balancing what’s coming and going in love, and finding your peace within your inner confidence for it all.
CANCER
2025 for you, Cancer, is about stability in love. You are growing emotionally from the ground up, and are feeling a sense of support, confidence, romance, and receptivity in your love life this year. You are one of the lucky signs of 2025, and this is due to Jupiter, the planet of blessings, entering your sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026. While Jupiter is in your sign, your life expands and you are able to see the gifts of your world that may have been harder to come by previously.
This is a year of spending more time with your loved ones and feeling more heard and supported emotionally. Safety and security are especially important to you this year, and you are only entertaining the people who feel that way about you and provide that. Many Cancers will be expanding their families this year or developing a long-term relationship, and overall this is a year of feeling stronger when it comes to love.
LEO
When it comes to love this year for you, Leo, it’s about trusting your intuition and listening more to what your heart is telling you. There are not many major transits happening in Leo in 2025, which means there is a lot of room to grow, but you may be feeling a lack of support or encouragement to do so. A lot of Leos are taking a step back to look at where they are currently in love, and yearning for some change and a new direction here.
Neptune will be in your 9th house of adventure for most of this year, and you are being asked to get inspired and do things differently, but don’t take unnecessary risks in love that may not serve you in the long run.
It can be easy to get lost in the fantasy of love rather than the actual reality you’ll live in here, and taking more time to understand yourself, your relationships, and the dynamics in your love life will be necessary. Overall, your heart is healing this year and you are moving away from the past and creating your new future.
VIRGO
This year when it comes to love, you are going through changes that are aligning you closer to your goals and dreams here, Virgo. You are focused on making things work that you want to see bloom, and also letting go of putting effort into people that aren’t reciprocating the same energy. With the North Node entering your sister sign Pisces and the South Node moving into your sign from Jan. 11, 2025, until Jul. 26, 2026, you are doing a lot of letting go over the next year.
However, with the North Node being in your 7th house of love, new doors and gifts are also opening up for you and your partnerships. The more you can let go of perfection and overworking your mind and your heart, the more blessings you will experience when it comes to love this year. In 2025, you also have two Eclipses in your sign, and there are overall a lot of changes Virgos are moving through this year. Your main guidance for love is to stand by the things that serve your heart and release yourself from what burdens it.
LIBRA
Love is coming to fruition for you this year, Libra. You have been through a lot in your personal life these past few years, and walking into 2025, you are ready for some positive change. This is a year of feeling in balance with your personal goals and dreams, and what you are experiencing romantically and financially as well. Relationship dynamics are serving you and your sense of abundance, and many gifts are coming your way in love this year.
With Neptune, Chiron, and Saturn all being in your 7th house of love, your love life and partnerships are the main focus for you in 2025.
You are moving through changes, overcoming previous obstacles, and bringing back the dreamy energy here. With Chiron in the 7th, you are still doing some healing of the heart, but with Neptune now entering, it all feels a little more romantic and spiritual at the same time. This year is about believing in the impossible in love, taking care of yourself, and allowing someone else to take care of you as well.
SCORPIO
This year is all about opportunity when it comes to love, Scorpio. You have your eyes on the prize and are focused on what you want for yourself, but also how you want to show up for love as well. You have goals and intentions that you are setting for your love life this year, and a lot of them reflect the passion and strength you are feeling as you enter the year. Vesta is in your sign this year until September, and you have a spark within you that is a magnet for success and love. You are walking forward confidently and are feeling inspired, sexy, and magical this year.
This is a very sensual and powerful year for you, and this energy is being reflected in the relationship experiences you are having. Jupiter also enters your 9th house of adventure halfway through the year, and there is something special about the trips you are taking and the risks you are taking in love. Overall, this is a year of doing things your way and attracting love to you through your inner confidence and charisma.
SAGITTARIUS
This is a beautiful year of feeling balanced and abundant in love, Sagittarius. There is a lot of energy coming in and you are giving a lot of love as well. This sense of synergy you are feeling within your love life this year has a lot to do with Juno, the asteroid of soulmates, in your sign from Feb. 19 - Apr. 15. Your people are coming in and you have options this year, Sag.
This is a year of feeling loved for the inspiring, outgoing, and unique being you are, and meeting more people who match your energy.
Saturn also enters your 5th house of romance this year, and you are learning a lot through your experiences with others. You are learning how to be more confident in who you are and what you want for yourself and also recognizing the importance of making more time for fun and playful experiences. This is the year to see love as a more light-hearted experience and to not take yourself too seriously.
CAPRICORN
You are letting things come to you when it comes to love this year, Capricorn. You are feeling beautiful, capable, and worthy, and you are receiving the gifts that come from this sense of confidence and patience. This past year, you were setting a lot of new goals for yourself and your relationships, and in 2025, you are experiencing the results of these efforts.
Jupiter moves into your sister sign Cancer from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, and enters your 7th house of love, partnerships, romance, marriage, and harmony. Your love life and experience of it all are expanding this year, and benevolent Jupiter is sending blessings to this area of your life. This is a year of things coming full circle for you in love, and you feel less confused about it all and more sure of yourself and what is becoming for you here.
AQUARIUS
Love is a highlight for you this year, Aquarius. You are coming together with another, and many Aquarius’ will be forming new relationships or growing within a strong relationship. You are experiencing the fruition of your dreams in love, and are also able to heal and let go of past emotional experiences that have been overwhelming for you in the past.
The North Node enters your 12th house of closure this year, and you are motivated towards change, cleaning house, and releasing the cobwebs of the past.
You are walking into new emotional experiences with less baggage and self-doubt, and are experiencing a fresh start in love. This is a year of asking for what you need emotionally and receiving it. Love is coming in for you in harmonious and magical ways, and you are rewriting your story in love in 2025.
PISCES
You are moving through a lot of changes when it comes to love in 2025, Pisces. This is a year of closure, healing, and giving yourself a fresh start, and the way you enter the year will be a lot different than the way you end it. The North Node of Destiny enters your sign this year, and the South Node of Karma enters your 7th house of love. So, a lot of your focus this year is on your personal goals and path, and there may be some neglect or lack of focus on your relationships.
This can create some discord with those close to you, and your guidance for this year is to try to balance the personal successes and wins you are experiencing, with the love changes that also need your attention right now. Know that what leaves your life this year is being replaced by something better, and also know that your healing doesn’t need to have a timeline and you can take as much time as you need to grow. Overall, you are turning a new page in love in 2025.
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Dating men of higher social status shortened my tolerance for a lot of things I was convinced were normal. I blamed the universe for attracting undesirable men when it was my fault for allowing undesirable behavior. An interesting dichotomy between those guys and sugar daddies was the treatment I accepted.
It was easier to put my foot down with men of opulence because their privilege meant there was no limit to meeting my desires. Plus, recognizing my own worth made them (the good ones) want to treat me with the same high regard.
I’ll admit you don’t NEED to be an SB to enhance your dating style, but that’s the path I journeyed. It taught me how to be gracefully tough on men based on the simple fact that I’m invaluable. I’ll never convince anyone to be an SB, but feel free to pick a few gems I learned that might take your 2025 dating style to the next level.
Don’t overdo it by showing gratitude.
Let’s stop praising men for the bare minimum.
Yes, it’s okay to make a man feel affirmed but don’t let those affirmations come off too intensely, especially for things that require minimal effort. Don’t tell him about your ex never opening the passenger door for you, don’t brag about him being "The One" because he texted to make sure you got home safely, and most definitely don’t offer up the cat just because he paid a $150 dinner bill (give it because you want to, not out of obligation).
To be honest, I barely even say thank you when a man finds me attractive. “You are so beautiful.” I would respond, “Aww, you’re so sweet.” When he holds the door open, I graze his arm and smile.
Showing too much excitement about the bare minimum strokes his ego and draws a ceiling, which he doesn’t feel he needs to surpass. It tells him you’re not used to regular treatment, so you’ll be grateful for anything. Why do more than necessary? I like my men reflecting at the end of our date, thinking, “What can I do to impress her?”
Don’t stop having manners, though. Just keep it simple and move on.
There’s no such thing as “dating for potential.”
Hold my hand with this one.
There comes a time when the word “potential” shouldn’t be a part of your dating vocabulary. It’s nothing more than the encouragement of false hope. He’s not flaky with time because his schedule is too busy between balancing family and work. It’s because you’re not important enough to prioritize making time for.
He’s not stingy on dates because he’s having a rough time handling all his financial responsibilities. It’s because he’d rather spend his money on things that don’t involve you.
Trust me when I say men don’t date with potential in mind. Many of them hold themselves in very high regard with an “I can do better” mindset, and so should you. There’s A LOT of weight in the saying, “If he wanted to he would.” So stay away from Mr. Shoulda Coulda Woulda because, at the end of the day, he didn’t.
*P.S. If he ever says he doesn’t deserve you, he’s not being sheepishly humble. Take his word for it and run.
Do NOT be afraid to say no.
How many times have you put yourself through something you didn’t want to do based on feeling obligated? You compromised yourself in order to please the person you’re dating because it seemed like the easier option. Let me just remind you of the old saying, “Nothing good in life comes easy.”
I like comparing men to children, not to demean them but to draw similarities. Children often like to push and see how much they can get away with until the parent says no. Once you allow them to get away with one thing, they’ll nudge the limits to see how often they can skate by.
Dating is just like this. Get comfortable giving rejection. It can be an uncomfortable concept for some, so consider saying no and following it with a light reason. For example, “Do you want to come over and watch Netflix?” “No, I don’t feel comfortable going to strangers’ houses.” If his response is anything but understanding with a Plan B, on to the next.
Those boundaries were created to protect you. Any man who respects you will respect them too.
Don’t lay all your cards on the table.
When a man asks, “So what exactly are you looking for?” The vaguest response comes to mind.
It’s a common mistake to think men (not all) ask questions for unselfish reasons. That one, especially, is basically like asking for cheat codes to a game. Describing your idea of a perfect man, dating intentions, etc. allows him to know who he needs to morph himself into in order to get what he wants. Enter love bombing, physical intimacy, delusions of potential, then ghosting.
I’ve said the below on a few first dates and wasn’t surprised by how quickly the guys weeded themselves out.
"I’ve been having fun figuring things out as time goes on. There are times when I love going out to meet new people and times when I love cuddling up on the couch. It depends on how I’m feeling.”
I just said a whole lotta nothing, leaving it up to him to decipher. It’s open-ended, which forces him to show his intentions and let things play out naturally with as little manipulation as possible.
The first date defines how he views you.
This is where all those conversations leading up to this day come into play.
The perfect first date doesn’t only have to consist of 5-star dining and lavish wine collections. Those are merely perks. The perfect first date is valued based on how much effort he put in to show he’s been listening.
You’ve been dropping subtle hints that tulips are your favorite flowers. Did he show up empty-handed? You shared your discomfort with driving to far places at night. Did he book a 9 p.m. reservation somewhere 30 minutes away? You told him about your new venture into veganism. Did he take you to his favorite steakhouse?
These aren’t small things and they’re DEFINITELY not things for you to take on as a challenge. These could be easy signs of a life full of selfishness and laziness if shrugged off by the belief you should be satisfied with him making time for you.
Will taking my advice find you a husband faster? Who knows? But, ultimately, dating isn’t supposed to be an earnest search for a man. It should be a time of personal growth while sorting through experiences to find a partner who will appreciate the valuable woman you are.
Having high standards for yourself doesn’t make you difficult or unreasonable. To the right man, it definitely won’t make you undateable. Like I said before, nothing good in life comes easy.
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