I have a friend whose superpower is timing. I've honestly never seen anything quite like it. An opportunity can come to him that, to me, seems like the best thing ever and he'll be like, "Yeah…it's not time." He'll let it go and not think too much about it. It's usually not until several months or even a couple of years later that similar opportunity will present itself. But the second time, 9 times out of 10, it requires much less effort on his part and the money that's on the table is at least double what the original offer was.
Whenever I ask him the secret to knowing that things will play out that way, he usually says something along the lines of:
"When I don't feel complete peace about something, I don't move…yet. If it's meant to be, it'll come back around at a time when I can really feel good about it."
So, you know what that means, right? Sounds to me like the first step towards becoming a master at timing is patience (more on that in a bit). Not only patience but self-confidence as well. He knows that he's so good at what he does that the things that are truly right for him will never pass him by.
Now, just think about all of the things that you went after or allowed into your life all because you were afraid of what would happen if they didn't? Yeah, there's no telling how many of us are bad at timing, simply due to us having a sense of desperation or worry attached to our decisions.
Well, there's no time like the present to break out of that mode. They say that timing is everything, so if you're finally ready to get what timing has determined is the absolute best for you, consider applying the following six tips.
6 Ways To Master The Art Of Timing
1.Know What Is Truly an Opportunity (and What Isn't)
Grandma used to tell us that everything that comes to us isn't for us. She's right. Personally, I tend to take this a step further. Whenever I meet new people, I'll say (usually in my mind as to not be rude), "Who sent you?" because everyone who comes our way doesn't have our best interest at heart either.
After learning more and more about how to make this timing thing work for me, I've realized that it's so much easier to do when I know what is truly an opportunity vs. what isn't. What I mean by that is, just because an offer, relationship, job, platform, etc. presents itself, that doesn't automatically mean that it's a real opportunity. By definition, an opportunity is something that comes to us at the appropriate time; it's also a situation that actually helps us to reach a goal that we're trying to attain.
So, the next time something or someone is presented to you, think about how appropriate (suitable or fitting for a particular purpose, person, occasion, etc.) it is along with how it will get you closer to your goals, plans and ambitions. If it gets the green light on both, this is a HUGE indication that it's something that came your way—at just the right time.
2.Make Sure Your Feelings and Logic Work Together
Yes, there is something to be said for women's intuition. But you know what's even more powerful? Intuition mixed with logic. While there is plenty of data that supports the fact that there is something to be said for us following our gut instincts, logical thinking is about facts, reality and doing what is reasonable; it's about not just making choices that are rooted in emotion alone.
The reason why applying gut instinct and logic is so important when it comes to mastering timing is because while your emotions will let you know what feels right, logic will help you to keep your feelings in balance.
Here's an example. Say that you're being strongly considered for a promotion that requires you to move to another city. While you might feel like it's a good idea, your poor credit score, the fact that you need a new vehicle but can't afford to get one yet, compounded with the fact that the raise you'd be getting isn't nothing to really brag about, all may point to it not being the best time for that kind of life change. At the same time, it can be a sign that it's a good season to get those things in order so that you're fully ready when the next opportunity rolls around.
When feelings and logic are in harmony, it can help you to understand when something is the right time now or when you should be preparing for something to be the right time…later.
3.Be on the Lookout for Signs and Symbols
Everyone close to me knows that I am quite the "signs and wonders" kind of individual. I can't recall the last time I needed to make a major decision and a sign didn't come along to confirm what I needed to do. However, the key towards having this work effectively in your favor is asking for a sign and then fully surrendering to the outcome.
One time, I was trying to decide if I should stop investing in something. I asked for a sign before I went to bed. The following morning, someone I hadn't spoken to in months, called me to say that they had a dream the night before about that very investment.
To me, it's God's way of reminding me that He's in control. It's a lot like a quote I once read—"There are no coincidences; just 'God incidences.'" If you're open to signs and symbols along the way (for the record, sometimes asking for a sign and not getting one is also a sign), this is another step that can help you to get better at moving at just the right time in your life.
4.Focus More on Circumstances Than Clocks
One of my married female friends (who is in her 50s) once gave me one of my favorite compliments to date. As we were discussing the fact that I'm in my 40s with no husband or kids and how I was at peace with both, she said, "I think it's because a lot of women want a family. Sometimes we want that so badly that we settle in the husband department, just so we can have kids before our clock runs out. You? I think your desire for a healthy marriage trumps you worrying about your biological clock. You want a great relationship, no matter the sacrifice."
She's exactly right. Have you ever been sitting somewhere, chillin' with a friend, totally present and in the moment with them, but for some reason you look at your smartphone, realize what time it is and suddenly everything comes to a screeching halt? Not because you actually have anywhere to be, but simply because you saw the time and now you're rushing yourself (and your friend)?
Unfortunately, a lot of us live our lives just like this. We're not thinking about what is truly best for us or even what we're enjoying in the present; we're anxious, fearful and sometimes even a little desperate, all because we're too caught up in what "time" it is. And that can cause us to miss out. Haste makes waste, after all.
Believe you me, I'm not gonna marry some dude who might be into me or I'm kinda sorta feelin', just so I can get married before I'm 50. When the right one comes along that will be the right time. The circumstances will tell me so; not some clock.
5.Master the Art of Patience
For whatever the reason, a lot of people think that patience only means to wait. Oh, but there is a definition that is far more trying than that! Another definition of patience is "the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like." (Don't get me started on how "love is patient" but so many folks are anything BUT patient in their relationships!)
In order for something to happen at the best time, a lot of puzzle pieces have to come together. Case in point. Have you ever tried to assemble a 1000+ piece puzzle before? Patient is exactly what you have to be!
Some of us miss out on things that have come at the right time because we're so busy complaining, losing our temper and being irritated that we don't see what is staring us right in the face. Trust me, some of the best opportunities don't come under the most ideal situations. But a person who practices the art of patience is calm and centered enough to recognize them when they come along anyway.
6.FORCE. NOTHING.
Using force to accomplish anything is a violation on some level. It's an act of abuse. One of my favorite definitions of abuse is "abnormal use" and to try and make something happen when it's not the right time is the abuse of timing.
No matter how smart, connected or even eager you are, you've got to accept that you don't have all of the answers. You're also not omnipresent, so you don't know all of what is transpiring, right at this very moment, that's ultimately gonna cause things to work out in your favor. Chill out and allow them to.
Giving a man an ultimatum to marry you is forcing timing (it can also set him up to be resentful and you to feel insecure). Threatening to quit the first time you're passed over is forcing timing (quit or stay but don't threaten). Starving yourself to shed a few pounds is forcing time (plus, it's super unhealthy).
To me, timing is a lot like an oven. I can have all of the right ingredients in a batch of cookies, but only a stove can actually bake them. And while it's doing that, all I can do is…wait. Not force; WAIT.
Featured image by Getty Images.
Related Articles:
My Husband & I Are Relocating Halfway Across The Country - Read More
5 Signs You're Experiencing A Spiritual Awakening - Read More
How To Manifest The Life Of Your Dreams In 5 Steps - Read More
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
Victoria Monét’s Romantic Journey: A Deep Dive Into Her Dating History
Victoria Monét, the multi-talented singer-songwriter known for her sultry vocals and captivating performances, has been making waves not only for her music but also for her openness about her personal life. Best known for hits like "On My Mama" and collaborations with Usher, Monét's career continues to soar as she carves out a space in the R&B and pop landscape.
Alongside her musical success, her dating history has garnered attention, as she has been linked to several high-profile relationships, most notably with personal trainer and entrepreneur John Gaines, with whom she shares a daughter.
When it comes to her sexuality, Monét was hesitant at the beginning of her career to share she identified as bisexual. In an interview with Variety, she said, “I thought that conforming would make me go further. Being picturesque, straight… It almost felt like you didn’t want to add any more weights to your ankles trying to win a race. It’s like, you’re already a woman, you’re already Black — you’d better pick a struggle.”
In November 2018, the artist publicly announced her bisexuality in a post on X (formerly Twitter). This revelation empowered her to express her true self more openly through her music. Notably, in the 2019 duet with Ariana Grande "Monopoly," she sings, "I swerve both ways, dichotomy / I like women and men," boldly asserting her sexual orientation. Additionally, she composed the sensual track "Touch Me," the concluding song on Jaguar. This song is dedicated to her fellow R&B singer, Kehlani, with whom she had a relationship, and who is featured on the remix version of the song. More on this later.
Victoria’s music often reflects themes of love, sensuality, and freedom, creating a safe space for those who feel marginalized or misunderstood. By embracing her true self, both in her personal and professional life, Monét is a powerful voice of representation for queer women of color in the music industry.
Also, is it me or does Victoria Monét stay with a baddie? Let’s run back Victoria’s dating history by using some of her hit songs.
Touch Me: Rumors of Victoria and Kehlani Dating
For years, we have been speculating that Victoria and Kehlani had a lil something going on. Just this year, the “Ass Like That” singer confirmed their relationship. During a High Low with EmRata podcast interview with Emily Ratajkowski, she spilled the tea on her past relationship with Kehlani, working with Ariana Grande, and her love for R&B legend Sade.
The innanets were saying that Victoria’s fling with Kehlani started in 2020 when they recorded the “Touch Me” remix. During the interview, the 30-year-old revealed that she was expecting a child when she and the Kehlani worked together on a song that appeared to be about the "After Hours" singer.
While maintaining a neutral stance towards past romantic partners, Monét has refrained from divulging specific details about her previous relationship with Kehlani. She told Ratajkowski, “[We’re] friends. I kind of am like that with all of my past relationships. I really don’t like the idea of like, now someone’s dead to me, unless they did… I mean, some of my relationships ended where they did me wrong.”
Victoria went on to say, “But like, I don’t know. I just got over it, and I like to have that kind of an open connection, like, I don’t wanna kill somebody off and be like there’s a rule of me not to speak to them ’cause I feel like that takes even more energy to like, try to avoid people and trying to hate them.”
Breaking Point: Victoria Monét’s Relationship With John Gaines
In their romantic journey, Victoria Monét and John Gaines have consistently centered their attention on their small family unit.
Our first glimpse of Gaines came in Victoria's music video for "Moment," where the couple shared some incredibly passionate and sensual kisses.
Initially, they maintained a low-key approach to their relationship but later announced a significant milestone in December 2020: they were anticipating the arrival of their first child. Their daughter, Hazel, entered their lives in February 2021, completing their family circle.
Later that year, Victoria shared with ESSENCE, “We’re completely in love and enjoying our new chapter. [Hazel has] really got him wrapped around her finger, and I’ve seen him change in ways that I know he didn’t expect. She’s growing us up.”
Earlier this year, we found the family oozing adorable family vibes as they all took to the Grammy red carpet looking like walking mannequins. That night our queen took home three awards including Best New Artist.
— Victoria Monét (@VictoriaMonet) September 23, 2024
After seven months, the couple revealed in a joint statement that they had decided to discretely end their relationship. “We spent the last 10 months trying to respectfully and privately navigate the fact that we are no longer in a relationship. Though we still completely adore and respect each other, we are not a couple anymore.”
The announcement continued, “There was no infidelity, toxic behavior, or drama. We both just have some fundamental growing to do that would best be done apart so we can remain the best versions of ourselves for our daughter.”
We Might Be Falling in Love: Victoria’s Budding Romance with Stormzy
Word on the street is that the Jaguar baddie has moved on with a certain tall, dark, and handsome British rapper. Victoria was seen showing some major PDA with Stormzy earlier this month. The Sun released photos of the two embracing and kissing at Heathrow Airport less than a month after Victoria announced her split from John Gaines. According to The Sun, “the 6ft 5in star grinned as he gave Victoria a hug before kissing her on the lips.” An onlooker told the outlet, “Both Stormzy and Victoria looked absolutely smitten with each other.”
Ironically, Stormzy also announced his breakup from TV host beauty Maya Jama this summer, after rekindling their romance. The stars—who had previously dated from 2014 to 2019—acknowledged that they had attempted to make their relationship work, but it ultimately didn't, and that was an acceptable outcome.
"We've been laughing whilst drafting this because we never, ever, in a million years thought we'd be the couple announcing a breakup,” the former couple wrote in a joint statement. "But for the sake of clarity and, more importantly, to allow us the space and grace that's needed for us both to be able to navigate this next bit of our lives with peace, we thought it might be best to.”
Neither camp — Stormzy or Victoria — has confirmed the dating rumors but we all know a picture is worth 1000 words.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by TheStewartofNY/WireImage