When it comes to most women, there are two things you don't play about. Your man, and your money. But what happens when the man in your life is playing with your money?
After 12 years together, Mary J. Blige filed for divorce from her estranged husband, Kendu Isaacs. It seems like the battle finally ended on Friday, and the couple was able to reach a settlement in court.
For years, women have been taunted and challenged about their intentions when it comes to a man's wallet. In 2018, it's the year of financial glo-up and economic responsibility and women have ascended to a higher level of financial responsibility; the tables are turning. Now that we have more skin in the game, it's time to rethink the way about prenuptial agreements.
Blige filed for divorce in July 2016, and shortly after, allegations of Kendu's affair surfaced in the media. Despite not helping the legend pay the $12 million in debt that accrued over the time they spent married to one another, Kendu also felt entitled to his estranged wife paying for him as well - six figures at that. According to legal documents obtained by TMZ, Kendu initially requested $129,391 per month in temporary spousal support but was only granted $30,000.
I ain't saying he a gold digger, but he ain't... Never mind.
In my last relationship, we shared bank accounts. The lines of personal boundaries were blurred, which ultimately led to the end of our time together. When we broke up, he left the relationship with most of the money we had saved together because it was in his bank account.
I was left with nothing. We weren't married and certainly did not have any type of agreement set in place so that if we parted ways, we would both would come out equally because we had it in our minds that we would never part ways. This kind of thinking was romantic and cute, but it was not beneficial to my bottom line and my own personal interests.
According to Cherese Clark, a family lawyer, times have changed so the lengths that you go to protect your assets are important. Clark told Madame Noire:
"We are in a partnership, so that might look different if there's a divorce. Women are power players and powerhouses and have things to protect now."
Blige opened up recently in an interview with Variety magazine about how she used the turmoil she was facing in her life to create Florence, her Oscar-nominated character in the Netflix film, Mudbound:
"I'm doing OK. I'm living. I'm not happy about a lot of things. I thought someone loved me, right? Turns out, he was a con artist and he didn't, and now he's coming after me for all my money. When you come out of something like that you realize you were never the one. There was someone else that was his queen. I got played. I got suckered. I have to keep smiling and keep my spirits up because this is designed to kill me."
Mary J. Blige's messy divorce with her estranged husband is a lesson that women should rethink the way that we look at economic security. Even the strongest women are vulnerable with the ones that we love; so, we have to make sure we protect our hearts and our wallets.
Aunt Mary says that her main source of income comes from touring and that her tumultuous marriage and divorce have left her with a tremendous amount of debt. Despite the film's wild success and Oscar nomination, Blige says that being a part Mudbound actually cost her more than she profited from the endeavor.
No matter how great the love is that we have for our partner, self-preservation is most important.
We have to find a balance between our love lives and our finances and find a healthy medium where loving your partner doesn't compromise your financial security. Establishing clear boundaries is the first step in doing so. This looks like maintaining separate bank accounts, keeping track of your legal documents, and participating in dialogue about your individual financial responsibilities to one another.
Women should also consider drafting their own prenuptial agreements not because you think your marriage will fail, but because you have to protect your neck, and your assets in the end.
It's important to secure the bag, but it's also important to keep the bag secured.
Featured image by Araya Doheny/WireImage
- Mary J. Blige's Ex Reportedly Hospitalized Over Divorce Stress ... ›
- Mary J. Blige Spousal Support: Ex Demands Increase Over Divorce ... ›
- Mary J. Blige Settles Tumultuous Divorce Case | TMZ.com ›
- Mary J. Blige's husband blames divorce for hospitalization | Page Six ›
- Mary J. Blige Ordered to Pay Spousal Support, Nothing Close to ... ›
- Mary J. Blige To Have 'Divorce Settlement Talk' With Kendu Issacs ... ›
- Mary J. Blige Settles Divorce With Kendu Isaacs | MadameNoire ›
- Mary J. Blige settles messy divorce with Kendu Isaacs - theGrio ›
- Mary J. Blige Settles Divorce Before Oscars | Black America Web ›
- Mary J. Blige & Kendu Isaacs Reach Divorce Settlement | Rap-Up ›
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Now, when you go to the hair store you are inundated with all kinds of hair textures, colors, and more. That’s why it was so upsetting to read the latest report about synthetic braiding hair.
Delmaine Donson/ Getty Images
A Feb 27 Consumer Reports article revealed that most popular synthetic hair brands that are used for braiding have dangerous chemicals such as carcinogens, lead and volatile organic compounds (VOCs). The report stated that 10 of the brands were tested and all 10 had these chemicals. These brands included Shake-N-Go, Sassy Collection, and Sensationnel.
These chemicals include benzene, which is a carcinogen that has been linked to acute myeloid leukemia and unsafe levels of lead, which can cause kidney damage, brain damage, and cardiovascular problems in adults.
In children, it can cause brain and nervous system damage, learning disabilities, behavioral problems and even developmental delays.
James E. Rogers, PhD, director and head of product safety testing led the testing for synthetic braiding hair. “Our exposure and risk analysis found all nine products could expose a regular user of any of these products to a level of lead that could be concerning over time,” he said.
As shocking as this is, it also brought some clarity around why I’ve had issues with wearing braiding hair as of late.
Not only have I dealt with scalp irritation, I’ve even had breakouts on my back from the hair touching. Since then, I’ve started rinsing the hair with apple cider vinegar, and haven’t had that many issues. However, the report stated that ACV isn’t a “cure-all” and can potentially release harmful chemicals when rinsing the hair.
@javonford16 Replying to @Julianna Rebundle vid: @Javon Ford Beauty #blackhairstyles #braidinghair #blackgirlhairstyles @Consumer Reports
While the report sparked some outrage, chemist Javon Ford has a different view. In a TikTok video, he shared that the report was tested for oral exposure and not dermal exposure.
He showed a screenshot of an email he allegedly sent Consumer Reports questioning their decision to test this way. The email said, “the best model to use, in our view, is the ingestion model for the reasons given in the article.”
“While I understand they went with that model, I don’t agree with it because you’re not intentionally ingesting braids,” Javon said. The chemist also said that the amount of chemicals found in the brands is “conservative” compared to other types of products.
So what does this mean for us braid-wearers? If you still want to wear braids, but have some concerns, you can limit how often you wear them. Another option is wearing non-toxic braiding hair or plant-based hair. The only downside is that it's pricier than synthetic hair.
The Consumer Report also suggested checking for recalls, reading labels carefully, and reporting adverse effects. Hair isn’t regulated by the Food and Drug Administration, so it’s best to do your research when making purchases.
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Feature image by AzmanL/ Getty Images