January Is Peak Divorce Time: 12 Divorce Statistics That Just Might Trip You Out
When you’re a marriage life coach (that would be me), it’s rare that news of a divorce ever shocks you. Still, I get how and why it caught some people off guard when DeVon Franklin and Meagan Good decided to call it quits, almost 10 years in and right as we were approaching, the year of our Lord, 2022. Per usual, there has been a ton of speculation. All I’m gonna say is marriage remains beautiful, merging two lives is always challenging and before you decide to jump the broom yourself, it’s a good idea to know as much as possible about what you’re getting into — this includes what the stats say about divorce. And intel offers up quite a bit of insight on the topic.
Although I’ve cross-referenced most of these, for the sake of not taking you to a billion different sites, feel free to go here to cite where I’m pulling the majority of this data from. And as you’re going through these 12 points, as a child of a twice-divorced and three-time-married woman, I’ll just say that you definitely should take the decision to get marriedand the decision to get divorcedvery seriously. It ain’t no joke and, contrary to what our culture may want you to thin, it isn’t as simple as…just doing it.
1. 50 Percent of All Marriages Still End in Divorce. Kinda.
Actually, this point is pretty controversial because it depends on who you ask. What is known for sure is, at the very least, about 40 percent of marriages get to the point of standing before a judge to unravel their union, which is still pretty high in my book. I mean, just think about it — 4 out of every 10 couples who pledge “until death do us part” don’t make it to that goal? And don’t get me started on how many people stay yet are unhappy; that definitely takes this up to about 60 percent of marriages not being as healthy and thriving as they should be. It’s quite a sobering thought, once you let it all sink in.
2. First Marriages Typically End Within the First Eight Years, Around the Age of 30 for Most People
So, when do people find themselves wanting to end their marital union? It’s typically around the age of 30 and usually somewhere after the seven-year itch. There is indeed a theory that’s been floating around since forever, that once a couple hits the seven-year mark, all hell can start to break loose when it comes to communication breakdowns, financial woes, intimacy issues, and a host of other things. So, if you are approaching the seven-year mark, my two cents would be to speak with a therapist/counselor/relationship coach — just to be sure that there aren’t any “mouse holes” that need to be “covered up.”
Also, if you are someone who has already been divorced and you are considering getting married again, the stats only go up with each marriage. It’s 67 percent for the second marriage and a whopping 70 percent for the third. My personal take is because a lot of people don’t take the time to take the saying “everywhere you go, there you are” very seriously. Meaning, if you didn’t process what you needed to learn and/or take the time to heal from your first marriage…you’re just bringing “old stuff” into something new; especially if your next spouse is in the same mental and emotional boat as you are.
3. The Average Cost of a Divorce Is a Pretty Nice Vehicle
Cheaper to keep her. You can say about it what you want but two top reasons why a lot of married people find a way to make things last is 1) children and 2) finances. I mean, just paying attention to what Dr. Dre and his ex-wife have been going through is proof in and of itself. And just what is the average cost of a divorce? On average, somewhere around $15,000. Like I said, it ain’t cheap.
4. Divorce Can Put You in the Poverty Level
Speaking of cheaper to keep her (or him), another thing to keep in mind about divorce is it can literally sink you down to the poverty level. This makes a lot of sense when you factor in the fact that the cost of living only continues to increase, making it easier to survive in a two-income household than one (the average annual wage within the United States is $51,916.27, by the way).
5. People Who Make Less Money Tend to File More
Interestingly enough, people who make over $50,000 tend to file for divorce 30 percent less than those who make under $25,000. While you would think that folks with less money would need their partner’s income more, people with more money are aware that they have more assets to lose. Hmph. It’s amazing how you can figure out how to work things out when you really want to, huh?
6. Couples Who Argue Over Coins Three Times a Week Are in Real Trouble
It always trips me out how, when I’m in a premarital counseling session and I bring up showing credit scores and talking about past spending habits, folks act like it’s an invasion of privacy or something. Umm, when you decide to share your life with someone on as deeply a profound level as marriage, one way or another, they are gonna find out all of that info anyway. Besides, better to be forthcoming before jumping the broom; especially since a leading cause of divorce continues to be financial woes.
And, as you can see with this particular point, couples who argue over money three times a week or more need to see a professional stat — including a financial consultant. Otherwise, they are 30 percent more likely to end their marriage. As far as the kind of money fights that transpire most — debt, different ways of prioritizing money, figuring out how each person feels about the other’s income, determining who to give money to outside of the household and whether or not to have children — are all based on where people are financially.
7. 70-80 Percent of Women File for Divorce
I’ve been knowing this for quite some time and yet, it still trips me out whenever I read it. Mostly because the Bible says that it wasn’t good for man to be alone and so God gave him a helpmate (Genesis 2:18-25). So, to process that most women end marriages, that is really something. I actually also read that within the Black community and among college-educated women, the number jumps to a freakin’ 90 percent.
With so many articles about men who feel pressured to get married in the first place (check out “10 Men Told Me How They Feel About ‘Marriage Pressure’”)…let’s just say that I plan to circle back around to this topic sooner than later.
8. Massage Therapists Get Divorced More. Optometrists Get Divorced Less Often.
Reportedly, 60 percent of all divorces transpire between the ages of 25-39. As far as occupations that are more likely to end their marriage, marriage therapists (38.2 percent) and bartenders (38.4 percent) are pretty up there. So are telemarketers (49.2 percent), practical and vocational nurses (47 percent), and flight attendants (50.5 percent). And who is on the lower end of divorcing? Optometrists sit at 4.1 percent. Clergy at 5.61 percent (I personally think it’s higher but…that’s for another time). Surprisingly (at least, to me), the military is 28.3 percent, education is 30.1 and finance is 33 percent.
9. The Divorce Rate Is Significantly Lower When You Have Kids
Whenever people ask me if I think married people should stay together for their kids, my answer is usually somewhere along the lines of, “If you think your kids won’t be affected, significantly so, by your divorce, you are delusional”. Personally, I am a fan of a husband and wife putting their marriage before their children because when kids know that their parents are in a good place, so are they. That said, to divorce without considering how it will affect your children, long-term, is pretty selfish. At this point, about one-quarter of children in this country live with a single parent, the poverty rate of single-mother households is basically 25 percent and, when you get a chance, check out Everyday Health’s “What Are The Effects On Children Of Single Parents?”. It’s quite sobering.
Anyway, I’m thinking that a lot of married people know some of this because there is a 40 percent chance that people with kids will divorce less than those who don’t have them. On the flip side, people who have children prior to getting married have a 24 percent higher risk of ending their marriage than those without kids prior to saying “I do.”
10. If Your Parents Were Happily Married, Your Divorce Risk Decreases. If Your Parents Get Married Again, Your Divorce Rate Significantly Increases.
This stat doesn’t shock me one bit. Back when my late fiancé was alive, when we would have a disagreement and I would be like “So you wanna break-up then?”, he would always — and I do mean, always — respond along the lines of “Why is that always your go-to? Damn, Shellie.” I was wired that way because that’s how I saw my parents handle things. It’s the PTSD of divorce that doesn’t come up, nearly enough. That’s why I get that if you come from a happily married household (like my fiancé did), your chance of divorcing decreases by 14 percent. Meanwhile, if you have stepparents, your chance of divorcing increases. By how much? A whopping 91 percent, chile. That’s…a lot.
11. Divorce Attacks Health Like Smoking Does
I can’t tell you how many times, when the topic of divorce comes up from a client who is contemplating it as I’m trying to get them to get the weight of what they are considering, I will hear “I know plenty of people who did it and turned out just fine.” We’re resilient by nature and so yes, divorce can be survived like anything else in life. Yet again, if someone told you that making that decision didn’t affect them, oftentimes in ways they didn’t predict, they are lying to you — I don’t care who it is.
In fact, it’s been reported that around one-third of people who ended their marriage regret it after the fact. Not only that but there is intel that also reveals that divorce can impact our health in a way that is similar to smoking cigarettes (the stress alone makes this make sense). You actually increase your death rate by 23 percent over married folks when you divorce. Goodness.
12. Marriage and Divorce Rates Are Decreasing
Over the past couple of years, word on the street is that divorce rates are dropping. That would be dope if it wasn’t tied into the fact that marriage rates are decreasing too. Last fall, The New York Times published an article entitled, “The Married Will Soon Be the Minority” that offered up some insight as to why. From a spiritual and biblical perspective, you’ll never get me to cosign on the belief that marriage is obsolete.
What I will say about the current decline, though, is hopefully more people are getting that marriage and divorce are nothing to play with. Both are serious. Neither should be entered into lightly. Both have lasting consequences as, hopefully, these stats have revealed…before any of you consider filing during the most “popular” month of the year — which is now.
Featured image by Getty Images
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Alaska Wasn’t On My Bucket List, But My Glacier Adventure Made Me A Believer
We all have bucket list destinations at the top of our lists. I visited one of those at the top of 2024: Japan! But what happens when you get an opportunity to go someplace that wasn’t on it? For me, that was Alaska. Now, I’d submitted my short film to the Anchorage International Film Festival, genuinely thinking it would be a long shot to get in with a short film about fibroids and Black women’s health.
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert