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March 9 Is National Get Over It Day. Here's How To Do Just That.
Sometimes, just for fun, I'll go over to the National Calendar Day website. You'd be surprised how many things get their own special day of observance—nail polish (June 1), making your bed (September 11), even bittersweet chocolate with almonds (November 7). But after the past 10 months or so that I've had, it was one day, in particular, that had me so hype that I've already decided that I'm going to celebrate it to the fullest! I'm pretty sure the title of this article is a dead giveaway. Saturday, March 9, is National Get Over It Day—all day long.
If you're anything like me, whenever you're going through something semi-traumatizing (or even just emotionally draining) and someone flippantly says to you, "Girl, you need to just get over it," it hits a tender spot that kinda makes you want to hit them for saying it. When someone devastates you, when a job doesn't come through, when you miss out on an opportunity that you've been hoping, praying, and preparing for, the last thing you want to be told is to get over it. But when I read more about where this particular day of observance came from, I got why this can be such an important thing to do.
Long story short, a man by the name of Jeff Goldblatt instituted the day after struggling with getting over an ex of his. He chose a time that was midway between Valentine's Day and April Fool's Day and even wrote a poem about it. It got me to thinking. If Jeff can put that much effort into getting over a broken heart, I can do my part to make getting over things easier for all of us as well.
If you've got something that you know you need to get over, hopefully, just in time for March 9, the following steps will help to point you into the right direction.
How To Get Over Just About Anything
1.Accept the Reality of Your Situation
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Let's start with the basics. Getting over something (or someone) comes in two stages. The first is to accept that something you didn't want to happen has indeed happened. The second is to then move on. I don't know about you, but some of the things that have been the most difficult for me to get over are the ones that I remained in denial about.
I can't believe my writing contract just ended with no warning.
I can't believe my so-called friend just treated me like that.
I can't believe ole' boy did me dirty that way.
When you're still in the "I can't believe" stage of things and someone brings up you needing to get over it, that can seem like a dagger to your heart because you're still in shock. Or denial. Or both. That's why, before you can effectively do anything else, you need to accept the reality of what's transpired. No matter how much you might not like it or you wish that it was different, it really is what it is. Let the reality of that sink in for a moment.
2.Decide How Long You’re Going to Stew in It
I don't have kids of my own, but I do have a godchild (and one on the way). She's almost 8 and when she's dealing with something in her world that she needs to get over, I tell her that she has an entire room to process her feelings in. She doesn't need to be in there three days straight, upset about a television show she couldn't watch or a cookie she couldn't have, but she does need a certain amount of time and space to…well, grieve.
Isn't it interesting—and by that, I mean semi-hypocritical—that we'll put children on a time limit to work out their disappointments, but we'll sometimes take weeks, months, or even years to get through our own?
I once read an article that said temptation only lasts for two minutes. Anything beyond that, we feed into with our thoughts and actions. There are plenty of articles by therapists that basically say the same thing about our feelings (check out "5 Ways to Get Your Unwanted Emotions Under Control"). My point? Once you've truly accepted what has happened to you, the next step is to feel it out. Just don't forget that you are a lot more in control of your feelings than you might think you are.
Give yourself an allotted amount of time to emotionally work through what you're going through. At the same time, discipline yourself to not roll around in those feelings. Times a tickin' and there's too much waiting for you on the other side of your disappointment to remain stuck in your emotions.
3.MOVE. ON.
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Moving on isn't just something to say; it's something to do. But when you've been used to doing something—loving someone, working somewhere, etc.—how do you actually go about letting something or one go?
Hold a funeral for the fantasy. That might sound crazy, but whatever—it works. Take out a piece of paper and write down all of what you hoped would come from the very person or situation that you need to let go of. Then burn it or bury it. Cry while you're doing it. Play Brian McKnight's "One Last Cry" if you need to. Just determine in your mind that you're gonna memorialize things and then move on from them.
Be compassionate with yourself. The definition of compassion is to see someone suffer and then do what you can to alleviate the pain. As you're grieving, extend compassion to yourself. A spa day. A day of binge-watching movies. A mani/pedi appointment—whatever it is, do something to not only love on yourself but also celebrate the strength and courage you had to move on in the first place.
Practice a little mindfulness. Mindfulness is a big self-help word these days. It all boils down to being self-aware and remaining in the moment. A part of the reason why a lot of us suck at getting over things is because we stay in the past more than we do in the present or preparing for our future. If you know this is something that you struggle with, apps like Headspace can get you centered and focused.
4.Get Yourself an Accountability Partner
I'll tell you something that has helped me to get over certain things much quicker—an accountability partner. Sometimes, when I feel myself slipping back into the valley of whys and what ifs, a friend of mine will be like, "Shellie, he was such a jerk" or "That publication didn't appreciate you". Just hearing those statements reminds me why it was time to move on in the first place.
So yeah, be intentional about getting some people in your life who can support you in letting certain people, places, things and ideas go. Chances are, if you try and tackle everything on your own, there's gonna be a voice on one shoulder telling you to get over it while another on the other will provide all of the reasons why you should hang on. That will keep you in the constant tug of war between pure logic and strong emotions. You don't need to go through that kind of turmoil or waste that kind of energy.
5.Set Out to Do Things Differently
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It's hard to get over something (or one) if you keep going back to it (or them). Unfortunately, some of us take for-ev-er to get past things because we're not filling those voids with something new.
One of the best things about being at a place in your life where you need to get over something is it opens up space for exciting, wonderful, and totally different things to happen in your life; things that probably wouldn't have had you remained in the position you were just in.
March 9 is here. Turn all the way up with it! See it as the day when you can officially get over "it" and on with your life. No looking back. Ever again.
Featured images by Getty Images
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
How This New Bond Repair Line Transformed One Mother's Postpartum Shedding Into The Ultimate Curl Comeback
This article is in partnership with SheaMoisture
For Crystal Obasanya, her wash day woes came shortly after her son did. The beauty and lifestyle content creator had been natural for years, but during postpartum, she quickly learned about one reality many mothers can relate to experiencing: postpartum hair loss. “Sis had thinning hair. Sis had split ends,” she shared about her hair changes in a Reel via xoNecole.
Over a year into her postpartum journey, Crystal explained she also had dry, brittle hair, noting that keeping it hydrated before pregnancy had already been “a task.” The 4C natural recalled going from thick hair during pregnancy to a thin hairline due to postpartum shedding as “devastating.” When it came to strengthening and revitalizing her hair, the new SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection was just the thing she needed to elevate her damaged coils to revive and thrive status and get them poppin' again.
SheaMoisture is providing us with the cheat code for transforming dry and damaged strands into thriving and deeply nourished crowns. By unveiling their 4-step hair system, the SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is equipping you with the tools to reverse signs of hair damage caused by protective styling, heat, and color and is uniquely formulated for Type 3 and 4 hair textures.
The haircare system revives damaged natural hair by repairing and rebuilding broken hair bonds through a game-changing combination of HydroPlex Technology and AminoBlend Complex, a unique blend of fortifying amino acids formulated specifically for curly and coily hair. Scientifically proven to reduce breakage by 84% and make your hair six times stronger (vs. non-conditioning shampoo), the collection infuses your hair with the nourishment it craves and the strength it deserves.
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“When trying it out, I quickly noticed that my hair felt revived and renewed, and my curls were so hydrated,” Crystal said while using the Amla-infused Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner. “I also felt my hair strands were stronger.” So much so that the influencer felt brave enough to get her hair braided shortly thereafter. “I can definitely say that I will be keeping it in my hair wash routine,” she added in the caption of her Reel about her positive experience using the products.
SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is making bond-building a key player in your wash day routines and the purveyor of life for thirsty manes. Because who doesn't want stronger, shinier, happier hair?
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The Bond Repair Collection Shampoo is the first step in the 4-step Bond Repair system, all of which are powered by the uniquely formulated AminoBlend, and HydroPlex, SheaMoisture’s technology that rebuilds hair strength at its core.
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Tailored to repair styling damage, this creamy conditioner locks in 12x more moisture than standard non-conditioning shampoos, boosting damaged hair strength by 1.5x with significantly less breakage. The creamy SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Conditioner deeply hydrates, enhances manageability, and leaves your hair looking healthier and shinier.
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This Ultra Moisturizing reparative masque is a moisture-rich game-changer for those dealing with the aftermath of hair damage caused by styling. The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Masque delivers 13 times more moisture compared to non-conditioning shampoos, ensuring your hair feels nourished and soft. Designed to repair and rejuvenate, this masque significantly strengthens damaged hair — making it twice as strong while reducing breakage.
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Elevate your curl game with SheaMoisture’s Bond Repair Collection Leave-In Conditioner. Lightweight and hydrating, the Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner provides 12x more moisture than non-conditioning shampoos and tames frizz with 24-hour humidity control. Designed to define curls and coils, the leave-in conditioner enhances softness and shine allowing you to detangle effortlessly.
Bonding Oil
The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Bonding Oil is a multitasking all-in-one formula that acts as a heat protectant and provides the hair with moisture, strength, shine, damage protection, and intense nourishment. This lightweight oil not only offers 24-hour frizz and humidity control but also fortifies your tresses, making them up to 5 times stronger with significantly less breakage.
Featured image courtesy
Rapper Latto is keeping it real about the Brazilian butt-lift surgery she received at just 21 years old.
The “Big Energy” performer took to a livestream to reflect on her physical transformation over the years. She shared that after signing her first deal at the age of 21, her lifestyle changed significantly, causing her to indulge in her favorite foods which resulted in some weight gain.
“My body was so tea. I gained a little weight, 'cause I signed my deal when I was 21, when I had just turned 21. And I was just having money and living a whole new life, eating out," she told fans. "Y'all know I’m a foodie, so now I had the funds to feed this foodie in me and stuff, so I gained a little weight.”
However, harsh comments from people on the internet significantly impacted her self-esteem. “Everybody on the internet was calling me ‘bad-bodied’ and stuff, so I feel like that played a role. I started being a little insecure about my body,” she recalls.
The 25-year-old went on to address the persistent scrutiny and pressure she faced from the public regarding her appearance. despite her transparency around the procedure. "Every time I post a gym picture, people be like, ‘Oh, she got a BBL.’ I’ve been so loud and clear about a BBL that I had four years ago,” she stated. “When I was 21, [the BBL] that y’all convinced me I needed, by the way," she said.
During a 2023 episode of her Apple Music show, 777, Latto chatted with her sister, Brooklyn Nikole about her experiences with body image and surgery, opening up about the relentless criticism she faced. "When I didn’t have my surgery, they’re like, ‘Oh, she shaped like her white side’ … And then when I got the surgery, it is, ‘Oh, she’s botched. Oh, it’s too heavy.’"
The constant judgment she encountered led her to a significant realization. "I’m telling you from someone who’s been there, done it, find peace within your natural state. Because you’re going to find a flaw and another flaw and another flaw and another flaw."
Latto’s candid reflections offer a compelling reminder that true beauty lies in self-acceptance and inner peace. In a world where societal beauty standards are constantly shifting, her message is a call to prioritize personal happiness and authenticity over external validation.
"Moral of the story: I just think everybody should just stop worrying about everybody. Natural girls are winning. Surgery girls…BBL girls are winning," she shares. "Do what works for you and mind your own business. Make your own decisions based on what you want to do, not what other people are telling you to do."
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Featured image by Raimonda Kulikauskiene/Getty Images