

It is a new month, meaning xoNecole has a new batch of monthly horoscopes for each sun sign. March starts off on a high note with Mars transitioning into Gemini which brings out the social butterfly in us all. A magical New Moon in Pisces inspires us to believe in the miracles and the unseen forces that are always conspiring in our favor. Towards the end of the month, the Sun and Venus shift into Aries with the change of the season. Spring has finally arrived and is breathing new life into us all. The month wraps up with a Full Moon restoring balance to our lives and rewarding us for our past efforts.
Check out the horoscopes below to see what's in store for your zodiac sign this month!
Aries
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The month kicks off with your ruling planet, Mars, entering Gemini which will have you busier than usual with your daily tasks. Take your time if you're signing any contracts over the next couple months since your mind is moving quicker than it already does. The New Moon on the 13th invites you to complete a chapter of your life that's been weighing you down. *Cues Erykah Badu's "Bag Lady"*. With Mars squaring off with this part of your chart, be mindful of emotional outbursts around this time. You can always save an important conversation for later if you're feeling overwhelmed.
On the 20th, the Sun shifts into your sign to reinvigorate your spirit for your birthday season. With Venus following behind the next day, the blessings finally start trickling in. People are attracted to your dynamic personality and willingness to take risks which is the attitude you need for the new opportunities coming your way. The month wraps up with a Full Moon encouraging you to reassess the dynamics of your closest relationships—both personal and professional. A severance of ties may be necessary if both parties can't get on the same page.
Taurus
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The month begins with Mars transitioning from your sign into Gemini which will have you exerting most of your energy towards finances and security. This is also a powerful time for overcoming any fears and insecurities that have been holding you back from living your best life. The New Moon on the 13th invites you to expand your social network, whether online or in real life. Your support system is an important part of your growth so lean into your community to secure your success!
The Sun shifts into Aries on the 20th, encouraging you to unplug from the daily grind to prioritize your self-care. You'll likely feel more tired when the Sun is in this part of your chart so give yourself the gift of rest by scheduling a nap into your daily routine. When Venus joins the Sun, you could find yourself on the receiving end of someone else's moodiness. See it for what it is and choose your battles wisely. In some cases, it's more satisfying to know why someone is acting out than to call them out on it. The month wraps up with a Full Moon, helping you kick a bad habit to the curb once and for all.
Gemini
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March begins with Mars leaving Taurus and entering your sign on the 3rd which will have you busier than usual over the next couple of months. You may have felt your energy lagging in January and February but you're in for a major shift with Mars transiting through Gemini. You're also more prone to accidents at this time, making it super important for you to be more present. On the 13th, the New Moon is ruffling your feathers when it comes to your career development. This challenging aspect can either make you or break you. Use this energy to fuel some much-needed change in this area of your life. Also consider ways in which you're giving your power to an authority figure and how you can reclaim your sovereignty.
On the 20th, the Sun shifts into Aries, highlighting your friends and social network. As the saying goes, "Teamwork makes the dream work." Gather together with some of your faves, especially if you have a lofty goal or idea that needs the support of others. When Venus joins the Sun, luck is on your side if you're looking for love on a dating app. People are captivated by your light-heartedness which will help you win over a romantic suitor or some new followers on the Gram. The month ends on a high note with a romantic Full Moon, encouraging you to enjoy a date night or some self-pleasure. Whatever you do—enjoy yourself!
Cancer
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The month begins with Mars entering Gemini on the 3rd, inviting you to disconnect from the daily grind to reconnect with your spiritual sustenance. Meditation and prayer will benefit you over the next couple of months along with an earlier bedtime. Your dreams will be extremely vivid so make sure to document them in a journal or your notes app to decipher the messages. On the 13th, a magical New Moon encourages you to take a different path when it comes to your spiritual beliefs. Be open to learning about new ideologies and practices that are in alignment with this more evolved version of yourself. Traveling can also provide you with a more expanded perspective about life.
On the 20th, the Sun enters Aries which has you feeling the pressure to make some changes in your career path. You have the power to be overcome any obstacles. Believe in yourself and trust that the Universe is always conspiring in your favor. When Venus enters this part of your chart, you could be attracting love and opportunities from someone in a position of influence. Hello, power couple! March wraps up with a Full Moon likely resulting in a relocation in the near future. This is also a supportive time for rectifying generational patterns so you can set your lineage up for success!
Leo
The month kicks off with Mars entering Gemini on the 3rd which has you exerting your energy towards your friends and social networks. You've got the gift of gab during this transit so use it to your advantage. Just take your time when communicating as you'll have a tendency to spout out the first thing that comes to your mind. On the 13th, the New Moon could have you joining forces within a professional or personal relationship that will lend to greater financial security. This is the perfect time to apply for a loan or grant if you need some extra assistance.
The Sun shifts into your sister sign, Aries, on the 20th which has you feeling restless and ready for a new stamp in your passport. Now that Mercury Retrograde is over, you've got the go-ahead to plan your Spring Break vacation. When Venus meets up with the Sun, you could suddenly find yourself boo'd up with someone that you meet during your travels or who lives at a distance from you. Opportunities to share your expertise are also likely to arise during this transit, making this a good time to publish your e-book, launch that course, or host a Clubhouse room. March wraps up with a Full Moon on the 28th, placing you in the spotlight. Your ideas are next-level and people are eager to absorb anything you're willing to share. Social media is a powerful tool for you throughout the month so use it your advantage!
Virgo
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The month begins with Mars shifting into Gemini on the 3rd which has you hyper-focused on leveling up in your career path. Important conversations and meetings are bound to take place over the next couple months, assuring your long-term success and security. Just be mindful of butting heads with anyone in a position of power. Choose your battles wisely and play your cards right. The New Moon on the 13th invites you into a new partnership—whether personal or professional. Your excitement over this connection may take you by surprise which runs the risk of you getting carried away a little too soon. Pace yourself, boo! Long-lasting, solid connections take time to build.
On the 20th, the Sun shifts into Aries, illuminating some your deepest fears but also granting you the confidence to overcome any hurdles that inhibit you from living up to your fullest potential. This transit will challenge you to stop overthinking things and to act on your instincts instead. Trust your intuitive promptings! When Venus enters this part of your chart, you could find yourself on the receiving end of someone's projected anger. Keep your distance from this person to avoid any unnecessary drama and to not internalize the mess that they have going on. The month ends with a Full Moon, helping you resolve a financial matter that's been weighing heavy on you.
Libra
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March kicks off with Mars entering Gemini on the 3rd which has you feeling restless for a much-needed vacation. Now that Mercury Retrograde is over, this is the perfect time to plan a Spring Break getaway. Your desire to learn during this transit is heightened as well, making this a supportive time to go back to school, stock up on some new books, or get into some extensive online research. The New Moon on the 13th encourages you to start a new exercise routine. This is also a powerful time to kick bad habits rooted in escapism. Ultimately, it's time to create a healthier lifestyle for yourself.
On the 20th, the Sun shifts into Aries, highlighting your partnerships and contractual agreements. It's important that you assert your needs within any imbalanced relationships. Awareness of your boundaries and expectations is only half the battle. You also have to communicate them to others. When Venus meets up with the Sun, you could suddenly be attracting new work opportunities due to your assertiveness. This isn't the time to play modest, love. Hype yourself up and sell yourself—especially if you're interviewing for a job. Highlighting your leadership skills will bode exceptionally well. The month wraps up with a Full Moon in your sign releasing you from that bad feeling of putting yourself first. Everyone else does it, so why shouldn't you?
Scorpio
The month begins with Mars shifting into Gemini on the 3rd, inviting you into a deeper dialogue with your anxiety. If you're a busy body, you probably find it difficult to sit down for extended periods of time. Sometimes that fidgety behavior can reflect an inability to be present with your emotions and thoughts. If you need some help getting to the root of things, schedule a session with a therapist or get into a regular practice of writing in a journal. On the 13th, a magical New Moon marks a fresh start in regards to your living environment which could be heralding a relocation or a new addition to your home.
The Sun shifts into Aries on the 20th, granting you the vitality you need to get back into a fitness routine. It's officially time to come out of your hibernation season! When Venus meets up with the Sun, a budding workplace romance may be in the works for some. Over the next couple of months, make the extra effort to look your best—even when you're out running errands or grocery shopping. You'll be surprised who you bump into! The month comes to a close with a Full Moon helping you close out a karmic cycle that's been holding you up for quite some time.
Sagittarius
March kicks off with Mars entering Gemini on the 3rd which has you exerting most of your energy towards relationships and contractual agreements. Things can get a bit tense during this transit. Keep in mind, it's often not what you say but how you say it. Aim for an encouraging approach instead of a pushy one if you're trying to convince someone to get on the same page as you. On the 13th, the New Moon is stirring up a bit of tension in the home and family department which may be just the sign you need to remove yourself from an unhealthy environment. Relocating is supported during this time.
On the 20th, the Sun shifts into Aries, inviting you to indulge in romance and creativity in the next month. Your inner child needs more of your attention so make sure to nurture that aspect of yourself by doing the simple things that bring you pleasure. When Venus enters this part of your chart, love matters get heated, making this a sexy time for you and bae. You're always up for a bit of a challenge and whoever you're involved with over the next couple of months will be just what you need to stay on your toes. The month wraps up with a Full Moon helping you gain clarity on who is truly on #TeamSaggie.
Capricorn
The month begins with Mars shifting into Gemini on the 3rd, giving you a much-needed boost of energy to get back into shape. This is also a good time to schedule annual health screenings to determine if there are any improvements you need to make to your lifestyle. On the 13th, the New Moon is a great time to pick up a new hobby or learn about a topic of interest—particularly anything that flexes your creative muscles, making this the perfect time to learn how to play an instrument or write that book you've been thinking about.
On the 20th, the Sun shifts into Aries which could bring up some tensions within the family unit or related to your home security. Any challenges that arise during this time are best faced head-on. You've got the confidence and drive to overcome any obstacles you're facing. When Venus meets up with the Sun, you have the chance to smooth over any conflict that you've had with family members or roommates. Although tempers will run a little short, growing frustrations can help you pinpoint what needs to change within the dynamic to create more harmony. March wraps up with a Full Moon highlighting a well-earned achievement in career. Make sure to celebrate before you're on to pursuing your next goal!
Aquarius
Romance and creativity takes center stage this month when Mars transitions into Gemini on the 3rd. Your inner child wants to play so do the things you enjoy the most to nurture this aspect of yourself. Prioritize more pleasure in your day-to-day experiences to reap the benefits of the medicine of joy. On the 13th, the New Moon marks a fresh start for a financial endeavor, making this a good time to start a business or get a new job. Believe it or not, you won't have to work hard for these opportunities as long as you're energetically aligned with your desired outcome. It's time to get those manifestation abilities poppin!
Towards the end of the month, the Sun shifts into Aries, enlivening your communication. Your enthusiasm is lighting the fire within others. Just be mindful of being too pushy or offering unsolicited advice. Allow others to come to you if they're seeking your input or guidance. When Venus enters this part of your chart, public speaking and writing opportunities can be extended to you. You could be attracting someone who is just as bold and passionate as you are when it comes to romance. On the 28th, the Full Moon grants you the chance to share your expertise with others on a larger platform, whether you're publishing educational content or teaching an online workshop. The people want to hear what you have to say!
Pisces
Are you ready for some Spring cleaning? Well, once Mars shifts into Gemini, you'll likely find yourself busy around your house getting rid of things you don't need. Family matters can also have you particularly busy over the next couple of months as well. On the 13th, the magical New Moon in your sign is the perfect time to get a makeover or "rebrand" yourself. Make sure to set some intentions for how you would like the year ahead to unfold. Be mindful of family tension that may be brewing around this time. You may ruffle some feathers in an attempt to establish more independence for yourself.
On the 20th, the Sun enters Aries to revitalize your finances. If money has been a little slow, things should start flowing more smoothly in the weeks to come. This is a good time to consider raising your rates or asking for a raise. Don't be afraid to advocate for yourself! When Venus enters this part of your chart, impulse spending is common. Put yourself on a budget to stay on track with your financial goals. Romantically, you could be attracting someone who is in a position of power and who also just so happens to be financially secure enough to spoil you. The month wraps up with a Full Moon freeing you up for a burdensome financial obligation! Try not to wind up right back in the hole that you just dug yourself out of.
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Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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10 Women Tell Me Why They Made The Decision To Be Estranged From Their Parent(s)
Although there are many quotes that I have used in these articles throughout the years, I’d be almost shocked if the one that hasn’t been included the most is “Adulthood is surviving childhood.”
I thought about that one, again, recently, when I checked out a BuzzFeed article entitled, “People Are Just Now Realizing They Had An 'Eggshell Parent' And The Ways It's Secretly Impacting Their Adult Lives.” If you’ve never heard of “eggshelling” before, it’s a term that is used for if you felt like you had to walk on eggshells as a kid because your parents' emotions were super erratic and hella unpredictable. SMDH.
Personally, that is just one of the things I experienced while growing up, although the main reason why I’ve been estranged from my mother for (I think) about six years now (I honestly haven’t really been keeping track at this point) is because she simply doesn’t respect my boundaries. Even well into my adulthood, she has refused to do it and it was messing with my inner peace and personal growth on a few different levels — and y’all, I don’t care who it is, no one should have that kind of power over someone else’s life (if you want to read more about my journey with estrangement, I tackle the topic in my latest book).
And before some of you come with the ever-so-manipulated Bible verse “Honor your father and mother” (Exodus 20:12), I hope you also remember that there is a Scripture that says, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4 — NKJV) To provoke is “to stir up, arouse, or call forth (feelings, desires, or activity)”; know what else it is: “to anger, enrage, exasperate, or vex.” Funny how it is not preached or taught nearly enough that parents are absolutely not supposed to raise their kids or treat their adult children in a way that angers, enrages, exasperates, or vexes them — and think about it: when’s the last time you heard a sermon on that? I’ll wait.
Besides, unless you’re someone who has made the courageous decision to put distance between the person/people who’ve raised you, you honestly don’t get how much of a sacrifice it can be. Very few of us are flippant about that decision. Very few of us saw our adult life without our parent(s) in it. Very few of us wanted to deal with all of the “fallout” that comes with making that kind of choice because listen, for me, it’s almost like being in witness protection in the sense of having to also leave certain people who are associated with her alone as well because either they also don’t respect boundaries or they try further victimize me by attempting to impose their opinions into something that they absolutely shouldn’t (for instance, when I shared what I went through with her, one of my closest friends at the time, more than once called me “petty”…yeah, he had to go; you don’t have to defend why you need to protect yourself…if you are doing that, those are unsafe people you are talking to).
It’s not like I’m rare either. In fact, it’s been reported that close to 30 percent of adults are currently estranged from at least one of their parents (you can read about it here, here, here, here, and here). And with that being said, today, we’re going to hear from 10 women (well, technically 12 if you include the videos at the beginning and end) as they share their own reasons why they made the decision to go “no contact” with their own parent/parents.
If you are estranged, I hope you will see that you are not alone. If you aren’t, I hope it will help you to have more compassion for those who have made this kind of choice. Because although “adulthood is surviving childhood” is true for many of us, it actually wasn’t supposed to be that way. And so, we’ve had to take great lengths to go from “surviving” to “flourishing”…even if that meant doing it without the ones who — alongside God, of course — created us.
Article continues after the video.
*Middle names are used so that people can speak freely*
1. Michelle. 32. Estranged from Her Mother for Four Years.
“My mother is a narcissist — only I didn’t know it because I didn’t have much to compare her to because she kept me away from a lot of…everything. Ironically, that is a telling sign that you’ve got a narcissistic parent: they think you are an extension of them, so they try and make you do everything just like them. Since they are so bad at respecting boundaries, they don’t care how old you are — they think they have a say in every decision that you make because their ego is bigger than their love.
It took me years of therapy to recognize this but once I did and I told my mom that she was hypercritical, that she used to pit me and my siblings against each other, that she only knows how to gaslight and manipulate — she played the victim and told me that if I couldn’t accept her as she was, we couldn’t have a relationship.
That’s another thing about narcissist: they hate accountability. I think there should be more articles about parents who are estranged from their kids because they pull that ‘my way or the highway’ BS. I didn’t exactly leave my mom, but I did tell her what I wasn’t going to tolerate. We haven’t spoken in four years, ever since I drew that line. She left because she didn’t know how to humble herself, and I am fine with that. Arrogant people are toxic to be around.”
2. Iyan. 36. Estranged from Her Parents for 11 Years.
“I don’t think that a lot of parents get that they act like their kids should idolize them, which is crazy. We’re not toys or puppets who are supposed to do whatever they say, whenever they say it. Even as a parent myself, I think there is a difference between a child’s individuality and a child obeying me. Too many other parents have too much ego to think the differences through. To your question — I am estranged from my parents because they disapproved of who I chose to marry. He’s not the same faith as them but I don’t think that would even matter because they damn near betrothed me when I was a kid.
They wanted to choose my career path, my husband, my role in church — everything. It got to the point where they were disrespecting my husband, our relationship, and my feelings, and so it was time to boomerang their own Bible and remind them that when you get married, you ‘leave and cleave’ to your spouse and move on from your family. If your family accepts that, they can be in your life. If not, you’ve got to move on. They chose for me to be estranged, not me. I put my husband first, just like I was supposed to.”
3. Jahkai. 29. Estranged from Her Mother for Four Years.
“Sometimes I think that people just have children so that they can have someone to boss around as kids and intimidate when they become adults. My mother is one of those people because it’s like her whole existence centers around trying to force me to live the life that she wants me to live. I used to be so afraid of her, even if that just meant afraid of her rejection, that I would go along with it.
Then I got pregnant with my daughter and saw that she wasn’t even going to respect me as a mom — and when I saw signs that she was going to try and pull that shit with my own child? The claws came out. I tried expressing my concerns and setting some boundaries, but she dismissed my feelings and walked right over my boundaries, so she had to go. There was no way that she was going to try and raise the child I birthed. My child needs peace. So do I.”
4. Gillian. 24. Estranged from Her Parents for Almost Two Years.
“I’m bisexual. That’s the beginning and end of it. I personally think it’s creepy when a parent can be so invested into their grown child’s sexuality that it ends up wrecking their own world. You sleep with who you want to sleep with, and I will do the same.
My parents don’t see it that way. They told me that unless I stop loving women, we have nothing to talk about. You only love me if I love who and how you love? That doesn’t sound like love at all.
I don’t expect my parents to agree with my life or even like it. I just don’t want you penalizing me because we are different. Seems really immature to be any other way…to me, anyway.”
5. Aubrie. 27. Estranged from Father for Four Years.
“My father always wanted me to be an accountant, and I hate math. That’s insane. That’s what happens when you don’t make the time to get to know your own children. So many parents are egomaniacs in that way — just because I look like you doesn’t mean that I am you. Until my sophomore year in college, I just held my tongue and suffered through my education because when I was living at home, I didn’t really have a choice, and when I went to school, my parents paid for my education.
They didn’t want me to have any debt, and I appreciated that, but my spirit was going into debt anyway because my dad had me on a path that I didn’t like or want, and my mom was too weak to speak up for either one of us. By my junior year, I couldn’t take it anymore and decided to get student loans, so that I could start over and major in English. That pissed my dad off two ways because I was changing my major and I was going to take on debt.
We’re not estranged in the classic sense. It’s more like he doesn’t come to the phone whenever I call, and he grunts words over the holidays. So, I call less and go home even less than that. We’re headed towards ‘no contact’ if he doesn’t get over the fact that he has a life, and so do I.”
6. Lameeya. 41. Estranged from Her Mother for Eight Years.
“My mother? I just don’t like her — I never really have. I can’t stand how we’ll all agree that you should choose your friends wisely, but when it comes to your blood, it’s like you should be all in their lap simply because they are related to you. Toxic is toxic, and my mother is the embodiment of that. She plays mind games. She manipulates. She gaslights. She’s spoiled and entitled. I would never pick her as a friend. She drains me in every way. It’s like whenever I would even sense that she was going to call or come around, I would get hives, and it got to the point where it didn’t make sense that I should suffer just because she’s my mother. Who came up with that?”
7. Sloane. 25. Estranged from Her Mother for One Year.
“I grew up COGIC. If you know, you know. When you’re a kid, you don’t know any different or better, but once I started to seek out my own path, I realized that Christianity just wasn’t for me. My mother damn near lives at church and so, of course, I was declaring that I wanted to go to hell in her eyes when I told her that I had chosen the Baháʼí faith. Christians can be so rude. Somehow, they want you to respect what they believe, but they are so comfortable preaching hell and damnation if you don’t think like them.
Anyway, a part of why I chose Baháʼí is because it’s very peaceful to me, and religion never brought me peace in my mother’s house. Now that I’m all about this peace-filled life, anything that is ‘anti’ it has to go. She was on the top of my list. If you can’t respect what makes me ‘me,’ why are you here? It’s just been a year now. If we remain out of contact, that’s kind of on her, but I have no desire to hear her preach every time we speak. Be my mom. I don’t want a pastor.”
8. Torrin. 33. Estranged from Her Parents for Six Years.
“You have your own dysfunctional issues going on if you think that you owe someone your sanity simply because they birthed you. A good parent doesn’t just give you life — they provide a safe environment for that life, and my parents didn’t.
My mother was hell on wheels, and my father was a weak man who let her be that way. She was controlling, erratic, and exhausting, while he just let it all happen.
I recently read that Khloe Kardashian said that her mom didn’t like it when she first started therapy. Controlling parents never do. It took me a lot of therapy to stop beating myself up mentally the way that my mother did emotionally and sometimes physically, but once I got that she was the problem and healing was the solution, I had no problem letting them both go: her for being abusive and my father for being complacent.”
9. Kristine. 40. Estranged from Her Mother for Six Months.
“You always want your parents to get along with your husband — I just didn’t bet on my mother loving him more than me, especially now that we are divorced. That man cheated on me, more than once, and although I didn’t tell my mom while we were married about it, once we separated and I explained why I made what was a really difficult decision for me, she kept finding excuses for him and even tried to make me feel bad for not trying to make it work. Divorces are hard, and the last thing I needed was my mother trying to ‘beat me up’ for standing up for myself.
Now I’ve got questions about her marriage because if you think that I should tolerate nonsense, have you been tolerating your husband’s? Has he been tolerating yours? You get a certain age, and you start to wonder how much projecting your parents do onto you. Anyway, we haven’t talked to each other in six months. She and my ex apparently still go out to dinner, though. You two enjoy.”
10. Madolyn. 45. Estranged from her Father for 20 Years.
“I had an abusive father. He was an alcoholic while I was growing up, and so fear instead of love kept me in communication with him once I became an adult. The plot twist is, he got clean while I was in college, but he suddenly had all kinds of amnesia about the pain that he caused. His apologies were sh-t like ‘I don’t remember that, but if you need me to apologize, okay.’ So, our lives were a living hell, and that’s all you’ve got because it hurts you too much to face it? Ain’t that a bitch.
The last time we spoke was right before I turned 25. I think someone is more harmful when they can’t own their sh-t than when they are actually doing it, because that means they could do it again. No thanks. I’ll take wholeness.”
____
As you can see, being estranged from a parent, going “no contact” with them, it has many layers, reasons, and scenarios. For me, as I listened to all of these women, what did come to my mind, though, is — how beautiful is it that, if the “beauty for ashes” in their stories is they had the strength to become self-aware, self-sufficient and healthy adults in spite of the cracks in their foundation, then there is a silver lining in it all. You should never feel guilt or shame for protecting yourself in ways that your parents absolutely should have. NOT. EVER.
And so, the sacrifice was well worth it — because ladies, look at you now. Salute.
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