If there are two things that a lot of us don't respect enough, it's the power of our words and the power of our choices. When it comes to the second thing, I once read that we make over 220 decisions, every day, just on food alone. Shoot, some sources say that we make as many as 35,000 conscious decisions on a daily basis too. And while choosing between chocolate and vanilla ice cream or whether to watch something on Netflix or Hulu may not be all that big of a deal, there are instances when we need to make a big decision — when it's time to make up our mind for the purpose of cultivating a long-term resolve that will impact our life in a pretty significant way.
If that's the kind of head space that you're currently in, before you make a final call, take a moment to at least give this a once over. Decisions can alter outcomes. That's why it's extremely important to do all that you can to make the wisest ones.
De-Stress
Something that I think is kinda crazy is we're oftentimes wired to make a major decision when we're either stressed out or overly emotional. Usually, it's because we feel a little out of control and so we think making some sort of choice will give us our control back when, more times than not, all it does is create (more) chaos…which leads to making even more decisions in order to fix our "triggered mess". That's why it's so important to de-stress before doing anything.
Here's the thing about this particular point, though. Some of us internalize stress so much that we don't even know when we're at our wit's end. If you're not sleeping soundly; if your moods are all over the place; if you're constantly overthinking; if your energy levels are low; if you struggle with being productive; if your immune system is weak; if your libido is shot; if you're easily triggered; if you grind your teeth a lot and/or you experience headaches (or body aches) often, this means that you need to be intentional about calming yourself down.
And just how do you do that? Get on a sleep schedule. Lay off of sugar and caffeine. Do some journaling. Exercise. Make a daily to-do list (that only has 5-7 things on it). Eat more fresh fruits and veggies. Have more sex. Deactivate your (main) triggers. Drink some herbal tea and give your feet a lavender oil massage. And finally, purpose in your mind to not do ANYTHING until you've done at least three of these things and gotten at least three consecutive nights of six hours of sleep or more. It will make you more confident about your choices if you do.
DON’T Follow Your Heart
Some of y'all are gonna be caught off guard with this point; however, those who read my content on this site fairly regularly know that they have heard this tip before. Listen, I don't know who came up with the "follow your heart" mantra but it irritates the mess outta me, every time I hear it. For one thing, the Good Book advises the total opposite because Jeremiah 17:9-19(NKJV) says, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; Who can know it? I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind, even to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his doings."
First, the Bible says that the heart is deceitful and wicked. Then it says that God tests the mind. I totally get why the Word sees things this way too because a definition of the heart is "the center of emotions" and if you make it your motto to follow your emotions? You are in for a very roller coaster kind of life. No thank you.
When you need to make a major decision, it is absolutely wiser of you to focus on your mind — the part of you that reasons, looks at things logically and applies some level of discernment. Many people have done some of the most reckless and selfish things while "following their heart". You significantly reduce this risk of becoming this kind of statistic by thinking things through instead.
Get an “Inside Out” Perspective
A wise person once said, "People who look through keyholes are apt to get the idea that most things are keyhole-shaped." I really like that quote because it basically means that if you only look at things from your perspective, it could really limit you and your outcomes. This is why it's so important, engaged folks, to get into premarital counseling before jumping the broom because a reputable therapist/counselor/coach can pick up on some potential red flags or issues that you being "all in love" may miss.
Anyway, while I don't think it's important or necessary to get a billion people to cosign on something that you are considering doing (or not doing), I do recommend running it by 2-3 people who you absolutely trust. 2-3 people whose own lives have some sense of order and productivity. 2-3 people who have a proven track record of wanting the absolute best for you. Present to them what's going on and what you're considering doing about it. Then ask them for their honest opinion. Remember that it is indeed an opinion (and that you are grown, so you can still ultimately do what you want) yet try and take it all in as objectively as you can. I have spared myself a lot of potential ridiculousness by giving certain friends the floor. Something that "outside in" perspectives can do is help to paint a much bigger picture.
Pray/Meditate
There's a Scripture in the Bible that says, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7 — NKJV) The interesting thing about the word "anxious" is it doesn't just mean "mental distress"; it also means "eager". Just like it can be counterproductive to make major decisions when you're mentally distressed, it can be crazy to make choices while you're overly eager as well. And so, those verses in the Bible remind us that prayer can help us to move past anxiousness and into a space of greater understanding; especially on a spiritual level.
And what if you're not a holy book kind of person (because the Torah and Quran are also big on prayer)? Meditation is a good move too. It helps to control anxiety. It helps you to focus. It can make you more self-aware. It can help to make you less selfish and more empathetic. It can also make it easier for you to sleep, so that your brain is clearer. There are plenty of studies out in cyberspace that support the benefits of prayer and/or meditation. Certainly enough for you to definitely apply these steps before deciding to do anything serious.
Assess the Pros and Cons
As more and more people are realizing that homeownership is basically renting from a bank while renters are renting from a landlord, they are starting to see that the so-called American Dream needs more thinking things through. This is where a pros and cons list can come in really handy. For instance, some pros of owning a house are you can build equity and treat the house as you please. Some cons include being responsible for property tax and repairs and the fact that you could end up paying more in interest than the house is actually worth overall. Or say that you're thinking about starting your own company. Some pros include living out your own dream and being your own boss. Some cons include probably working more hours, generating unpredictable income (at least for a season) and having the burden of every choice fall totally on you.
While there is nothing new about writing a pros and cons list, it's kind of amazing, just how many people don't do it. It really is a great life hack, though, because if you're serious about making one, it requires a lot of pondering, seeing things from all angles and even doing some research (which is why you should have no less than 10 things on each side; that way, you up your chances of really thinking things through). A pros and cons list taps into your practical side and when it comes to making a life-altering decision, that is always a good thing.
Look a Year Ahead
My mother used to say, "God doesn't give us someone for where we are but where we're going and no one can know that but him." That was her way of encouraging people to factor God into their long-term partner choices. Along these same lines, when you are about to make a major decision, you need to try and look into at least the short-term future as much as you possibly can. While it is a little absurd to think that you can predict all of what will happen up the pike, the reason why this is an important step is because, far too often, we tend to make decisions based on nothing more than the here and now without even factoring in the weeks and months ahead.
Say that you're contemplating moving to another city for the first time. If you're very close to your family and you've got a close relative who is old or ill, can you be good with your schedule or finances not being able to let you return if they need you over the next several months? Say that you're considering going back to school. Can you handle the demands of work and your class load? Say that you are thinking about starting a business. Are you confident enough in our country to think that you can financially survive more topsy-turviness that may be up ahead? Say that you're considering getting pregnant yet your partner is up for a promotion. Have you thought about what a new baby and his work demands might look like? I could go on and on with various scenarios yet I think you get the gist. When making big decisions, something that you've also got to take into account is timing — future seasons included. Please make sure that you do.
Let Peace Be Your Guide
You can read articles that I've written on this platform like "Here's How To Know You're At Total Peace With Yourself" and "An Extremely Underestimated Sign That You're With The Right Person" to know just how BIG of a fan that I am of peace. To be at peace is to be content. To be at peace is to have composure. To be at peace is to be calm. To be at peace is OK with being still. To be at an uber level of peace is to be in a state of one of my favorite words of all time — bliss. And when you're in bliss, you're experiencing blessedness and real joy.
Just like a lot of us can mistake drama for passion or lust for love, it can be really easy to think that instant gratification or only appeasing what you desire (at the expense of what's best for you) is going to bring you peace. However, if the choice that you're about to make doesn't bring along with it a feeling of real calm in your mind, body and soul, simultaneously so, at the very least, pump your brakes for a bit. Peace sends us the message that we're making a decision that isn't just good; it's right. And when something (or someone) is right, it is "in conformity with fact, reason, truth, or some standard or principle; correct" and that's always what's best. And when we're doing what is truly best for us, that's when we can feel good about our choices. No matter how impacting the decision may be.
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- 4 Simple Rules For How to Make a Big Decision | Tony Robbins ›
- Advice for making major decisions during the pandemic - The Lily ›
- How To Make Your Big Life Decisions | May Busch ›
- Talks to watch when you have a big decision to make | TED Talks ›
- How to Mindfully Make Important Life Decisions | Psychology Today ›
- 10 Ways To Make Big Decisions You'll Never Regret ›
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert