Make yourself a priority. At the end of the day, you are your longest commitment.—Unknown
The quote you just read? Humor me and focus on the word "commitment" more than "priority" for just a sec, please. So, we all know folks who are scared of commitment, right? The term that is usually used for them is commitment-phobe. Some of the signs that indicate if someone is one include—they don't like to make long-term plans; most of their relationships are casual; they flake on personal commitments; they're attracted to individuals who refuse to fully commit to them; their expectations are unrealistic in both personal as well as professional relationships; and they're pretty poor communicators.
OK, with this list in tow, rather than thinking about all of the other people who may immediately come to mind, point the finger towards yourself. Is this how you are when it comes to your interactions with others? More importantly, is this how you are when it comes to how you interact with yourself?
When's the last time you planned to go on a summer vacation and started saving up for it the previous fall? How many of your relationships consist of people who are as committed to you as you are committed to them? One sign of a poor communicator is someone who doesn't listen well. Are you truly in tune with your ownmind, body, and spirit to the point that when they need you to give them some extra TLC, you stop whatever is going on and do it?
I don't know about you, but I'll definitely raise my hand in this class and confess that, for years, I was so focused on trying to change the ways of the commitment-phobes in my life that I didn't realize I was one myself. How? I didn't access the reality of what that quote said—I didn't see myself as being my longest commitment and therefore, honor myself as such.
Oh, but bay-bay. I have done a complete 180 on that for the past few years now. Here's how I stopped being the greatest self-commitment-phobe I knew and made myself my own top priority. I think if you try some of these tips, you can master doing the same thing for yourself as well.
1.Look at Your Daily To-Do List. Make Sure You Are on It.
There are a billion-and-one reasons why all of us should have some sort of daily to-do list. It creates order in our lives. It holds us accountable for our tasks and how we utilize our time. It keeps us productive. It significantly reduces our stress levels. You know what else it does? It teaches us how to properly prioritize.
If you want your day to be super-productive, it's a good idea to do the hardest things first. That will keep you from procrastinating. It will also boost your level of self-confidence. But as you're in the process of figuring out what goes where on your list, make sure that you are somewhere on it.
Whether it's a mani/pedi appointment, stopping by the store to get your favorite bottle of wine, or simply setting aside an hour to listen to your favorite podcast, it's important that you consistently remind yourself that you are something that should take precedence—each and every day of your life.
2.Double-Check Your Reason(s) for Agreeing to Things
This is something that took me a long time to learn. Sometimes, when someone asks us to do something, we say "OK" or "sure" without really thinking it all the way through. Then, because we want to keep our word, we follow through although we're slick irritated or resentful about it.
You're not really helping anyone out if you're doing something with a bad attitude. You're also not benefitting yourself if your "yes" always comes from a place of fear ("Will they still like me if I say 'no'?") or codependency.
Nothing is good about being a selfish person. But if you want to be a true blessing, give when you know you've got the time, the resources, and the right spirit. You can know whether or not you do by taking a moment to check your own schedule, your own bills, and if you've made sure that you're rested and centered enough to help out.
A healthy person knows that it's always best to give from their surplus; not from their lack.
3.Designate a Day Each Week That Is Yours (ALL YOURS)
Let me clarify what I mean by this. I'm not saying that you need to call in sick once a week. I'm also not saying that you should blow your budget with reckless spending. What I am suggesting is that you set aside a day when you make sure you do exactly what you want to do—no justifications, explanations, or apologies to anyone else given—on a consistent basis.
It could be a weekday to binge-watch a favorite show. It could be a weekend morning to have brunch at one of your favorite spots. Whatever you decide, it needs to be about disconnecting from your regular schedule and focusing on what makes you happy and peaceful (not one or the other—both).
I'm not saying it has to be the same day each week either. Just make sure that you block out a few hours, each week, to cater to you and only you. Doing something as simple as this will get you used to prioritizing life so that you'll be better at doing my next recommendation.
4.Realign Your Other Priorities
It's gotta be one of my favorite quotes on the planet. And it's been my personal experience that the only ones who get offended by it are the very ones who need to hear it more often:
"Poor planning on your part does not automatically constitute an automatic emergency on my part."
I can't tell you how many times someone would be reckless with their own life and then call me to fix it like it was something I had to do. Wanna know why they felt that way? Because I let them. I didn't say "no" enough or I didn't make sure that my needs—the things I am actually responsible for—were taken care of before tending to their stuff.
If you're constantly playing catch-up with your finances because you're always paying someone else's bills or your relationship is suffering because the friend who wants you to shut up while she's in a toxic relationshipalso always wants you on the phone with her for hours on end when it blows up in her face? Listen, I'm not saying to shut down on these types of folks. What I am saying is give $40 rather than loan $100 and meet your friend at a coffee house after you've spent quality time with your own significant other.
Realigning your priorities is simply about making sure that all of your priorities cooperate well with one another; that none of them cause chaos or disarray in your world as you're in the process of addressing them all.
When you make sure that you're good, it helps to keep you centered and focused. By making you your top priority, you can make much wiser decisions about everything (and one) else.
5.Make 6-8 Hours of Sleep Non-Negotiable
Moodiness. Fatigue. A lack of motivation. An increased appetite. A low sex drive. A damaged immune system. Clumsiness and forgetfulness. Guess what all of these things are a direct sign of? Sleep deprivation.
There are some people I know who are super emotionally unstable. They've been like that for so long that they think their mood swings and pop-off nature are normal. Guess what they all have in common? They each get no more than five hours of sleep every night. (Oh trust me, I've asked.)
Me? I'll sacrifice a lot of stuff, but what someone is not gonna get in the way of is my sleep. Personally, I like my bed so much that it's like a taking a trip to Six Flags but that's totally beside the point. For the sake of your health and your sanity, make getting no less than six hours of sleep a top priority. Nothing (or no one) should be more important than your body being on point and you staying in your right mind.
6.Totally Spoil Yourself (at Least) Once a Month
The way I handle everything and everyone in my world has totally changed once I started to spoil myself. Once I made sure that treating me to something that makes me feel sacred and special was on my agenda, it became more and more difficult to let others make me feel less than or challenge my worth and value.
That's why I'm a HUGE FAN of encouraging my sistahs to spoil themselves. Don't let the word "spoil" put you in the mindset of being frivolous or a brat. One of my favorite definitions of the word is "a treasure accumulated by a person". You are a treasure so why not surround yourself with things that remind you of this very fact?
The more you value and prize yourself, the less you'll settle for less from others.
It's the ultimate perk of making the decision to make yourself your own top priority.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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RELATED
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert