If you've been following my byline, as it specifically relates to sex, then you already know that I like to break sex down into themes. You know, like Christmas sex. Fall sex. And today? Summer sex. After all, y'all, summer is the hottest season of the year, so it would be an absolute shame if your sex life didn't reflect that very fact.
So in honor of June through September, I wanted to put you on to 12 things that you and yours can do to take things up a couple of notches in the bedroom. I'm doing so in hopes that, when you look back on this summer, you'll have some of the best—and by "best", I mean sensual, erotic, provocative, nasty, totally mind-blowing—sex memories yet.
1. Take Advantage of the Extra Sunlight
Even if you're not the sappiest or most sentimental woman on the planet (I'm shouting that particular demographic out because I personally know some), a little bit of romance never hurt nobody. Matter of fact, the older I get, the more I find dates to be an ultimate act of foreplay. And since the days are longer during the summer season, that gives you and yours more time to do things like have an evening picnic, enjoy a bottle of wine on your back deck, eat outside at your favorite restaurant—things that, any other time of the year, you might rush to do after work before it gets dark. Quality time is a wonderful seducer. Use this summer to take full advantage of it.
2. Buy Some Yellow Lingerie
A burlesque dancer and businesswoman by the name of Dita Von Teese once said, "Lingerie is not about seducing men. It's about embracing womanhood." Personally, I find it to be some of Column A and some of Column B but either way, embrace your body image and sexual self-esteem by treating you (and your partner) to a couple of new lingerie items. This time, though, instead of going the traditional black or red route, go with something yellow. For one thing, I don't know one Black woman who isn't KILLIN' IT in that color. Also, yellow is a popular summertime hue; one that conveys warmth, excitement, optimism, joy and open communication—all things that make sex so much more enjoyable.
3. Serve Up a Couple of Ginseng Martinis
Winter before last, I wrote an article about aphrodisiac foods that can help to get your juices flowing. But if you and yours like to indulge in a drink together every now and then, something that you might want to try is a ginseng martini. On the health tip, ginseng does everything from improve your brain function, reduce inflammation, lower blood sugar and shorten the life of colds and the flu.
Sexually, not only does ginseng provide you with a boost of energy, there is a good amount of data to support that it can help men who struggle with erectile dysfunction too. Also, if you're trying to make a baby, that's one more reason to make your man a couple of these martinis because, word on the street is that, ginseng improves sperm quality as well.
You can find a pretty easy recipe here.
4. Invest in a Cooling Mattress Pad
There's hot sex and then there's sex when you're hot. I hate the latter. If you don't want to run your electric bill up higher than it probably already is, just so that you're not dripping wet once your romp is over, something that you can do is to invest in a cooling mattress pad. They're designed to keep you cooler as your body temperature fluctuates as you sleep. Oh, and while we're on the topic of your bedding, you might want to get the kind of sheets that can assist in cooling you down too. Ones that are made out of organic cotton or bamboo always top the list.
5. Freeze Your Sex Toys
Along the lines of what I just said, if sex toys are always a part of your sex life, why not throw those in the freezer for a minute or two? The ones you've got that are made out of glass or metal are able to hold cold (and hot) temperatures really well. All you need to do is let them freeze for 15-20 minutes and they'll be ready to take you and your partner's arousal levels to whole new heights!
6. Bring in Some Popsicles
Whenever I think of ice and sex, the first thing that comes to my mind is the ice scene between Mookie and Tina in Do the Right Thing. Incorporating ice in this way can be super erotic because the changes in temperatures can be stimulating AF. But rather than going with regular tasteless ice, opt for some popsicles instead. That way, you can get your favorite flavor which can only take the fun and exhilaration up a notch (or you can pour juice into an ice tray in order to basically get the same result).
7. Apply a Little Piña Colada Lube
Feel free to check out the article "If You've Always Wanted A 'Lubricant Cheat Sheet,' Here Ya Go" on why lubricant can be your very best friend when it comes to having really hot sex.
In sticking along with the summer theme that we've got going here, if there is a signature flavor that typically goes along with it, piña colada is what comes to my mind. So, why not cop some piña colada lubricant?
If you're down, you can get some here.
8. Do Some Crisscrossing
Hopefully, even if you don't naturally sleep naked (which you should because it's really good for your health and well-being), you're doing it a bit more during the summertime. Well, if you and yours happen to wake up in the middle of the night, wanting to have sex but it's a little warmer in the room than you'd like, try doing it in the "crisscross" position. This position consists of you turning over to your right side, with your partner then straddling your right leg and while wrapping your left leg around him. Doing this will allow for deep penetration without your sticky and sweaty body parts constantly ramming into each other.
9. Do It in an Adult-Size Inflatable Pool
Not everyone is going to be able to get to a beach or pool this summer. Shoot, even if you can, you might not be down for taking the risk of having sex in either one. A cool alternative is to purchase something like a Intex Family Lounge Pool or Intex 57191WL Swim Center Family Lounge Pool. They are large enough to hold 2-3 adults and are designed in a way where you can comfortably get into pretty much any sex position you want to be in. Because really, who said that kids are the only ones who get to have fun in backyard inflatable pools? Exactly.
10. Play ASMR Videos of Ocean Waves
When I say that I am an ASMR fan? Whew! I wish I hadn't waited as long as I did to fall asleep to the sound of thunderstorms. Anyway, when you're gettin' it in indoors, something that can make you feel like you are at a beach house is listening to sounds of ocean waves. YouTube has a ton of them. All you've got to do is go to the site and put "ocean waves sounds" in the search field. Oh, and if you want to take all of this summer-like ambiance to another level, get yourself a portable fan and point it into the direction of your bed. Then, cop yourself some plug-ins; ones that have tropical scents. How could you not feel like you are on vacation? Even if it's more like a sex staycation?
11. Feed Each Other Some Watermelon
Watermelon is in season from May through September, so of course, it's the ultimate summertime fruit. Health-wise, although it's made up of 92 percent water, watermelon is still packed with vitamins A and C that can help to improve your heart health, relieve muscle soreness, prevent cancer cells from developing and, thanks to the fiber that's in it, watermelon is a sweet way to stay regular too.
Sexually, it's earned the nickname "natural Viagra" due to the amino acid citrulline that is also found in the fruit. The awesome thing about it is citrulline helps to relax and dilate blood vessels. What that means is more intense orgasms for you and longer erections for your partner. Yep. Definitely get you some as soon as possible.
12. Go “Sex Glamping” (in Your Backyard)
Something that I want to do, at some point in my life, is go glamping. If that's on your sex bucket list too but it's just not a feasible option right now, if you're a homeowner, how about just camping out in your backyard? A tent. Some of your favorite foods. A flashlight (to do a little "body searching" with). You might be surprised how those three simple things might be all that you need to have some of the best summer sex that you've had in a really, really long time. Have fun, y'all!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here to receive our latest articles and news straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Giphy
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
The Mecca Of Fashion: The Top Street Style Moments At Howard Homecoming
Outfits were planned, bags were packed, and cameras were ready to capture Howard University's collegiate spirit during its centennial Homecoming celebration. Not only does it hold the number one ranking as the most elite Historically Black College and University or its top performing academics, diversity of students and alumni, but the HBCU also leaves a legacy of style and grace.
The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
Doechii Decoded: 10 Things You Should Know About The Hip-Hop Powerhouse
Doechii, born Jaylah Hickmon, is a rising star in the music world with a unique flair that sets her apart. Doechii's trajectory shows that she's not just another name in the industry; she's carving out her own space with her creativity, authenticity, and unapologetic style.
Raised in a household that loved music, she began exploring her creative side early on, dabbling in poetry, dance, and theater. By the time she was a teenager, she was already making her own music, writing lyrics, and experimenting with different sounds. Doechii initially shared her songs on YouTube and SoundCloud, steadily building a loyal fan base and refining her artistic identity.
This year the Florida native is leading the ladies in the rap pack with four Grammy nominations — Best New Artist, Best Rap Album, Best Rap Performance, and Best Remixed Recording.
In March, Doechii took the pop charts by storm with her track "Alter Ego" featuring JT and Kaytranada. Shortly after, she released one of the year's most refreshing rap projects, Alligator Bites Never Heal. The project stands out as a lyrical tour de force, effortlessly weaving wordplay with raw emotion and vulnerability in a way that few artists of her generation can match.
1.Doechii Has Genre-Bending Style
Doechii is known for blending genres like rap, R&B, and pop with influences from punk, hip-hop, and electronic music. Her sound is distinct and showcases her versatility.
2.Her Viral Beginnings with "Yucky Blucky Fruitcake"
She first gained significant attention in 2020 with the viral success of her song "Yucky Blucky Fruitcake." The track, which features a raw storytelling style, quickly became a hit on TikTok, introducing her to a wider audience.
In a blend of all the emotions—relief, pride, and irritation, Doechii raps "I am a Black girl who beat the statistics," in “Yucky Blucky Fruitcake.” While her vocal nuances and cadences on the song are reminiscent of Nicki Minaj, the unique origin story at its core is all Doechii.
3.Doechii Signed with Top Dawg Entertainment (TDE)
In 2022, Doechii became the first female rapper to sign with Top Dawg Entertainment (TDE), joining a roster that includes Kendrick Lamar, SZA, and Isaiah Rashad. This marked a major milestone in her career.
On October 17, Mr. Morale himself expressed his admiration for Doechii by declaring her the "hardest out" in an Instagram Story post. This post highlighted the cover art of her acclaimed mixtape, Alligator Bites Never Heal, which is a testament to the Florida native's talent. Doechii returned the favor by reposting the IG Story and expressing her gratitude to K. Dot for recognizing her. "Thank you, Dot, you're the greatest," wrote the 26-year-old rapper in response.
4.Performing on Major Platforms
Doechii has performed on major platforms like the BET Awards and MTV Video Music Awards (VMAs). Her high-energy performances have captivated audiences, showcasing her charisma and stage presence. Not to mention, she joined Isaiah Rashad at Coachella this year and gave it all the way up as the musical guest on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon in May 2022.
5.Doechii's Hit Singles Like "Crazy" and "Persuasive"
She released the singles "Crazy" and "Persuasive," both of which received critical acclaim. "Persuasive" became a summer anthem, and a remix featuring SZA further elevated the track's popularity.
As of late, “Nissan Altima” and “What It Is” have the girlies in the chokehold.
6.Creative Visuals and Fashion Sense
Her music videos are known for their bold, artistic visuals. Doechii's fashion choices often feature eclectic, avant-garde styles, which add to her artistic identity and set her apart in the music industry. Whether it’s a killer suit, balloon skirt, or custom couture, she’s gonna eat the girls up every time.
7.Doechii Is an Openly Queer Artist
Doechii identifies as queer and often incorporates themes of gender fluidity and sexuality into her music. Her openness about her identity has made her an icon in the LGBTQ+ community.
To commemorate Pride Month this year, the Swamp Princess crafted a heartfelt letter addressing the LGBTQ community, expressing gratitude for their unwavering support. This support empowered her to courageously challenge societal expectations and embrace her authentic self without reservation.
She wrote, “My creative work is heavily influenced by both my Florida roots and the vibrant LGBTQ+ community. Whether I’m working on choreography or undergoing a glamorous transformation, I draw inspiration from my memories of resilience and artistry of drag queens in Ybor City and the energy of ballroom culture in NYC.”
8.Doechii's Inspirations and Influences
Her influences range from Missy Elliott and Nicki Minaj to genre-defying artists like Tyler, The Creator to the greats like Kanye West, Beyoncé, Lauryn Hill, and Outkast. Doechii cites their innovation and boldness as key inspirations in shaping her own artistic journey. In an interview with NME, Doechii shared, “These are artists who are the most honest, the most creative, and I’m really inspired by them. They gave me the courage to do what I’m doing right now.”
The rapper continued, “I wrote my first song when I was in the 6th grade. I knew this girl who was a huge Nicki Minaj fan. She put me onto Nicki Minaj and I was immediately hooked and wanted to start a group. I wanted to rap, so I wrote my first song and we did it at a talent show, and we won!”
9.Her Debut EP 'she / her / black bitch'
In 2022, she dropped her EP she / her / black bitch, a powerful project that explores themes of identity, race, and womanhood. The title and content reflect her experience as a Black woman in America, aiming to reclaim and empower.
10.Her Advocacy for Mental Health and Self-Love
Doechii is vocal about mental health, self-love, and the struggles of navigating the music industry as a young artist. She uses her platform to encourage fans to embrace their authentic selves and prioritize their mental well-being.
When sitting down with Netflix and Baby Tate for a roundtable discussion, Doechii shared, “Same as Tate, I recognize my shadow self and my demons as something that I work with. Now I kinda tell them what to do and we really cool now. If anything, I used to be really ashamed like, why do I even have a dark side? … Then I realized that my shadow side and my demons can actually help me see myself in a more human way. I kinda forgave myself, and them, and now we work together. We cool but not too much."
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image via Giphy