If you've been following my byline, as it specifically relates to sex, then you already know that I like to break sex down into themes. You know, like Christmas sex. Fall sex. And today? Summer sex. After all, y'all, summer is the hottest season of the year, so it would be an absolute shame if your sex life didn't reflect that very fact.
So in honor of June through September, I wanted to put you on to 12 things that you and yours can do to take things up a couple of notches in the bedroom. I'm doing so in hopes that, when you look back on this summer, you'll have some of the best—and by "best", I mean sensual, erotic, provocative, nasty, totally mind-blowing—sex memories yet.
1. Take Advantage of the Extra Sunlight
Even if you're not the sappiest or most sentimental woman on the planet (I'm shouting that particular demographic out because I personally know some), a little bit of romance never hurt nobody. Matter of fact, the older I get, the more I find dates to be an ultimate act of foreplay. And since the days are longer during the summer season, that gives you and yours more time to do things like have an evening picnic, enjoy a bottle of wine on your back deck, eat outside at your favorite restaurant—things that, any other time of the year, you might rush to do after work before it gets dark. Quality time is a wonderful seducer. Use this summer to take full advantage of it.
2. Buy Some Yellow Lingerie
A burlesque dancer and businesswoman by the name of Dita Von Teese once said, "Lingerie is not about seducing men. It's about embracing womanhood." Personally, I find it to be some of Column A and some of Column B but either way, embrace your body image and sexual self-esteem by treating you (and your partner) to a couple of new lingerie items. This time, though, instead of going the traditional black or red route, go with something yellow. For one thing, I don't know one Black woman who isn't KILLIN' IT in that color. Also, yellow is a popular summertime hue; one that conveys warmth, excitement, optimism, joy and open communication—all things that make sex so much more enjoyable.
3. Serve Up a Couple of Ginseng Martinis
Winter before last, I wrote an article about aphrodisiac foods that can help to get your juices flowing. But if you and yours like to indulge in a drink together every now and then, something that you might want to try is a ginseng martini. On the health tip, ginseng does everything from improve your brain function, reduce inflammation, lower blood sugar and shorten the life of colds and the flu.
Sexually, not only does ginseng provide you with a boost of energy, there is a good amount of data to support that it can help men who struggle with erectile dysfunction too. Also, if you're trying to make a baby, that's one more reason to make your man a couple of these martinis because, word on the street is that, ginseng improves sperm quality as well.
You can find a pretty easy recipe here.
4. Invest in a Cooling Mattress Pad
There's hot sex and then there's sex when you're hot. I hate the latter. If you don't want to run your electric bill up higher than it probably already is, just so that you're not dripping wet once your romp is over, something that you can do is to invest in a cooling mattress pad. They're designed to keep you cooler as your body temperature fluctuates as you sleep. Oh, and while we're on the topic of your bedding, you might want to get the kind of sheets that can assist in cooling you down too. Ones that are made out of organic cotton or bamboo always top the list.
5. Freeze Your Sex Toys
Along the lines of what I just said, if sex toys are always a part of your sex life, why not throw those in the freezer for a minute or two? The ones you've got that are made out of glass or metal are able to hold cold (and hot) temperatures really well. All you need to do is let them freeze for 15-20 minutes and they'll be ready to take you and your partner's arousal levels to whole new heights!
6. Bring in Some Popsicles
Whenever I think of ice and sex, the first thing that comes to my mind is the ice scene between Mookie and Tina in Do the Right Thing. Incorporating ice in this way can be super erotic because the changes in temperatures can be stimulating AF. But rather than going with regular tasteless ice, opt for some popsicles instead. That way, you can get your favorite flavor which can only take the fun and exhilaration up a notch (or you can pour juice into an ice tray in order to basically get the same result).
7. Apply a Little Piña Colada Lube
Feel free to check out the article "If You've Always Wanted A 'Lubricant Cheat Sheet,' Here Ya Go" on why lubricant can be your very best friend when it comes to having really hot sex.
In sticking along with the summer theme that we've got going here, if there is a signature flavor that typically goes along with it, piña colada is what comes to my mind. So, why not cop some piña colada lubricant?
If you're down, you can get some here.
8. Do Some Crisscrossing
Hopefully, even if you don't naturally sleep naked (which you should because it's really good for your health and well-being), you're doing it a bit more during the summertime. Well, if you and yours happen to wake up in the middle of the night, wanting to have sex but it's a little warmer in the room than you'd like, try doing it in the "crisscross" position. This position consists of you turning over to your right side, with your partner then straddling your right leg and while wrapping your left leg around him. Doing this will allow for deep penetration without your sticky and sweaty body parts constantly ramming into each other.
9. Do It in an Adult-Size Inflatable Pool
Not everyone is going to be able to get to a beach or pool this summer. Shoot, even if you can, you might not be down for taking the risk of having sex in either one. A cool alternative is to purchase something like a Intex Family Lounge Pool or Intex 57191WL Swim Center Family Lounge Pool. They are large enough to hold 2-3 adults and are designed in a way where you can comfortably get into pretty much any sex position you want to be in. Because really, who said that kids are the only ones who get to have fun in backyard inflatable pools? Exactly.
10. Play ASMR Videos of Ocean Waves
When I say that I am an ASMR fan? Whew! I wish I hadn't waited as long as I did to fall asleep to the sound of thunderstorms. Anyway, when you're gettin' it in indoors, something that can make you feel like you are at a beach house is listening to sounds of ocean waves. YouTube has a ton of them. All you've got to do is go to the site and put "ocean waves sounds" in the search field. Oh, and if you want to take all of this summer-like ambiance to another level, get yourself a portable fan and point it into the direction of your bed. Then, cop yourself some plug-ins; ones that have tropical scents. How could you not feel like you are on vacation? Even if it's more like a sex staycation?
11. Feed Each Other Some Watermelon
Watermelon is in season from May through September, so of course, it's the ultimate summertime fruit. Health-wise, although it's made up of 92 percent water, watermelon is still packed with vitamins A and C that can help to improve your heart health, relieve muscle soreness, prevent cancer cells from developing and, thanks to the fiber that's in it, watermelon is a sweet way to stay regular too.
Sexually, it's earned the nickname "natural Viagra" due to the amino acid citrulline that is also found in the fruit. The awesome thing about it is citrulline helps to relax and dilate blood vessels. What that means is more intense orgasms for you and longer erections for your partner. Yep. Definitely get you some as soon as possible.
12. Go “Sex Glamping” (in Your Backyard)
Something that I want to do, at some point in my life, is go glamping. If that's on your sex bucket list too but it's just not a feasible option right now, if you're a homeowner, how about just camping out in your backyard? A tent. Some of your favorite foods. A flashlight (to do a little "body searching" with). You might be surprised how those three simple things might be all that you need to have some of the best summer sex that you've had in a really, really long time. Have fun, y'all!
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Featured image by Giphy
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak