Look y'all—by no means am I saying that great sex only consists of a night that is first filled with romance. Those who've been having great sex for a long time now can totally testify to the fact that sometimes quickies or, what I like to call, "lust runs" (because lusting your partner is about having a really intense desire for them, to the point where you want to even bypass foreplay to get it in), are all a part of having a happy and totally fulfilling sex life.
Still, that doesn't mean that there aren't some moments when couples shouldn't shift gears—make plans, dress up…woo each other. Sometimes, the combination of the romantic gestures, along with not being so quick to hop in the bed is what can make sex so much hotter—and even more meaningful—once the physical connection does transpire.
How To Make Sex More Romantic
If you agree and you'd like for you and yours to have a romantic evening tonight, I've got 10 tips to nudge you in the direction of old-fashion seduction. Something that is oh-so-sexy when it comes to entering into copulation.
1. Go on a Date
I don't care how long you've been with someone or how well you think that you already know them, going on dates with your partner is something that should be prioritized in every relationship. Dates are how two people can spend quality time together. Dates are how two people can escape the…shoot, daily-ness of their everyday lives. And, if the date is planned out well enough, it can also spark a flame of romance into it too. I know that COVID-19 has thrown one of the biggest wrenches known to man when it comes to going out; that's why, a while back, I wrote a piece on how you can date at home. "10 Romantic Dates You Can Go On (In Your Own Home)" will hopefully offer up some inspiration so that you feel closer to your partner. That way, with any luck, the concentrated time alone will make the two of you want to get just that much closer as the night progresses.
2. Discuss Nothing but Each Other
A friend of mine, who's been married for almost three decades now, once said something that has remained in my mind, ever since it came out of their mouth. "Shellie, one of the hardest things about being married is you're trying to have sex with your business partner and, sometimes, business isn't sexy." Whew. This is why I say that, whenever you're on your date with your significant other, try and leave everything that has nothing to do with the two of you directly, totally off of the table. Matter of fact, even what does have to do with you, let it not be gripes, complaints or "issues".
Instead, stroll down memory lane. Flirt. Also, check out my article, "9 Sex-Related Questions You & Your Partner Should Ask Each Other. Tonight." too. Sometimes, when it comes to being sexually intimate with your partner, it's not that the desire is lacking so much as the focus. Set aside some time tonight to focus on nothing but what makes you love—and lust—your partner. Then open up your mind and heart to hear them express the same.
3. Create Bedroom Ambiance
This particular tip is one that could've just as easily gone before the date tip; it's really all about how much time/effort you want to put into setting the stage for a really great evening. Either way, another reason why, sometimes it's a challenge to engage in romantic copulation is because, probably 7-8 times out of 10, you're always in your bedroom. And if your bedroom always looks the same (minus the switch up on the sheets, of course), that can hinder you from getting excited at the mere thought of going back in there…again.
Years ago, I used to get paid to decorate married couples' bedrooms, in honor of special days like Valentine's Day or their anniversary. I learned there's simple things that you can do to make your bedroom so much more appealing. You can put colored light bulbs in your lamps; light some scented soy candles (soy candles burn cleaner and last longer); upgrade your pillows (the more support, the better…right?) including a couple of velvet pillows (they feel amazin'); get some jewel-toned bedding (it's warm and alluring); hang some blackout curtains that look like drapes (so that the room is super dark and a hint of romantic drama added to it) and, remove the appearance of all electronics minus whatever you plan on playing any sexy music from. Oh, and you can never go wrong by bringing some rose petals into the mix, whether it's sprinkling them on the floor, putting them on your bed, using them as potpourri for your nightstand, putting a couple of them into each glass of champagne, or filling your lingerie (or sexy toy) drawer with 'em. Simple "upgrades" like this can change your room from just a place where you sleep to the ultimate sex romp room.
4. Exchange Some Verbal Foreplay
While I am a huge fan of dirty talk—and that certainly can fit into this particular point very well—actually, when I say "verbal foreplay", what I mean is you and your partner taking out the time to simply honor and affirm one another. What's your favorite things about your partner? What do you appreciate about each other? What made you choose them above all others? Some of y'all might be too young to remember the scene from The Cosby Show when Cliff and Claire were spending a romantic evening away from home. At first, Cliff rushed to have sex. Yet when Claire basically asked him to step back and seduce her a little bit and he did, all of a sudden, she was ready to jump him (you can watch the clip here)! Telling someone how much you adore them and how important they are in your life definitely perks up their sense of hearing. And since the brain is the biggest sex organ we've got, the more desired we feel in our minds, the more our bodies will become more receptive. There's no doubt about that.
5. Give a Candle Wax or Chocolate Massage
There are at least 25 solid reasons why all of us should probably get a massage, no less than every 4-6 weeks. One of them is because they can work miracles in the area of our sex life. Massages soothe achy muscles and joints. Massages reduce stress levels (stress can make it hard for a man to maintain his erection and it can make it harder for us to orgasm). Massages also put us in a better mood, relieve any headaches or tension that we might have and, they increase flexibility and blood circulation, so that we can get into all of those sex positions that we've been wanting to try so that we can have the best climax ever once we do! Honestly, a massage alone is pretty romantic but if you want to up the ante, how about you and your partner engaging in either a candle wax or chocolate-themed one?
Massage candles are so popular at this point that you can usually even find them at your local drug store. You just let the flame melt the candle and then drip it onto your partner and massage the oil in (it's really sensual). A chocolate massage is one that includes ingredients like chocolate and mint (both of which are aphrodisiacs, by the way). A chocolate massage makes it possible to feel and like at the same time (whew chile!). If you'd like to give that one a shot, you can cop a really easy DIY recipe here.
6. Drink a Love Potion
Do love potion beverages actually make you hornier? Eh. But they are super romantic, really delicious and, if you use them to toast your partner (as they do the same for you), they can become another fitting addition to your evening of sexiness. Two love potion drinks that taste pretty damn wonderful are the Edinburgh Rose Romantic Cocktail (which has raspberries, champagne and even rose petals in it) and the Chocolate Cherry Cha-Cha (which consists of cherry liqueur, coconut rum and chocolate vodka). Or, if neither of those tickle your fancy, you can always go to your favorite search engine and put "Valentine's Day drink recipes" in the search field. I promise that you'll find a ton of romantic alcoholic and non-alcoholic drink recipes for the taking, if you do.
7. Kiss. A LOT.
I don't know about y'all, but based on how good—or not so good—a kiss is, that can determine, BIG TIME, on how much—and quickly—things can go any further. The right kiss? LAWD. HAVE. MERCY. Plus, kissing really is super-uber-especially romantic. The touches. The taste. The sounds. OK, let me get my head back into this article! Anyway, I know A LOT of men who actually find kissing to be at the very least, just as intimate as intercourse. Many have told me because, even with coitus, you can "hide behind" a condom. But when you're kissing, you're both in such an open and vulnerable state. I'd add that there is something very sweet about being so into a person that you're perfectly content with doing nothing but kissing them for countless minutes. Kissing is romantic. Make it a top focal point of your romantic sex-themed night.
8. Get into “Eye Contact” Positions
You know what they say—eyes are the windows of the soul, right? Even if you and your partner never made eye contact during sex, you're still gonna end up bonded because that is what natural hormone oxytocin is designed to do. But when you're that close together and you have moments when your eyes actually meet, there is absolutely no way that you can't feel emotionally connected on a whole 'nother level. If romance is the goal, be intentional about getting into sexual positions where he can stare into your eyes as you do the same to him. If you need a little help or inspiration when it comes to choosing the best position—or hopefully positions—to accomplish this goal, check out an article that has 113 positions (and pics) total here.
9. Participate in Afterplay
Earlier this spring, I penned an article entitled, "Sure, Your Foreplay Game Is On Point. Now What About The 'Afterplay'?" Bottom line, if foreplay is what helps to warm you up, afterplay is what helps to cool you down, in the best way possible. I'm pretty sure it's no surprise to you that, while great sex can hype us up for another round, oftentimes it does the exact opposite for our partner (hey, good sex and ejaculation can take a lot outta a brotha!). Something that can make you feel like you're not being gypped in between sessions is afterplay. It's when the two of you can talk, snack or even just cuddle in the spoon position until you're both ready to go again. Out of all of the tips that I shared here, I sincerely believe that sex would feel more romantic, even without all of the "extras", if couples made more time for afterplay more often.
10. Engage in Some Morning Sex
I won't lie. Probably my favorite line in Beyoncé and Jay Z's "Drunk in Love" song is when Jay says, "We sex again in the mornin', your breast-eses are my breakfast, we goin' in." Not only is it SEXY when you didn't get enough from your partner the night before that you've just gotta have them, first thing, in the morning as well—but morning sex can also be hella romantic because natural light, the quiet of the beginning of the day…needing to be with one another, intimately, before anything else…that's also really special. So, if you're out here wanting to have a romantic sex night tonight, try and reserve at least a half hour for some morning sex tomorrow. I have talked to many men about this topic and, for them, morning sex is really hard to beat. Hmph. If a lot of us really pondered when we like to get down, we'd agree with that sentiment too.
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- 10 Easy Ways To Make Sex More Romantic - Society19 ›
- How to Have Incredibly Romantic Sex | LoveToKnow ›
- 50 Easy Ways to Be a (Much) More Romantic Man | Best Life ›
- 11 Ways To Make Sex More Fun, Intense, And Intimate ›
- 10 tips to make your partner more romantic ›
- How to Be Romantic in Bed: 15 Steps (with Pictures) - wikiHow ›
- 8 Hot Tips for Couples to Have Incredibly Romantic Sex ›
- 5 Simple Ways to Make Sex More Romantic ›
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Alaska Wasn’t On My Bucket List, But My Glacier Adventure Made Me A Believer
We all have bucket list destinations at the top of our lists. I visited one of those at the top of 2024: Japan! But what happens when you get an opportunity to go someplace that wasn’t on it? For me, that was Alaska. Now, I’d submitted my short film to the Anchorage International Film Festival, genuinely thinking it would be a long shot to get in with a short film about fibroids and Black women’s health.
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert