

It's pretty common knowledge that, when it comes to who can last longer in bed, hands down, it's us. While it can easily take a man about five minutes to ejaculate, it can take us somewhere around 20 minutes to climax. Why that is the case is something only Mother Nature truly knows, but whatever the reason is, the bottom line is that the best lovers have to figure out how to strike a balance so that both people can be satisfied. Communication helps. Getting off on giving more than receiving is important too. But let's not act like it's also not a very valid point for men to be able to master how to have a longer—and when needed stronger—erection (especially if you and your partner want to orgasm at the same time).
While this might sound like an ad for some sort of erectile pill (it ain't, but I will say that I've heard a lot of Black men big up the no-prescription-needed pill BlueChew), it's actually an intro into some very practical things that you can encourage your partner to do in order to have the kind of erections that will end up impressing you both. So, once you finish reading this, make sure to pass it along to him. Most of these 10 tips are pretty practical and, if they are actually applied, I'm willing to bet that he'll be so much better equipped at getting on your timetable. If you know what I mean (wink).
10 Practical Tips To Make His Erections Last Longer
1. He Needs to Watch His Diet
For a man to have a long and strong erection, yes, he needs to be turned on, but he also needs to push the value meal deals back as well. Anything that affects how blood rushes to his genitalia can play a direct role in things being much limper than Mother Nature ever intended for them to be. That's why it's imperative that your partner avoids processed and/or fried or fatty foods because that could ultimately lead to high cholesterol, heart disease, clogged up arteries and/or diabetes (which can also affect a man's ability to get it up or keep it up).
Instead, he needs to eat antioxidants like citrus fruit, berries and dark chocolate (they will boost his immunity and fight heart disease); garlic, salmon and tomatoes (they will increase blood circulation), and watermelon, avocado and broccoli (they help to boost a man's libido).
2. He Needs to Eat More Testosterone
Speaking of a man's libido, something that most of us learned in high school level science class is men produce more testosterone and women produce more estrogen. When a man's testosterone levels are low (like if he has an underlying health condition or he's going through andropause), that also can affect how often he has an erection and/or how long his erections are able to last. That's why first, it's important that he sees his physician in order to confirm if it is a serious hormonal imbalance. Second, it's a good idea that he starts to eat more testosterone-boosting foods. Some of those include egg yolks, beans, tuna, beef, almonds, spinach and bananas.
3. He Needs More Exercise
Exercise is good for a billion and one reasons. On the sex tip, it gives us more energy, makes us more flexible, builds up our endurance, teaches us how to deep breathe (which can intensify our orgasms) and it puts us in a much better mood. As far as your partner's penis goes, exercise is also beneficial because it can help to keep two "enemies" of weak erections under control—weight gain and low blood circulation. If your partner isn't the biggest fan of exercise, just let him know that 20 minutes, three times a week, can help to keep the limpness away. It doesn't have to be anything on the Olympian level; a combination of jogging and sit-ups (or push-ups) will do just fine.
4. He Needs “Visual Aids”
It's not a myth or a mere common assumption that men tend to be more visually stimulated than women do (you can read more about this very topic here). And honestly, I can't tell you how many husbands have said in a counseling session that, while they love their wife and find her sexy AF, they are so tired of her coming to bed looking a hella-hot-mess. Finding out what your partner likes to see you in is another way to get—and keep—things right where you want them to be.
5. He Needs More Coffee (and Less Alcohol)
If your partner loves himself a big cup of coffee every morning, that can actually work in his favor when it comes to his erections. It actually makes sense when you stop to think about the fact that caffeine is a stimulant. And since caffeine stimulates our systems, as it directly relates to men, it is able to increase blood flow directly in their penile region. However, as far as alcohol goes, although 1-2 glasses a day typically is fine, there are studies which indicate that anything more than that can actually increase a man's risk of experiencing sexual dysfunction. So yeah, a bottle of wine or whiskey, right before gettin' it in? That's probably not the best idea.
6. He Needs to Smell Some Pumpkin and Lavender Oil
We bring all five senses (sight, smell, taste, touch and hearing) into our boudoir, right? So, of course, our sense of smell would play such a pivotal role in how to create the perfect sexual experience. A while back, I wrote a piece for the site on how to properly apply aphrodisiac scents, along with how to make them last longer (check out "8 Natural Aphrodisiac Scents, Where They Go & How To Make Them Last").
But when it comes, specifically, to a man being able to maintain his erection, there's a specific blend that you've just gotta keep nearby. What is it? Pumpkin and lavender, sis. It might sound crazy but there are several studies that say that when a man smells this combo, blood rushes to his penis 40 percent faster than any other smell. Hey, if that ain't a ringing endorsement for both essential oils, I promise you, I don't know what is!
7. He Needs to Put Your Legs over His Shoulders
If your partner is constantly trying to get you into the sexual position where you're on your back and your legs are over his shoulders (almost like you're a human pretzel), his erection could have a lot to do with it. That position makes it where he can get a full look at your body, he can penetrate more easily (and deeply) and he can switch back and forth from intercourse to cunnilingus—which is certainly nothing to complain about. Which brings me to my next point.
8. He Needs More Oral
When it comes to the gift of oral, if you don't like to give or receive, I guess you can skip over this point. But if you're someone who is all about getting some cunnlingus on the regular and yet you try and find every excuse under the moon to not give a little fellatio—to that I say, first read "Do You Swallow? The Unexpected Health Benefits Of Sperm" (you might be surprised by how much sperm can do a body good). Then, I'll just add that some of the happiest men I know are the ones who have a partner who enjoys oral sex, just as much as they do—on both the giving and receiving end. As a bonus, if foreplay consists of an oral sex round (maybe two), by the time you're up for intercourse, you can probably get your partner to go well into the middle of your sex playlist on Spotify. (Try it before you @ me on that.)
9. He Needs Less Stress in His Life
Stress comes in all forms and from a variety of sources. Work. Financial issues. Physical complications. Family life. RELATIONSHIPS. In fact, when it comes to men who struggle with erectile dysfunction, oftentimes their challenges are directly connected to the worry and anxiety that's transpiring in their lives. And just how is stress able to hinder a long and strong erection?
It's kind of a long story but the short of it is, whenever a guy is stressed out, that can cause his cortisol (stress hormone) levels to get really out of wack. Plus, stress can send signals to his brain that will literally hinder the blood in his body from flowing as smoothly as it should.
The bottom line is that stress benefits no one; this includes you, your partner and y'all's sex life. So, encourage the man in your life to eat right, exercise, budget, set boundaries, take out some me-time and resolve issues as soon as possible. He'll feel better and his erections will last longer as a direct result.
10. He Needs More Rest
There are dozens of reasons why getting 6-8 hours of sleep is critical to anyone's health and well-being. But since we're specifically talking about erections today, let's just say that if your partner is sleep-deprived, that is one more reason why his hard-ons may seem a bit softer. The reality is a lack of sleep can also cause our hormone levels (including a man's testosterone ones) to be all over the place. This can affect his ability to concentrate and totally wreck his blood flow (including to his penis). Yeah, a consistent amount of rest is paramount too. Make sure that he gets some, if for no other reason, for your sexual pleasure's sake. Aight? Cool.
Join our xoTribe, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.
Featured image by Shutterstock
- How Your Diet Affects Your Sex Life - xoNecole: Women's Interest ... ›
- 8 Aprodisiacs To Eat For Better Sex - xoNecole: Women's Interest ... ›
- What To Do If Your Partner Has Erectile Dysfunction - xoNecole ... ›
- Give Your Man The Most Intense Orgasm Of His Life - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Foods To Eat Improve Sex Life - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Your April 2025 Horoscopes Are All About Softening Into Love & Speaking Your Truth
April is a month to slow down and to fully grasp what has been. The month starts in fiery Aries Season, but we are also in the thick of Retrograde Season as we begin the month as well. Thankfully, Mercury finally goes direct on April 7, after being retrograde mid-March, and communication matters are clearing up. This is a month of mental clarity, a fresh start, and not being afraid to dream a little bigger.
On April 12, there is a Full Moon in Libra, and this Full Moon brings relationship and financial matters full circle. This is the time to let go of what doesn’t make you feel balanced or in harmony and to create space for more peace to enter your life. Venus goes direct in Pisces on the same day, after being retrograde since March 1, and love is healing. With Venus now direct, there are more opportunities for commitment and longevity in love, and there is overall a greater feeling of romance, receptivity, and compassion in the air now.
Mercury enters Aries from April 16 until May 10, and what you were trying to see through or understand better while Mercury was retrograde here last month, you are experiencing a breakthrough now. Mercury in Aries is insightful and courageous, and people are more likely to speak their minds and initiate conversation with this energy. Mars then enters Leo from April 18 until June 17, reminding us that sometimes it’s okay to be a little more selfish and to focus on what you need right now. Mars in Leo brings forth confidence, creativity, and passion, and brings an exciting energy to charge of your life and advocate for yourself.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, bringing some earth sign energy into the mix, grounding and nurturing what you are creating in your life right now. On April 27, we have a New Moon in Taurus, and this is an abundant and fruitful New Moon. This is one of the best New Moons of the year for you to set your intentions for your financial world and a time for seeing new opportunities for abundance. On the last day of the month, Venus moves into Aries until June 6th, and love requires a little more passion, independence, and excitement during this time.
Overall, April is a month of feeling things through, taking more intuitive risks, investing in yourself, and balancing your needs with the needs of your relationships.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what April has in store for you.
ARIES
April is your month to shine, Aries. With the chaos of March now over, you are starting to see the progress of where life is and how everything has turned out even better than you were expecting. The month begins with the Sun in your 1st house of self, and you are feeling more confident, courageous, and in tune with yourself. With a Full Moon in your sister sign on April 12, relationships are also coming full circle for you now, and you are claiming your peace this month.
Mercury finally goes direct on April 7 and then enters your sign from April 16 to May 10, and this is going to clear up any miscommunications that you have been through. With Mercury now in your sign, your conversations are lively, your mind is inspiring, and you are thinking one step ahead. Before the month ends, Venus enters your sign from April 30 to June 6, and love is also moving forward for you now. Overall, this is a month where you are experiencing some happy outcomes and loyal support.
TAURUS
April is a month of passion and purpose, Taurus. You are living in your abundance, and are focused on valuing yourself and the things you are bringing to fruition right now. Venus, your ruling planet, goes direct on March 12 after being retrograde in your financial house since March 1, and you are moving into the month experiencing more opportunities and also feeling more respected in what you are accumulating for yourself and standing your ground on.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, and it’s all about you right now. This Taurus Season is smoothing things out for you in love, with new relationship developments unfolding and life flourishing for you. The New Moon this month is in your sign on April 27, it’s time for a new beginning. You are truly embracing your strength in April, making things happen for yourself, and no longer doubting your future and what is possible for you.
GEMINI
This month is all about the options becoming available to you now, Gemini. With your ruling planet Mercury going direct at the beginning of the month on April 7, you no longer feel as held back or out of place as you may have in the past weeks. With Mercury now direct, your thinking is clearer, and you are seeing the opportunities in your career and professional world that you may have missed before.
The more you can embrace your authenticity, the less time you will spend doubting how others perceive you, remember that this month.
On April 12, there is a Full Moon in Libra, highlighting the romance in your life and bringing forth understanding and compassion within your close relationships. You are letting go of old attachments or self-doubts that haven’t been serving your love life, and are growing closer to your own heart in the process. Before April comes to an end, Mars enters your 3rd house of communication, and you are overall leaving the month focused on your progress, your vision, and taking up space because you deserve to.
CANCER
This month is all about balancing your time and energy wisely, Cancer. You are being reminded not to overwork or overwhelm yourself in April, and to focus on doing the things that are within your control right now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career for most of the month so you are feeling really passionate about the things you are developing in your life right now, but it’s all about finding the right balance between your personal goals and your needs in your relationships as well.
The Full Moon in Libra on April 12 will be a time to devote your energy to self-care, close loved ones, and overall getting some time to decompress. You are ready to let go of the things that don’t make you feel safe or nurtured and are receiving an emotional renewal right now. The New Moon in Taurus at the end of the month is a time to focus on your intentions on your community, friendships, and aspirations in life, and to pay attention to where you can create more abundance here.
LEO
Things are turning around for you for the better, Leo. April is a dynamic month, and you are owning your inner alchemist. With a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication on April 12, you are getting the messages you have been looking for and the mental clarity you have found is bringing closure to some of your close relationships. This month is about being flexible and trusting the changes that are happening for you right now.
On April 18, Mars enters your sign until June 17, and this is huge for you. You began the year with Mars retrograde in your sign, so you are getting the opportunity now, to rewrite some of the things that weren’t working for you at the beginning of the year. You are overcoming previous obstacles, and experiencing a breakthrough in your life this month. Before April ends, there is a New Moon in Taurus, highlighting your career, reputation, and professional life. This is a good New Moon to set your intentions for what goals you want to come to fruition for you now.
VIRGO
This month is all about building new foundations in your life, Virgo. You are feeling more supported and in tune with your own inner needs and interests, and it’s bringing you closer to people and systems that resonate. Your ruling planet Mercury goes direct this month on April 7 after being retrograde for the past few weeks; bringing more clarity, understanding, and compassion to your partnerships in life. You are focused on love this month and are working together with others to make your dreams come true.
Mid-month, Mars moves into your 12th house of closure and endings, and there is a journey of healing that you experience until June 17. You are motivated to understand yourself better and are looking at the past more right now in order to do so. This is a month of recovering and healing from what has been, for new foundations to be built upon. The New Moon on April 27 is a beautiful way to end the month, as you are getting glimpses of a new, abundant, adventure that is ahead of you.
LIBRA
This is a big month of closure for you, Libra. The Sun is in your 7th house of love for most of April, and your heart is in the right place. With Venus, your ruling planet, going direct on April 12 after being retrograde since March 1, you are finally able to take a breath. You are not experiencing as many obstacles when it comes to communication matters and you are feeling like you have the tools you need to move forward right now.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on April 12, and you are ready to let go of what isn’t working for you. You have been through a lot recently and have gained the clarity you need to let go of old attachments. Venus moves into your house of love before the month ends, and you are leaving the month feeling more in tune with where things are moving forward for you, rather than what you are leaving behind. Your heart moves through a journey in April, and your emotions are showing you a lot.
SCORPIO
April is a month of success, progress, and dreams coming to fruition, Scorpio. You are focused on your health, your priorities, and creating space for the new beginnings that you are creating in your life right now. The Full Moon mid-month is a big closure moment for you, and you are owning the fact that you have healed and you are no longer the same person you were in the past. This is a month of stepping into your power and feeling supported in doing so.
Mid-month, Mars enters your 10th house of career and public life and you are shining within your purpose. Over the next month and a half, you are going to be gaining some new opportunities that will be serving your professional life and goals. This is the month to show up and to let your skills, talents, and authenticity shine. On April 17, there is a New Moon in your opposite sign, Taurus, and you are leaving the month with some pleasant surprises in store for you in love as well.
SAGITTARIUS
April is a new beginning for you, Sagittarius. You are focused on putting the action and effort behind your goals, and you are being proactive within the opportunities that you are looking for right now. With a Full Moon in your 11th house of aspirations mid-month, you are letting go of the way you thought things would play out for you and are owning a more abundant version of things.
On April 27, there is a New Moon in Taurus, which will be highlighting your health and what your body needs more of right now. This is a New Moon to set your intentions for your everyday life and to create a new, beneficial routine that will make things easier for you at the end of the day. Before the month ends, Venus enters your 9th house of adventure, and you are leaving the month with your sights set high. Travel plans are likely, and this is a good time to create some new plans for yourself.
CAPRICORN
April is about putting one step in front of the other with patience and dedication and trusting the decisions you are making for yourself right now, Capricorn. The Sun is in your 4th house for most of the month, and you are yearning for your safe spaces, comfort foods, and loyal people. Giving yourself more time to decompress, take care of yourself, and ground your energy is essential this month.
Mars enters your 8th house of transformation mid-month and will be fueling your need for some change, excitement, and emotional rejuvenation over the next month and a half. You are entering an impactful moment of the year for you, and you are motivated toward change right now. The New Moon at the end of the month is in a fellow earth sign, highlighting the romantic new beginnings you are entering now. Overall, this month is a process, and you are opening new doors while finding gratitude in what is here for you now.
AQUARIUS
April is about giving yourself time to process, accept, and gain a new perspective, Aquarius. You are being guided towards friendship, connection, and community, and are understanding what may be creating the discord in your life that has been distancing you from that. The Full Moon this month is happening in Libra on April 12, and you are ready to let go of feeling like you have to do it all at once or all alone. This month is a reminder to take your time with all the experiences you want to have, trusting that they will come to fruition for you.
Mars enters your house of love and partnership on April 18, and you enter a passionate and steamy time. Romance is in the air for you as you move through the month, and you are spending more of your time with those who you want to move forward with. Venus also moves into a relationship area of your chart before April ends, and you are surrounded by love and community. Overall, this month is showing you that you are not alone and you don’t have to go through the heavy stuff alone either.
PISCES
This is a month where your heart is shining, and you are feeling in tune with the progress you have made in your life and within your relationships, Pisces. You are owning your value, your worth, and the beauty of who you are, and are ready to leave the past behind. With Mercury and Venus both going direct in Pisces this month after being retrograde in your sign for the past few weeks, you are in a better space than you have been, and there are fewer obstacles and miscommunications in your life.
You have been through a journey of understanding yourself better through your goals, perspectives, and interests, and have been committing yourself to your authenticity. On April 27, there is a New Moon in Taurus happening, and this New Moon is a good time for communication matters, getting your message across, and for your creative pursuits. With the clarity you feel within your mind and heart right now, you are making a lot of progress in April and feeling pleased with where life is headed.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
‘I Am Done With The Trauma’: Samira Wiley Won’t Be Returning For 'The Handmaid’s Tale' Sequel
Don’t judge me, but, last month, I watched The Handmaid’s Tale for the first time. And I was immediately hooked. I binged all five seasons just in time for the sixth and final season, which premiered on April 8.
If you’re not familiar with the Hulu drama, long story short, it’s a dystopian series based on a novel with the same name that is set in Gilead, formerly a part of the United States.
Due to environmental hazards, which are affecting the birth rate, a new regime takes over, forcing the remaining fertile women into sexual servitude in an effort to repopulate the earth.
The series stars Elizabeth Moss as June and her onscreen bestie Moira, played by Samira Wiley. It was recently announced that the Emmy award-winning series will have a spin-off, The Testaments, which takes place 15 years after The Handmaid’s Tale events.
During the season 6 premiere party, Parade caught up with Wiley about the sequel, but the actress let it be known that she will not be returning.
“I'm not gonna tease and say maybe or nothing. Nope,” Wiley said. “I am done with it. I am done with the trauma. I am. I mean it. Margaret Atwood, the way she writes these characters, the depth to all of it, I feel like I have played my part and my story is done.”
I understand why she feels that way. As a viewer, some of the scenes are pretty tough to watch, so I can only imagine what it's like to be in the scene. However, we finally get to see Wiley’s character come out on the other side of it.
The Orange is the New Black star also shared how she turned to different wellness practices to make sure her mental health was intact during filming.
“I had to learn some techniques — meditation and mindfulness and all of those things — to consciously take myself out of the world of Gilead,” she said. “I often tell people who binge watch the show like, please take care of your mental health.”
The final season shows the characters pulling together to take down Gilead. The first three episodes of The Handmaid’s Tale sixth season are now available.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Maya Dehlin Spach/WireImage