Cue the vulnerability, the new season of Love Is Blind premiered today, and with it came the release of the season's first batch of episodes, episodes 1-5. And whether you tune in because you're a believer in true love or you’re skeptical at how many couples navigate the inevitable red flags they encounter throughout the show, Love Is Blind Season 4 will surely be cemented in our minds and our tea-time conversations for weeks to come. Yes, there will be love, and while I don't bask in the sorrow of others, yes, there will be tears. What more can you ask for from high-stakes reality TV?
For brevity's sake, I’m focusing on the melanated contestants and giving first impressions and highlights of their journey throughout episodes 1-3, beginning with the first three episodes that focus on couples making love connections inside of the Pods. The recap for episodes 4-5 that feature the post-Pods engaged couples will soon follow.
Editor's Note: These are my thoughts in real-time as I am watching each episode; spoilers are most definitely ahead!
Episodes 1-3: During the Pods
Kwame
Courtesy of Netflix
33, Sales Development Manager
Let me just say, with Kwame, the edit he received from the jump wasn’t the best, and I have a feeling the internet might go in a little bit on some of the soundbites he gave when we’re first introduced to him. From his storytime about having to prove his worthiness to the parents of his prom date, who wouldn’t let her go with him because “I’m Black,” to his early admission of thinking of using his first name “Alex” in the Pods instead of the name he usually goes by (Kwame) so that there were no assumptions from the other non-Black singles, the edit sometimes did him very little favors.
As a viewer, the point of the experiment is that “love is blind,” and to me, it felt like I could pinpoint very specific instances where it seemed Kwame was doing his best to still connect the dots between him and his real-world preference within the Pods. But maybe I misunderstood the point. However cringy his revelations of his dating history, they served as indicators that there was a chip on his shoulder, and I feel that shows in the way he dates in the Pods.
Case in point, feeling worthy is important to him, and there are times he seems to question that. He is into a woman named Micah, who is clearly lukewarm af about him (until she isn’t), as well as a woman named Chelsea, who is sure about him and has always been sure about him, but for whatever reason, Kwame can’t get Micah out of his head. What he likes about Chelsea, though, is that she validates him constantly, and he makes it a point to say this a few times over the course of the Pods episodes. See what I’m saying about those needing to feel worthy?
Although Kwame has things he likes about Chelsea overall, the trait that makes the top of his list when he is explaining her to other contestants, women and men alike, is that she validates him. For someone who might have navigated a dating scene where he always doubted himself and what he brought to the table, having someone like Chelsea in his corner who is constantly pouring into him in that way unprompted is something that feeds him in a way he didn’t know he was starving for. Will he choose Micah (side eye) or Chelsea, the woman who has been sure about wanting to be with him from minute one?
The answer of who Kwame should choose becomes a lot clearer as the episodes progress, and it becomes obvious to anyone with eyes that Micah is playing games and doing her best to secure her place on the series, whether it’s with Kwame or another contestant, Paul. Does she have real feelings for Kwame? I think so, in a way, but it’s definitely not the same energy Kwame gives to the courtship process in the Pods.
Though I loved his proposal to Chelsea (because Kwame can articulate his feelings so well, man), and Chelsea’s words back to him especially, the fact that I’m privy to some of his exchanges with Micah (including the fact that his strong connection with Chelsea was also about her validating and reassuring him of her feelings for him constantly) really made it hard for Kwame’s words to hit the way they could have.
His confessing to Micah that he wanted to propose to her earlier than he originally intended because she is “what I always envisioned” didn’t help alleviate those feelings of cringe I had that Chelsea probably wasn’t privy to these interactions pre-engagement. Sir was boo-hoo crying when Micah gave her official notice that she wanted to explore other connections (i.e., Paul) even though all the signs pointed to “Not Micah.” Honestly, how everything transpired gave me Jarette-Mallory-Iyanna teas from Love Is Blind Season 2, and I wish that on no woman. And I actually rock with Chelsea.
For that reason, the sweetness of what it should have been with Kwame’s proposal to Chelsea was a bit tainted. Chelsea said off-rip that she has never been with someone she could say in her “soul” that he is the person she wants to be with. It looks like Kwame could finally be that one. In all fairness, she is aware of his sadness over Micah “ending things,” but I’m certain she is not privy to the depths of all that transpired.
I just hope that by popping the question to Chelsea, he understands what he has and doesn’t get caught up in the shoulda, woulda, coulda of Micah that is sure to come in the episodes where the cast members inevitably interact with one another.
Tiffany
Courtesy of Netflix
Client Recruiter, 36
Now that the unpleasantness is out of the way, let's segue into a palette cleanser, otherwise known as my girl in my head, Tiffany! Yes, she's my girl. There was something about her that made me connect with her most immediately of all the contestants shown. However, I probably have a lot less to say about her because she has quickly secured her position on my list of "Love Is Blind: Season 4 Unproblematic Faves." At 36, she is one of the older cast members of the season, and it is her age that she admits made her feel insecure about coming into the experiment.
Tiffany tells the camera at one point that being her age makes her nervous about still not having her person, but she is all-in with this love experiment because she doesn't have "to shift through the BS" that is the dating scene in 2023 or any era really. She knows that whoever she is talking to is just as ready for marriage as she is.
Early in the first episode, she confesses to Brett that her longest relationship was 2 ½ years and happened more than a decade ago. He quickly reveals a similar romantic history in his past, and you can tell it was a vulnerable moment for Tiffany. We see the relief wash over her that she made a similar connection with someone else on something she was ashamed about. It was at that moment that I felt it between her and Brett.
Though she talked briefly with Marshall, who was a lot younger than her, her primary connection would be with Brett. Each scene we watch play out on screen feels like the intentional unlocking of a new level of intimacy. Something about their shared values and the fact that maybe they have some similarities with what they've experienced in love makes my heart flutter a bit during their first meeting in the Pods, and much of that continues throughout their time in the Pods.
Courtesy of Netflix
Later in the episode, I love how Tiffany owned the fact that her ideas of what her partner "should be" might have stopped her from dating someone like Brett outside of the Pods just because he didn't have a degree or a linear career path, criteria that turned out to be superficial in the grand scheme of things.
Tiffany tells the camera she thought she knew what she wanted until she "met" Brett. The experiment shifted what she wanted in love and partnership, and what she loves about Brett is that she feels like she can be herself with him. That's a win right there.
Things take a dramatic turn at the end of the episode when Brett talks openly about his discomfort with the word " love, " and Tiffany falls into a deep, deep sleep! Brett felt a way and started to shut down after feeling hurt, even saying to his castmate afterward that he was "done." To be fair, I could tell they both were sleepy right before she fell asleep, so I don't think it was malicious, but I love that she owned up to her misstep in the next episode. (And I will also say that this type of low-stakes drama points to why Tiffany is an unproblematic fave of the season, just sayin'.)
But will it be enough to get him out of his feelings and onto one knee?
Brett
Courtesy of Netflix
Design Director, 35
Much like Tiffany, Brett had me at hello. One of my first times seeing him on the show was in the Pods with Tiffany, so maybe that’s where my bias begins. He was straight up in their initial conversation, where he touched on his “purpose” for being in the experiment. Brett wants a partner, and he wants an equal. Similar to Tiffany, he reveals in his first confessional of the season that he loves that the experiment allows them to move past the guessing game of what the other person wants out of getting to know one another.
“I’m looking for a partner, and Tiffany’s at the top of my list,” he tells the camera. There’s something about certainty in a man. It opens doors, it moves mountains, and it makes me fall in love with someone through a screen. And that is my first impression of Brett. That he knows what he wants, and there’s something really refreshing about that because I don’t think I see that as often in the male contestants unless it’s some type of messy love triangle type setup. In so many ways, he and Tiffany feel like a breath of fresh air. He is drawn to her loving and caring nature and also loves the fact that she sometimes finds motivation in being doubted because he is the same in some ways. In a very vulnerable moment during one of their first “dates” in the Pods, Brett asks to hear her story before opening up about his own upbringing and how their shared mentality connects them.
As he is detailing a tough upbringing, to see Tiffany close her eyes while listening to him recount a time when he felt shame as a child for not having certain things, the empathy was beautiful. Love was being made. After he finishes his literal rags to riches story, Tiffany is in awe. “You’re an amazing person,” she tells him. Brett is beaming like the sun as she says this. Love was being made, y’all.
It’s truly the synergy for me. You don’t really see much interaction between Brett and other cast members inside the Pods or Tiffany and other cast members. So you know that this is real. The fact that they are both feeling so strongly about each other. Brett admits to feeling scared, but I love that one of the cast members, Marshall, advised him to push forward and “take the leap.” “I’m starting to become aware of how into you I am,” he admits to her.After years of dating and not feeling particularly connected, he feels fully seen by Tiffany and that she accepts him for him, which is interesting because she said something similar about him in her confessional earlier in the episode.
Despite Brett feeling a way that Tiffany fell asleep during his in the Pods confessional, he ultimately feels she is the one and proposes! Sis makes him a better man, and in her, he also sees the man he wants to become. The proposal is so sweet, and I could be reaching, but I love that she wore pink and he was wearing yellow, which reminded me of the previous episode when they accidentally matched each other. It’s the synergy, baby!
Their first meeting was as cute and wholesome as their journey together has felt so far.
Marshall
Courtesy of Netflix
Marketing Manager, 26
I can't be the only one who thinks Marshall gives Jesse Williams teas facially. I don't know about you, but when I turn my head to the side and squint my eye at the TV, I can see it. This is neither here nor there, but I had to clear the air. After not seeing much of him in the first episode, aside from the heart-to-heart message he delivered to Brett mentioned above in his time of need, in the second episode, we get more of a glimpse into his connections, particularly the one he has with Jackelina, who goes by Jackie.
In one of his very first scenes, we hear him describing Jackie as someone who is authentic and that she "feels like home" to him. And it's all real swoon-like. However, Jackie has options and is semi-entertaining Josh, who she also really vibes with. On the other end of that spectrum, Jackie is sir's #1, so this setup is feeling like yet another love triangle dynamic. Three in one season? Yes, that's where we are. Hell, there might even technically be four this season if I am counting correctly.
Marshall most definitely wears his heart on his sleeve, something he says to the camera in one of his confessionals. He is "bullied" by his emotions, in fact, his words, so I'm not surprised he is so passionate about Jackie and feels so strongly about their connection. The floodgates open early on when he and Jackie have a conversation about being raised "hard," and he recounts a moment when his father berated him as a child.
Jackie encourages him through his tears by saying he is a "good man" and that if she saw him on the side of the road, she would give him a dollar. Chile… "I wanna share my life with you," he tells her. It all sounds good, but there was something that felt a little off about their rapport. I can't quite put my finger on it, though.
Despite some reservations, Jackie does seem to be feeling Marshall and tells him that she will "break up" with her "other boyfriends" in the house for him. She says she gives him all that she comes with, 100%, which isn't a side of her anyone sees, so there might be something really special brewing there after all.
During a later date in the Pods, she admits to him that he is the only one that talks to her in an emotional way. "I want you to feel safe with me," he tells her. She has reawakened something in him, and he confesses to her that he is in love with her. IN LOVE, y'all. Jackie says nothing for a few beats before exhaling, "Oh my gosh," and then she goes into a download about a date she had with Josh earlier where he told her he would pack his bags and leave if he wasn't leaving the Pods with her.
Marshall hears this, and he gets hot. Meanwhile, I'm thinking to myself, is this the response to him telling you he's falling in love with you? If so, why? As a viewer, it felt like a deflection. But then she says that she didn't know how to tell Josh she was not going to be with him because of how hurt he was that Marshall was also into her. "I feel like I just ruined the moment," Jackie goes on to say about the moment transpiring between them. Bingo. Yes. And I think that was intentional.
At least Marshall wasn't born yesterday. In a lot of ways, sir seems wiser than his 26 years. And the fact that he notes Jackie brought Josh up to him because there is something there between them didn't fly over his head turns out. However, Marshall redirecting his upsetness to Josh felt like a choice, albeit the wrong choice. Jackie starts crying because Marshall seems mad at her. Chile…
"Be a man and talk to me," Marshall ends firmly in reference to Josh trying to talk to Jackie 'behind his back.' "I feel like I'm going to throw up," Jackie says through tears. What is this conversation about, bruh? Maybe it's the editors forcing that third love triangle I mentioned earlier, but the whole exchange felt off. When Jackie is crying on the couch with the other women moments later, it seems like she is overwhelmed by Marshall's emotions and feels forced to make a choice based on his declaration. My opinion, but I think that's why the conversation between them felt so awkward; she felt pressured to say certain things because of what he communicated so clearly and so effortlessly to her.
And I will delightfully skip over this forced pseudo-competition between Josh and Marshall because there's truly nothing to see here. To catch us up, though, Jackie explains to the camera that Marshall basically 'stepped' to Josh and 'let him know what's what,' and Jackie preferred not to see Josh again after that because she made her choice in Marshall because he "is just the better choice for me. He's gonna help me grow." Okay, sis! I do like when Jackie eventually admits she is going to have to "boss up" to be with Marshall. I appreciate the self-awareness there, at least.
I think some of my uneasiness in some of this couple's scenes is a maturity issue because I don't know how I feel about Marshall feeling like he has to check another man about getting rejected by Jackie versus Jackie rejecting that man for herself by herself... Like, whet? The difficult conversations I have seen some of the guys being really upfront about in the Pods when they've had to make another choice to pursue a different connection was needed here, but why did Marshall do Jackie's dirty work for her?
Of course, Marshall proposes to Jackie, and of course, she says yes. And no surprise there, but Marshall was utterly enamored with Jackie when they first met, and he matched the physical with the voice in the Pods. He called their first kiss "the best moment" of his life, and in her confessional, Jackie echoes much of the same, calling him a "good man" for her and saying that his vibe gave everything it was supposed to give.
It's something about how she talks about him and that repetition of him being a "good man" for her… Noted.
Sidebar: I'm not even gonna hold you. I love Brett and Marshall's friendship!
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Featured image courtesy of Netflix
RELATED
Taja, an actress known most for her role on BET’s The Oval, and businessman/model Ryan Easter tied the knot on July 27 in an intimate and beautiful wedding in LA - surrounded by friends and family. During our 40+ minute conversation, the newlyweds opened up about the inner work journey they both went through individually to become their best selves.
Taja revealed that her grateful and light spirit came after being in a depressive state and doing a great deal of healing and education. And Ryan shared how losing a parent as a youth affected how he showed up in the world and the truths he had to face to embrace who he is wholly.
The pair also chatted about the power of intention, the importance of working through trauma, and the work they do every day to honor their partnership. There’s a reason their glow is so beautiful! It comes from the inside.
“You're meeting me now after I've done all this work, but I had to go through it to get to that space and be in a very happy, healed relationship,” Taja says. Check out the layered conversation below.
xoNecole: I’ll start with the most obvious question: how did you two meet, and what were your initial feelings about each other?
Ryan Easter: We connected through friends. At the time, I was in New York, and she was back and forth between LA and Atlanta. But our mutual female friends were together and decided they needed to set me up. So they confirmed I was looking for something serious and then sent me her picture.
And I was like, "Okay, she looks good - a chocolate drop." But then I thought, "What's wrong with her? So, I called them up, and one of them was messing with me and said, "Oh, she's a little crazy." I was like, "Whoa, I can't do crazy anymore. I've dealt with that before. I’d rather stay by myself than deal with that again." Then she clarified, "No, I'm just kidding. She's crazy in a good way. She's a lot of fun and has her stuff together. That’s how it started for me.
Taja Simpson: I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it.
Later, I thought about it and figured it could just not be a good picture. So she sent his Instagram which had all these modeling fitness pictures and stuff. And then I was like, wow - you had my whole husband this time and didn’t tell me - now I told her she could give him my number.
"I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it."
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: I love that because, you know, there's all these conversations about the ways people meet, and I still feel like friends and family are one of the best ways. It’s like they know you! What are your thoughts?
Ryan: Yeah, absolutely! You feel a great sense of obligation to be the best version of yourself because you’re not just representing yourself; you’re also representing the person who referred you. I can’t go out there acting like a fool and have them looking at their friend like, "Why did you hook me up with this clown?" It’s like, we're gonna be clear and honest about our intentions. And if it works, great, and if it doesn't, it's okay.
Taja: Exactly. When he called, we spoke that day for like, an hour. The rest was history. We just connected, and it was great. After that, we started talking every day, and now here we are.
xoN: Okay, so tell me about your first date! Do you remember where you went? What did you do? How was the vibe?
Taja: Our first in-person date was two months after we met over the phone. This was during COVID, so we got introduced in July 2020 but didn’t meet until September. From July to September, we were doing video dates and phone calls, building up this excitement about meeting in person. I was really nervous. I thought, "Oh my God, is it going to be like it was over the phone?" We really connected and vibed. I was there to pick him up at LAX, and I felt like this was it. I thought, "God put this brother in my life to be this good, this perfect." It felt too good to be true.
I actually had a friend meet us at the airport to film our meeting without him knowing. I told her to stay in the corner and keep the camera hidden. When he was coming down the escalator, I had this whole plan to run up to him in slow motion and jump into his arms. When I saw him, I froze. I was so nervous that I couldn’t move! He came up to me, gave me a big hug, and swung me around, and I just thought, "Wow!" Everything I planned went out the window.
Ryan: I was really excited to meet her, too. Technically, our first date was at Firestone Brewery. After the airport, we went back to her place to drop off my stuff, and then she said, "I like to drink beer," so she took me to a brewery nearby.
I remember being there, and we were kind of embracing, but not too much since it was technically the first time we were in physical proximity. You still have to play it cool, even after talking for a while. But every time I touched her, it felt good. I thought, "Yeah, this is it." When we hugged at the airport, I felt like, "Yo, this is home." At that moment, I knew she was the one.
xoN: Ugh, I love that. So when did the courtship start to develop into a relationship? Did y'all have that conversation?
Ryan: Initially, we were very clear about our intentions. We were both dating with purpose and had similar aspirations of eventually finding someone to marry, start a family, create businesses together, and live our lives to the fullest. We knew from the beginning that this was our goal and checked in with each other to see if we were on the same page.
After establishing our intentions, it was about having those small conversations. We discussed what was important to each of us—our needs, wants, likes, dislikes, triggers, and traumas. All those details are crucial for building a solid foundation for a healthy relationship. We spent a lot of time getting to know the real person, not just the representative we might present to the world.
Sometimes, it’s difficult because it requires us to be extremely vulnerable. For men, especially in our society, vulnerability is often frowned upon, making it hard to expose that sensitive side. You never know how people will react—some might use it against you, while others might protect you.
I think for her; it took her understanding that mentality that men have and use that to her advantage to make sure she's like, look, this is a safe space for you to allow me to see the full person that you are. I appreciated that because, like, I would tell her, if you really want a man to value you, he has to feel safe with you, right, not necessarily in a physical capacity but more so from an emotional standpoint; I need to feel like I can be safe with you emotionally.
So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow.
"So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow."
Taja: I mean, that's exactly right, and a lot of it we spoke about even before we met. Because it was this free thing where we didn’t know each other. We didn't have to be a representative. I was just my authentic self. It’s like - I'm an actor, and I got five or six characters that may come out in our conversation. I'll be funny, then the next moment, I'll be serious. It just happens.
I was very vocal about how I foresee my life going. Also, because I'm in entertainment, that played a part. I had met people before who couldn't handle that. They wanted a woman with a nine-to-five, a teacher, or just somebody with a very strict schedule. But that wasn't me. So I think we were super intentional when it came to dating and making sure we can build and grow together. So, we made that commitment prior to him leaving. He came to LA for a week, and the day before he left, it was like, okay, so this is it.
xoN: I’ve noticed that intention and vulnerability are both powerful words that you two keep using, which I think is essential for any long-term relationship. What are some of your other shared values?
Ryan: Also, we both understood the power of mindset. When you see successful or unsuccessful people, sometimes others will attribute their state to their family or money. And I'm not saying that that doesn't help. But there are a lot of people who have come from very humble beginnings and very troubled past that have gone on to do great things, and it all had to do with their mindset. They had to leave and see themselves doing what they desired to do before it became a reality in the physical realm.
I think a lot of those beliefs and mentalities that we shared was refreshing because, you know, we've all known people that every time you talk to them, something bad is going on. And it's such a drag because they can bring your energy down. We don't subscribe to that. Not saying that we don't go through tough times. But when we do, the question that we always ask ourselves is, what is it that I'm supposed to learn from this? I think those type of elements of just being in alignment mentally about how we view the world definitely help to solidify our relationship and our connection.
Taja: When we met, I was in a headspace of growth. We now call it believe, evolve, become because you have to believe that thing right in order to show up. We both understand that your vibration precedes your manifestation, so you have to vibrate and believe at a certain level. Act as if you have to be in that space, that energy, in order for that thing to come so you can evolve and then become whatever that said thing is. But I was in that headspace before we met, and I was clearing out people in my life.
I was really intentional with finding someone that was in that headspace, too. I was not okay with anyone being stagnant.
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: You two seem so evolved individually and collectively. I'm curious, were there any challenges that you two had to get through together, and what did you learn from that experience?
Ryan: Being parents. And if your partner doesn't have a great pregnancy, then it can be tough, and it stretches you in a lot of ways. But I would definitely say the first five months of being new parents was a lot because we were both exhausted. And she's also trying to heal her body because giving birth puts a tremendous amount of stress on the woman's body. It gives you a different respect for the strength of femininity because I wouldn't want to go through that. And I was there the whole 29 hours.
So during that time I'm getting snappy because I need to rest. I have not been able to rest, and I'm sleep-deprived, and I don't feel like I got my foot in yet. And, and then, on top of that, you have this, this really small human that's completely dependent upon you. They can't do anything for himself, and that, even psychologically, that's a lot to carry. But the thing that I think that has helped us is that we understand that we won't always be on the same page. It's okay to have disagreements, but you always have to lead with love, meaning that if I'm upset with her or she's upset with me, we focus on what the issue is.
Taja: I had a horrible pregnancy and was still feeling like I want to be productive; it’s just part of who I am. And during the newborn phase, like he said, we were exhausted. We were zombies. I'm getting whiny. I need sleep. He's getting snappy and short, and we're having to figure out us. The hardest thing is trying to still learn how to effectively communicate in the midst of this space where you are exhausted; you don't feel good, nothing's going your way.
But I'm a big believer of being accountable, especially for women, because women are not always accountable. But we encourage each other to address the trauma and encourage positive self-thought and talk. Because what you think, speak, and do creates power for better and worse.
xoN: Were there any past traumas you had to heal from in order to love each other correctly, and do you feel comfortable discussing them?
Ryan: For me, the biggest thing was my father’s death at nine. You’re young, and you don’t know how to process the loss. It’s one of those things I thought I dealt with, but when I got into my adult years, I realized it didn’t. I always felt like I had to go above and beyond because I didn’t have my father there to be a man - I excelled in sports and academics, but it was based on an inadequate feeling.
I understand the importance of fathers in children’s life but you still have the power to be the best version of yourself whether your father is there or not. And I believe the almighty Creator will put people in your life to be the best version of yourself. I wanted to be that confident person for her and our children - and I didn’t want to carry that trauma into our relationship or our son. So I worked on it before us and I continue to now.
Taja: Mine was colorism. I grew up where the brown paper bag thing was a thing. There were kids I couldn’t play with because “I was too Black.” I had a family member who called me “Ew.” Like she’d literally say, come here, Ew, you ugly thing. And my family, for a long time, didn’t realize how it was breaking me. But eventually, my mom noticed and taught me more about self-esteem and then I started to do the work. But it still shows its head. I still would have thoughts that I’m not good enough because of how I look. I’ve literally not tried out for roles because of that. One of my friends’ friends has literally called out once that I was the only dark person at an event.
So when I started doing the work, I noticed the ways it showed up, like I just wouldn’t want to be in the sun long. I mean when I was younger, I used to pray to God to make me “better” or lighter. It took a long time to really get over that. There’s a book I wrote called Women Who Shine - where I got my thoughts out about this.
So he knows my sensitive spots and speaks to the little girl in me. It's so interesting how the things we go through when we’re young affect us in adulthood. Mental health is as important as physical health - and I’m grateful that he understands the importance of both of those.
xoN: Thank you for your vulnerability. I hope it helps someone else. Finally, I’ll close with this: what’s your favorite thing about each other?
Ryan: Definitely her mindset. She doesn’t have a victim mindset; she’s empowered. That’s so attractive. I believe that she prides herself on being a good, great communicator. She moves with integrity, you know, I think that's important. And you know, she also understands the importance of taking care of her physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing.
Taja: There’s so many. Where do I start? My husband is supremely supportive. I absolutely love that about him. Also, I love his intention. I love how effectively he communicates. I love how he fathers our child. I love how he looks. Because, praise God. Okay, I'm just gonna put that out there.
But you know what, my favorite thing about him is that I love that he's a man of integrity.
Integrity was the highest things on my list when I’d write out what I wanted in a partner. Because it’s everything. And so I love that I feel the level of safety that I feel with him, that I can completely be my 100% authentic self. I know that he's taking care of me, my heart, and our family. We're good.
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With Thanksgiving vastly approaching and Christmas a little under a month away, there is still time to ditch the traditional Christmas home to visit family or friends. Whether you’re looking to put a new stamp on your passport and keep things domestic with a destination in the States, xoNecole has you covered with a few hotspots for those itching to go somewhere cold (but with cozy vibes) this holiday season.
Aspen, Colorado
Our Christmas queen, Mariah Carey, has been taking an annual trip to this snowy destination since 1997, just three years after dropping the track that would make her the unofficial (but official to us) ambassador of the winter holiday.
Aside from being a key vacation spot for one of the culture’s greatest musicians, Aspen also offers travelers access to world-class skiing and snowboarding and four distinct mountains that provide the perfect backdrop for a winter vacation.
Whistler, British Columbia, Canada
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Home to the largest ski resort in North America, Whistler Blackcomb, this destination is located in the Coast Mountain Range and is about 75 miles north of Vancouver.
From luxury spas like Scandinave Spa Whistler to Olympic Park, this is another top winter vacation spot that offers a unique experience for people who love snow and the thrill of a good adventure.
Western Massachusetts
Dubbed the place for a magical holiday escape, Springfield, Massachusetts, blends the warmth of small-town charm with unforgettable experiences like Grinchmas at Springfield Museums, Winterlights at Naumkeag in Stockbridge, Historic Deerfield’s Winter Frolic, and many others.
This destination offers something for all ages, and it’s close to home, making it all the more reason to place on your radar for a winter getaway.
Rovaniemi, Finland
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If you want to really get into the Christmas spirit, this just may be the place for you. As the official home to Saint Nick himself, Rovaniemi, Finland offers reindeer sleigh rides, the opportunity to stay in a glass igloo, as well as an opportunity to experience the Santa Claus Village.
Lake Tahoe, California/Nevada
Who says that visits to the lake house are only reserved for summer vacation? A winter trip to Lake Tahoe is equipped with stunning lake views and top-notch ski resorts, including Heavenly and Northstar.
Chamonix, France
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Sitting at the base of Mont Blanc, Chamonix, France, is known for its skiing and mountaineering. This destination is home to the Aiguille du Midi cable car, the charming Alpine village, and is also close to various other European ski destinations.
Northeastern Pennsylvania
This area of the U.S. state is home to the Poconos Mountains, whose renowned ski resorts include Camelback Mountain, Blue Mountain, and Jack Frost Big Boulder. Whether you’re a ski expert, a beginner, or just there for the vibes, this destination makes for a winter vacation that balances fun adventures and cozy getaways. Additionally, Pennsylvania is home to the Christmas Tree Capital of the world.
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Feature image by Sergio Mena / Getty Images