For big dreamers and visionaries, snagging someone to bring you under their wing for is an ideal goal to have. I serve on the board of directors for a mentorship program, so I've seen firsthand the positive effects of mentorship in a young person's life. Never having one myself growing up, the benefits of having an experienced person lead me towards my professional development would have resulted in accomplishments happening sooner than later for me.
When I started blogging and my vision for what I wanted to do as a writer shifted and expanded, the need to have someone act as my advisor was necessary. Starting out in almost any field is a struggle, as we live in a world where people aren't always open enough to help another or ask for help to begin with. Where everyone “has it all together," I knew that I was far from where I wanted to be and needed someone already planted in the world I wanted to be in to teach me the in's and out's of writing. Myleik Teele says mentors are usually someone “who helps you in a certain aspect of your life and grooms you." I needed serious grooming.
I was a follower of one woman's work for about two years and reached out to her via Twitter one day to tell her I admired her and her gift for writing. I shared her posts whenever she wrote something new and left feedback to show that I actually read it and that it resonated with me. Subsequently, I extended an invite to her to attend my first annual blog brunch where I and other bloggers in the area would get together to talk openly about the things that not only bind us together as writers, but more so, as women. The things that I did leading up to me asking her to join in–conversing with her and asking questions in 140 characters, and sharing her work with my own growing network–resulted in her actually coming to my event. I questioned how I, a small-time blogger, landed an established journalist to come to my event. The answer was, I was falling into the mentee role without realizing it.
Long story short, from that one event and the honest conversations about the common factors that brought us together (the love of writing and womanhood), emerged an organic mentorship. I didn't ask her to be the one to guide me into my budding writing career, nor did she advise I follow her leadership. It just happened.
Nola Hennessy, founder and CEO of Serenidad Consulting, believes “a good mentor will guide, not advise; inspire, not motivate; critique, not judge; and share ideas and options, but not do it for you. The mentee must be willing to open up to new ideas, act on guidance given, [and] be prepared to adapt and change." All of these have worked for my own mentoring relationship and those I witness in my program.
My mentor, Bené Viera, and I teamed up to give our thoughts on mentorship, including the do's and don'ts of acquiring a mentor, and tips you can follow to hopefully have that role model take you in under their wing.
Rule #1: Don't Ask Someone To Be Your Mentor
Bené Viera speaks on letting things fall into place saying, “Don't ask someone to be your mentor. Mentorship happens naturally. People that believe in your work will invest in you if a genuine relationship has already been built."
On top of not asking someone outright to be your mentor, don't ask the people you look up to what you should do, but instead, what they did. Scooter Braun, the manager behind Justin Bieber, spoke on his own ideas of what mentorship is saying:
“There is this richness in history and the wisdom that comes from experience that trumps any kind of smarts. To me that's what mentorship is: drawing from that wisdom."
If you're looking for top-notch leadership that'll help you with your own goals, ask questions–tons of them–and pick apart what you think will work for you knowing that someone was once in your position, along wit, the methods that worked or didn't for them. Actress and co-creator of 2 Broke Girls, Whitney Cummings, spoke on the power of mentorship, saying:
“You can look at them [mentors] and the choices they make and that inspires you to make choices unique to you. A mentor shouldn't just be someone you emulate, because then you'd be a carbon copy and that's not original. It's someone who inspires you to be the best version of yourself."
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Rule #2: Put In Your Own Work In Your Career First
Bené and I clicked right away because we had something to talk about from the jump–her work and my own. When we finally met in person at my event, there wasn't that awkward, what do I say now moment because there was something that connected us from the conversations we had online. The importance in getting a mentor lies in being someone who is actively building a career, with a portfolio (big or small) to show and prove.
Bené says in the beginning, “I'd suggest people not get so caught up in having mentors and instead just do the work. When seeking a mentor, you should already be on a career-track that a mentor can easily point to the work you've already put in."
Also, (and this is pretty obvious), your mentor's career should mirror that of your own path and ultimate goals. In order to gain the professional insight you're looking for, it's best to chose someone already making moves in your desired field.
Rule #3: Know That Having A Mentor Is A Give & Take Relationship
Myleik Teele advises mentees to not be greedy and remember the give and take rules, as well as, understand that “mentorship is not a life vest." My mentor points out mentorship being a reciprocal relationship and recommends checking in often, outside of needing career advice.
“No one wants to feel like they're being used because their mentee contacts them every other week to put out fires and never hears from their mentee otherwise. It's draining, and makes the mentor feel used."
My mentor and I have actually switched roles in the past and that's strengthened our relationship as mentor/mentee and as friends. My advice is to take the relationship beyond the phone and meet regularly in-person, as face-to-face contact isn't much of the norm in communication thanks to technological advancements. Besides, don't you want to see the person helping you along in your journey frequently? Be ready to put in just as much work as your mentor to make the relationship work and last.
There's tons of quality information on questions you should ask before choosing a mentor, to tricks on being a good mentor that'll add to the mentoring relationship. Find what's right for you and best of luck getting someone you admire to be your mentor!
Have a mentor? Let us know how you two connected in the comment section below!
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Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
GiphyIf you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
GiphyThere is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
GiphySomething that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
GiphyEven if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
GiphyI saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
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Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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