If you would've told me in my early twenties that I was going to meet someone, have a long-distance relationship with them for almost a year, and eventually marry them, I probably wouldn't have believed you.
At the time, the idea of being in a long distance relationship was new to me. I was reluctant and skeptical at first when Eric (my husband) mentioned it to me. I figured the "normal" relationships were hard enough, so a long distance relationship was going to be that much harder.
I learned very quickly, however, that you can't expect different results using the same habits. Clearly, the things I I tried before didn't work. So, I was at a point in my life where I was willing to try something new and different, and apparently my husband (and boyfriend at the time) was too. Now, almost twelve years later (ten years married), I can attest to the fact that long distance relationships can work if you put in the work.
Go the distance – literally and figuratively.
The author Shonda and her now-husband Eric
In other words, put in the effort to not only make the relationship work, but by actually making plans to go and see each other. When Eric and I were dating, he was roughly 900 miles away from me. He promised me that he would come see me as often as he could, and he kept his word. Eric made that long drive and came to see me every month, and he arranged it so that I was able to visit him as well.
Make the best of every moment and every in-person visit by avoiding majoring the minor issues when you're together.
Nowadays, there are so many more options for traveling than there were when we were dating. Hence, there's really no excuse as to why you can't see each other more often. Remember, you can tell how much someone is interested in you based on how intentional they are towards you.
Dare to be different. Be open-minded and optimistic.
As soon as someone hears that you're interested or in a long distance relationship, it's likely that they'll tell you all the reasons why it won't work. They will try to convince you as to why you shouldn't do it, but your life is your life. Just because something didn't work out for someone else, doesn't mean that it won't work for you. Although it takes a considerable amount of effort to make a long distance relationship work – as does any type of relationship – there are people who have made it work.
Part of the reason why I think the long distance was successful for Eric and I was because: 1) Both of us were committed to making it work despite the skepticism, and 2) we understood that in order to get something different, we had to do something different. So, be willing to change it up, channel your faith and courage, and take a chance.
Let the technology work for your relationship.
Not only do we have FaceTime via iPhone, but video chat apps like Marco Polo, Skype, and so many more make it so much easier to talk and connect. Eric and I constantly use FaceTime to talk when we're traveling and away from each other. Moreover, you can use technology not only to stay in touch, but to have fun too – whether it's to play games with each other or via an app, and even if you're looking for ways to keep it sexy and spicy (if you know what I mean).
Related: 3 Ways To Spice Up Your Long Distance Sex Life
Be consistent.
When you're in a long distance relationship, you don't have the convenience of having date night in person or connecting physically as much as you would if you were in the same location. Consistent communication helps you connect and get to know each other on a deeper and more intimate level. Not only can it help strengthen the bond, but it can help you feel more secure about the relationship.
Strive to begin and end each day with each other in some way. Regular calls, video chats, texts, and photos can make the relationship feel real and ordinary, as well as build trust and confidence in the other person and the relationship.
Where there is consistency, there is commitment.
Step it up when it comes to being sentimental and romantic.
Whether it's through something like a photo, a piece of jewelry, or an intimate item of clothing – you can make the relationship more sentimental by incorporating an item that means something to both of you. One of the things that helped Eric and I stay connected was a ring that he purchased for me to have while he was away. It was his way of letting me know that although he was physically distant, his heart was with me. Whenever I felt lonely or missed him desperately, the ring was a friendly reminder of our love. It often helped me feel as if he was in the room with me.
Furthermore, long distance isn't an excuse to disregard romance. With a few clicks, it's easier now more than ever, to send gifts, flowers, edible arrangements, and so much more as a sign to let someone know that you're thinking of them, how much you care, or simply just because.
Clearly communicate your expectations and boundaries.
With most relationships, it's fairly easy to end up with "blurred lines" when people neglect to effectively communicate their expectations. Nonetheless, one can imagine how important it is to communicate expectations and boundaries even more so when you're in a long distance relationship.
A lot of this will flow and happen quite naturally, but if it doesn't, you can ask questions like: What are you looking for? What method of communication do you prefer most? How often do we want to communicate? What are your expectations for this relationship? Where do you see this relationship going? Is the plan to be exclusive or to date other people?
Make the relationship a priority, but keep living your life.
Trust and know that there will be bouts of loneliness knowing that they're not there with you physically. That's why it's important to stay busy. Don't become so preoccupied with waiting by the phone or waiting to hear from them. Never become so engulfed in someone else's life that you forget to live your own. Yes, it's important to be available when you can, but it's also important that you continue living your life. Besides, you will have that much more to share when it's time for you to talk again.
Be practical, yet purposeful, about the relationship.
For some people, a long distance relationship will likely be their reality for a long time for whatever reason. For others, like Eric and myself, long distance was always temporary because we knew eventually we wanted to be, and would be, in the same city. Depending on your goals and timing of the relationship, consider how the two of you will make the transition. If it's worth it and both parties are willing, start planning today for what could eventually become an everlasting love story.
For those of you who have been in a successful long distance relationship, feel to share what has worked for you in the comments down below.
Featured image courtesy of Shonda White
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Photo by Paras Griffin/Getty Images for Essence
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Mixing News, Culture & Sports—Minus the Snooze
With We Got Time Today, Rocsi and Deion cover everything from the latest headlines to celebrity tea and, of course, sports. But instead of stiff, rehearsed segments, the show keeps it loose and unpredictable.
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How "We Got Time Today" Brings That "106 & Park" Energy
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10 of those things are listed down below. And although each of them can benefit you, health-wise, in a myriad of different ways, today we’re going to solely focus on how all of them can be relied upon to get your skin into the kind of condition that you’ve always wanted it to be.
1. Coconut Water Serum
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If you want to get a bit more potassium or antioxidants in your system, coconut water can make that happen. Since potassium is something that helps to keep hydration in your skin and antioxidants are awesome at slowing down the signs of aging, these are already two wonderful reasons to consume coconut water consistently. Aside from that, coconut water is also good for your skin because it contains antimicrobial properties that help to prevent breakouts, plus, it is a solid source of vitamin C which helps to boost collagen production so that your skin has more elasticity.
Wanna hydrate your skin from the outside in? Check out this Coconut Water and Jojoba Oil recipehere.
2. Papaya Masks
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A fruit that also contains a lot of vitamin C and antioxidants is papaya. It also has an impressive amount of Vitamin A in it which is good to know becausevitamin A is a nutrient that can help reduce skin sagging, decrease hyperpigmentation, and even soothe the symptoms that are associated with psoriasis. Since papaya features properties that also fight inflammation, it can help to speed up the healing process of pimples and, if you’re looking forfree radicals to stay far away from your skin, papaya can do that for you as well.
Looking for a gentle way to exfoliate your skin while soothing any skin irritation that you may have at the same time? Check out this DIY Papaya Maskhere.
3. Bone Broth
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I am someone who enjoys cooking withbone broth. If you’ve always wondered exactly what it is, bone broth is simply the nutrients that come from animal bones after they’ve been soaking in water for a long period of time.Since bone broth is packed with everything from protein and calcium to magnesium and amino acids, it’s definitely something that can give your skin a boost of health from the inside out. Specifically, the amino acids in bone broth help to reduce inflammation and help you get a good night’s rest (which is paramount as far as achieving glowing skin is concerned).
Also,the collagen that’s in bone broth can help to make your skin firmer and more youthful-looking. So, if you want to proactively help out your skin, cook with bone broth more often. Within a matter of weeks, you should notice a difference.
4. Black Cumin Seed Oil Cleanser
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I ain’t got not one lie to tell you — when it comes to something that is holistically beneficial for your health, black cumin seed oil is that one. So much, in fact, that there are several articles out in cyberspace (like this onehere) that list over 100 ways that it can do wonders for your overall health and well-being. Your skin will adore this particular oil becauseit contains properties that fight acne, treat psoriasis and eczema, andhelp to dissolve warts. Also, this oil contains antibacterial and antiviral properties that help to keep your skin healthy, in general.
If you’re looking for an all-natural way to deeply cleanse your skin, black cumin seed oil can certainly be of great assistance. You can read more about why and how by goinghere.
5. Watermelon Skin Toner
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On the palate tip, few things make me happier than cubes of watermelon (when it’s in season, which is typicallybetween May and September). Since it consists of92 percent water, you know that watermelon is going to hydrate your skin — plus, the vitamin C that’s in it will do a good job of increasing your skin’s collagen production. Some other great things about watermelon (as far as your skin is concerned) is ithelps to reduce inflammation and oxidative stress and it can evenhelp to even out your skin tone.
A super refreshing way to tone and tighten your skin is to use a toner that has watermelon in it. A quick and easy recipe that will help you to do just that is locatedhere.
6. Hemp Milk Soap
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At the end of the day, hemp milk is a milk alternative that is made by mixing water and seeds from the Cannabis sativa plant (yes, the plant that makes weed) together. Since there are a lot of fatty acids in hemp milk, that automatically makes it “skin worthy” because fatty acids help to hydrate your skin, improve the texture of your skin, and reverse some of the environmental damage that your skin may be experiencing. Since there are also vitamins A, D, and E in hemp milk, that makes it beneficial for your skin as well because vitamin A can help to unclog your pores, vitamin D can help to cultivate new skin cells, and vitamin E can help to smooth out the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles.
If you’re looking for a way to soothe your entire body with hemp milk, there’s a cool (albeit ingredient-rich) recipe for how to make hemp milk soaphere.
7. Tomato Paste Mask
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It’s not that I don’t like tomatoes, it’s just that…if I go months without eating one, I don’t really notice. I wish that wasn’t the case too becausetomatoes are a good source of fiber, folate, Vitamin C, beta-carotene, and potassium.Your skin needs beta-carotene because it’s an antioxidant that helps to protect it from UV damage and it reduces the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles that you might have. Some other benefits that come withusing tomatoes for your skin are they reduce skin inflammation, boost collagen production, help to prevent cellular damage and they work well as a skin exfoliant.
So long as your skin isn’t super sensitive (because there is a fair amount of acid that’s in this particular fruit), it will be so happy that you’ve given it a face mask that has tomatoes as one of its main ingredients. StyleCraze has many for you to choose from. Gohere to check ‘em all out.
8. Fig Face Polish
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If you’ve always wondered whatthe difference is between a fig and a date, let’s get free today. Although they both are fruits, figs contain more calcium, aren’t as sweet or sticky and they also have fewer wrinkles than dates do. On the skin health tip, figs contain fiber which helps you to stay regular which can help to detox your system and prevent breakouts.Figs also contain nutrients that can help to speed up the healing process of symptoms that are associated with dermatitis and eczema.
If you’re looking for something that will deeply hydrate and moisturize your skin, figs can do that. Figs also have a pretty good reputation when it comes to removing dead skin cells so that your skin’s texture will be soft and smooth; this is partly thanks to the antioxidants that are in them.
Ready for your skin to have a brilliant glow? Check out this fig face polish recipehere.
9. Aloe Vera and Honey Facials
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There was actually a season in my life when I used todrink Aloe vera juice. Although I preferred to mix it with juice, I must admit that I could tell that it was good for me when it came tomy digestive system. I’m pretty sure that my skin enjoyed it as well, seeing that Aloe vera, internally, also helps to hydrate skin and keep it well-moisturized. If you actually use the gel on your skin,it can help to heal inflammatory acne, speed up the healing process of eczema and psoriasis symptoms and it can even assist withminimizing the appearance of pores.
As far as honey and your skin go, it’s dope because the properties in it will help to treat issues like acne, eczema, and psoriasis, it can soften the appearance of acne scars and it can even brighten your complexion over time.
If you’re someone who is all about DIY facials, this DIY Aloe & Honey Face Mask (here) will absolutely get you right.
10. Zinc Gel for Glass Skin
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A mineral that your skin definitely needs you to have in your system on a consistent basis is zinc. Studies have proven that zinc can do everything for your skin fromhelping to prevent and heal acne and providing it with protection from the sun tosoothing the symptoms that are associated with eczema and rosacea andhelping to repair DNA damage that could lead to signs of aging. Zinc-enriched foods that can help you to receive these perks internally includelamb, lentils,pecans, shiitake mushrooms, and fortified cereals.
Something else that is high in zinc — chia seeds. That said, if you like the look thatglass skin provides, you can actually make a homemade gel that can help you achieve that look. The instructions that will help you to do so are locatedhere.
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All of these are edible ways to achieve beautiful skin, whether you eat them or apply them.
Give them a shot. They’re delicious (inside) and easy (outside) ways to achieve your skin goals without any of the sometimes expensive, chemical-filled drama that comes with a lot of these commercial brands out here. And that’s just the truth.
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