All relationships have their challenges, but a long distance relationship can be a real b-tch when it comes to sexual satisfaction.
When you're in an LDR, you can't even end the night turnt up in some hot sticky butt-naked revelry. Instead, you're more likely to be sulking and hoping a FaceTime episode with his eggplant will be enough to get you off.
I told myself I'd never entertain even the thought of a long-distance relationship ever again after two failed attempts left me heartbroken, bitter, and thirsty for the D like a vampire for blood. It was all too stressful, and I hated that my man wasn't close enough for me to just pop up on.
Well, never say never. I recently fell madly in love with the man of my dreams---a patient, caring, ambitious, God-fearing superhuman who lives almost 2,000 miles away.
At first, I was apprehensive in continuing the relationship since ridiculously passionate and conveniently frequent experiences of intimacy for me---a woman with the libido of a teenage boy---had become a make-or-break factor. I wanted $15 Uber-ride d*ck, not schlong that would cost me a $400+ plane ticket.
Long distance sex requires quite a bit more maturity, trust, and creativity. Here are a few tricks and tips that can help spice up your long-distance sex life beyond the usual. (Hey, I love my man enough to try some new ish):
RATED G: Wearable Tech
Little lifesavers in the form of gadgets that can be worn as accessories can be both convenient and discreet in your plight to get your LDR groove on. (Or they can at least give you both a good laugh at their slightly creepy nature.) Try the HEY bracelet, which you and your man can wear daily to send sensations that mimic one another's touch.
Pillow Talk, a wristband that both you and bae can wear, has heart sensors that allow you to hear one another's heartbeat via a synced speaker that you can slip right under your pillows. I'm a big fan of this option, because, horny toad that I am, I love that I can listen to bae's heartbeat not when he's sleeping but when he's about to come during a virtual sex session. I mean, what better way to detect whether he's faking a cyber nut than using this bad boy? Hey, at least I can go to bed knowing my man's really satisfied---and reassure the psycho girlfriend in my head that he's not dipping out with some more readily available weekend chick with the fabulous hair and body of SZA.
Rated R: Digital Role Play
I love digital role play because it adds an element of surprise and intrigue---and it's definitely not for the insecure or shy. When your love calls you, choose a sexy alter ego and get into it. Think up creative scenarios like an erotic prank call or a forbidden encounter with the person of their deepest fantasies.
Handle it like you're filming or creating your own version of 50 Shades and keep the narrative going for as long as you two want. My bae knows I'm a coy storyteller who loves sneaky fun, so he stays on ready when I hit his phone acting like a secret admirer from his Facebook page, or when I show up on a Whats App video call wearing pum-pum shorts and a see-through tank, bending 6:30 to a Vybz Kartel hit like a true dancehall queen.
Rated X: Interactive Toy Sexperience
When I say interactive toy sexperience, I'm not talking about your usual sex toy + Skype technique. This bad boy takes things up notch. In Kiiroo's Onyx + Pearl combo, the Pearl2 can be controlled by your man via an app, and the Onyx2 allows your man to get his own pleasure at up to 140 strokes per minute. You both can enjoy a high-tech sexscapade in real time, and, bonus, the company offers options for LGBT.
Bae and I like to be extra, so we'd pair these toys with a naughty dice, card, or board game like Monogamy where each of us follows the instructions but uses the toys in place of the real thing (when applicable.) I like to add incentives and a bit of competition to the deal so that the victor can cash in mid-air on a flight or in the car on the way home from the airport.
Sometimes, he's been waiting a few months to get some real-life booty, so why not?
What's your favorite way to keep the spice in your LDR?
Featured image by Giphy
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Mercury enters Sagittarius on November 2, will be retrograde from Nov. 25 until Dec. 15, and will be in this sign until Jan. 8, 2025. Mercury in Sagittarius is bold and outspoken but, in retrograde, can come across as impulsive and brash. Thinking before speaking is important right now, and so is considering your values and interests before committing to something new. Since Sagittarius rules long-distance travel, this isn’t the best time to plan a new trip or to rush the ones already in place.
Consider where you want to be, and take your time getting there.
What to Expect from Mercury Retrograde in Sagittarius
A little more than a week after Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, Mars goes retrograde in Leo. With these important transits happening in fire signs, energy can be misdirected right now. It’s about looking at the full picture and not overwhelming yourself with too many options or interests. Take your passions and align them with your heart and willpower, without confusing inspiration with ego. Emotions are running high, yet this activation is creating a breakthrough in personal development before the year ends.
Read below to see how this Mercury retrograde transit will be for you. Read for your sun sign and rising sign.
ARIES
Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, and you are focused on the bigger picture right now, Aries. With Mercury retrograde in your 9th house of adventure over the next few weeks, this is the time to expect the unexpected and to go at your own pace. Don’t rush the clarity that is meant to bloom for you right now, and take things one day at a time.
Even if you don’t have all the answers you need right now, there are still some important truths and insights to gain. You are in the process of reinventing yourself and your life, and the universe is helping you get the space in order to do so. If you are traveling over the next few weeks, remember to be flexible and to go over plans thoroughly.
TAURUS
Mercury goes retrograde, and you enter a time of change and rebirth, Taurus. This transit, for you, is an opportunity to gain balance, perspective, and empowerment. Your commitments and close partnerships are being addressed right now, and you are seeing where your needs are being met and where they aren’t. You are on a journey of letting go and allowing more, and this is the time to focus on being more flexible rather than controlling outcomes.
This retrograde could also be affecting your shared finances and earnings, and this is a good time to take another look at the money coming in and the money going out and make sure things are in order here. Trust your intuition right now, Taurus.
GEMINI
Mercury goes retrograde in your sister sign, Sagittarius, and you are ready for a fresh perspective in love. This retrograde will highlight your 7th house of partnership, connection, romance, and inner harmony, and your heart is figuring things out right now. Confusion or disagreements are more likely within your relationship dynamics, and this is the time to address what your partnerships need.
If you have been feeling out of balance when it comes to love, then this is the time to get things back on track.
This Mercury retrograde is helping you gain a new perspective and reminds you that you deserve the love you are looking for. Use this time to forgive, grow, and use better judgment regarding matters of the heart and the relationships you are building in your life right now.
CancerCoveteur
CANCER
This Mercury retrograde transit for you is a chance to gain some renewed clarity regarding your health, well-being, and work life. You could be feeling more pressure to perform and have it all together on the job, and there is a need to delegate, let go, and take care of your health more right now, Cancer.
This transit will highlight where some cracks are seeping, where you may need to build stronger foundations and healthier daily routines, and also how you can manage a better work/life balance. Your daily lifestyle may feel a little more difficult to find consistency in right now, and this is because new avenues and perspectives are waiting for you to grab ahold of. Overall, use this time to listen to your inner voice and do more of what feels right for you and your body.
LEO
Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, and this transit highlights your 5th house of romance, creativity, passion, and happiness, Leo. This retrograde is an opportunity for you to address what and who makes you happy and how you can show up more for these fortunate experiences in your life. You are looking at if you’ve been making your happiness as much of a priority as it should be this year and also taking a look at what sources help you align with that energy altogether.
This time is about being a little bit more flexible, doing things differently, and being open to a new perspective. Relationship developments are also providing your heart more clarity right now, and you are balancing your needs with the needs of your partnerships and creative ventures.
VIRGO
Your ruling planet Mercury goes retrograde before the year ends, and this is helping you rebuild your foundations, Virgo. Mercury will be retrograde in an area of your life that has to do with your home, history, family, and emotional stability- and you are getting a new grasp on things here.
Where you have been planting your seeds and building for your future are coming up for review during this time, and you are gaining clarity on which of these foundations is stable enough to continue to build upon. You could be feeling less secure than you would like to right now, and this change of pace is helping you reassess your goals and figure out what is worth it for you and the legacy you want to live.
LibraCoveteur
LIBRA
Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, and the focus turns towards your communication channels, Libra. Mercury retro is already a more chaotic time when it comes to communication, and with this retrograde also happening in your 3rd house of insight and communication, you may feel this heaviness a little more right now.
This transit, for you, is about taking your time getting your message across, being patient while traveling and running errands, and giving yourself space to gain some new clarity.
Meditation, journaling, and talking to someone who can support you are therapeutic, and know that your voice deserves to be heard. You are looking at ways you can take up more space and show up in the world without letting your insecurities keep you away from true connection, vulnerability, and understanding.
SCORPIO
This Mercury retrograde is happening in your 2nd house of income, values, assets, and self-confidence, and you are taking a step back to assess your current reality, especially financially, Scorpio. This is a good time to go over your spending habits and earnings, to find greater balance here, and to think about some of your financial goals moving forward.
Look at your resources, skills, and talents, and make sure what you are receiving is equal to or greater than what you have been giving. Less is more right now, and this isn’t the best time to overspend or overindulge, as you need more time to grasp your current stance on things, and how to increase your overall wealth and abundance.
SAGITTARIUS
With this Mercury retrograde happening in your sign, it’s hitting a little closer to home for you, Sagittarius. This is a good time to refine your goals and direction in life and how you want to show up right now. You deserve to be able to change your mind when you need to, and you are thinking about some of the things you have done and what you want to do moving forward.
Miscommunications are more likely while Mercury is in retrograde, but you can use this as a source of empowerment, knowing that you are living in your truth and allowing yourself room to grow in the process. Remember to be a little kinder to yourself during this transit and to give yourself the grace you need right now.
CapricornCoveteur
CAPRICORN
This Mercury retrograde for you, Capricorn, is about rest and taking care of your emotional world. You are being given the opportunity to spend more time alone, to gather your strength, and to heal before you enter the new year. A lot has happened, and there have been many changes in your world this year. This Mercury retrograde is here to help you find acceptance and closure.
You are in a preparation stage right now, and things can feel a little more lonesome in this energy, but with a different perspective, you can see just how much of this space your heart truly needs right now. The past is coming up for you to see things in a new light, and you are ready to gain some renewed insight, closure, and healing.
AQUARIUS
This Mercury retrograde highlights your friendships, community, and your hopes and dreams, Aquarius. You are being reminded of the importance of connection, but more significantly, of good connections. You are looking at who and what surrounds you right now and gaining clarity on whether this energy matches who you are and the things that you stand for.
Your social circle and the people around you are shifting as the power dynamics do, and you are finding your place and purpose amidst this change. It’s about identifying who and what makes you feel good and aligning things in your life to bring in more of that energy. Don’t be discouraged right now; find your people and ask for support.
PISCES
Your career and ambitions are the focus during this Mercury retrograde, Pisces. You have a lot to address here, and you are gathering your skills and talents and reminding yourself that you are worthy of your dreams. Miscommunications and setbacks are more likely within your professional world, but they are here to ask you if what you are striving for, is really what you need right now.
You are thinking a lot about how you show up in the world, what you want to be known for, and what successes you still want to obtain. This isn’t the time to let anyone’s idea or vision of you define who you are; rather, define that for yourself. Show up as you want to be seen, and don’t count yourself out right now, Pisces.
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The burgundy gown featuring a mesh torso embroidered with embellished florals and a draped silk-taffeta skirt is one of the greatest moments in red carpet history. “There are some moments in life that just happen and they change our lives forever! Winning an Academy Award in my Elie Saab gown was one of those moments for me,” Berry wrote on Instagram. “Thank you Mr. Saab for being a part of the tapestry of my life as we have been inextricably connected for 22 years now! It was my honor to celebrate you and your 1001 seasons.”
Along with her history-making win, the dress has also been a monumental moment for Black women shattering glass ceilings in Hollywood on one of the biggest Oscar moments to date.
It’s no secret that Black actresses have been excluded from being styled by high-end designer brands and denied clothing throughout the years. When Beyoncé received the Fashion Icon Award at the 2016 CFDA Awards, she revealed high-end labels refused to dress Destiny's Child during their career because they "didn’t really want to dress four Black, country, curvy girls." Law Roach, best known for styling Hollywood’s elite, shared how difficult it's been to dress Black clients in top fashion houses.
During a discussion on The Cutting Room Floor podcast, he expressed these frustrations early on in Zendaya’s career. “I would write the big five,” said Roach, as reported by Variety. “I would write Saint Laurent, Chanel, Gucci, Valentino, Dior, and they would all say, ‘No, try again next year. She’s too green. She’s not on our calendar.”
He continued, “She still has never worn Dior on a carpet. She still has never worn Chanel on a carpet…still never worn Gucci on a carpet — any press, any appearance, never. Never,” explained the 45-year-old. “The first time she wore Valentino in public was when she had a contract…When I said, ‘If you say no, it’ll be a no forever,’ that rang true for a long, long time.”
While red carpet fashion has been an uphill battle for Black Hollywood and their stylists, there have been countless times when Black women have been the moment encapsulating beauty and glamour each award season:
Steve Granitz/WireImage
Who: Halle Berry
Where: 2002 Oscars
Designer: Elie Saab
Aaliyah at the 2000 MTV VMAs.
KMazur/WireImage
Who: Aaliyah
Where: 2000 MTV Video Music Awards
Designer: Robert Cavalli
Frank Trapper/Corbis via Getty Images
Who: Whitney Houston
Where: 1994 Oscars
George Pimentel/WireImage
Who: Beyoncé
Where: 2015 Met Gala
Designer: Givenchy
Gregg DeGuire/WireImage
Who: Lupita Nyong’o
Where: 2014 Academy Awards
Designer: Prada
Kayla Oaddams/WireImage
Who: Angela Bassett
Where: 2023 Oscars
Designer: Moschino
Kevin Mazur/WireImage
Who: Lupita Nyong’o
Where: Oscars 2015
Designer: Calvin Klein
Who: Zoë Kravitz
Where: 2022 London Batman Premiere
Designer: Saint Laurent by Anthony Vaccarello
John Shearer/WireImage
Who: Yara Shahidi
Where: 2023 Met Gala
Designer: Jean Paul Gaultier
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Featured image by Steve Granitz/WireImage