Webster's Dictionary lacks a definition for the type of man that we as women, as well as our mothers and grandmothers, have encountered for years.
This is the type of man who will waste your time with no remorse, attempt to swindle you out of your house and home, and make his epic getaway in YOUR car. Unfortunately, we have all met this kind of man at least once in our lives and some of us may even know him well. The guy that I'm referencing is who we know as the grade-A, certified f*ckboy, and according to Lizzo, with summer baecation rapidly approaching, it's important that you know the characteristics of this species of man before you get got.
Recently, the body-positive singer went on The Breakfast Cluband spilled the tea on how to avoid this sleazebag archetype of a man and taught us a few things about the power of self-love in the process. Songs like "Cuz I Love You" and "Truth Hurts" prove that Lizzo has had her fair share of experiences with men who didn't deserve her time, and she says that she quickly identified a few qualities about herself that make her a bonafide f*ckboy magnet.
"F*ckboys like me. I'm thick, I travel a lot and I got money."
But, ladies, let's be clear. The problem with dealing with a f*ckboy isn't the man himself, but the damage that you allow that man to do to your self-esteem. The "Juice" singer may be confident, fearless, and f*ckboy-free today but in the past, things haven't always been this way. She told Teen Vogue:
"When I was in high school, I was a big girl with a cute face. So dudes liked me secretly, but they didn't like me publicly. I never had a boyfriend because they didn't want to claim me. So now in this industry, I'm a big girl with a cute face and some cute music and I'm still being liked secretly and not claimed publicly."
She revealed that many years and about 80 pounds ago, she had an encounter with an ex-boyfriend that was the true definition of f*ckboy-ism and showed her exactly what she didn't want in a man:
"I didn't have any money and I wasn't eating, and I was also trying to be thin. I was working out a lot. And I remember I was with this guy, and we were laying down, and he was like, 'I'm just so relaxed when I'm with you.' And then he's like, 'So I showed your picture to my friends, and they said that your face is great but your body needs work.' I was like, 'WHAT!' Who says that to somebody? And I was the smallest I had ever been in my entire life."
Lizzo explained that she was only able to rid herself of the bad energy brought into her life by a number of undeserving suitors once she got honest about her negative self-image.
Although trusting others and committing to self-love is still a battle that the singer fights every day, Lizzo says that If a man doesn't love the way you love yourself or better, it's time to kick him to the curb, sis; and after you tell that man to call Tyrone, she has the perfect playlist to help you heal from that heartbreak. Her new album Cuz I Love You is sure to revive your confidence and allow you to relish in your juice like the sexy MF that you are. She explained:
"You know how many people say, I wish I was going through a breakup so I could listen to this album? And I'm like, guys, no. But yeah you know it's empowering, self-empowering album. And I think that's when people need to empower themselves the most, or when we think we should, is when we're breaking up with somebody. We want to be like, how do I get myself back on top? How do I get myself back to who I was? And then you listen to my songs and you're like, 'I'm 100% that bitch' and you get yourself back."
According to Lizzo, she's able to so perfectly create the soundtracks for our lives because she's lived it. She told Rolling Stone:
"I'm jumping straight into a scenario [now] on certain songs where I'm literally sitting in a car with someone crying and I'm like, 'Pull this car over, I need to get this off my chest. Or when I'm literally sending a text to a fuckboy [saying] 'Take yo' ass home. Stop texting me.' There's literal specifics here. You're in the scene of a movie: my movie, my life."
Take it from Lizzo, the key to a having fabulously fuckboy-free season in your life is choosing self-love, sis.
Watch Lizzo's full interview with The Breakfast Club below!:
Lizzo Shares Her F-ckboy Stories, Talks Self-Love, Confidence, New Music + Morewww.youtube.com
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Fortunately, five simple words have simplified my dating process and ushered in clarity faster: “Would my husband do this?”
A couple of years ago, I met an entertainment lawyer who was tonguing down a twenty-something-year-old woman for breakfast while I slurped my green smoothie and chomped on a flatbread sandwich. Okay, Black love, I grinned and thought as I sauntered out of the Joe & The Juice. As soon as I stepped down from the front door, a torrential downpour of Miami summer rain cascaded and throttled me back inside to wait out the storm.
I grabbed a hot green tea and vacillated between peering out the wet door and anxiously checking my watch. My lengthy agenda started with attending the Tabitha Brown and Chance Brown’s “Black Love” panel, and I was already late. That’s when the lawyer introduced himself to me, after he made a joke about neither one of us wanting to get soaked by the rain. His female companion had braved the storm, leaving us to find our commonalities.
We both lived in L.A. and had traveled to the American Black Film Festival to expand our network. He represented various artists, including entertainment writers, while I was working as a writer/creative producer in Hollywood.
While there is no shortage of internet advice on how to strategically meet a prominent man at conferences, if I spend my hard-earned funds on career growth, I have tunnel vision, and that doesn’t include finding Mr. Right. So, I stowed his contact details away as strictly professional.
Keep It Cute Love And Hip Hop GIFGiphyAs the humidity and mosquitoes were rising around L.A., two months later, another suitor-turned-terrible match cooled off after three unimpressive dates and a bevy of red flags. I posted what some of my friends called a thirst trap, but it was really me wearing a black freakum jumpsuit with a plunging neckline to my friend’s 35th birthday soiree despite feeling oh, so unsexy and bloated on my cycle.
I’d been waiting to post a sassy caption and finally had the perfect picture to match: “You not asking for too much, you just asking the wrong MF.”
That’s when the entertainment lawyer swooped into my DMs and asked me to dinner. I was quite confused. Is he asking me on a date? Or is this professional? Common sense would’ve picked the former. Once it clicked that this would in fact be a date, I told my mentor, who’s been happily married for over twenty years and has often been a guiding light and has steered me away from the wrong men.
Upon telling him about how we met, he emphatically stated, “He ain’t it.” He followed up with a simple question, "You have to ask yourself: Would my husband do this? Would you tell others that you met your husband, tonguing down another woman, and later married him?"
Aint It No Way GIF by UFCGiphyOuch. The thought-provoking question cleared any haze. Prior to going out with the lawyer, the first thing I inquired about was the woman.
“You saw that?” He said, taken aback that I’d witnessed his steamy PDA. Surely, anyone with two open eyes peeped him caressing her backside as he kissed her in the middle of the coffee shop.
He brushed her off as a casual someone he’d gone on a couple of dates with but had since stopped talking to. He said he hadn’t been in a serious relationship in over three years. Though I was still doubtful, dating in L.A. is treacherous and ephemeral. Making it past three months is considered a rarity.
With my antennae alert, I dined with him at a cozy beachside steakhouse restaurant where we were serenaded by a live jazz band. I’d emphasized forming a platonic friendship first.
Break Up Friendship GIF by TLCGiphy“I’ll come to you,” he obliged. I liked that he had made me a priority by driving over 50 miles to see me. I also liked the effort he made to check in with me daily. But I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that he initiated on a professional pretense and then alley hooped through the back door on a romantic venture, which bombarded me with confusion.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my dating life, God is not the author of confusion; any man who brings confusion, rather than clarity, is simply not The One. It doesn’t matter how many boxes he checks–eventually, that confusion will manifest itself into bigger problems, in time.
After diving into deeper conversations on the phone, post our first dinner date, I quickly realized this man was indeed not The One for me. But I’m grateful for the valuable lesson I learned.
I don’t expect some unattainable fairytale of a husband; we all have our own flaws and conflict is inevitable, but after dating for two decades, through failure and success, I’ve realized that the person I ultimately marry must mirror the values I exert into the world. He must reciprocate kindness, patience, and respect. He must be quick to listen and slow to respond. He needs to be forgiving and trustworthy, practice healthy communication, and be a man of his word at the bare minimum.
If I’d had “Would my husband do this?” in my toolbox when I was dating and floundering in stagnant relationships, in my twenties, it would’ve saved me a lot of precious time. But now that I’m equipped with the reminder, it’s allowed me to ground myself in my non-negotiables and set/maintain the standard for the special person, I’ll one day say, “I do,” to.
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