

Gather 'round, ladies, we have some good stuff to discuss today...
Finances.
OK, so if 2020 has taught us nothing else, hopefully by now we all understand that we never know what may be headed our way. We have experienced major loss, onset forms of trauma, a sense of uprising, and a new normal, all without not even really knowing if we even celebrated Easter. This year has been ten long years wrapped in one, and we have a few more months (years) before we close it out.
Understandably, our finances are, and should, be something we're pulling the strings on just a liiiittle bit tighter. And simply living below our means, is not only something we should also be doing, it's probably the best precaution for the time being.
It simply means you don't want to be controlled by you money and drowning in any unmanageable debt, especially during uncertain times. That's it.
But wait, isn't that most of us?
Listen, I never want to be the bearer of bad news, but yes. Yes, it is. I'm not saying we cannot have a little fun, but if we are, let's make sure we are having a little fun-ds while we're at it, right?
But what does this look like?
Well, first things first, we need to define what living below your means, means for you. Listen, Beyonce living below her means, and me living below mine, are two completely, completely, completely different things. So, accessing our own situations is key in getting this right.
Put simply, living below your means is nothing more than not outspending what you earn. In essence, that is really all there is to it. It does not mean that you never spend money on things you enjoy or have a good time. It also does not mean that you have to live as if you were poor or act miserly when it comes to your money, so ladies, yes, you can get those bottomless mimosas on Sunday.
Dispelling myths like this is important, because many people believe that living below their means will make them miserable. But you certainly do not have to be unhappy.
So let's start here:
Spend. Less. Than. You. Earn.
Whew, yall. When you're poor like we are, it is in our nature to want to indulge in things that we can't always have.
But think of all the things you have ever wanted but never been able to afford: that next vacation, a new gift for someone around the holidays, a new car, or even a dream home you have been eying up for a while. None of these things are possible without money and usually large sums of it.
Living below your means is the key to affording the things that are really valuable to you, as opposed to whatever is merely in front of you. Take a moment to think about all the things you could one day afford if you began spending your money more wisely today.
Understand Your Monthly Income
Ladies, we have to have an in-depth understanding of your monthly income. Try to find an average of what you make on a monthly basis and use that as a starting point. Staying as far below this as comfortably possible is the ideal, since that will maximize your ultimate goal. Seek a financial coach/mentor, or maybe someone who is good with managing finances, to assist, if you aren't sure where to begin.
Use a Personal Finance App
There are a lot of apps and tools out there which will help you track your monthly spending and will help you to create a budget. Here's a list to get you started.
Control Spending Habits
Once you know roughly how much you make each month, you will need to take control of your spending habits by examining them closely.
- Where and when do you spend the most money each month?
- How much of it is truly necessary?
- What can you comfortably cut from your spending?
These are important questions, and the answers are definitely even more important. Look through your bank statements over previous months and see where your money has gone...and then adjust.
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Keep Track Of Petty Purchases
You may find that you have spent a lot of money in small sums over a period of time without even realizing it. A $5 coffee every day for a month will cost you $150. On coffee.
Stop. That. Tuh-day.
Opt for making coffee at home before the day starts, or being the resident office brewer your damn self.
Eliminate. Eliminate. Eliminate.
After you have gained an understanding of your monthly income and examined how you have spent it in the past, your next step will be seeing what expenses you can realistically eliminate, and you are quite likely to find that there are many things you can cut out of your budget partially or even entirely.
Anything that is totally unnecessary or might be categorized as an inessential luxury is what you should focus on removing. If you have a perfectly good stove but find yourself consistently ordering take-out week-to-week, then there is no reason to keep eating out. You don't need to.
Cut.
Gym membership? Opt for working out at home or finding a fitness routine that allows you to enjoy the outdoors.
It may be painful, but avoiding unnecessary expenses is the best way to make our goals possible.
Then, from there, make sure that you are not spending more money on essential items than is actually necessary.
- Can you buy less expensive brands?
- Do you need that much cell phone data each month?
Leave no part of your budget unexamined. Even if you only save a small amount on each item every month, those totals will add up quickly. And when savings add up, that's always a good thing.
And if you're going to spend, make sure you're always getting something in return.
I will never forget how mind blown I was when my sister said to me, "If you're going to spend the money, make sure you get something from it."
It wasn't that she said anything particularly revolutionary, it's just that when I was in my 20's, I never thought of it that way. We, as consumers, don't often realize that there are thousands of opportunities to make the dollars that you spend work for you, and truth is, we're going to have to spend money eventually—it's not practical to not think so. So, if you're going to spend, make sure you get a cashback reward or accumulate points in some way. Yeah it sucks that your washer no longer works, but if you have to work one in the budget, make sure you get a return on buying a new one.
Now, I personally don't like to purchase anything if I'm not compensated; these companies have to work for my swipe. Make them work for yours too. Gas, groceries, major appliances. There's a card or program out there that will help you get closer to your financial goals, and maybe reward you with a free flight too.
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With discipline and organization, there are many ways to make living below your means a possibility without sacrificing the things that make you happy.
Be patient with yourself as you go, and adapt habits that work best for you. Don't get discouraged by the initial troubles, as time goes on and you practice the basics, you will find it becomes easier, especially once you begin to see the rewards of your newfound frugality.
Happy saving!
Join us in the xoTribe community and gain access to Mentor Mondays, bi-weekly workshops from our dating and career coaches, an archive of digital fireside chats, and virtual happy hours. Plus, connect with Necole, the xoNecole squad and a community of empowering women committed to being their best selves. Find your tribe today!
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- How To Manage Your Money & Protect Your Peace - xoNecole ... ›
- How I Paid Off My Student Loans By The Age Of 30 - xoNecole ... ›
- 15 Steps Our Family Took To Improve Our Finances - xoNecole ... ›
- How To Start A Budget - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- What does it mean to live below your means - The Financial Simplicity ›
- 8 Tips to Help You Live Below Your Means - Intuit Turbo Blog ›
- Living Below Your Means In 2020: How To Start Get Started ›
- How to Live Below Your Means Without Feeling Deprived - NerdWallet ›
- The Complete Guide to Living Below Your Means in 2020 ›
- How to Live Below Your Means in 2020, and Like it! - Intentional Saver ›
Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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Are You & Your Partner Financially Compatible? Here’s How To Tell.
With nearly half of all marriages that end in divorce citing finances as the nail in the coffin to deading their relationship, financial compatibility is one aspect of long-term compatibility that doesn't get talked about enough. Beyond the circular 50/50 discourse and whatever hot-button issues regarding providers and the like, at its core, financial compatibility is about how well your financial behaviors, values, and long-term goals align with those of your partner.
More than it is about how much money a person makes or doesn't make, financial compatibility focuses on how you think about money, how you spend your money, and most importantly, how you plan for the future with your money. Think, questions about money mindsets, spending habits, debt, budget, etc. Are you a saver and he's a spender? Do you see money as a tool for freedom? Does he see it as something to hold on tightly to as a means of survival? Can you talk about your financial goals and plans openly?
Knowing if you and your partner are financially compatible can save a lot of heartache, a lot of headaches, and a lot of money in the end. Keep reading for a few key indicators to pay attention to and learn whether or not you and your partner are truly aligned financially.
Signs You’re Financially Compatible
1. You can talk about money without judgment.
Conversations about money aren't something you dread. You're able to talk to your partner freely and openly about money matters, like debts, bills, the budget, etc., even when it is uncomfortable. There is an understanding that talking about money doesn't have to be something you're on the defense about, instead it's an opportunity for transparency, clarity, and solutions.
2. You respect each other's money personalities.
What is a money personality? According to Ken Honda, author of Happy Money, a money personality is our "approach and emotional responses to money" and there are seven money personalities we can fall under. These personalities can help us understand our own relationship with money, as well as our partner's. For example, maybe you're someone who likes to treat yourself to a fancy dinner once a month and your partner is someone who believes ordering takeout and not cooking meals at home is a cardinal sin.
When you can respect each other's money personalities, neither approach is subjected to judgment and shifts can be made in each other's spending habits as needed and from a place of love versus guilt or shame.
3. You agree on what it means to have "financial security."
Whether it’s building a stacked emergency fund, paying off debt before putting a downpayment on a home or being able to splurge on a baecation without checking your account balance before the bill arrives, your definitions of what it means to be financially secure are in sync, or at least compatible enough to reach a compromise.
4. You are not each other's "financial parent."
You’re not constantly teaching, fixing, or stressing out over what the other person is doing with their money. Although I fast-forwarded through a lot of the most recent season of Love Is Blind, I did pay attention to Virginia and Devin and money seemed to be a recurring theme in their conversations. It was clear Virginia had her ish together when it came to money and her financial plans for the future and Devin was not quite on her level.
Though she said no at the altar for additional reasons, I could also see how sis could eventually get very tired of being her partner's second mama, so to speak. And that's the thing about being your partner's "financial parent," eventually, you could end up feeling like you are one-half of a "parenting" or "teaching" dynamic with your partner instead of feeling like you're equals in a partnership.
5. You make financial decisions with each other in mind, not for each other.
Whether it’s booking a trip, deciding which debt to tackle first, saving up for a big purchase, or planning out your next move, there’s a mutual respect for each other’s input. Those shared goals might look like wealth, freedom, stability, or just a debt-free life that feels soft and secure.
You don’t have to be chasing the same bag in the same exact way, but you do need to be aligned on the vision. What you're building should feel like a joint venture with shared effort and purpose, not one of y’all making major money moves like you're still single. Making financial decisions is not just about where the money goes, it's about where you’re going together.
6. You're aligned when it comes to the big stuff.
Financial compatibility extends to the long-term of money management. The legacy, structure, and shared responsibility that comes with decisions like shared accounts, estate planning, having babies, or even blending families. Will you split bills or combine income? Who’s taking time off if you have a child? How do y’all feel about generational wealth or investing for your family’s future? You and your partner have had the real conversations.
These conversations can’t wait until after the wedding or until after a baby’s here. They’re the foundation for how you function as a unit, and if you're not aligned, or at least willing to get on the same page, that incompatibility can cause friction in the end that love alone can't fix.
Love is cute and all, but building an empire together? That’s the real flex. Tap into our new series Making Cents to see what financial compatibility really looks like when love and legacy go hand in hand.
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