Over the past six months, it felt like life was piling on the toughest lessons it could bring me. For weeks on end, I’d find myself either crying from a new revelation that I discovered about my life or triggered by a disappointment I couldn’t avoid. There were plans deferred, frustrating rejections, and losses that shattered every “plan” I tried to make for myself — leaving me and the hope that I had for my future hanging in the balance.
While there have been previous times when I’ve found myself stuck between a rock and a hard place, this time around was even more unfamiliar than before. At the time, it felt almost impossible to get unstuck from the place and circumstances that I found myself in, and the possibility of gaining clarity seemed hopeless. What I soon came to realize was that I couldn’t change my situation until I put a name to what I was dealing with.
This season of uncertainty I was experiencing is known as a liminal space. This refers to “the place a person is in during a transitional period. It’s a gap that can be physical (like a doorway), emotional (like a breakup), or metaphorical (like a decision).” In my case, it was like life’s waiting room, where you know it’s time for a change, but that change hasn’t quite happened or manifested yet. It’s the in-between time. The middle ground. The “waiting season.”
Through all those months of processing, being in solitude, crying, and journaling until the pages caught fire, I had no idea that there was actual language to what I was living. I just assumed it was some sort of mid-mid-life crisis coupled with the final stages of my Saturn Return. But it wasn’t until I listened to an episode of The Soft Life by Saddie Baddies Podcast that I could finally put words to what I was experiencing all this time.
According to Priscilla O. Agyeman, MPH, public health professional and founder of the digital platform Saddie Baddies™, a liminal space is “the space between what was and what could be. It’s anywhere that's in between two stationary spaces,” she tells xoNecole. “On a deeper, more personal level, a liminal space can be something like a divorce, having to make a heavy decision where you're between two options, or moving to another location.”
Emotional liminal spaces can also look like a job loss, getting engaged or married, a long-term situationship ending, a romantic or friendship breakup, rejection, losing a spark of creative interest, rejection, or simply adulting.
For Priscilla, the concept of home and relocation had been a reoccurring theme when it came to liminal spaces. Specifically in 2020, where during the height of the pandemic, her landlord decided to abruptly end her lease two months early. “I remember my soul just feeling so depleted and tired. I literally had a nervous breakdown because I was like, how can you do this in the middle of a pandemic? How can you be so inconsiderate?” she shares.
That time of unsteadiness showed Priscilla the power of asking for help during the toughest moments of her liminal space, and she was soon able to leverage the support of a close friend to find a new but temporary place to live.
There she began to reintroduce herself to grounding practices that allowed her to get back in touch with herself. “I had to make really big behavioral changes. If not, I was going to slowly lose my sense of self because everything that I was working towards in terms of having my own space was stripped of me,” she says. “But in that liminal space, I got some major roots that developed my resilience, my character, and able to handle life's curve balls.”
During that time of her navigating the liminal space of moving, Priscilla recalls the inner mantras that anchored her while not losing sight of what was to come. “I had to keep reminding myself to stay present because if I focused too much on the past or too much on the future, I’d feel so much stress internally,” she shares. “Meditation helped me to quiet down the noise of worrying about the future and focus on the present moment and what was in front of me.”
“[What] I had to use was just to remind myself that this is temporary. You are doing exactly what you need to do in this moment. Everything is aligning perfectly for you. Really just affirming myself because if I didn't do that, I was really going to let my environment take over what I was feeling,” she continues. “Instead, I wanted to change the narrative. I wanted to flip the switch and learn how to adapt.”
Getting Unstuck From Your Liminal Space
When working to get unstuck from your liminal space, there is a delicate balance between planning for what you desire while remaining present in uncovering what this time is trying to teach you. One tip that Priscilla speaks to in doing so is the importance of creating an exit strategy. “An exit strategy is your plan to get out of a situation or environment that's no longer serving you,” she says. “In between the problem and the solution is a strategy. What's going to get you between point A and point B?”
When creating your exit strategy, consider the following:
1. Know Your Threshold and Make a Deadline:
“What is an action item that you can take to get yourself out of this situation? When it came to my living situation, I knew that I couldn't stay for more than six months. I knew that there was a threshold that I could tolerate as someone with specific needs for my home environment. I had to find a solution that was going to be easy for me to transition into and that could be more long-term.”
2. Get Clarity and Don’t Move Out Of Desperation:
“It's really about simplifying the process, taking a time to step back from the situation, and motivating yourself because you want to get out of this space. But doing it in a way that does not move out of desperation. Be diligent and strategic. You don’t want to get yourself back into another shitty situation. Take a step back and reevaluate what is actually going on with you and what's going to be the desired outcome.”
3. Embrace the Quiet Moments:
“If you want to discover what your liminal space is trying to teach you, the first thing is having some quiet time. When I came to those moments of clarity, before I was able to develop a strategy or do anything, I had to have quiet time. For me, that's going on a walk, being outside, figuring out what it is that I'm currently feeling, and then letting those emotions come up.”
4. Talk to Someone You Trust:
“Talk about it with someone you trust. It doesn't need to be your entire Instagram feed. But I think finding at least one or two people in your corner that you can talk to, whether it's a friend, whether it's your partner, whether it's a family member, whoever, just talk to a therapist. Obviously, talking to somebody who can really help you to see another perspective because they might also have solutions. They might also be able to offer help.
5. Be Observant:
“If you really want to see what your liminal space is teaching you, be observant. For example, if you've been itching to move to a new city, have you been seeing signs that this is a place where you could thrive? Being observant requires you to be present. So what are the things that you have been seeing repeatedly, whether it's actually seeing them or having recurring dreams, thoughts, or people mentioning certain things in passing? A lot of times that could be God showing up in ways that you may not have even noticed.”
Having been in a liminal space myself, I can attest to how challenging it can be to stay encouraged and motivated when you’re unsure of when your number will be called from life’s waiting room. It can have an impact on your mental health and become emotionally and physically taxing. But in order to get to the other side, you have to lean into that discomfort and receive the lesson that life earnestly wants to teach you through this liminal space. Because it’s not happening to you, it's happening for you.
“See the possibilities. I tend to say that this is proof of concept that good things can happen and that better things are on the other side,” Priscilla says. “When you look at your life, where have you been stuck and gotten yourself unstuck? That's proof of concept. That's proof that you are able to get out of it,” she says.
“Look at your own experiences as data, proving to yourself that I've gotten out of this before, and I know I'll get out of this too.”
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Martin Novak/ Getty Images
RELATED
Mercury enters Aries from April 16 until May 10, and what you were trying to see through or understand better while Mercury was retrograde here last month, you are experiencing a breakthrough now. Mercury in Aries is insightful and courageous, and people are more likely to speak their minds and initiate conversation with this energy. Mars then enters Leo from April 18 until June 17, reminding us that sometimes it’s okay to be a little more selfish and to focus on what you need right now. Mars in Leo brings forth confidence, creativity, and passion, and brings an exciting energy to charge of your life and advocate for yourself.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, bringing some earth sign energy into the mix, grounding and nurturing what you are creating in your life right now. On April 27, we have a New Moon in Taurus, and this is an abundant and fruitful New Moon. This is one of the best New Moons of the year for you to set your intentions for your financial world and a time for seeing new opportunities for abundance. On the last day of the month, Venus moves into Aries until June 6th, and love requires a little more passion, independence, and excitement during this time.
Overall, April is a month of feeling things through, taking more intuitive risks, investing in yourself, and balancing your needs with the needs of your relationships.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what April has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
April is your month to shine, Aries. With the chaos of March now over, you are starting to see the progress of where life is and how everything has turned out even better than you were expecting. The month begins with the Sun in your 1st house of self, and you are feeling more confident, courageous, and in tune with yourself. With a Full Moon in your sister sign on April 12, relationships are also coming full circle for you now, and you are claiming your peace this month.
Mercury finally goes direct on April 7 and then enters your sign from April 16 to May 10, and this is going to clear up any miscommunications that you have been through. With Mercury now in your sign, your conversations are lively, your mind is inspiring, and you are thinking one step ahead. Before the month ends, Venus enters your sign from April 30 to June 6, and love is also moving forward for you now. Overall, this is a month where you are experiencing some happy outcomes and loyal support.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
April is a month of passion and purpose, Taurus. You are living in your abundance, and are focused on valuing yourself and the things you are bringing to fruition right now. Venus, your ruling planet, goes direct on March 12 after being retrograde in your financial house since March 1, and you are moving into the month experiencing more opportunities and also feeling more respected in what you are accumulating for yourself and standing your ground on.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, and it’s all about you right now. This Taurus Season is smoothing things out for you in love, with new relationship developments unfolding and life flourishing for you. The New Moon this month is in your sign on April 27, it’s time for a new beginning. You are truly embracing your strength in April, making things happen for yourself, and no longer doubting your future and what is possible for you.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
This month is all about the options becoming available to you now, Gemini. With your ruling planet Mercury going direct at the beginning of the month on April 7, you no longer feel as held back or out of place as you may have in the past weeks. With Mercury now direct, your thinking is clearer, and you are seeing the opportunities in your career and professional world that you may have missed before.
The more you can embrace your authenticity, the less time you will spend doubting how others perceive you, remember that this month.
On April 12, there is a Full Moon in Libra, highlighting the romance in your life and bringing forth understanding and compassion within your close relationships. You are letting go of old attachments or self-doubts that haven’t been serving your love life, and are growing closer to your own heart in the process. Before April comes to an end, Mars enters your 3rd house of communication, and you are overall leaving the month focused on your progress, your vision, and taking up space because you deserve to.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
This month is all about balancing your time and energy wisely, Cancer. You are being reminded not to overwork or overwhelm yourself in April, and to focus on doing the things that are within your control right now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career for most of the month so you are feeling really passionate about the things you are developing in your life right now, but it’s all about finding the right balance between your personal goals and your needs in your relationships as well.
The Full Moon in Libra on April 12 will be a time to devote your energy to self-care, close loved ones, and overall getting some time to decompress. You are ready to let go of the things that don’t make you feel safe or nurtured and are receiving an emotional renewal right now. The New Moon in Taurus at the end of the month is a time to focus on your intentions on your community, friendships, and aspirations in life, and to pay attention to where you can create more abundance here.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
Things are turning around for you for the better, Leo. April is a dynamic month, and you are owning your inner alchemist. With a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication on April 12, you are getting the messages you have been looking for and the mental clarity you have found is bringing closure to some of your close relationships. This month is about being flexible and trusting the changes that are happening for you right now.
On April 18, Mars enters your sign until June 17, and this is huge for you. You began the year with Mars retrograde in your sign, so you are getting the opportunity now, to rewrite some of the things that weren’t working for you at the beginning of the year. You are overcoming previous obstacles, and experiencing a breakthrough in your life this month. Before April ends, there is a New Moon in Taurus, highlighting your career, reputation, and professional life. This is a good New Moon to set your intentions for what goals you want to come to fruition for you now.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
This month is all about building new foundations in your life, Virgo. You are feeling more supported and in tune with your own inner needs and interests, and it’s bringing you closer to people and systems that resonate. Your ruling planet Mercury goes direct this month on April 7 after being retrograde for the past few weeks; bringing more clarity, understanding, and compassion to your partnerships in life. You are focused on love this month and are working together with others to make your dreams come true.
Mid-month, Mars moves into your 12th house of closure and endings, and there is a journey of healing that you experience until June 17. You are motivated to understand yourself better and are looking at the past more right now in order to do so. This is a month of recovering and healing from what has been, for new foundations to be built upon. The New Moon on April 27 is a beautiful way to end the month, as you are getting glimpses of a new, abundant, adventure that is ahead of you.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
This is a big month of closure for you, Libra. The Sun is in your 7th house of love for most of April, and your heart is in the right place. With Venus, your ruling planet, going direct on April 12 after being retrograde since March 1, you are finally able to take a breath. You are not experiencing as many obstacles when it comes to communication matters and you are feeling like you have the tools you need to move forward right now.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on April 12, and you are ready to let go of what isn’t working for you. You have been through a lot recently and have gained the clarity you need to let go of old attachments. Venus moves into your house of love before the month ends, and you are leaving the month feeling more in tune with where things are moving forward for you, rather than what you are leaving behind. Your heart moves through a journey in April, and your emotions are showing you a lot.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
April is a month of success, progress, and dreams coming to fruition, Scorpio. You are focused on your health, your priorities, and creating space for the new beginnings that you are creating in your life right now. The Full Moon mid-month is a big closure moment for you, and you are owning the fact that you have healed and you are no longer the same person you were in the past. This is a month of stepping into your power and feeling supported in doing so.
Mid-month, Mars enters your 10th house of career and public life and you are shining within your purpose. Over the next month and a half, you are going to be gaining some new opportunities that will be serving your professional life and goals. This is the month to show up and to let your skills, talents, and authenticity shine. On April 17, there is a New Moon in your opposite sign, Taurus, and you are leaving the month with some pleasant surprises in store for you in love as well.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
April is a new beginning for you, Sagittarius. You are focused on putting the action and effort behind your goals, and you are being proactive within the opportunities that you are looking for right now. With a Full Moon in your 11th house of aspirations mid-month, you are letting go of the way you thought things would play out for you and are owning a more abundant version of things.
On April 27, there is a New Moon in Taurus, which will be highlighting your health and what your body needs more of right now. This is a New Moon to set your intentions for your everyday life and to create a new, beneficial routine that will make things easier for you at the end of the day. Before the month ends, Venus enters your 9th house of adventure, and you are leaving the month with your sights set high. Travel plans are likely, and this is a good time to create some new plans for yourself.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
April is about putting one step in front of the other with patience and dedication and trusting the decisions you are making for yourself right now, Capricorn. The Sun is in your 4th house for most of the month, and you are yearning for your safe spaces, comfort foods, and loyal people. Giving yourself more time to decompress, take care of yourself, and ground your energy is essential this month.
Mars enters your 8th house of transformation mid-month and will be fueling your need for some change, excitement, and emotional rejuvenation over the next month and a half. You are entering an impactful moment of the year for you, and you are motivated toward change right now. The New Moon at the end of the month is in a fellow earth sign, highlighting the romantic new beginnings you are entering now. Overall, this month is a process, and you are opening new doors while finding gratitude in what is here for you now.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
April is about giving yourself time to process, accept, and gain a new perspective, Aquarius. You are being guided towards friendship, connection, and community, and are understanding what may be creating the discord in your life that has been distancing you from that. The Full Moon this month is happening in Libra on April 12, and you are ready to let go of feeling like you have to do it all at once or all alone. This month is a reminder to take your time with all the experiences you want to have, trusting that they will come to fruition for you.
Mars enters your house of love and partnership on April 18, and you enter a passionate and steamy time. Romance is in the air for you as you move through the month, and you are spending more of your time with those who you want to move forward with. Venus also moves into a relationship area of your chart before April ends, and you are surrounded by love and community. Overall, this month is showing you that you are not alone and you don’t have to go through the heavy stuff alone either.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
This is a month where your heart is shining, and you are feeling in tune with the progress you have made in your life and within your relationships, Pisces. You are owning your value, your worth, and the beauty of who you are, and are ready to leave the past behind. With Mercury and Venus both going direct in Pisces this month after being retrograde in your sign for the past few weeks, you are in a better space than you have been, and there are fewer obstacles and miscommunications in your life.
You have been through a journey of understanding yourself better through your goals, perspectives, and interests, and have been committing yourself to your authenticity. On April 27, there is a New Moon in Taurus happening, and this New Moon is a good time for communication matters, getting your message across, and for your creative pursuits. With the clarity you feel within your mind and heart right now, you are making a lot of progress in April and feeling pleased with where life is headed.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Where to Stay in St. Lucia
Photo by Windjammer Landing
There are lots of different types of accommodations for travelers to choose from, and many of the top hotels and resorts in St. Lucia are located near Marigot or Rodney Bay, which are about an hour and a half from the international airport.
I stayed at the Windjammer Landing Villa Beach Resort and there were a few things that stood out to me that made this an ideal resort for my trip. First, the resort has unique Mediterranean-style villas, and the gleaming white stucco walls, blue doors, and bright bougainvillea felt like being in a traditional Greek village. On morning walks, I would climb the hilly terrain and start the morning looking over the bay.
Solo-tripping at a resort is also great for making friends. I ate alone a few times, but I also met other travelers who I shared meals with throughout my stay. Though resort food can sometimes be hit or miss, the food at the Windjammer was top-notch (and diverse). The resort has five restaurants, and I ate seafood dishes like snapper and coconut shrimp at Upper Deck and tandoori chicken and samosas from the newly introduced ‘Masala at Embers.’
The resort is spread out over 65 acres, which meant that even though I visited during high season in February, the property never felt crowded. I spent a lot of time decompressing by sitting near the beach and journaling, but there were lots of activities at the resort to keep me occupied. I enjoyed a relaxing massage at the Serene Wellness & Spa and a morning yoga session, and along with the plunge pool in my villa, the resort had six pools and offered watersports like snorkeling and kayaking.
What to Eat in St. Lucia
Photo courtesy of Mariette Williams
St. Lucia’s local fare, like many other Caribbean islands, includes fried seafood like snapper and conch, peas and rice, and plantains. One way to get a taste of the local cuisine is to head to Gros Islet for the Friday Night Party. The 50-year tradition starts at sunset and locals bring their grills, set up tabletop bars, and eat and dance late into the night. St. Lucia also has some of the freshest fruit, and during my stay, I feasted on starfruit, golden apples, papaya drizzled in lime, and savory bananas.
Another St. Lucia “must-have” is Piton beer, a light, refreshing beer with a hint of floral taste - perfect after a day spent in the sun. And if you’re a rum drinker, St. Lucia has a litany of great rums - most notably Chairman’s Reserve, Bounty, and Admiral Rodney. I had a rum tasting at the resort, which was paired with St. Lucia’s delicious chocolate, and if you’re at a bar - make sure you order a rum punch - a signature drink in the Caribbean.
Things to Do in St. Lucia
Photo courtesy of Mariette Williams
Though it would have been easy to spend the entire stay at the resort, I spent some time exploring the neighboring areas. One of the highlights was booking a boat trip to see the Pitons. Though I had seen photos of the twin peaks, the majestic volcanoes are much more impressive in person, towering over 2,000 feet in the air. Our boat captain, Delbert, stopped the boat as we marveled at one of the Caribbean's most beautiful landmarks.
Another St. Lucian highlight is the sulfur springs in Soufriere where I slathered myself in thick grayish mud and soaked in the muddy, warm springs. After my al fresco sulphuric spa treatment, our driver took us to a nearby Sulfur Springs waterfall, and it was the first time I stood under a hot waterfall. On the way back to the resort, we stopped by some shallow waters to snorkel, and as the sun started its afternoon descent, I could see why people fell in love with St. Lucia.
Truthfully, nearly any country can make a good solo trip, but St. Lucia’s peaceful setting and access to attractions make it an ideal option for beginner solo travelers. It’s relatively convenient to get to as well - located just three hours from Miami, it’s ideal for a long weekend or week-long trip to recharge. Though I left so much to explore, St. Lucia is a place where you can fill your days with exciting activities or do nothing at all, and you’ll still have an unforgettable time.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image courtesy of Mariette Williams
Originally published on February 28, 2023