Trust me, I know how it feels to take a long time to fully release a man that you love. And when I say "long time", I'm not talking about a few months either. I've been pretty open about the fact that when it comes to my first love, it took a little over two decades to really and truly get over him (for the record, to me, "over him" means although there is complete peace between us, he no longer has any piece of my heart, seeing him no longer triggers butterflies, and there's no possibility of there being a romantic future moving forward).
Why the heck did it take so long? There are a few factors that come into play. Physically, he is soooo my type. Although I was sexually-abused as a child (and teen), he is also the first person I chose to give my body to. Even to this day, I dig his brain (a smart man with a lot of wit is the ultimate aphrodisiac for me!). But I think, more than anything, I'm simply not wired to "kinda love" someone. Either I'm all in or I'm all out and since he was my first experience with romantic love, once I started, I didn't have an exit plan.
So, what finally got me past all of that? Going to lunch with him one day back in 2015. For the billionth time since 1993, we discussed that maybe this time something could work. But for whatever the reason, when he said to me, "I've always loved you and I'm always going to love you", something in me clicked. It was like, in those few seconds, my mind scanned over our on again/off again emotional roller coaster ride and I honestly couldn't tell the difference between how he treated me when we were in love, when there was just love between us, and when we tried to co-exist by liking one another as friends.
That's when I knew it was time to bring our perplexing lil' love story to a close. It's also when I realized that unless every human being knows the distinctions between like, love, and in love, we can find ourselves thinking that just because someone uses a particular word that the actions that should express it will follow.
Yes, they should. But unless the person saying them actually knows what they're saying as they're saying them, there's a huge chance that they won't. Here's what I mean by that.
The Meaning of Like, Love, & In Love
The Definition of "I Like You"
Like is cool. It's when you know that you're attracted to someone beyond the physical. You enjoy some of the same things. You see a lot of life the same way. You're not thinking too deeply about where things could go in the future, but you know that you definitely want to spend more time with this particular individual.
And so, you go on a few dates. Come to think of it, "date" might be a strong word at first because it implies there is a romantic connection; however, sometimes folks are not sure what the connection is — yet. Hmph. Come to think of it, this right here can oftentimes be the cause of a lot of disillusionment with relationships because while Person A thinks "Let's catch a movie" means that Person B is really digging them, Person B actually may be asking in order to see if there is real chemistry — or not. (Amen? Amen!)
Like is platonic (although one day I'll break down what that word really means). Like means both people are free to see other people. Like offers absolutely no guarantees and, to tell you the truth, like also doesn't come with a ton of expectations either.
Two people who like each other are on the road to becoming friends and maybe something more. But if nothing comes out of "the like", there are no hard feelings (or at least there shouldn't be).
The Meaning of "Love"
Love is what grows from like. Or at least it should. I say should because, unfortunately, there are a lot of married couples I work with whose main problem is they skipped over like and jumped right into love (or lust that looked like love to them at the time). So when all of the fireworks and excitement died down, they realized they didn't complement each other very well and actually didn't like each other very much.
Anyway, when someone loves you, they care about you on a deeper level than like. There is a profound connection. They make investments into you and the relationship. They are careful with your heart and time. They know something is real and they are (typically) open to exploring it. They see you and adore what they see.
Here's the challenge, though. You probably know (or at least heard) that there are different kinds of love — eros (sexual); philia (friendship); storge (the love between family); agape (universal love; the kind we should have for all mankind); ludus (uncommitted love); pragma (practical love; for instance, a lot of marriages start out with a lot of eros but stay married due to pragma), and philautia (self-love).
Can you just imagine how much time, pain, or even, based on the situation, disgust could be spared if the first time when a man said, "I love you" we followed that up, "Wait. What kind are we talking about here? You love me like you wanna get some, you love me like a friend, you love me like you love people at your church, or you love me like you dig me but have no intentions on ever committing to me?"
Unfortunately, love is used so loosely that a lot of us assume that the way we view it is the way someone else does. If there's a word you should never move on based on assumptions, love would have to be it.
The Definition of "In Love"
A while back, I penned an article on this site entitled "5 Signs That You're In Love (All By Yourself)." I've been there, which is why I wrote it. But to tell you the truth, life, research, and maturity have all taught me that being in love alone is kind of impossible to do.
Here's why I say that. Whenever we're sharing the fact that we're in love with someone, what do we usually say? "I'm IN love WITH so-and-so." The word "in" means to be in a place, position, or type of relationship. The word "with" means to be accompanied by.
So tell me something. If being in love with an individual means, by definition, that you are in a position and kind of relationship where they are accompanying you in the same kind of love you have for them, how can you possibly be in love with someone…alone?
I can't tell you the number of single women I've talked to who find themselves being straight-up pissed all because they are in love with a man who isn't in love with them. But when it comes to being in love, if he's not right there with you, in love is not what you are. You may love him a lot, but in love? Highly doubtful.
Believe you me, I could go on and on with a topic like this but, hopefully, this provided a bit of a blueprint as you're figuring out the whole like-love-in love thing in your own life.
Like looks and lives a certain way. Love looks and lives a certain way. In love sho 'nuf looks and lives a certain way. Look for the clear signs of what you're dealing with first and then — for the sake of your mind, body and spirit — move accordingly.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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Anyway, I have watched enough of Christiana’s content to know that she and her husband Arismarlyn Sabino eat pretty healthy. She works out a lot too. That’s why, I would be super surprised if taking probiotics isn’t a part of her diet (because I’ve definitely seen her use fermented foods in her recipes like in this videohere). It’s a wise thing to do because probiotics do so much for the body — both inside and out.
Either way, whether she does or not, as I was thinking about what is required to have healthy, youthful, and vibrant skin like hers, I wanted to make sure to give probiotics a special mention because, although you may already know that they can help to strengthen your immune system, reduce your stress levels, manage your weight, decrease allergy-related symptoms and help to prevent heart disease, they can also do wonders when it comes to giving you the flawless skin that you desire too.
What Are Probiotics and Why Does Your Skin Adore Them So?
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Although probiotics is a word that comes up quite a bit in cyberspace, in order to explain how your skin is able to flourish with them, I want to make sure we’re all on the same page about what they are: probiotics are live microorganisms (in the form of bacteria and yeast) that help to keep your gut in good condition which ultimately helps to improve every part of you. Because your body naturally has both good and bad bacteria in it, probiotics help to keep the bad bacteria from overtaking your system, so that the good bacteria can help to keep you in optimal condition.
Although I already shared some of probiotics’ health benefits in the intro, some additional ones include their ability to reduce inflammation; help you to (better) manage your appetite; help to prevent and speed up the recovery of vaginal infections and urinary tract infections (UTIs); decrease the chances of cavities and gum disease; support you having a healthy digestive tract; lower stress and anxiety levels; help to keep your blood pressure where it should be — and yes, probiotics can also support you in having beautiful skin.
When it comes to your skin, specifically, why are probiotics so good for it? Well, the reality is that not only is 80 percent of your immunity in your gut (check out “80% Of Your Immunity Is In Your Gut. Take Care Of It Like This.”), it’s also true that when your gut is not working at its best, it can show through your skin in a myriad of different ways — ways that I will address in just a moment.
That’s why it’s a good idea to eat foods that are full of probiotics (including fermented ones like pickles, yogurt, and cheese), and that you consider taking a probiotic supplement (although you might want to speak with your doctor first because there are different strains of probiotics to choose from) and, that you use skincare products that are also rich in probiotics. As far as that last tip goes, probiotic skincare is simply about putting forth the intentional effort to apply products to your face, neck, and other parts of your body that have probiotics — yes, live bacteria — in them.
When it comes to this, the strains that you should specifically look for (you know, on the labels of the products) include:
- Lactococcus
- Bifida
- Streptococcus thermophilus
- Saccharomyces
- Lactobacillus
- Leuconostoc
The reason why you should take note of these is they are reportedly the most effective at doing the following things for your skin…
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1.Probiotics Can Reduce Dry Skin
If it seems like, no matter what you do, your skin is always dry, you should consider taking a probiotic. What research reveals is, that by doing so, not only can probiotics help to decrease transcutaneous water loss (TEWL) that’s in your system, but they can also reduce the amount of water that your skin loses throughout the day by strengthening your skin’s barrier (more on that later).
As far as which probiotics you should apply to your skin in order to keep dryness at bay, look for the strain that is called Vitreoscilla; it will help to strengthen your skin’s barrier and reduce dryness as a direct result.
2. Probiotics Can Soothe Eczema and Psoriasis
If eczema or psoriasis flare-ups are what’s driving you up the wall, probiotics can help with that. The science behind this is, that when you have these types of health-related issues, it can lead to inflammation as well as a different type of bacteria in your gut (in comparison to those who don’t have eczema or psoriasis). By taking a probiotic, it can reduce the inflammation and alter the bacteria that you have which can, in turn, reduce the symptoms.
And just what kind of probiotic-based skincare products can help with this? Strains likeBifidobacterium lactis and Lactobacillus acidophilus currently show the most promise.
3. Probiotics Can Speed Up the Healing Process of Breakouts
I’m telling you, if you want to look and feel better, you’ve got to pay more attention to your gut health. Take breakouts, for example. Did you know science says that the condition of your gut and acne actually on hand in hand? The gist is that when the gut’s microbe is not where it should be, that can trigger inflammation which oftentimes results in pimples forming.
This is just one more reason to add a probiotic to your diet and to apply probiotic skincare strains of Lactobacillus acidophilus or Bifidobacterium bifidum to your skin; they help to reduce breakouts.
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4. Probiotics Can Balance Your Skin’s pH
If you’ve ever wondered what pH stands for, it’s “potential hydrogen;” it basically speaks to how acidic or alkaline something is. When it comes to your skin, this matters because if it’s too acidic or alkaline (which basically means basic), that can result in dry skin, itchiness, inflammation, sensitivity, and other skin-related issues. That said, if your skin is healthy, it will have a pH of somewhere around 5.5 which is slightly acidic. And how can you know what your skin’s pH is?
The best way to test this is by booking an appointment with a dermatologist. However, if you notice some of the symptoms that I just mentioned, take a probiotic and see if your skin improves within a few weeks. Oh, and when it comes to sensitive skin, especially, skincare that has Streptococcus thermophilus in it should be able to help you out by elevating the ceramide levels that are in your skin.
5. Probiotics Can Improve Your Skin’s Barrier
The outermost layer of your skin is your skin’s barrier — and it goes through a lot. In fact, a Healthline article that I read on it stated, “This fantastically thin brick wall is literally keeping you alive. Without it, various harmful environmental toxins and pathogens could penetrate your skin and cause adverse effects inside your body.” Therefore, if there is anything that you should want to go almost overboard about in maintaining, your skin’s barrier would be it.
And since it is the “front line of defense” for your skin, in a lot of ways, that means your skin’s barrier is vulnerable to things like rough skin, itchy skin, fungal infections and inflammation. It’s a good thing that probiotics can help with strengthening your skin’s barrier so that there is less of a chance that these things will happen. A list of some of the best probiotics for your skin’s barrier can be found here. The types of bacteria strains (probiotics) to look for in skincare as it relates to your skin’s barrier are Bifidobacterium, Lactobacillus, and Vitreoscilla.
6. Probiotics Can Reduce UV Damage
It can’t be said enough that everyone needs to be proactive when it comes to keeping their skin from experiencing UV damage (which is damage that the sun causes). Believe it or not, probiotics can help in this department as well because they can help to reduce oxidative stress, and inflammation and they also help to protect your skin’s barrier while you are outdoors. As far as your skincare plan, your best bet here would be to look for sunscreens that have probiotics in them. COOLA is one brand that many people are fond of.
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7. Probiotics Can Slow Down the Signs of Aging
One more. Although aging is a natural part of life (that should be embraced, by the way), when you factor in things like the years of what the sun can do; the loss of elastin and collagen over time; the shifts in pH balance; the fluctuations of your hormones; the damage that comes from oxidative stress; the decrease in melanocytes (pigment cells); the less natural oil that your skin produces; the natural fat layers that begin to thin out more and more — if nothing else will convince you to be hypervigilant in taking care of your skin, all of this stuff should.
And yes, probiotics can even assist with slowing down the signs of aging in your skin because, thanks to what is known as the skin-gut axis, the more good bacteria that are in your gut, the less inflammation your skin will experience, the more elasticity it will have and the less oxidative stress that it will go through.
So, definitely take a probiotic for this and look for skincare products that contain the strain known as Bacillus coagulans. It’s directly connected to helping your skin to age at a slower rate, so that your skin is looking fabulous, from the inside out, for many years to come.
All this from probiotics? Yep.
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