It was approximately 12:20am Wednesday morning when I kicked that damned blanket on the floor and sprung from my bed. In this moment, I realized that I was doing it again. I was momento hoarding.
I'm a sentimental woman, and that's not something I'm ashamed to say.
I made an effort to save all of my old stuffed animals and still have the framed letter that my parents wrote me during my freshman year in college. I'm a sucker for things that hold emotional value, okay? Sue me.
But this wasn't just any blanket. This was the blanket that my ex and I had slept under for two and a half years, a few months of which were spent on my aunt's living room on an air mattress. This blanket was a true ride or die, and even after we broke up, I made excuses as to why I should keep this second-hand, tattered quilt.
I like this blanket because it's not too hot. It's perfect because it's easy to fold: it even dries quickly after going through the washing machine. In retrospect, all bullshit reasons as to why I should keep my ex-boyfriend's grandmother's worn down comforter.
I realized I truly had a problem when a year after I had moved into my first apartment alone, not only had I kept a folder of his old artwork (just in case he wanted it at some point), I also had several pairs of his underwear tucked away in my dresser.
I found myself lost in a sea of emotions just walking into my place. I looked around and realized that the items that had so comfortably ordained my home, all were the belongings of my ex that he refused to accept back.
When a potential suitor came over, I would casually mention that the size 10 Jordans in the corner belonged to a man I hadn't spoken to in months, and assure him that he had nothing to worry about. And when my family asked me why I held on to that dingy ass quilt that poorly adorned my full-sized bed (and in no way matched my room decor), my answers always felt insufficient.
When I packed up my things to leave Louisiana and move to Denver in pursuit of my dreams, I left that apartment with only the things that I could fit in my car. This put me in a bit of a conundrum, because guys, I had a lot of shit.
I heard once that everything that's in your house should make you happy. If you look at something in your home and it doesn't bring you joy, you should get rid of it.
I used this theory, shed about 90% of my dead weight, and got on the road for a 17-hour car ride. When I reached a halfway point in Oklahoma to rest, the window of my car was broken into and I was robbed of most of the things I tried so hard to fit into my car.
They took my computer. They took my degree. They took the last of my ex's underwear that I tried so desperately to hold on to. But they left me something. This dingy ass blanket that now lays on the floor on the side of my bed.
I had been robbed of so many things I cared about, and one of the only things they left me with was this blanket. A blanket that I've slept with for nearly two years since my relationship ended.
Throughout my journey to redemption, I've discovered a valuable lesson: Items hold energy.
Despite my effort to rid myself of every spirit that came along with my ex, I failed to realize that I was still sleeping with him every night.
Even though I seemingly "decluttered" my life when I left Baton Rouge to come to Colorado, I was still holding on to unwanted energy in the name of sentimental value.
I realized that this need to hold on to things that didn't grow me had carried over into my relationships. It was my nature to hold on to people simply because they held sentimental value and it was affecting my energy. Just like this blanket I refused to let go of, I held on to relationships that did not feed me mentally or spiritually because, at one time, they were special to me.
Life purging is the act of eliminating any and everything in your life that may be stifling your growth.
Momento hoarding is a guilty pleasure of mine that now stands to hinder me from moving forward and letting go of what once was. There are people and blankets that will always hold a special place in my heart, but it doesn't mean I need to hold on to them, and it certainly doesn't mean I need to sleep with them every night.
I encourage you to evaluate the items and the relationships that you surround yourself with. Are they around because they hold sentimental value, or are you like me, momento hoarding your life away? The answer to that question can change your life.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak