

As my solar return draws near, I have been reflecting on the experiences of my 20s.
Within a whole decade of life, I have broken away from a restrictive religious upbringing, spent years in karmic and unrequited romantic relationships, survived my "hoe phase," graduated from film school only to be inactive in the field, experienced many failures, became a full time entrepreneur and freelance writer, adopted a nomadic lifestyle, and found my truth and purpose in life.
In honor of the fact that I enter my 30s this year, I decided to reflect on my biggest life lessons, revelations, as well as old expectations in love, career, and spirituality that have in turn shaped my goals, mindset, and future love life. Cheers to another year.
Overcoming Procrastination & Fear
I found that I used to often say, "Once I do/get/have that, I'll do this, that or the third." The "Once I…" habit was a bad habit that I knew I had to get rid of. I later realized it was a form of fear paired with procrastination, and for those reasons, it was a dangerous combination. Making moves contingent upon something happening before you make those moves is limiting and detrimental to progress.
Shedding the fear of lack and limit has been key to my growth as an entrepreneur, and a manifestor of all that I desire in my life, both professionally and romantically. To outgrow fear is no small feat. Throughout my twenties, I was presented with opportunities to transcend my own self-afflicted fears. It took wisdom to realize that my fears were ever self-inflicted, to begin with. At times, I most definitely gave in because living without fear is very difficult. As I flourish into my 30s, I have learned that true fulfillment and happiness cannot exist, if there is any fear left in your subconscious.
Overcoming Anxiety About Money
I had to learn how to adjust my attitude about money in the sense that I didn't let it spearhead my fears of not achieving goals. I used to have that little nerve in the bottom of my chest that caused anxiety when funds became low or in waiting. I learned not to cling too tightly to the thing that can be as quickly destroyed or taken away as it can be made.
Money is source energy manifested.
I've learned to have faith that all that I need at the right moment in time will be given to me by the universe. One affirmation that has helped me change my perception of money is, "the universe is my immediate and endless supply," from the collection of books "The Complete Works," by Florence Scovel Schwinn. Read it, it's life-changing!
One experience in particular, that strengthened my acceptance of this truth, is when I sublet my apartment prior to my first nomadic move. Long story short, my temporary tenant decided to move out of my apartment a day before the next month's rent was due. Naturally, I was freaking out! After a severe back and forth, the tenant miraculously decided to pay for the upcoming rent, but not stay in the room. This allowed me to replace him with a more secure tenant, and use the money to pay to self-publish my entrepreneurial endeavor, "Melanade Stand's Tarot Card Deck™️," formerly known as, "Brown Girl Tarot."
The gag is, the amount I received was a little bit more than what I needed to pay for my first print. That was divine intervention, and that was the universe supplying me immediately and miraculously.
Surrendering To Patience
Patience has been an ongoing battle for me. Learning to let the passage of time teach lessons that only the passage of time can teach, has been a large pill to swallow.
I've learned not to worry about the timing of my life when it comes to career and love.
Part of what has helped me realize the necessity for patience are the lessons that I learned in failures. Had I not opened up my own speakeasy, I would not have had the experience of being a restaurant owner at all. Although I struggled gaining a consistent stream of clientele, the lessons learned are invaluable. I learned how to write a professional business plan, and create an investment pitch deck and portfolio.
I also learned crucial knowledge of business financials and structure, including calculating your pro forma cash flow, BEP, market analysis, strategy, and implementation, etc. Starting my own spiritual business online has taught me all about branding, market targeting, SEO, copywriting, and social media growth and management.
When it comes to love, I have been in serious relationships, and I have been in serious "situationships." Only the passage of time has taught me to differentiate between the two. I have been deep in love, and I have been deep in lust.
Only the passage of time has taught me what love truly is and has enabled me to find unconditional love for myself before expecting it in someone else.
In general, if you know where you want to go, that is where you'll end up. Gaining experience and soundness of self is what I've cultivated during what felt like stagnation in time. Success takes time. Finding true love takes time. Your progress may speed and slow, but I realized that either way, it never stops.
Learning Humility
I've never been so humbled in my life. I've experienced things that made me stop and realize just how blessed I am. Getting to the lowest point of being homeless, is an experience that is hard for me to put into words. Sitting in one of the worst homeless shelters on Skid Row in Los Angeles, with every tangible possession that I owned, along with everyone else around me, was a slice of humble pie that I never imagined I'd ever eat.
The fact that I have more than some people can ever dream of is such a stifling but totally rewarding experience at the same time. Being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes allows you to have a perspective that's innately unselfish. It allows you to check yourself when you're wrong and stand up for yourself when you're right.
Practicing gratitude for all the things that you do have is the gateway to gaining true abundance. Instead of being thankful for having more things, become thankful for what it is you already have. Being humble has changed my entire purpose. It has helped dissolve my ego and push me to become a better person in service to others.
Realizing Self-Love, Self-Care & Self-Awareness
I've learned what it is I want in love and how it mirrors what I can give. I know what kind of man I want, and why I deserve that kind of man. I've learned that it is okay to be firm in what it is that you need in a significant other and not wasting one minute settling for anything less than what makes you happy.
You can only attract the sum of what you are, so aim high.
My future partner will embody the essence of myself in another vessel, and I'll accept nothing less.
The same understanding applies to family and friends. Over the last several years, it seems like I have shed so many people around me who were toxic to my progression. I've had "best friends" who were really enemies and I've had family members who might as well be strangers. The lessons I've learned have been in cutting the chords to anyone who has only reciprocated negativity and toxicity.
On the flip side, I had to learn where I have been toxic within myself. I had to see myself as a mirror of other people's pain that I reflected back to them. I've had to learn how to call myself out on my own BS, and learn to take accountability for my shortcomings. I had to see that through my very extroverted nature, I often made myself the center of attention without self-awareness of this negative trait.
Through a journey of self-love, self-care, self-awareness, and spiritual transformation, I have become an entirely different person than who I was at the start of my second decade of life.
Choosing a life of purpose led by intuition has ultimately led me to who and where I am now.
Here I am 30! I am ready for the next 10 years of lessons, in which I hope includes marriage, motherhood, and becoming the woman I was born to become.
xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissons@xonecole.com.
Featured image by Getty Images
- 10 Life Lessons I Learned in My 20s | HuffPost ›
- 10 Life Lessons I Wish I Knew in My 20s | Inc.com ›
- The life lessons men should learn before they reach 30 | The ... ›
- These are the life lessons everyone should learn in their 20s | indy100 ›
- 15 hard lessons to learn in your 20s - Business Insider ›
- Eight essential life lessons you'll learn in your twenties | Metro News ›
- 20 Things I Learned In My 20s ›
- 20 Life Lessons I Learned In My Twenties ›
- 10 Life Lessons I Learned from Surviving My 20s | Mark Manson ›
Fontaine Felisha Foxworth is a writer and creative entrepreneur from Brooklyn New York. She is currently on the West Coast working on creating a TV Pilot called "Finding Fontaine", that details the nomadic journey of her life so far. Keep up with her shenanigans @famoustaine on IG.
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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Swipe Right For Sisterhood: Reginae Carter Talks Teaming Up With BLK To Make Friendships Front & Center
You know the vibes: dating apps aren’t just for finding romance anymore—at least not for Gen Z! As young people continue to redefine connection, BLK, the leading dating app for Black singles, is shaking things up with the launch of Social Mode. The new feature allows users to toggle between dating and platonic connections. Yep, you read that right—friendship is now just as easy to find as love.
To kick off this game-changing launch, BLK teamed up with TV personality and socialite Reginae Carter for the ultimate Girls’ Night In, proving that sisterhood is just as important as romance. The exclusive event was a celebration of the new feature and the power of Black women coming together to uplift one another.
“Your circle is everything,” Reginae shares with a smile, and she’s not wrong. She’s all about creating spaces where we can come together, let our hair down, and vibe with like-minded women. “We deserve spaces to meet, uplift, and vibe with each other. BLK is making that happen,” she adds.
A New Era for Friendships—Social Mode Is Here!
Gen Z is all about building meaningful connections, whether it’s with a date or a new brunch buddy. That’s why Social Mode is such a big deal. Research shows that 65% of Gen Z values friendships just as much as romantic relationships. With BLK’s new feature, users can easily toggle between “Dating” and “Social,” opening up a world of platonic connections—no swiping right required.
Bahja Rodriguez, Reginae Carter, Breaunna Womack, Lourdes Rodriguez and Zonnique Pullins attend OMG Girlz "Make A Scene" Single Release & Video Viewing Party at Trap City Cafe on March 27, 2025 in Atlanta, Georgia
Photo by Prince Williams/WireImage
Reginae Carter Hosts the Ultimate Girls’ Night In—Powered by BLK Social Mode
What better way to show Social Mode in action than with an exclusive Girls’ Night In, hosted by Reginae? The event brought together top influencers, tastemakers, and press for a night of luxury, self-care, and real talk about love, sex, and relationships. From tarot readings to perfume-making and signature cocktails, the evening embodied the “soft life” vibe that many Black women are embracing in 2025—peaceful, intentional, and full of joy.
Guests mingled, laughed, and bonded over the importance of finding a tribe that supports you. It wasn’t just about fun (although there was plenty of that!)—it was about creating a circle of inspiring, strong women. “We need to stick together. We need to be each other’s village,” Reginae says, emphasizing the power of community over competition.
Sisterhood: The Real MVP
For Reginae, it’s all about friendship—and not just the surface-level kind. “We need friends who keep it real with us. The ones who can tell us when we’re right, when we’re wrong, and when we need to calm down,” she says. As someone who navigates the spotlight, she’s got the best of both worlds: friends who understand the grind and those who can give her an honest, grounded perspective.
Her advice for building strong, intentional friendships? “Be confident in yourself and know your worth,” she explains. “Also, hurt people hurt people, so make sure you’re coming from a good place when you’re building relationships. It’s not always about being nice—sometimes it’s about being real.”
Reginae couldn’t have summed it up better: “When you have the right circle, the right tribe, everything just feels easier. And that’s exactly what BLK is giving us—space to connect, laugh, and grow with each other.”
To learn more about BLK’s Social Mode, download or update the BLK app in the App Store or Google Play Store today. Who knows? You might just find your new bestie or your next brunch crew.
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Feature image by Prince Williams/WireImage