Libra is the definition of love. They are ruled by Venus herself, the planet of love, and they put a lot of focus on this area of their life as well.
Libra in Love & Relationships
A Libra in a relationship is one of the best partners to have, as they put their relationships first in life. They provide a lot of value and care into their relationships, and love itself means everything to them. They love the feeling of being in a partnership with someone and mirroring each other and are the example of two becoming one. With Venus being the planetary ruler of both Libra and Taurus, Libra effortlessly matches Venusian energy.
Venus is all about love, beauty, harmony, sex, creativity, and attraction. The power of attraction for Libra is strong, and this is a flirty sign that doesn’t have a problem meeting someone or attracting love into their life.
There are two types of Libras when it comes to love. A Libra in a relationship and a Libra in a situationship. Some Libras do have a pattern of not committing and having a more flaky or laissez-faire attitude in their relationships.
That’s not to say they aren’t completely loving and romantic in the process, but they may not be the first ones to bring up making the relationship official, let's just say that. On the other side, there are also those Libras that have planned out their wedding day since they were a child and are serial daters. Let’s not forget that Libra rules the 7th house, which is the house of marriage. You will often always find a Libra in a relationship and they are that perfect spouse someone is looking for.
Either way, a Libra almost always has someone in their vicinity, and if they don’t, they won't feel like themselves. This doesn’t mean they are the most committed sign of the zodiac, as a Libra will run free and have its fun unless they are really at that place in their life to commit.
Libra Love Compatibility: Best & Worst Love Matches in the Zodiac
All in all, Libras are the type of partner to wow you. They will take note of everything you like, dislike, enjoy, love, and will make it their mission to provide that for you. They want to meet you where you are and will shower you with a type of love and affection that is truly unforgettable. They are genuine with the affection they show, and they will always consider their partners' thoughts, values, and interests.
Libras are one of the best romantic partners to have, however, read below to see what signs Libras are most compatible with.
Who Are Libras Most Compatible With?
Libra + Aries Love Compatibility
Libra and Aries are the definitions of opposites attract. They are sister signs of the zodiac and are on complete opposite sides of the zodiac wheel. They have a magnetic attraction toward each other and they often don’t know why or where it is coming from. Libra and Aries are very different from each other but they give and take where needed. This pairing is that of yin and yang, and when they are in balance with each other this is a very fulfilling partnership.
Libra gives Aries the love and attention they crave but don’t always necessarily express, and Aries helps Libra feel empowered and focused. Not to mention, they are both cardinal signs and will have a lot of fun and passion in the relationship, especially in the beginning.
Libra + Taurus Love Compatibility
Libra and Taurus is a match you wouldn’t expect right away, but they actually go together pretty well. Being both ruled by Venus, the planet of love, they both have expectations in a relationship that they can meet. They deeply align with their values in life and will bring a lot of care, dedication, and warmth into this relationship. This couple loves to do nothing together or spend their time in leisure activities which makes for a fun and relaxing partnership.
However, their differences arise when it comes to communication style, and Taurus can be too stubborn for Libra’s more easygoing demeanor. They may often question each other and think too much into things which can lead to the downfall of the partnership. All in all, this couple has Venus on their side and this relationship can definitely work and be filled with love.
Libra + Gemini Love Compatibility
Libra and Gemini are a match made in heaven. If anyone can handle a Gemini, it is a Libra, and they would do so happily. Libras see something in Gemini that most don’t, and they are often very intrigued by them. When these two come together, it’s easy for them to get on the same page and they flow through life with a type of unique synergy.
Being both air signs, they don’t take things too seriously so commitment within this pairing may be a little difficult, but if they both are at that place in life then it would definitely be a different story. Overall, this is one of Libra’s best matches in the zodiac, and this is a very exciting, thoughtful, and communicative pairing.
Libra + Cancer Love Compatibility
Libra and Cancer compatibility is hit or miss. Libra and Cancer have a lot in common, however, how they go about things is completely different. Libra and Cancer are both the type of partners to give. This energy is beneficial however, it can lead to some laziness in the relationship and not a lot of progress as they both don’t want to rock the boat. Libra needs love and affection which Cancer provides, but Cancer needs stability and emotional security, which may be too tight-knit for free spirit Libra. Cancer thinks with their emotions, Libra with their head, so they will often have to find the middle ground in the relationship in order to be on the same page.
Libra + Leo Love Compatibility
Libra and Leo are a notoriously good match in Astrology. They often tend to have an instant connection and attraction toward each other, and this pairing can go the distance. The compatibility of Libra and Leo together is that of a couple who are both best friends and lovers. Their energy and connection are unmatched, and they have a good rapport. With both of these individuals enamored by love, they love to have fun, be out and about, and this relationship tends to be more flashy than most. Public displays of affection are likely with this couple, not to mention they often just look good together and are a couple that people want to be around.
Libra + Virgo Love Compatibility
Libra and Virgo are a couple that you wouldn’t immediately think of going together, however, you do see this pairing often as well. What works in this connection is their mindset and modes of communication. Both signs are very logical which makes for great conversation and inspiring each other, however, this relationship can get stale or stagnant if there is nothing else being brought to the table other than good conversation. Virgo requires more stability than Libra, and Libra isn’t the easiest sign to get to settle down. Virgo loves a mission, however, after a while, these two may realize they have more that’s keeping them apart rather than together.
Libra + Libra Love Compatibility
Surprisingly, this is a very common duo. Now, most signs can not do the same sign relationship thing, as this energy can get competitive and to be honest, kind of boring sometimes. However, Libra is the exception here as a Libra and Libra duo is often a sexy surprise. The thing about Libra is that they mirror people. They see themselves in others and will match the energy of people. So it’s not hard to see why a Libra would be attracted to dating someone similar to themselves, as they already feel like they are one with the person they are in a relationship with. Although this relationship may get shaky in the long haul and they both will have to put in the work, there is something enticing about a Libra and Libra match and they are both drawn to each other.
Libra + Scorpio Love Compatibility
A Libra and a Scorpio relationship can be sexy or scary and there is really no in-between here. Libra and Scorpio, although next to each other on the zodiac wheel, have really nothing in common. They are both more relationship-oriented which is a plus, however, Scorpio’s power-focused mindset tends to make Libra’s balanced-focused mindset feel uneasy. Scorpio can be too abrasive for Libra as Libra likes things sweet and soft, whereas Scorpio is all about being bold and passionate. It’s hard to get these two on the same page, and although they will probably respect each other and admire each other in different ways, air and water energy aren't the easiest to come together and this compatibility isn’t the best.
Libra + Sagittarius Love Compatibility
A Libra and Sagittarius pairing is a power couple. Sagittarius broadens the mind of a Libra and takes them places they never thought they would be. Sagittarius and Libra both value their space and freedom, which is why this relationship is full of lightness, ease, laughter, and humility. They aren’t ones to take things too seriously, however, and this could be more of a fling than a long-term partnership. If they do see each other working out in the future and aligning with their life goals, then this will work, but they both need to check in often within this relationship to make sure they are still on the same page and have the same intentions for the relationship.
Libra + Capricorn Love Compatibility
The compatibility of a Libra and Capricorn is better than most air and earth sign duos. This is because both Libra and Capricorn enjoy the finer things in life, and have a refined nature of going about things and about their expectations in a relationship. Capricorn values tradition and Libra values things such as love, marriage, and partnership, which makes it easy for this couple to set goals within the relationship and evolve together. Capricorn may be too cold for Libra at times and Libra too up in the air for Capricorn, but they will find that their weaknesses are often each other's strengths and they can learn a lot from each other in this relationship.
Libra + Aquarius Love Compatibility
Libra and Aquarius give off soulmate energy. They both need a lot of the same things in a relationship and they don’t have to put that much energy into making it work since they already have such a good connection, to begin with. This couple has a lot of fun together and they are also the type of couple to still hang out with their friends; you can find them often hanging out with other couples as well. They are all about sharing the love and this relationship tends to be a progressive one. Libra definitely meets their match here when it comes to commitment in the relationship, however, and it can be hard to define this relationship. All in all, this is one of Libra's best matches for a partner.
Libra + Pisces Love Compatibility
A Libra and Pisces relationship can get messy. There is an attraction there, however, it’s often very hard for them to understand each other. Libra and Pisces both tend to be pacifists and this can make the relationship of a couple who are very nice and kind to each other, but they both might not be getting what they need to thrive and grow together. Kind gestures only go so far, and if the energy isn’t right or Pisces isn’t feeling that excitement or mystery in the relationship, then Pisces tends to lose interest and wander off. It can be hard to keep up with each other and this compatibility will only work if it is meant to.
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Tayler Barakat is a Mystic who has studied Astrology for over a decade. She does intuitive astrology and tarot readings for people all over the world, and her work focuses on healing and empowering individuals. Follow her on Instagram @taylerbarakat_ and check out her website www.listentothevirgo.com.
A Cosmic Guide To Love In 2025: What The Stars Have In Store For Your Heart
The most important lesson we are learning about love in 2025 is change. Many major Astrological transits are happening this year, and these will last for years to come. As we walk through this new year, we are being asked to let go of the things we can’t control, and give more grace to the things we can. This is a year of a new perspective on love, finding gratitude in the little things, and watching as the universe supports us and the dreams we build for ourselves here.
At the beginning of the year, we are being shown how significant 2025 will be for love. From March 1, 2025, until April 12, 2025, Venus, the planet of love and relationships, will be retrograde. Venus goes retrograde approximately every 18 months and hasn’t been retrograde since the Summer of 2023. With love taking a step back at the beginning of the year, we move through a time of understanding the emotional world better and letting go of trying to control outcomes here.
What Does 2025 Have in Store for Love?
It’s time to refocus your relationship priorities overall, and with this retrograde happening in both Aries and Pisces, Aries being the first sign of the zodiac and Pisces being the last; there is a chapter we are closing and a new one we are walking into.
Another significant factor that is influencing relationships this year, is Jupiter’s entry into Cancer. Jupiter brings blessings, abundance, luck, and expansion, and in water sign Cancer, brings these gifts to your emotions. Cancer rules emotional safety, foundations, close loved ones, family, support, and emotional well-being, and with Jupiter in this sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, we experience blessings in stability within love. This is a good year for building stronger foundations in love, aligning with those who are loyal and supportive, knowing what you need emotionally, and being a lot clearer on it.
Letting Go of the Past: The Astrological Theme of 2025
Overall, the guideline for the year when it comes to love is to focus on the bigger picture and let things work themselves out without forcing them to. Magic will come in for you this year when you can assess your needs and wants, let go of illusions or smoke and mirrors, and focus on the things you want for yourself rather than what you don’t. Your focus and beliefs on love are the priority right now, and things will be coming full circle for the better.
Read below to see your personal 2025 love forecast. Read for your sun, moon, and rising signs.
What Does Your Zodiac Sign Say About Your 2025 Love Life?
ARIES
2025 is one of the more significant years for you, Aries. A lot of the major transits are happening in your sign, which includes Venus retrograde in Aries at the beginning of the year, Neptune in Aries from March 2025 until 2039, and Saturn in Aries from May 2025 until 2028. Not to mention, Chiron, the wounded healer is currently in your sign until 2027.
What this means for you when it comes to love, is that you have learned a lot about where you want to be here, and it’s the year to implement more of these tools and knowledge of the heart.
This year for love is about honoring your integrity and what you need personally to thrive in life and creating that space to let it in. You need someone who will be there for you through whatever you are experiencing in life and not someone who adds to these challenges. This year is a time of rising above, and choosing better for yourself.
TAURUS
2025 for you when it comes to love, is all about perspective and taking better care of your heart, Taurus. Uranus, the planet of change, rebellion, progress, and upheaval, has been in your sign since 2019, and this year you get a break from all of the surprises. From Jul. 7, 2025, until Nov. 7, 2025, Uranus leaves your sign and enters Gemini, giving your mind and your heart some time to breathe.
This year you are being given the opportunity to see things for what they are, rather than what you fear them to be. You are able to see your relationship dynamics clearer, allowing you to feel more confident in what you are building and creating for yourself in this area of your life. What you are working on this year is letting go of overthinking, and allowing things to play out the way they are meant to in love.
GEMINI
This year you are feeling in balance when it comes to love, Gemini. Relationships are important to you in life overall, as you are a relationship-oriented sign, but it can be difficult at times to keep the balance and perspective here. This year, with lucky Jupiter in your sign until June, you have the opportunity to be blessed with some fortunate circumstances personally and within romance.
You are feeling yourself this year, and this is attracting you success and new opportunities within love.
Uranus will also be in your sign this year from Jul. 7 until Nov. 7, and some surprises are in store for you. Pay attention to what happens in your love life during this period, as similar themes will be coming back around for you when Uranus officially enters its Gemini transit from 2026 - 2032. Overall, this year is about balancing what’s coming and going in love, and finding your peace within your inner confidence for it all.
CANCER
2025 for you, Cancer, is about stability in love. You are growing emotionally from the ground up, and are feeling a sense of support, confidence, romance, and receptivity in your love life this year. You are one of the lucky signs of 2025, and this is due to Jupiter, the planet of blessings, entering your sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026. While Jupiter is in your sign, your life expands and you are able to see the gifts of your world that may have been harder to come by previously.
This is a year of spending more time with your loved ones and feeling more heard and supported emotionally. Safety and security are especially important to you this year, and you are only entertaining the people who feel that way about you and provide that. Many Cancers will be expanding their families this year or developing a long-term relationship, and overall this is a year of feeling stronger when it comes to love.
LEO
When it comes to love this year for you, Leo, it’s about trusting your intuition and listening more to what your heart is telling you. There are not many major transits happening in Leo in 2025, which means there is a lot of room to grow, but you may be feeling a lack of support or encouragement to do so. A lot of Leos are taking a step back to look at where they are currently in love, and yearning for some change and a new direction here.
Neptune will be in your 9th house of adventure for most of this year, and you are being asked to get inspired and do things differently, but don’t take unnecessary risks in love that may not serve you in the long run.
It can be easy to get lost in the fantasy of love rather than the actual reality you’ll live in here, and taking more time to understand yourself, your relationships, and the dynamics in your love life will be necessary. Overall, your heart is healing this year and you are moving away from the past and creating your new future.
VIRGO
This year when it comes to love, you are going through changes that are aligning you closer to your goals and dreams here, Virgo. You are focused on making things work that you want to see bloom, and also letting go of putting effort into people that aren’t reciprocating the same energy. With the North Node entering your sister sign Pisces and the South Node moving into your sign from Jan. 11, 2025, until Jul. 26, 2026, you are doing a lot of letting go over the next year.
However, with the North Node being in your 7th house of love, new doors and gifts are also opening up for you and your partnerships. The more you can let go of perfection and overworking your mind and your heart, the more blessings you will experience when it comes to love this year. In 2025, you also have two Eclipses in your sign, and there are overall a lot of changes Virgos are moving through this year. Your main guidance for love is to stand by the things that serve your heart and release yourself from what burdens it.
LIBRA
Love is coming to fruition for you this year, Libra. You have been through a lot in your personal life these past few years, and walking into 2025, you are ready for some positive change. This is a year of feeling in balance with your personal goals and dreams, and what you are experiencing romantically and financially as well. Relationship dynamics are serving you and your sense of abundance, and many gifts are coming your way in love this year.
With Neptune, Chiron, and Saturn all being in your 7th house of love, your love life and partnerships are the main focus for you in 2025.
You are moving through changes, overcoming previous obstacles, and bringing back the dreamy energy here. With Chiron in the 7th, you are still doing some healing of the heart, but with Neptune now entering, it all feels a little more romantic and spiritual at the same time. This year is about believing in the impossible in love, taking care of yourself, and allowing someone else to take care of you as well.
SCORPIO
This year is all about opportunity when it comes to love, Scorpio. You have your eyes on the prize and are focused on what you want for yourself, but also how you want to show up for love as well. You have goals and intentions that you are setting for your love life this year, and a lot of them reflect the passion and strength you are feeling as you enter the year. Vesta is in your sign this year until September, and you have a spark within you that is a magnet for success and love. You are walking forward confidently and are feeling inspired, sexy, and magical this year.
This is a very sensual and powerful year for you, and this energy is being reflected in the relationship experiences you are having. Jupiter also enters your 9th house of adventure halfway through the year, and there is something special about the trips you are taking and the risks you are taking in love. Overall, this is a year of doing things your way and attracting love to you through your inner confidence and charisma.
SAGITTARIUS
This is a beautiful year of feeling balanced and abundant in love, Sagittarius. There is a lot of energy coming in and you are giving a lot of love as well. This sense of synergy you are feeling within your love life this year has a lot to do with Juno, the asteroid of soulmates, in your sign from Feb. 19 - Apr. 15. Your people are coming in and you have options this year, Sag.
This is a year of feeling loved for the inspiring, outgoing, and unique being you are, and meeting more people who match your energy.
Saturn also enters your 5th house of romance this year, and you are learning a lot through your experiences with others. You are learning how to be more confident in who you are and what you want for yourself and also recognizing the importance of making more time for fun and playful experiences. This is the year to see love as a more light-hearted experience and to not take yourself too seriously.
CAPRICORN
You are letting things come to you when it comes to love this year, Capricorn. You are feeling beautiful, capable, and worthy, and you are receiving the gifts that come from this sense of confidence and patience. This past year, you were setting a lot of new goals for yourself and your relationships, and in 2025, you are experiencing the results of these efforts.
Jupiter moves into your sister sign Cancer from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, and enters your 7th house of love, partnerships, romance, marriage, and harmony. Your love life and experience of it all are expanding this year, and benevolent Jupiter is sending blessings to this area of your life. This is a year of things coming full circle for you in love, and you feel less confused about it all and more sure of yourself and what is becoming for you here.
AQUARIUS
Love is a highlight for you this year, Aquarius. You are coming together with another, and many Aquarius’ will be forming new relationships or growing within a strong relationship. You are experiencing the fruition of your dreams in love, and are also able to heal and let go of past emotional experiences that have been overwhelming for you in the past.
The North Node enters your 12th house of closure this year, and you are motivated towards change, cleaning house, and releasing the cobwebs of the past.
You are walking into new emotional experiences with less baggage and self-doubt, and are experiencing a fresh start in love. This is a year of asking for what you need emotionally and receiving it. Love is coming in for you in harmonious and magical ways, and you are rewriting your story in love in 2025.
PISCES
You are moving through a lot of changes when it comes to love in 2025, Pisces. This is a year of closure, healing, and giving yourself a fresh start, and the way you enter the year will be a lot different than the way you end it. The North Node of Destiny enters your sign this year, and the South Node of Karma enters your 7th house of love. So, a lot of your focus this year is on your personal goals and path, and there may be some neglect or lack of focus on your relationships.
This can create some discord with those close to you, and your guidance for this year is to try to balance the personal successes and wins you are experiencing, with the love changes that also need your attention right now. Know that what leaves your life this year is being replaced by something better, and also know that your healing doesn’t need to have a timeline and you can take as much time as you need to grow. Overall, you are turning a new page in love in 2025.
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Love Recommitted: 7 Promises That Every Spouse Should Make This NYE
Author Jennifer K. Dean once said, “A promise is only as good as the person who makes it. The character of the promiser is what gives the promise its value." And boy, when it comes to the sanctity — yes, sanctity — of marriage, if there is one thing that I personally don’t think is said enough to singles and engaged folks alike, it’s “Marry someone who has a profound sense of integrity when it comes to the promises that they make.”
I say that because wedding vows aren’t just something to say; wedding vows are literally a solemn promise, a personal commitment, and an earnest declaration. And if you select someone who chooses to “feel their way” in and out of their promises, commitment, and declarations, one way or another, you are going to be miserable and your marriage is going to be unstable, at best because yes, a promise is only as valuable as the person’s character who makes it to begin with.
However, beyond a married couple’s wedding day vows, I do recommend that husbands and wives make other ones throughout the course of their relationship too. Why? Well, it’s mainly because of another quote that I am particularly fond of: "You don't marry one person; you marry three: the person you think they are, the person they are, and the person they are going to become as a result of being married to you." A writer by the name of Richard Needham said that. Because time does evolve and transform individuals, making annual (other) promises to your spouse can help to further solidify your commitment to them in some very specific, significant, and necessary ways.
And what better time to make these types of recommitments than on New Year’s Eve when you’re right on the brink of a brand-spanking new calendar year? So, if you are married and you would like to go into another year with even more clarity and vigor as it relates to your union, exchanging these seven following promises with your partner, before the ball drops, is a very special (and helpful) way to do it.
1. “I will release all of the things that I already said I’ve forgiven you for.”
GiphyIt really is pretty amazing that the number of people who divorce rather than keep their vows still hovers around 50 percent. And although infidelity and abuse are sometimes the cause, they aren’t even close to being the top reasons. What seems to reign supreme these days? A lack of real commitment and also poor communication — and when you really stop to think about it, forgiveness falls into both of these dynamics. The reason why I say that is because, on the commitment tip, it is Ruth Graham Bell who once said, “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers” and she was married to evangelist Billy Graham for over 60 years.
Yes, when you commit to a relationship, a part of what you are signing up for is accepting that your partner is not perfect and therefore, will need forgiveness and that YOU ARE NOT PERFECT and so, you will need forgiveness as well.
As far as poor communication goes, who can connect well with someone when they are holding a grudge? Not only does it create a wall between you and your spouse, but unforgivingness can stress you out, give you depression-related symptoms, make it harder to conceive a child, suppress your immunity, and even give you heart problems. So, whatever it is that you told your partner over the past 12 months that you’ve forgiven them for, make sure you didn’t lie to them and yourself by LETTING THAT ISH GO…for the sake of your relationship and your overall health and well-being as you move forward into a new year.
2. “I will check in more often to see if your relational needs and/or wants have changed.”
GiphyI have shared on more than one occasion that one of my favorite quotes (especially as it relates to marriage) is by playwright Lillian Hellman: “People change and forget to tell each other.” And honestly, that right there is why I think that many couples will say “We grew apart” when they try to explain to others why their marriage came to an end.
Listen, if you think that you are going to marry someone who is going to remain the same for the rest of their lives, you are living in a truly delusional and alternate universe; the same thing goes if they are thinking that about you. So, you know what this means, right?
First, you’ve got to accept that a part of what comes with loving someone is being willing to be flexible and adaptable. Secondly, you’ve also got to be willing to accept what your spouse once needed and wanted from the relationship and you may have shifted — and the only way you will know that is by talking to them about it.
My recommendation? Hold “What’s changed?” meetings once a season (four times a year) to see if something is different when it comes to each other’s needs, expectations, and goals. The more the two of you talk these types of things out, the easier it is to come up with a plan that helps the two of you to “fuel each other”…so that you are able to grow together — instead of apart.
3. “I will make our sex life (more of) a priority.”
GiphyA huge part of the reason why I’ve written content for the platform like, “10 Wonderful Reasons Why Consistent Sex In Marriage Is So Important,” “8 'Kinds Of Sex' All Married Couples Should Put Into Rotation,” “Married Couples, Here's How To Make (More) Time For Sex,” “12 Married Couples Share Keys For Taking Sexual Intimacy To Another Level” and “10 Irrefutable Reasons To Have An Orgasm A Day” is because, so long as you and your beloved are physically capable, sex should always be treated as a staple in a marital relationship — and a staple is something that forms something else.
Scripture says that sex should never be withheld from your spouse (I Corinthians 7:5), one of the things that makes a marriage different from every other relationship you have is sex and there are far too many holistic benefits that come with having sex for it to not be prioritized in your marriage.
You know, there is a quote that serves as a signature in one of my email accounts that author Nick Chellsen came up with; it says, “Boundaries are what you say 'no' to. Priorities are what you say 'yes' to” — and when it comes to sexual intimacy, for every time that you put other people, social media, and whatever else before you and your partner spending true quality time together, you are saying that they aren’t a priority — and that never can end well.
Research says that healthy marriages have sex about once a week. If that is not the case in your household, it’s time to figure out why (even if you need a marriage counselor or sex therapist to help you out).
I recently watched a movie where a wife kept avoiding sex with her husband; then when he decided to leave, she claimed that he was abandoning the relationship. Sis, hate to break it to you but you did first by signing up for a relationship that includes sex and then reneging. And yes, y’all, if that felt like an “ouch” — please take it to heart.
4. “I will shift the people, places, things and ideas that hinder our bond.”
GiphyOne thing that really irritates me about social media (and there are oh so many things to choose from) is watching married people talk to bitter and/or completely clueless individuals about their relationship — or shoot, life, in general. Now mind you, I didn’t say that it bothers me when married people talk to single folks (check out “Single Women: Yes, You Are Qualified To Talk About Relationships” and “Yes. Married Folks Need Single Friends (Male And Female).”). I mean, I’m single, I’ve been working with married couples for two decades at this point and just yesterday, a wife of almost 20 years told me that I am the best counselor that she and her husband have ever had (and they’ve had several).
No, what I mean is you need to listen to folks who respect marriage, are supporters of your marriage, and will do things that will add to and not subtract from your union. That said, I don’t care if it’s a family member (person), a church (place), a habit (thing), or some form of media (that plant seeds of ideas into your mind) — if you are spending time in an environment that makes it harder rather than easier to be married, it’s time to shift out of that space.
And sis, if your husband feels this way about certain people, places, things, or ideas, you need to listen to where he is coming from.
Being your provider and protector isn’t just about the monetary and the physical. If he discerns that there is stuff around that is causing the two of you to struggle, unnecessarily so, he very well may have a point.
5. “I will become (even more) solution-oriented rather than problem-oriented.”
GiphyIt might be hard to hear but if you’re someone who finds yourself talking about what’s wrong in your marriage instead of what steps should be taken in order to make things right, you definitely need to consider making this particular promise to your partner because being a problems-oriented type of person benefits absolutely no one. And what does it look like to be a problem-oriented individual?
Negative people are problem-oriented individuals. Naggers (which is also something that Scripture frowns upon — Proverbs 21:9) are problem-oriented individuals. Folks who compare their relationship to others are problems-oriented people (always remember that you ain’t them). People who dwell more on feelings than truth, facts, and logic (because feelings can be fickle) tend to be problem-oriented individuals. Please hear me when I say that perfectionists are usually problem-oriented individuals (nothing and no one on this earth is perfect).
Close-minded folks who don’t know how to compromise are problem-oriented individuals. Impatient people are problem-oriented individuals. Hypercritical folks are problem-oriented individuals. Folks who rarely encourage or celebrate the “small wins” in life are typically problem-oriented individuals (because they are never truly satisfied). Folks who would rather be right than do what is right for the ultimate betterment of their relationship are problem-oriented people.
Marriage is an ultimate collaboration which means that if you want to be solution-oriented — you need to listen to your spouse; you need to be flexible in your approach to things; you need to take on a positive attitude; you need to be (more) patient; you need ask questions to gain a better understanding of where your partner is coming from; you need to think about what helps the future and not just what feels good in the present, and you need to say and do things that cultivate peace and harmony instead of stress and drama.
Y’all, a husband and wife who decide, daily, that they are a team and so, they are going to work together to do what is better for the team — they are rarely defeated. That’s just the plain ole’ truth.
6. “I will be better at taking accountability.”
GiphyAsk any engaged couple who comes to me for counsel and they will tell you that one of the things that I will say, on repeat, is if you don’t want to be held accountable, on some level, each and every day of your life, DO NOT GET MARRIED. I say that because one of the main purposes of marriage is to help two people to grow and mature and that requires allowing your partner to hold a “mirror” up and show you some things that you may not like about yourself or may be uncomfortable to address.
Hmph. Let me tell it, that is actually an “unsung” reason why so many people call it quits: they don’t like what they see in their “marriage mirror” and so they leave in hopes of finding someone who will praise them more than challenge them. SMDH.
Listen, if everything that I just said stepped on your toes, this is definitely a promise that you need to make to your spouse before the new year because you should be able to trust your spouse enough for them to encourage you to act more responsibly in various areas of your life. Again, that is a part of what they are there for. Very much so.
7. “I will like you more, respect you better and choose you daily.”
GiphySomething that many of my clients will tell you (and I also think I’ve said in articles before) is when couples tell me that they’re not (currently) “in love,” I’m not nearly as concerned as when they tell me that they don’t LIKE each other anymore. My usual response: love, as far as the feeling of it goes, has ebbs and flows; however, if you two still like each other, we can get back to love. And yes, that is a hill that I will forever-and-a-day die on. I mean, friends like each other, right? Is your husband your friend?
Because, when you really do adore someone, appreciate someone, enjoy someone — you tend to find enough things about them that will make you want to stick out the challenging ones about them and/or the trying season that the two of you may be going through. So yes, over the next year, purpose in your mind to find more things to LIKE about your spouse; you’ll be amazed at how helpful that one tip can be.
Respect? When you respect someone, you esteem them. When you respect someone, you honor their boundaries. When you respect someone, you take their insights into serious consideration. When you respect someone, you present them in the best light to other people. When you respect someone, you speak to them with kindness and consideration. When you respect someone, you validate their feelings, give them space when they need it, and affirm them just because. That said, do you respect your husband? Better yet, ask him if he feels respected by you (especially since it’s a biblical instruction — Ephesians 5:33).
And finally, love is a choice. Children? They only go by what they feel. Mature people? They get that sometimes what you feel like isn’t what’s most important — what you choose is. And I promise you, waking up every day, looking your spouse in the eye, and declaring, “Today, again, I CHOOSE YOU” — can give you the “oomph” that you need to get through whatever the day brings because you are saying, both to them and yourself, that loving you is a conscious decision and I’m willing to say and do things that support that choice.
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One of my favorite lines from the movie The Fault in Our Stars is when one of the characters says, “Oftentimes, people don’t understand the promises that they make when they made them.” Yeah, don’t get me started on why that’s a huge reason why every engaged couple should get premarital counseling.
Anyway, it’s my sincere hope that I broke down these seven promises well enough that you and your husband can toast to these words — so that you can go into the new year, better than ever, as far as your vow-based bond is concerned.
Salute to the next season of your marriage. You’ve made it this far. You deserve it.
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