Perfection (noun): the state of being complete and correct in every way
As a writer, I like the challenge of picking words that best describe something. And the word I would use to name the thing I dislike the most at this stage of my life and career is "perfection."
Let me explain.
I started brainstorming on what my dream career would be like during the first days of April 2018. At the time, my job as an Executive Assistant wasn't giving me the fulfilment I was looking for. I knew something had to change. I mind-mapped my ideas and have been lucky enough to quickly figure out who I wanted to be, what I wanted to do, and why. Especially why. From there, I knew I had found my purpose.
It took about five months before I was able to completely assemble the puzzle of my dream career and finally see what the big picture looked like.
In doing so, I understood that the impact I was trying to have on the world would require a lot of work, consistency, and determination. I also had to accept the fact that my 9 to 5 was still going to be in sight for quite some time. Not as a dream killer as I had always viewed it as, but as a dream supporter, helping me fund the life I saw for myself. I mean, if I don't fund my dream, who will?
My plan was simple: I was going to work my way to the top and become a public figure using my voice and my writing to inspire people to go after their dream life (writing it down makes it even sexier). Of course, the journey wasn't going to be easy. It is a well-known fact that with every new level comes a new devil, and here is where perfection got in the way and almost defeated me.
The Perfect Moment Doesn't Exist, You Have To Create It.
The next steps I needed to take to make my project come to life were clear; get a logo for my brand, create both my website and YouTube Channel, and most importantly, create good content. The deadline to launch the whole concept was initially set for September 2018. Initially, yes. Almost immediately, I failed.
So, I set another deadline later that year, which I haven't been able to meet either. In fact, the closer launch day was, the less I felt ready to unveil myself to the world. Of course, it's no wonder fear was the reason I was delaying the birth of my imprint on the world.
Fear of not being good enough.
Fear of not having what it takes.
Fear of not matching my ambitions.
Fear of not being perfect for the job.
While I was trying so hard to find strength and courage within myself to do what I was supposed to, the book I'd finished writing a few months earlier has been published on Amazon. My childhood dream had become reality: I was now a published author!
However, no matter how big this achievement is to me, it, too, took months before I felt ready to publicly announce that I had written a book. One, because I didn't want to make an announcement without my brand being launched for marketing reasons. And two, as a French-speaking author who decided to write her first book in English, I feared it would be mediocre.
Perfection reared its ugly head yet again.
I decided I had enough. The need to achieve perfection had to go. Perfection was holding me back from living in my purpose. And it had been like that for too long. It was time for me to embrace my flaws and let the world know that Savannah Was Here. Finally, after having failed the first two times, I eventually managed to publish my brand's Facebook page, announce the publication of my first book, film my first video, and finally click the post button on YouTube. I must mention that besides my brand's story and its visual image, nothing was ready for publication. I'll be honest, perfection was fighting me. I had the hardest time letting go and I definitely had to count to three and hold my breath before I took the big jump. But at least, I jumped.
And guess what? Nobody even complained that what I created wasn't perfect. In fact, people have been asking why it took me so long to show off. I was even told that I make doing the things I love look magical. The process to creating and building my brand taught me an important thing: The perfect moment doesn't exist, you create it. If you wait for it, you're wasting your time. It's in your power to decide to make a moment perfect and to define what exactly makes it perfect. Also, I believe that one way to ensure that nothing happens is to want to achieve perfection; so don't be too hard on yourself.
Zig Ziglar once said, "You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great."
Being A Work In Progress Still Makes You Relevant
All this time, I thought I needed to be a fully accomplished woman in order to inspire people. I used to wonder who is going to listen and take lessons from a 23-year-old who doesn't even have one third of Oprah's knowledge of life? Well, Oprah wasn't built in a day, they said. And here's even more good news: I doubt any of the most inspiring people on earth were.
No matter your age or your personal story, you owe yourself and the world to start somewhere and start using your gift in a meaningful way. Because the truth is, you never know who you are inspiring. When you walk in your purpose as a work in progress, it's magical to see because you become someone who's not better than anyone. You take the world by the hand and show it that it's possible. That we are all possible.
When you make the decision to truly walk in your purpose and use your gift, you eventually win people over to your cause and change the world, whether you want to become a dentist, an attorney, or a TV host. Give yourself the right to celebrate your small wins because they will be the stepping-stones to your purposeful life.
Give Perfection A New Meaning
Even if you don't eliminate perfection altogether, I'm finding there's a chance to make peace with perfection. Instead of letting society's standards define perfection for me, I'm redefining it by giving the word a meaning that reflects me and where I am at the moment:
Perfection (noun): the state of one's mind acknowledging how magical his or her flaws are, which procures a feeling of freedom of being
Featured image by Getty Images.
xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissions@xonecole.com.
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- How To Start Being Seen At Work - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Please Stop Picking People Who Don't 'Fit' Your Purpose - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
The most Gemini woman you'll ever meet. Communications & community enthusiast, I run a media platform centered around spirituality, and I'm always looking to connect with fellow creatives. Follow me on Instagram & Twitter @savannahtaider
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Alaska Wasn’t On My Bucket List, But My Glacier Adventure Made Me A Believer
We all have bucket list destinations at the top of our lists. I visited one of those at the top of 2024: Japan! But what happens when you get an opportunity to go someplace that wasn’t on it? For me, that was Alaska. Now, I’d submitted my short film to the Anchorage International Film Festival, genuinely thinking it would be a long shot to get in with a short film about fibroids and Black women’s health.
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert