Whenever someone tells me that, according to them, you get to a point in life where sex isn't "that big of a deal" or the topic becomes pretty redundant, pardon the word that I'm about to use but I can't seem to think of a better one at the moment — all I do is scoff. Listen, I've been writing about sex, on some level, ever since I've been a professional writer (well over 20 years now) and I continue to find out things that — again, pardon the pun considering today's topic — blow my mind. Today, we're gonna touch on something we all have — a genital sensory cortex.
I wouldn't be surprised if you've heard before that your biggest sex organ is your brain. Matter of fact, I've said that very thing on this platform on numerous occasions. Well, while there used to be a time when — surprise, surprise — women's brains weren't studied all that much when it comes to sexual stimulation and pleasure, we live in a new age and more and more data is coming out by the day. For instance, did you know that the part of your brain that reacts to your vagina (it's connected to the pelvic nerve), cervix and nipples being stimulated is different than the part of your brain that directly triggers (in the best way possible, of course), your clitoris (it's connected to the pudendal nerve)? The more you know. The more you freakin' know.
OK, but I'm getting a little ahead of myself here. Anyway, I've written articles on here like "Mental Foreplay Hacks That Ultimately Takes Intercourse To New Levels" and "What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?" that clearly support how much I think the mind is a terrible thing to waste when it comes to not incorporating mindfulness in order to experience some pretty incredible sex. Now I'm hoping that a technical term like "genital sensory cortex" won't cause you to yawn with boredom before I can break down the kind of doors that it can unlock for you inside that bedroom of yours.
Your Genital Sensory Cortex? What in the World Is That?
Let's jump right into it, shall we? We all have something called our sensory cortex (also known as the somatosensory cortex). Basically, it is a strip of brain tissue that's located in the same place that our headphones would go (but on our brain, of course), right in the middle of both brain hemispheres. All throughout it, there are a variety of neurons that are connected to different parts of our body. Interestingly enough, the size of each body part corresponds to how much sensory information our brain is able to process. The fascinating thing about this is, thanks to this part of the brain, we are able to respond to feelings of pleasure and pain; ones that derive directly from touch. This means that when we touch our body or our body is touched, our nerves are able to send signals to our brain and ultimately to our sensory cortex.
And just what does this have to do with making sex better? Well, here's the thing. Although many of us already know that our clitoris (whose stimuli is located on the same part of our brain as it is for a man as it relates to his penis; it's called the homunculus) only has a sexual purpose, contains 8,000 nerve ends (double what men have in their penis) and that stimulating it is the easiest way that most of us are able to climax, now we've got greater insight into how to have other kinds of orgasms. Take vaginal ones. You've probably heard that 70 percent of women struggle with experiencing those. So, how are the other 30 percent able to pull it off? A part of it has to do with clitoris/vaginal placement. What I mean by that is, the closer a woman's clitoris is to her vaginal opening, the easier it is for both areas to be stimulated during intercourse which ultimately results in a vaginal orgasm. OK, but here's the deal about all of this.
What science is discovering is the more that our brain gets involved in sexual activity, the greater the chance we have of having all kinds of orgasms — nipple orgasms, vaginal orgasms…you name it. In other words, an orgasm isn't just a physical reaction that comes from sexual stimuli. The more our brain gets into the action, the better sex is.
Case in point. I recently read about a study where some people merely imagined being sexually stimulated with a sex toy vs. actually experiencing that kind of stimuli. What the researchers discovered (via some fMRI brain scans) was, the sensory cortex part of the brain that lights up when physical stimulation happens, it responds the same way to thought alone. In other words, the genital sensory cortex of the brain reacted the same way to "thought" as it did to "action".
If you really let all of this sink in, now it makes better sense why erotica works for some of us, sexual sounds (even without touch) work for some of us and imagining sex with someone can also get us pretty aroused. Our brain gets sexually stimulated by thought alone. So, when thought and touch are combined — BOOM.
So, what is the genital sensory cortex? It's simply the parts of your brain that directly connect to sexual stimulation. If you connect all of these dots, the takeaway is, if there is just as much effort put into "getting the mind right" as it is in getting your body off, you can end up having orgasms in places and on levels that you never really have before.
5 Ways to Significantly Increase Your Chances of Getting Off, Thanks to Your Genital Sensory Cortex
1. RELAX
If the main thing that is sticking out in your mind is, "Damn. This sure requires a helluva lot of thinking," I hear you. Yes, you do need to be super intentional about your thought process and yes, that can initially seem like a bit of a buzzkill when it comes to sex. And yes, I get that by my saying that you should relax, on top of all of this, might seem a bit absurd. Just remember that these thoughts are the fun kind — the "dirty" kind. And if what you're thinking about makes you feel good, it won't be hard to have a feeling of zen. The main point here is don't kill yourself trying to think about pleasurable moments. If you follow these other tips, relaxing won't be very hard to do anyway.
2. Think About the Last Time You Had Some Really Amazing Sex (with Your Partner)
Here's something that you can (and should) try alone. Get quiet and comfortable and think about the last time you and your partner had some great sex together. As the thoughts get more intense, do some deep breathing and focus on creating vivid memories in your mind. If you notice your nipples hardening or your vagina getting wetter, even without much touch on your part, that is a pretty good sign that your genital sensory cortex has been activated. Now you can move more confidently into the next step.
3. Share Your Most Intimate Fantasy with Him
Instead of immediately sharing with your partner all of this scientific stuff, talk to him about a really intimate fantasy that you've always wanted to experience. If you explain it all in as much detail as you can, I can almost guarantee that it's going to arouse him (which means that his genital sensory cortex has been "triggered" too). As you find yourself getting more excited, it's time for point #3.
4. Allow Him to Touch Areas Where You Want to Cum but Haven’t. Literally Think it Through.
Here's the real clincher. Usually, when we find ourselves getting aroused, we gravitate to the parts of our body that will get us to "the mountaintop" as quickly as possible. This time, though, I want you to aim for a part of your body that either doesn't get enough sexual attention or you have yet to receive an orgasm from. If a vaginal orgasm is your goal, have him go with your vaginal region — no clitoris, just vagina. While your partner is gently touching you around and/or inside of your vagina opening, again, deep breathe and think about nothing else other than how his touches are making you feel. No matter how much you may want him to stimulate your clitoris, reject the notion. Focusing on your vagina only and how much pleasure you want to receive can very well increase the chances of your vagina becoming super aroused, making it more possible than ever to have a vaginal orgasm.
5. Try a Bit of Mental “Edging”.
Final point. When it comes to "tripping off" your genital sensory cortex, something else that I read about was the importance of focusing on the pattern of thought then touch, thought then touch. What immediately comes to my mind is it's all like a form of mental edging. For instance, think about your partner caressing your neck, then ask him to do it, only for a few seconds, before you go back to only thinking about it again. We all know how human nature is — the less we get something, the more we desire it. If you and your partner both go through this pattern for 10 minutes or so, you very well could end up climaxing, a few times, without intercourse ever taking place. All thanks to learning how to tap into your genital sensory cortex. You're welcome. #wink
For more love and relationships, features, dating tips and tricks, and marriage advice, check out xoNecole's Sex & Love section here.
Featured image by Getty Images
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
The Mecca Of Fashion: The Top Street Style Moments At Howard Homecoming
Outfits were planned, bags were packed, and cameras were ready to capture Howard University's collegiate spirit during its centennial Homecoming celebration. Not only does it hold the number one ranking as the most elite Historically Black College and University or its top performing academics, diversity of students and alumni, but the HBCU also leaves a legacy of style and grace.
The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
Doechii Decoded: 10 Things You Should Know About The Hip-Hop Powerhouse
Doechii, born Jaylah Hickmon, is a rising star in the music world with a unique flair that sets her apart. Doechii's trajectory shows that she's not just another name in the industry; she's carving out her own space with her creativity, authenticity, and unapologetic style.
Raised in a household that loved music, she began exploring her creative side early on, dabbling in poetry, dance, and theater. By the time she was a teenager, she was already making her own music, writing lyrics, and experimenting with different sounds. Doechii initially shared her songs on YouTube and SoundCloud, steadily building a loyal fan base and refining her artistic identity.
This year the Florida native is leading the ladies in the rap pack with four Grammy nominations — Best New Artist, Best Rap Album, Best Rap Performance, and Best Remixed Recording.
In March, Doechii took the pop charts by storm with her track "Alter Ego" featuring JT and Kaytranada. Shortly after, she released one of the year's most refreshing rap projects, Alligator Bites Never Heal. The project stands out as a lyrical tour de force, effortlessly weaving wordplay with raw emotion and vulnerability in a way that few artists of her generation can match.
1.Doechii Has Genre-Bending Style
Doechii is known for blending genres like rap, R&B, and pop with influences from punk, hip-hop, and electronic music. Her sound is distinct and showcases her versatility.
2.Her Viral Beginnings with "Yucky Blucky Fruitcake"
She first gained significant attention in 2020 with the viral success of her song "Yucky Blucky Fruitcake." The track, which features a raw storytelling style, quickly became a hit on TikTok, introducing her to a wider audience.
In a blend of all the emotions—relief, pride, and irritation, Doechii raps "I am a Black girl who beat the statistics," in “Yucky Blucky Fruitcake.” While her vocal nuances and cadences on the song are reminiscent of Nicki Minaj, the unique origin story at its core is all Doechii.
3.Doechii Signed with Top Dawg Entertainment (TDE)
In 2022, Doechii became the first female rapper to sign with Top Dawg Entertainment (TDE), joining a roster that includes Kendrick Lamar, SZA, and Isaiah Rashad. This marked a major milestone in her career.
On October 17, Mr. Morale himself expressed his admiration for Doechii by declaring her the "hardest out" in an Instagram Story post. This post highlighted the cover art of her acclaimed mixtape, Alligator Bites Never Heal, which is a testament to the Florida native's talent. Doechii returned the favor by reposting the IG Story and expressing her gratitude to K. Dot for recognizing her. "Thank you, Dot, you're the greatest," wrote the 26-year-old rapper in response.
4.Performing on Major Platforms
Doechii has performed on major platforms like the BET Awards and MTV Video Music Awards (VMAs). Her high-energy performances have captivated audiences, showcasing her charisma and stage presence. Not to mention, she joined Isaiah Rashad at Coachella this year and gave it all the way up as the musical guest on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon in May 2022.
5.Doechii's Hit Singles Like "Crazy" and "Persuasive"
She released the singles "Crazy" and "Persuasive," both of which received critical acclaim. "Persuasive" became a summer anthem, and a remix featuring SZA further elevated the track's popularity.
As of late, “Nissan Altima” and “What It Is” have the girlies in the chokehold.
6.Creative Visuals and Fashion Sense
Her music videos are known for their bold, artistic visuals. Doechii's fashion choices often feature eclectic, avant-garde styles, which add to her artistic identity and set her apart in the music industry. Whether it’s a killer suit, balloon skirt, or custom couture, she’s gonna eat the girls up every time.
7.Doechii Is an Openly Queer Artist
Doechii identifies as queer and often incorporates themes of gender fluidity and sexuality into her music. Her openness about her identity has made her an icon in the LGBTQ+ community.
To commemorate Pride Month this year, the Swamp Princess crafted a heartfelt letter addressing the LGBTQ community, expressing gratitude for their unwavering support. This support empowered her to courageously challenge societal expectations and embrace her authentic self without reservation.
She wrote, “My creative work is heavily influenced by both my Florida roots and the vibrant LGBTQ+ community. Whether I’m working on choreography or undergoing a glamorous transformation, I draw inspiration from my memories of resilience and artistry of drag queens in Ybor City and the energy of ballroom culture in NYC.”
8.Doechii's Inspirations and Influences
Her influences range from Missy Elliott and Nicki Minaj to genre-defying artists like Tyler, The Creator to the greats like Kanye West, Beyoncé, Lauryn Hill, and Outkast. Doechii cites their innovation and boldness as key inspirations in shaping her own artistic journey. In an interview with NME, Doechii shared, “These are artists who are the most honest, the most creative, and I’m really inspired by them. They gave me the courage to do what I’m doing right now.”
The rapper continued, “I wrote my first song when I was in the 6th grade. I knew this girl who was a huge Nicki Minaj fan. She put me onto Nicki Minaj and I was immediately hooked and wanted to start a group. I wanted to rap, so I wrote my first song and we did it at a talent show, and we won!”
9.Her Debut EP 'she / her / black bitch'
In 2022, she dropped her EP she / her / black bitch, a powerful project that explores themes of identity, race, and womanhood. The title and content reflect her experience as a Black woman in America, aiming to reclaim and empower.
10.Her Advocacy for Mental Health and Self-Love
Doechii is vocal about mental health, self-love, and the struggles of navigating the music industry as a young artist. She uses her platform to encourage fans to embrace their authentic selves and prioritize their mental well-being.
When sitting down with Netflix and Baby Tate for a roundtable discussion, Doechii shared, “Same as Tate, I recognize my shadow self and my demons as something that I work with. Now I kinda tell them what to do and we really cool now. If anything, I used to be really ashamed like, why do I even have a dark side? … Then I realized that my shadow side and my demons can actually help me see myself in a more human way. I kinda forgave myself, and them, and now we work together. We cool but not too much."
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Featured image via Giphy