Whenever someone tells me that, according to them, you get to a point in life where sex isn't "that big of a deal" or the topic becomes pretty redundant, pardon the word that I'm about to use but I can't seem to think of a better one at the moment — all I do is scoff. Listen, I've been writing about sex, on some level, ever since I've been a professional writer (well over 20 years now) and I continue to find out things that — again, pardon the pun considering today's topic — blow my mind. Today, we're gonna touch on something we all have — a genital sensory cortex.
I wouldn't be surprised if you've heard before that your biggest sex organ is your brain. Matter of fact, I've said that very thing on this platform on numerous occasions. Well, while there used to be a time when — surprise, surprise — women's brains weren't studied all that much when it comes to sexual stimulation and pleasure, we live in a new age and more and more data is coming out by the day. For instance, did you know that the part of your brain that reacts to your vagina (it's connected to the pelvic nerve), cervix and nipples being stimulated is different than the part of your brain that directly triggers (in the best way possible, of course), your clitoris (it's connected to the pudendal nerve)? The more you know. The more you freakin' know.
OK, but I'm getting a little ahead of myself here. Anyway, I've written articles on here like "Mental Foreplay Hacks That Ultimately Takes Intercourse To New Levels" and "What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?" that clearly support how much I think the mind is a terrible thing to waste when it comes to not incorporating mindfulness in order to experience some pretty incredible sex. Now I'm hoping that a technical term like "genital sensory cortex" won't cause you to yawn with boredom before I can break down the kind of doors that it can unlock for you inside that bedroom of yours.
Your Genital Sensory Cortex? What in the World Is That?
Let's jump right into it, shall we? We all have something called our sensory cortex (also known as the somatosensory cortex). Basically, it is a strip of brain tissue that's located in the same place that our headphones would go (but on our brain, of course), right in the middle of both brain hemispheres. All throughout it, there are a variety of neurons that are connected to different parts of our body. Interestingly enough, the size of each body part corresponds to how much sensory information our brain is able to process. The fascinating thing about this is, thanks to this part of the brain, we are able to respond to feelings of pleasure and pain; ones that derive directly from touch. This means that when we touch our body or our body is touched, our nerves are able to send signals to our brain and ultimately to our sensory cortex.
And just what does this have to do with making sex better? Well, here's the thing. Although many of us already know that our clitoris (whose stimuli is located on the same part of our brain as it is for a man as it relates to his penis; it's called the homunculus) only has a sexual purpose, contains 8,000 nerve ends (double what men have in their penis) and that stimulating it is the easiest way that most of us are able to climax, now we've got greater insight into how to have other kinds of orgasms. Take vaginal ones. You've probably heard that 70 percent of women struggle with experiencing those. So, how are the other 30 percent able to pull it off? A part of it has to do with clitoris/vaginal placement. What I mean by that is, the closer a woman's clitoris is to her vaginal opening, the easier it is for both areas to be stimulated during intercourse which ultimately results in a vaginal orgasm. OK, but here's the deal about all of this.
What science is discovering is the more that our brain gets involved in sexual activity, the greater the chance we have of having all kinds of orgasms — nipple orgasms, vaginal orgasms…you name it. In other words, an orgasm isn't just a physical reaction that comes from sexual stimuli. The more our brain gets into the action, the better sex is.
Case in point. I recently read about a study where some people merely imagined being sexually stimulated with a sex toy vs. actually experiencing that kind of stimuli. What the researchers discovered (via some fMRI brain scans) was, the sensory cortex part of the brain that lights up when physical stimulation happens, it responds the same way to thought alone. In other words, the genital sensory cortex of the brain reacted the same way to "thought" as it did to "action".
If you really let all of this sink in, now it makes better sense why erotica works for some of us, sexual sounds (even without touch) work for some of us and imagining sex with someone can also get us pretty aroused. Our brain gets sexually stimulated by thought alone. So, when thought and touch are combined — BOOM.
So, what is the genital sensory cortex? It's simply the parts of your brain that directly connect to sexual stimulation. If you connect all of these dots, the takeaway is, if there is just as much effort put into "getting the mind right" as it is in getting your body off, you can end up having orgasms in places and on levels that you never really have before.
5 Ways to Significantly Increase Your Chances of Getting Off, Thanks to Your Genital Sensory Cortex
1. RELAX
If the main thing that is sticking out in your mind is, "Damn. This sure requires a helluva lot of thinking," I hear you. Yes, you do need to be super intentional about your thought process and yes, that can initially seem like a bit of a buzzkill when it comes to sex. And yes, I get that by my saying that you should relax, on top of all of this, might seem a bit absurd. Just remember that these thoughts are the fun kind — the "dirty" kind. And if what you're thinking about makes you feel good, it won't be hard to have a feeling of zen. The main point here is don't kill yourself trying to think about pleasurable moments. If you follow these other tips, relaxing won't be very hard to do anyway.
2. Think About the Last Time You Had Some Really Amazing Sex (with Your Partner)
Here's something that you can (and should) try alone. Get quiet and comfortable and think about the last time you and your partner had some great sex together. As the thoughts get more intense, do some deep breathing and focus on creating vivid memories in your mind. If you notice your nipples hardening or your vagina getting wetter, even without much touch on your part, that is a pretty good sign that your genital sensory cortex has been activated. Now you can move more confidently into the next step.
3. Share Your Most Intimate Fantasy with Him
Instead of immediately sharing with your partner all of this scientific stuff, talk to him about a really intimate fantasy that you've always wanted to experience. If you explain it all in as much detail as you can, I can almost guarantee that it's going to arouse him (which means that his genital sensory cortex has been "triggered" too). As you find yourself getting more excited, it's time for point #3.
4. Allow Him to Touch Areas Where You Want to Cum but Haven’t. Literally Think it Through.
Here's the real clincher. Usually, when we find ourselves getting aroused, we gravitate to the parts of our body that will get us to "the mountaintop" as quickly as possible. This time, though, I want you to aim for a part of your body that either doesn't get enough sexual attention or you have yet to receive an orgasm from. If a vaginal orgasm is your goal, have him go with your vaginal region — no clitoris, just vagina. While your partner is gently touching you around and/or inside of your vagina opening, again, deep breathe and think about nothing else other than how his touches are making you feel. No matter how much you may want him to stimulate your clitoris, reject the notion. Focusing on your vagina only and how much pleasure you want to receive can very well increase the chances of your vagina becoming super aroused, making it more possible than ever to have a vaginal orgasm.
5. Try a Bit of Mental “Edging”.
Final point. When it comes to "tripping off" your genital sensory cortex, something else that I read about was the importance of focusing on the pattern of thought then touch, thought then touch. What immediately comes to my mind is it's all like a form of mental edging. For instance, think about your partner caressing your neck, then ask him to do it, only for a few seconds, before you go back to only thinking about it again. We all know how human nature is — the less we get something, the more we desire it. If you and your partner both go through this pattern for 10 minutes or so, you very well could end up climaxing, a few times, without intercourse ever taking place. All thanks to learning how to tap into your genital sensory cortex. You're welcome. #wink
For more love and relationships, features, dating tips and tricks, and marriage advice, check out xoNecole's Sex & Love section here.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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How Power Women Protect Their Finances With Smart Money Boundaries
No matter what it is, setting boundaries can be challenging, especially when those boundaries involve money. But if you want to sustain success and financial freedom, boundaries are important, both with yourself and with others.
Many wealthy successful women have mastered setting boundaries and prioritizing accountability so that they can ensure they remain that way. Let's face it: If you want a certain quality of life and you work hard to achieve that, you don't want to risk it by taking on habits that jeopardize your financial stability.
Be inspired to not only set money boundaries but keep them by taking heed to the common financial boundaries power women of today establish:
1. They pay themselves first.
Building consistent savings habits is important to wealth-building no matter how much you earn, and the practice is often one that continues even after you're well-booked and well-paid. Actress, producer, and philanthropist Queen Latifah has always been a proponent of this after learning from her mom to "save your money."
This is the epitome of the energy behind paying yourself first. You squirrel something away and take care of yourself by taking care of your future first, before paying any bills. You invest in yourself (within your means and with a budget in mind, of course).
2. They don't loan money without clear repayment rules and expectations are agreed upon.
It's awesome to be able to help people out by loaning them money, but when you don't communicate clearly about repayment (or what will happen if the money is not repaid) you set yourself up for a cycle of taking on other's debts and maybe even building more debt of your own.
Unless you're doing charity, set those boundaries early about when and how a loan will be repaid. And if you know you won't get the money back, rethink the loan altogether.
3. They create budgets that are realistic and reflect their current lifestyle.
In her book, What I Know for Sure, Oprah Winfrey wrote, “I hope the way you spend your money is in line with the truth of who you are and what you care about.” This is key for many successful women, especially when they're budgeting and investing.
Issa Rae told Money.com, "I don’t splurge just because. I will never have 17 cars. I will never have expensive jewelry. I don’t spend that much on my clothes, or shoes. I will spend money on a stylist, and a makeup artist, because those things feel necessary for work. But material things? No."
There's a clear indication that there are clear value systems sustained by what matters to them no matter how much they make, and budgeting is a huge part of that.
4. They consider the long-term effects of a rash purchase before proceeding.
It's totally okay to treat yourself, but if you find yourself impulsively buying things you don't really need or always living check to check because you've maxed out your credit card to take that sixth trip in one year, there's a problem that might put a damper on those financial freedom plans. (That is unless your trip is part of how you make your money, and it's a worthy investment into expanding your prospects.)
Successful women are conscious of the long- and short-term effects of purchases, small and large. They're always thinking about how one action can impact the bigger picture.
5. They are givers and believe in the reciprocity of that.
Many of us are familiar with the famous quote, "To whom much is given, must is required," and there's that undertone of service and charity that is a common thread for wealthy, successful women, especially those who run businesses or lead brands. Involving yourself in acts of service not only enriches your development and that of communities, but it increases your exposure, network, and credibility, often leading to more opportunities to make more money.
Most leading CEOs, entrepreneurs, and professionals are big on giving back, whether it is through resources, a nonprofit, money, or their time. "As you become more successful, it's important for you to give back. Even if you can't financially give back, kind words and sharing about other businesses on social media mean so much. Every little thing counts. Help out your friends and family with advice, encouragement, and support," said Angela Yee, award-winning radio host and entrepreneur.
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Originally published on August 16, 2024