The beautiful, sexy, and talented Kehlani has been one of the queens of bouncing back lately with her music more popular than ever, and her glow more radiant. Little did we know, for months she has been pregnant with her first child to the shock of most of us.
The break of her exciting news was met with much confusion from the public, mainly because in songs like "Honey" and in her cameo during Demi Lovato's performance (where the pair spent some sensual and sexy moments on stage), she had many of us thinking she was putting men on the back burner.
However, Kehlani is not a lesbian or bisexual, but pansexual, which means her sexual preference is as fluid as water. Kehlani recounts the reactions she received from fans and critics alike in her interview withNylon:
"I've gotten everything from, 'I thought she was a lesbian,' to 'she was using queerness to promote her career, then went and betrayed us with a man,' to 'her baby father is just a sperm donor.' One, I never identified as a lesbian. I've always been pansexual."
Pansexuality could refer to someone who is sexually and/or romantically attracted to a person regardless of that person's biological sex — it's not their biological equipment that is most critical. It is not equivalent to bisexuality, because it's broader in scope and more along the lines of: If I love you, and want to be with you, I will.
Though Kehlani wants the world to know that she is proudly fluid, she does not want to be the poster child for the rights of queer people, or queer expression:
"I never woke up and decided to be the 'queer icon' of the century. Having so much attention on me outside my art already gives me enough anxiety. I have always said, and will always say, there are people out there in this community fighting for equality in more real ways than making songs about it and performing at events like I am, and those are the 'queeroes.' Those are the ones who deserve to be awarded and constantly highlighted."
In fact, aside from her music and the arrival of her daughter, Kehlani has diverted her attention to the launch of her new free wellness app, Flora, which focuses on bringing wellness into the hands of anyone curious about ways to make their everyday life more abundant.
This is particularly heartfelt as the songstress often shares her struggleswith mental health:
"Flora's main focus is curating and grouping the most helpful and convenient tips, advice, and routines to make our contributions to sustainability more enjoyable and easy on the mind and heart. I think the most important aspect of the app is that we offer a lively, completely inclusive community that's geared toward forming positive life patterns and habits, totally free of judgment."
When it comes to people who are struggling to find their identity with solid terms, Kehlani advises you to do you, boo:
"Whatever makes you feel your safest, in your truest identity, you should identify as such without being policed by the same community you are supposed to feel most safe with. A lot of queer youth I know feel extremely validated by the term 'queer.' You deserve to be believed, taken for what you say you are, and not shamed for it. Always open to learning though."
I look forward to the healing of members of our communities struggling with mental health, some new bomb music, and a beautiful new life on Earth Kehlani!
To read Kehlani's full cover story, head over to Nylon.
Featured image by Gabriel Olsen/WireImage
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Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
GiphyIf you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
GiphyThere is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
GiphySomething that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
GiphyEven if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
GiphyI saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
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Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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