Best-selling author and former video vixen Elisabeth "Karrine Steffans" Ovesen opened up about how practicing celibacy was highly instrumental in her journey to self-love and overcoming past traumas.
The act of celibacy means not participating in sexual activities for an extended period for either religious or personal reasons. Those, who were previously sexually active, that are practicing celibacy could encounter several benefits.
According to Healthline, the list includes a low risk of contracting STDs and STIs, minimal risk of pregnancy, reduced contraception costs, getting to know one's partner on a deeper level other than sex, helping an individual differentiate between "physical and emotional attraction," and more free time to focus on other endeavors.
Ovesen--recognized for her controversial books, some of which included stories of her past sexual encounters with many high-profile celebrities-- shared her celibacy revelation during a recent interview on Hello Beautiful's new series Full Set.
Elisabeth On Celibacy
In the discussion last month, Ovesen revealed that she was celibate for over two years after a failed relationship.
The 44-year-old disclosed that during that moment in her life, she could focus on her self-love journey better because she reduced distractions. Besides self-love, Ovesen also stated that clarity and peace were the other benefits she experienced.
"I was celibate for well over two and half years," she said. "It was amazing. I actually highly recommend celibacy... [For] clarity, absolute clarity. Absolute peace. Self-love was a huge thing I got out of it, realizing that even though we all think and say that we love ourselves, we usually don't. There's no way to gage that until you eliminate everybody and everything."
Elisabeth On How Celibacy Helped Her Heal and Overcome Past Traumas
Ovesen also expressed that her celibacy journey wasn't solely based on refraining from sex but instead on healing after her relationship's demise. To prove her point, the model added that she could live without sex.
"Sex, I didn't miss because I was with somebody for so long, and when that relationship was tapering off, I didn't need to be with anybody else. I needed to heal more than I needed sex. Sex is not a need for me. It's an extra. I can go forever without it," she explained.
As the subject transitioned to why some women are capable of not having sex for an extended period compared to others, Ovesen shared that an individual's sexual desire or lack thereof could be related to the traumas they have experienced.
Ovesen told the outlet that her celibacy journey helped her uncover some of her traumas, including sexual assault and abuse.
"I think a lot of us have sexual traumas, and we chalk it up to horniness ... You can't just sit with yourself and not be trifled with. So my celibacy left me with that," she said.
In addition to sharing her story about her celibacy journey to inspire others, Ovesen has dedicated her life to writing and bringing light to subjects that many are afraid to discuss.
Full Set: Sam Jay & Elisabeth Ovesen | Part 2
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The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak