The night is Thursday, and the evening sky crumbles into a harmonious fusion of yellow and crimson. I and many others scurry out of a mansion on the West Side of Chicago, where we watched an intimate candlelight quartet performance, a tribute to Tracy Chapman.
I called a Lyft and smiled to myself as I thought about the wonderful birthday gift I had been given. Though, the thought was short-lived when I noticed the time. It was about to begin soon, and this bubbly feeling--this sense of relaxation--would inevitably dissipate in the presence of my "civic responsibility." My biggest annoyance.
I put on my headphones and climbed into the car that abruptly stopped in front of me. It's June 27. As I take a deep breath, I join the millions of viewers who are displeased, thwarted, and possibly haunted by what November holds and what the next four years could become. We don't want either candidate and after twenty minutes of listening to the first debate of this year's presidential election, I finally feel the sting of its doubled edge. It was a mess. Trump lied the entire time and claimed a yesteryear none of us ever saw. Biden couldn't complete a thought, which confirmed Robert Hur's assessment of him as an "elderly man with a poor memory."
We were--as the kids would say---"cooked."
From there on, every discussion on the election was more dreadful than the last. Every appearance Biden and Trump made was more debilitating than the other. Trump made fun of Biden's age. Biden called Ukraine's president "President Putin" and Trump his VP. Trump was almost assassinated and called it "divine intervention." The Republicans cheered for their "inevitable" win. The Democrats began infighting and called for a redo that many weren't sure they'd ever see. And in the midst of all of this, the American people--myself included--just grew... enervated.
A month had passed, and this indefatigable election barely had an ounce of life left to live, and it continuously asked for more with every news report. At this time, millions of Americans began considering their roles in the upcoming election. Many refused to give it any more energy, which included their vote. They hadn't been listening anyway.
That is, until they did. After years of being starved for another option, a candidate arose from the ashes of her predecessor. And although it wasn't (isn't) pretty, Vice President Kamala Harris' ascent has started looking like the green light at the end of the lake. Instead of enduring weeks of discord and egocentrism, Americans have been urged to come together and cooperate to obtain a shared common goal. Harris arrived on the presidential walkway with her hand held out and many were so broken and bent, it seemed the inevitable option.
Like a call to the chants of former President Barack Obama's 2008 "Yes We Can," Harris has encouraged Americans to find unity in the Divided States of America. This revival has many people displaying a more optimistic outlook towards the 2024 election.
Though the road in the final 100 days won't be easy, Harris has given many people cause for optimism over what the next four years can be. With the chances of her becoming the first female president who is Black and Asian, the country that once began embracing inclusion, diversity, and progression may return.
At an Indianapolis event in late July, Harris spoke to members of the historically Black sorority Zeta Phi Beta, saying, "In this moment, I believe we face a choice between two different visions for our nation: one focused on the past. And I am fighting for the future of our country with your support."
Here's how she plans to do that:
Inspiring the Young Voter
Democratic presidential candidate, U.S. Vice President Kamala Harris speaks onstage at her campaign rally at the Georgia State Convocation Center on July 30, 2024, in Atlanta, Georgia.
Julia Beverly/Getty Images
In 2020, the Biden-Harris campaign was known for inspiring young voters and voters of color. So much so, that young voters and Black voters were seen as the biggest contributors to Biden's presidential win. However, in 2024, this reality had quickly become inverted. Despite the fact that most of his policies catered to young voters, Biden found it difficult to connect with them, and this issue only persisted as the months continued to drag on. Instead of inspiring young voters to run to the polls, his campaign was thought to inspire young voters to "remain on the couch."
Nevertheless, since Harris has taken over the campaign, she has seen a spark in young voters that Biden and Trump have struggled to ignite since announcing their reelection bids. Voter registration has increased immensely since Harris entered the race, and according to the NYT/Siena College poll, Harris leads Trump by nearly 20 points among registered voters under 30.
In Harris' virtual address to the Voters of Tomorrow summit, Harris claimed, “In this election, we know young voters will be key, and we know your vote cannot be taken for granted. It must be earned, and that is exactly what we will do."
Using Meme and Gen Z Culture
Speaking of inspiring the young voter, Harris' campaign seems to focus on Generation Z, specifically. After Biden's withdrawal from the campaign, his TikTok account shifted to Harris, and upon announcing her candidacy, the number of followers rose from 440,000 to 2.7 million. As a result, many young voters have started engaging with the campaign in a more positive manner.
Starting with British pop star Charli XCX, Harris blew up on social media when the icon coined "Kamala IS brat," a reference to her music's carefree nature and being your own authentic self. As a result, the campaign embraced the title and created videos that leaned into a more insouciant, awkward, and exuberant Harris, which has bemused media commentators, yet reinvigorated young voters.
@kamalaharris Thought it was about time to join!
Groups like The Sunrise Movement and NextGen America have noted an increase in volunteers eager to assist with community outreach and an increase in community and campaign communications, respectively. Harris spent two weeks as a viral, internet sensation, showing up on multiple timelines and stories with her coconut tree memes and viral video edits set to Chappell Roan's "Femininomenon" or Beyoncé's "Freedom." Her social media accounts -- including her personal account, which gained 4 million followers--have received 70 million engagements, with nearly 55 million views on TikTok.
Not to mention, Harris has received several endorsements from celebrities and icons like Barack and Michelle Obama, Rosie O'Donnell, Shonda Rhimes, Cardi B, Megan Thee Stallion, Barbra Streisand, George Clooney, Jeff Bridges, Janelle Monáe, John Legend, Carol King, Kerry Washington, and more, gaining some of their follower support.
Looking Towards the Future
Since 2016, Donald Trump has gained popularity by calling on the grievances of others, who remember the yesteryears fondly. With his slogan "Make America Great Again," he denied the kinder more inclusive vision of the United States, established by Obama's presidential terms. Instead, he welcomed a more divisive and backward-looking motto that purposefully pushed aside the idea of diversity, civility, and progress.
As a result, the nation has regressed in legislation and inclusive thinking, creating more conflict and division among American citizens as the years continue. Nevertheless, Harris' presidential campaign calls for more unity and inclusion among the American people.
Unlike Trump's regressive slogan, Harris looks towards the future and its endless possibilities, should we work together. Claiming determinedly that "we are not going back," Harris challenges the American people to begin working together for the greater good.
In her more inclusive, unifying, and advancing slogan, "Together, we can win this!" Harris encourages us to see the future in a more positive, collaborative light. In focusing on abortion, the economy, consumer debt, health care, climate, police funding, and immigration, Harris challenges the American people to begin to work together to ensure we thrive as a community.
Representing the People
During her campaign rally in Atlanta, GA, U.S. Senator Raphael Warnock introduced Vice President Harris as a representative of the American and its infamous reputation of being a melting pot. "Her dad is of Jamaican descent; her mother is of South Asian descent; and then she went to the great Howard University," Warnock says. "Worked in California. Worked in the United States Senate. That is the American story, and she brings all of those strands together. She sees us because, in the real sense, she is all of us. So, we have to send her to the White House."
Since declaring her campaign, Harris' identity has compelled many to discuss the intersectionality and complexities of race and ethnicity in politics, which are sometimes disregarded or overlooked."
Look at my own life, where a daughter of a South Asian mother and a Jamaican father concluded her own interfaith wedding with her husband breaking a glass and everyone yelling, ‘Mazel tov,'" Harris said of her life in a March 2017 speech.As a representative of the people, Harris and her campaign believe that she understands the issues of the American people more than an "other"-especially Trump- because she has experienced many different backgrounds and cultures. In contrast, Trump attempts to place Harris in a box, by seeing her mixed race as duplicitous and deceitful. She continues to defy this perspective by seeing it for what it is: a tool of oppression.
Unlike Trump, "Kamala Harris represents -- demographically -- our current reality: mixed-race individuals, multiracial families, multiracial communities, multiracial friendship groups, multiracial workplaces. That is our current reality," said Ji-Yeon Yuh, an author and professor of history at Northwestern University.
Becoming Multidimensional
Vice President Kamala Harris speaks at the American Federation of Teachers' 88th National Convention on July 25, 2024 in Houston, Texas. The American Federation of Teachers was the first labor union to endorse Harris for president since announcing her campaign.
Montinique Monroe/Getty Images
"You think you just feel out of a coconut tree."
Upon hearing this quote, Republican opposition researchers believed this comment could damage the way many viewed Vice President Kamala Harris. However, instead of this quote appearing embarrassing, the comment won over many, making Harris appear likable for the first time in a long while.
In her previous presidential campaign, Harris' biggest weakness was her inability to connect to the American people. Though she had a moment here and there, she faded into the background because many voters were unsure of what she stood for and truly represented. She was hard to categorize.
This time around though, Harris uses this to her advantage. This time around, she is gradually presenting herself as multidimensional and can appeal to everyone. She can be a courtroom prosecutor who has seen "perpetrators of all kinds. Predators who abused women. Fraudsters who ripped off consumers, who broke the rules for their own gain."
Or she could be the 'little girl in California' who was part of the second class to integrate her public schools. And she was bused to school every day." The person who "loves Venn Diagrams."
Or as "Hard Fork" describes her, this quote makes her seem like one's relative. "It reminds you of your aunt who has had too many wine and starts giggling and saying random phrases. It had goofy aunt energy." Whatever she chooses to be, she wants the American people to know that she can't be put into the box that Trump and other Republicans so desperately want her to be.
Record-Breaking Millions
In recent months, the Democratic campaign saw its finances take a significant hit under Biden's leadership. After his terrible, alarming performance in the June debate, Biden's donors canceled fundraising events and withheld donations to show their disappointment in the Democratic nominee. However, since Harris has taken over the campaign, donations have increased substantially, surpassing Trump's record-breaking fundraising since May.
In July, Harris' campaign raised $310 million. Let me say that differently: Since July 21, major Democratic donors and small-dollar donors have pledged $150 million to Democratic presidential super PACs. Zoom fundraising coalition calls from HBCU organizations, Black sororities and fraternities, and groups like Black Women for Harris, Black Men for Harris, Latinas for Harris, and White Dudes for Harris, raised more than $20 million. First-time donors, the majority from Gen Z and millennial generations, contributed up to $200 each. With the help of other affiliated committees, the Harris campaign has totaled their funds to $377 million.
This amount is more than double the amount reported by the Trump Campaign after he saw an increase in donations since his assassination attempt. This record-breaking sum shows just how much the new presidential candidate has sparked the interest of voters, who originally believed the election to be a waste of time.
Using People-Powered Campaigns to Close Margins against Trump
According to the latest polls, Vice President Kamala Harris has now erased the lead Trump once held in the presidential race. Now in a deadlock, Harris has managed to revitalize the Democratic party with the assistance of women, young, and Black votes. In relation to the battleground states, Harris and Trump are tied, in most cases, though this outcome is the more optimistic one, considering Biden had been behind Trump in these states by five points.
Since Harris' announcement for the presidency, the proportion of Democrats claiming they will "definitely vote" has increased to an all-time high. In this number, a large portion of Black voters have said they plan to vote today, than they had in July when Biden was still running.
Harris leads in the women's vote at 54% to 45% and in two of the battleground states, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin. Not only this, she has reduced the percentage of people planning to vote for a third party. Shortening the number from 12% to 5% with 4% of these voters choosing the Democratic party since her nomination.
Fight for Freedom
Democratic presidential candidate, U.S. Vice President Kamala Harris and Democratic vice presidential candidate Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz appear on stage together during a campaign event at Girard College on August 6, 2024 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Harris ended weeks of speculation about who her running mate would be, selecting the 60-year-old midwestern governor over other candidates.
Andrew Harnik/Getty Images
Since the year started, this election has been shaped as the "Fight for Democracy." With 34 convictions, Project 2025's regressive and oppressive ideals, Trump's desire to take Voting Rights, Women's Rights, individual rights, political revenge, and his vow to be a dictator starting on his "first day back in office," it is hard to disagree with the Democratic's existential rhetoric. Trump is a threat to democracy.
He tried to overturn the 2020 election and continues to assert lies that the election was rigged. He has mentioned his desire to change how we vote, marriage laws, and education, and has leaned more into authoritarian tendencies. If given the presidency again, he will permanently change the fabric of the country and negatively affect generations to come.
“Ours is a fight for the future — and it is a fight for freedom,” Vice President Kamala Harris said. “Do we wanna live in a country of freedom, compassion, and rule of law? Or a country of chaos, fear, and hate?” she asked.
In Harris' "Fight for Freedom," she challenges voters to choose the "freedom to not only get by, but get ahead. The freedom to be protected from gun violence, [and the] freedom to make decisions about your own body." She encourages voters to "choose a future where no child lives in poverty, where we can all afford health care, and no one is above the law." In Harris' "Fight for Freedom," she uplifts voters to come together, "fueled by love of country," and "fight for the best of who we are."
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RELATED
At the beginning of the year, we are being shown how significant 2025 will be for love. From March 1, 2025, until April 12, 2025, Venus, the planet of love and relationships, will be retrograde. Venus goes retrograde approximately every 18 months and hasn’t been retrograde since the Summer of 2023. With love taking a step back at the beginning of the year, we move through a time of understanding the emotional world better and letting go of trying to control outcomes here.
What Does 2025 Have in Store for Love?
It’s time to refocus your relationship priorities overall, and with this retrograde happening in both Aries and Pisces, Aries being the first sign of the zodiac and Pisces being the last; there is a chapter we are closing and a new one we are walking into.
Another significant factor that is influencing relationships this year, is Jupiter’s entry into Cancer. Jupiter brings blessings, abundance, luck, and expansion, and in water sign Cancer, brings these gifts to your emotions. Cancer rules emotional safety, foundations, close loved ones, family, support, and emotional well-being, and with Jupiter in this sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, we experience blessings in stability within love. This is a good year for building stronger foundations in love, aligning with those who are loyal and supportive, knowing what you need emotionally, and being a lot clearer on it.
Letting Go of the Past: The Astrological Theme of 2025
Overall, the guideline for the year when it comes to love is to focus on the bigger picture and let things work themselves out without forcing them to. Magic will come in for you this year when you can assess your needs and wants, let go of illusions or smoke and mirrors, and focus on the things you want for yourself rather than what you don’t. Your focus and beliefs on love are the priority right now, and things will be coming full circle for the better.
Read below to see your personal 2025 love forecast. Read for your sun, moon, and rising signs.
ARIES
2025 is one of the more significant years for you, Aries. A lot of the major transits are happening in your sign, which includes Venus retrograde in Aries at the beginning of the year, Neptune in Aries from March 2025 until 2039, and Saturn in Aries from May 2025 until 2028. Not to mention, Chiron, the wounded healer is currently in your sign until 2027.
What this means for you when it comes to love, is that you have learned a lot about where you want to be here, and it’s the year to implement more of these tools and knowledge of the heart.
This year for love is about honoring your integrity and what you need personally to thrive in life and creating that space to let it in. You need someone who will be there for you through whatever you are experiencing in life and not someone who adds to these challenges. This year is a time of rising above, and choosing better for yourself.
TAURUS
2025 for you when it comes to love, is all about perspective and taking better care of your heart, Taurus. Uranus, the planet of change, rebellion, progress, and upheaval, has been in your sign since 2019, and this year you get a break from all of the surprises. From Jul. 7, 2025, until Nov. 7, 2025, Uranus leaves your sign and enters Gemini, giving your mind and your heart some time to breathe.
This year you are being given the opportunity to see things for what they are, rather than what you fear them to be. You are able to see your relationship dynamics clearer, allowing you to feel more confident in what you are building and creating for yourself in this area of your life. What you are working on this year is letting go of overthinking, and allowing things to play out the way they are meant to in love.
GEMINI
This year you are feeling in balance when it comes to love, Gemini. Relationships are important to you in life overall, as you are a relationship-oriented sign, but it can be difficult at times to keep the balance and perspective here. This year, with lucky Jupiter in your sign until June, you have the opportunity to be blessed with some fortunate circumstances personally and within romance.
You are feeling yourself this year, and this is attracting you success and new opportunities within love.
Uranus will also be in your sign this year from Jul. 7 until Nov. 7, and some surprises are in store for you. Pay attention to what happens in your love life during this period, as similar themes will be coming back around for you when Uranus officially enters its Gemini transit from 2026 - 2032. Overall, this year is about balancing what’s coming and going in love, and finding your peace within your inner confidence for it all.
CANCER
2025 for you, Cancer, is about stability in love. You are growing emotionally from the ground up, and are feeling a sense of support, confidence, romance, and receptivity in your love life this year. You are one of the lucky signs of 2025, and this is due to Jupiter, the planet of blessings, entering your sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026. While Jupiter is in your sign, your life expands and you are able to see the gifts of your world that may have been harder to come by previously.
This is a year of spending more time with your loved ones and feeling more heard and supported emotionally. Safety and security are especially important to you this year, and you are only entertaining the people who feel that way about you and provide that. Many Cancers will be expanding their families this year or developing a long-term relationship, and overall this is a year of feeling stronger when it comes to love.
LEO
When it comes to love this year for you, Leo, it’s about trusting your intuition and listening more to what your heart is telling you. There are not many major transits happening in Leo in 2025, which means there is a lot of room to grow, but you may be feeling a lack of support or encouragement to do so. A lot of Leos are taking a step back to look at where they are currently in love, and yearning for some change and a new direction here.
Neptune will be in your 9th house of adventure for most of this year, and you are being asked to get inspired and do things differently, but don’t take unnecessary risks in love that may not serve you in the long run.
It can be easy to get lost in the fantasy of love rather than the actual reality you’ll live in here, and taking more time to understand yourself, your relationships, and the dynamics in your love life will be necessary. Overall, your heart is healing this year and you are moving away from the past and creating your new future.
VIRGO
This year when it comes to love, you are going through changes that are aligning you closer to your goals and dreams here, Virgo. You are focused on making things work that you want to see bloom, and also letting go of putting effort into people that aren’t reciprocating the same energy. With the North Node entering your sister sign Pisces and the South Node moving into your sign from Jan. 11, 2025, until Jul. 26, 2026, you are doing a lot of letting go over the next year.
However, with the North Node being in your 7th house of love, new doors and gifts are also opening up for you and your partnerships. The more you can let go of perfection and overworking your mind and your heart, the more blessings you will experience when it comes to love this year. In 2025, you also have two Eclipses in your sign, and there are overall a lot of changes Virgos are moving through this year. Your main guidance for love is to stand by the things that serve your heart and release yourself from what burdens it.
LIBRA
Love is coming to fruition for you this year, Libra. You have been through a lot in your personal life these past few years, and walking into 2025, you are ready for some positive change. This is a year of feeling in balance with your personal goals and dreams, and what you are experiencing romantically and financially as well. Relationship dynamics are serving you and your sense of abundance, and many gifts are coming your way in love this year.
With Neptune, Chiron, and Saturn all being in your 7th house of love, your love life and partnerships are the main focus for you in 2025.
You are moving through changes, overcoming previous obstacles, and bringing back the dreamy energy here. With Chiron in the 7th, you are still doing some healing of the heart, but with Neptune now entering, it all feels a little more romantic and spiritual at the same time. This year is about believing in the impossible in love, taking care of yourself, and allowing someone else to take care of you as well.
SCORPIO
This year is all about opportunity when it comes to love, Scorpio. You have your eyes on the prize and are focused on what you want for yourself, but also how you want to show up for love as well. You have goals and intentions that you are setting for your love life this year, and a lot of them reflect the passion and strength you are feeling as you enter the year. Vesta is in your sign this year until September, and you have a spark within you that is a magnet for success and love. You are walking forward confidently and are feeling inspired, sexy, and magical this year.
This is a very sensual and powerful year for you, and this energy is being reflected in the relationship experiences you are having. Jupiter also enters your 9th house of adventure halfway through the year, and there is something special about the trips you are taking and the risks you are taking in love. Overall, this is a year of doing things your way and attracting love to you through your inner confidence and charisma.
SAGITTARIUS
This is a beautiful year of feeling balanced and abundant in love, Sagittarius. There is a lot of energy coming in and you are giving a lot of love as well. This sense of synergy you are feeling within your love life this year has a lot to do with Juno, the asteroid of soulmates, in your sign from Feb. 19 - Apr. 15. Your people are coming in and you have options this year, Sag.
This is a year of feeling loved for the inspiring, outgoing, and unique being you are, and meeting more people who match your energy.
Saturn also enters your 5th house of romance this year, and you are learning a lot through your experiences with others. You are learning how to be more confident in who you are and what you want for yourself and also recognizing the importance of making more time for fun and playful experiences. This is the year to see love as a more light-hearted experience and to not take yourself too seriously.
CAPRICORN
You are letting things come to you when it comes to love this year, Capricorn. You are feeling beautiful, capable, and worthy, and you are receiving the gifts that come from this sense of confidence and patience. This past year, you were setting a lot of new goals for yourself and your relationships, and in 2025, you are experiencing the results of these efforts.
Jupiter moves into your sister sign Cancer from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, and enters your 7th house of love, partnerships, romance, marriage, and harmony. Your love life and experience of it all are expanding this year, and benevolent Jupiter is sending blessings to this area of your life. This is a year of things coming full circle for you in love, and you feel less confused about it all and more sure of yourself and what is becoming for you here.
AQUARIUS
Love is a highlight for you this year, Aquarius. You are coming together with another, and many Aquarius’ will be forming new relationships or growing within a strong relationship. You are experiencing the fruition of your dreams in love, and are also able to heal and let go of past emotional experiences that have been overwhelming for you in the past.
The North Node enters your 12th house of closure this year, and you are motivated towards change, cleaning house, and releasing the cobwebs of the past.
You are walking into new emotional experiences with less baggage and self-doubt, and are experiencing a fresh start in love. This is a year of asking for what you need emotionally and receiving it. Love is coming in for you in harmonious and magical ways, and you are rewriting your story in love in 2025.
PISCES
You are moving through a lot of changes when it comes to love in 2025, Pisces. This is a year of closure, healing, and giving yourself a fresh start, and the way you enter the year will be a lot different than the way you end it. The North Node of Destiny enters your sign this year, and the South Node of Karma enters your 7th house of love. So, a lot of your focus this year is on your personal goals and path, and there may be some neglect or lack of focus on your relationships.
This can create some discord with those close to you, and your guidance for this year is to try to balance the personal successes and wins you are experiencing, with the love changes that also need your attention right now. Know that what leaves your life this year is being replaced by something better, and also know that your healing doesn’t need to have a timeline and you can take as much time as you need to grow. Overall, you are turning a new page in love in 2025.
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Take partner, for example. People who are engaged in the same activity are considered to be partners. Those who dance and/or play together are considered to be partners. Individuals who are engaged in a romantic relationship are considered to be partners. Folks who are on the same side are considered to be partners. And yes, another word for spouse is — wait for it — partner. So, what in the world is wrong with the word “partner” as it relates to marriage? According to the dictionary, absolutely nothing — and I’ll go with that resource over some bitter TikToker any day of the week.
Thankfully, not all of social media is lost when it comes to knowing the meaning and origin of words. Take one of my favorite platforms, Beleaf in Fatherhood, for instance. Although I have watched this Black family-friendly platform for a few years now, Glen’s post last month that was entitled, “Why I Left YouTube and Moved To A Farm,” reminded me that one of the things I enjoy so much about the channel is how “word intentional” everyone on there tends (or at least tries) to be.
This definitely includes when Glen also recently posted a video entitled, “She Has to Make Home Cooked Meals in the Hotel Room” — one that pretty much praised his wife for close to 12 minutes straight. In it, he said something that let me know that he knew exactly what he was saying — and why.
And y’all, if you’re someone who happens to be married, I think the same word could really breathe new life (and perspective) into your marriage as well. That is, if you allow it to.
Married Couples Aren’t Always Gonna Agree…And That Is Okay. Beneficial, Even.
GiphyAt the end of this article, I will post the second video that I just referred to, mostly because I think it’s a beautiful thing to watch for yourself. However, the main thing that Glen said that inspired this post is, as he was paying attention to all of the steps that his wife was taking to make not-just-any-ole’ pancakes for the family vs. what his method would probably be, he said, “Although we don’t agree, we are aligned.”
Listen. LISTEN. As someone who’s been working with married couples for two decades at this point, that got me right in the gut. Lawd, how I wish that more people would get that a healthy marriage doesn’t mean that you always have to AGREE (have the same views or emotions about things)…the goal should be to make sure that you always remain ALIGNED, though.
And why shouldn’t agreement be the main priority? To me, I look at agreement in a marriage a lot like I look at perfectionism for individuals — it’s simply unrealistic. Just because you selected someone to “do life with” or, as Scripture calls it (Genesis 2:24-25), “become one” with, that doesn’t mean that you and your spouse are identical — and that alone means that the two of you will not agree all of the time.
In fact, there is plenty of science out here that says that disagreements and conflict can be good for your personal and relational development because they can do the following things:
- Conflict can help you see things from another perspective
- Conflict can teach you how to become a better listener
- Conflict can show you where you need to brush up on your communication skills
- Conflict can help you to master controlling your emotions (and your tongue)
- Conflict can show you how to set and respect boundaries
- Conflict can reveal where you need to show humility (like when to apologize, for example)
- Conflict can help you to become a better problem solver
- Conflict can teach you the art of negotiation and compromise
- Conflict can show you how to see the bigger picture
- Conflict can reveal where you need to mature and evolve as a person
Yeah, anyone who thinks that a relationship should be conflict-free is not only someone who is living in a dream world; they also tend to be a great example of where I am coming from when I say, “Many people are not looking for a PARTNER; they are looking for an AUDIENCE.” Meaning, that they don’t want someone who is going to help them, sometimes through conflicts and disagreements, to become a better individual; they simply want a “yes” person who is going to go along with what they say all of the time. SMDH.
Okay, but what about another Scripture that asks, “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” (Amos 3:3 — NKJV)
Good question, and to that, I will say, if you’re in a serious relationship and you’re considering getting married soon, you mostly definitely need to be in agreement when it comes to some core things like your value systems; how you see family; if you have similar goals and insights when it comes to finances; if you esteem marriage in the same way; boundaries that need to be set with each other and other people (including and sometimes especially family); how a household should be ran; if you see the future in a similar way and honestly, if you’re on similar pages about religion/faith (or at least can you live in harmony if your belief systems are different — check out “6 Things To Consider Before Getting Into An Interfaith Relationship”).
By ignoring how important it is to have similar views on matters as big as these, you can end up being in unnecessary conflict — and yes, as much as a home can start off in peace and with a sense of harmony, the better. After all, “until death parts us” is a really (REALLY) long time.
Beyond that, though, again, it’s okay to not always agree. The goal, instead, should be alignment.
Let’s explore the difference for a bit.
You Can Disagree in a Productive Way…When Your Ultimate Goal Is to Be ALIGNED
GiphyI wouldn’t be surprised at all if the only time when you actually hear about alignment is when folks are talking about the universe or planets (which basically means that they appear to bein a straight line). However, when it comes to what we are discussing today, when two people are aligned, alignment means “to bring into cooperation or agreement with a particular group, party, cause, etc.” In other words, being aligned doesn’t “just happen” — mutual effort is required.
That’s actually why I like the word so much because, literally, cooperate means “to work or act together or jointly for a common purpose or benefit.”
Yep, when married folks want a peaceful dynamic, they strive to cooperate with one another for the sake of a common purpose or benefit…even if there are some disagreements along the way. And, in order to do that, they have to remember how important it is to be aligned with one another — and then be willing to put in the necessary effort.
And how does that transpire? Well, here are some synonyms for align that particularly stand out to me:
1. Ally:
Allies “unite formally,” and boy, are there times when I wonder if my clients are allies or enemies. SMDH. When two individuals have both decided that, no matter what, they are going to stand as a united front, they really can get through just about anything. Period.
2. Troubleshoot:
How cool is it that “troubleshoot” is a synonym for align? I adore that because troubleshooting is all about discovering ways to eliminate problems or malfunctions — yes, even in a relationship. And here’s the thing about troubleshooting: oftentimes, you have to be willing to try several different approaches and methods, all the while BEING PATIENT until you find what works for the both of you or for the problem overall…even if that means following your spouse when you would prefer to do your own thing (follow is another synonym, by the way).
3. Adjust:
People who can make adjustments are people who are flexible; they are not so rigid in their way of thinking that they aren’t willing to shift in order to reach a common goal. So many people can’t make their marriage work or last due to this one necessary skill alone.
4. Accommodate:
One of my favorite definitions of accommodate is “to make suitable.” When you watch the video of Yvette making the pancakes for her family, because they are in a hotel in Mexico, she has to make some accommodations, i.e., make some adjustments, in order to get the job done. Would it be easier at home? Yes, yet the objective is to do her best with what she has. Mature individuals get that this should be the ultimate objective of marriage too. Be willing to make accommodations. Again, mutually so.
5. Sympathize:
“Sharing in the feelings” of your partner is what sympathizing is all about. Hmph. You’d be amazed by how much peace can come to a stressful situation if both people are simply willing to understand how the other individual feels about it — and then validate that emotion.
6. Mend:
“Mend” is such a bomb word for marriage. That’s because mending is about making things whole, repairing what’s been damaged, removing defects, making progress, and setting things right. I know far too many people who married conflict-makers instead of menders. Singles, if you are tiptoeing in on this, if you are not with someone who displays very clear “mending” characteristics — you need to totally reconsider the relationship. TRUST ME.
7. Improve:
I adore this word as well because Glen said that although he and Yvette may not always have the same views or emotions on things (agree) because they are aligned, they seek out how to improve matters and each other — and improve means “to bring into a more desirable or excellent condition.” You know what this means? Sometimes, a disagreement, when done well, can actually make things better than before.
When mutual respect, patience, and a desire to make things even “more excellent” is what the husband and wife want, that is exactly what can happen.
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And all of this is why I say that if married couples are willing to apply the word “align” to their relationship, there can be so much more understanding, growth, and even love that can take place — because when you get that you don’t have to be the same, you just have to ultimately desire similar things for the relationship…you can be so much more effective in your approach.
So, if you’re ready for a healthier dynamic: GET INTO ALIGNMENT.
A game-changer, for the better, indeed.
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