[Exclusive] Justine Skye On How She's Taken Her Journey To Self-Love By The Reins
Some of you know Justine Skye for the groundbreaking artist she is today and for guest appearances on Nick Cannon's Wild N' Out and BET's Tales with Romeo Miller, but I remember the OG Justine Skye. That's right - 14-year-old Tumblr famous, chocolate queen with dark purple tresses and an incomparable swag. From the gate, the "Build" singer has successfully stood out in the music industry for all the right reasons including undeniable talent, effervescent beauty and unconquerable strength.
She's always been a force to be reckoned with, no doubt about that. However, the ULTRAVIOLET artist has demonstrated impeccable growth as an artist and a woman since her Skye High debut mixtape release back in 2012. Now, Justine Skye is ready to "build" her career moving forward as an independent artist who is taking complete control of the creative execution of her vision.
Courtesy of Justine Skye
When the call first connected, Justine sounded chill and relaxed, as one would expect with her cool, calm and collected demeanor. As we exchanged introductions, the conversation that was initially scheduled to be an interview propelled into an intimate, candid discussion between two 24-year-old Black women about the importance of self-love, praising yourself and the bad habit of apologizing when unnecessary. Honestly, the entire time I felt like I was catching up with a homegirl that I hadn't heard from since high school. She truly is a genuine one-of-a-kind spirit.
I had the chance to catch up with my fellow New York native about her latest project Bare With Me, The Album, her growth as an artist from start to finish and remaining creative amidst the current state of the culture within the Black community.
xoNecole: How’s your mental health? I like to ask everybody how their spirit is doing before I proceed with any interview, especially during these times.
Justine Skye: Thank you, I appreciate that. I guess I'm doing a lot better than I once was when it all started, but I'm trying to take a step back from looking at all the things on social media right now and kind of clear my head.
That’s real, especially as a creative and as someone who’s always expected to post and let people know how they’re doing, it can be a bit pressuring, so I appreciate your transparency.
Of course, thank you for even asking.
Jumping right into it, I’m from Brooklyn as well - Brooklyn born and bred just like you, right in Sumner Projects off the J train. You and I know that there’s so much culture in that one borough alone. How has Brooklyn made you the artist and the fashionista that you are today?
Aye! I guess being from Brooklyn, there's so many different types of cultures there surrounding it. Whether it's Caribbean culture or African culture, or even Italian culture too, New York period is such a melting pot and I feel like it just played a lot into my personality. I would say that New York is very - well, not me - most people are like, "New York is kind of grimey." Well, I don't think "grimey" is the word, but I feel like it's just "real". I'm very thankful every day that that's where I'm from because I guess being an artist and traveling the world, you can sort out the real from the fake. I wouldn't want to be from anywhere else.
What about your Caribbean roots? You’re Jamaican, right?
Yeah.
How has that influenced your upbringing and your music?
It's something that I just grew up around, [it's] kind of embedded into me. I love dancehall and I love reggae, so any chance that I get when I hear the beat, it inspires me. I just try to tap into it.
Going back to young Justine, when did you know that music was for you and what spoke to you specifically about music that made you realize this was your life’s calling?
I always knew that I wanted to be a singer from the moment I probably opened my mouth, and my grandfather always inspired me to do so. I was very shy when I was younger, so when someone would ask me to sing, I would just ball up and want to run away (laughs). But one day, I guess I kind of got peer pressured into singing on a platform in front of a bunch of people on a panel. After that moment, my mom's friend was like, "This is it and if you don't do this now, no one's ever gonna take you seriously." For some reason, at the small age of fourteen, that kicked in for me and I was like, "I can't be scared to sing. This is something that God gave me and something I enjoy doing, so why am I hiding this?" I kind of just had to get over that fear and go for it.
Out of all of the things that you’ve done from 14 years old to now, what would you say has been one of - or some of - your biggest accomplishments in your career to date?
(Pauses) Damn, I should probably sit there and write a list down. I'm probably gonna do that today (laughs). I guess, off the top of my head, during these times of quarantine and everything that's happening in the world, I've been talking a lot more to my friends and sometimes we forget all that we've done. I've kind of just been reminding my friends, "I know right now is a rough time, but acknowledge all of the things that you've done in the world and be proud of yourself."
I kind of was thinking about, "Hmm, what am I proud of that I've done in my career?" And it's kind of like backtracking on the things that I have put in because I still feel like I'm in the beginning of my career. I mean, I'm only 24 and I have so much more left to go, but [something] I can say that I'm most proud of [is] being able to sing a Janet Jackson song to Janet Jackson. That was probably a huge - not probably, it was a huge moment for me. Being able to be independent, too. It's definitely not easy, but it's extremely revelating. I am thankful for the label experiences, but now I know this is something that I can do with a strong team around me. For some reason, I can't think of one off the top of my head.
I definitely feel that as women, especially as Black women, I feel like we don’t praise ourselves enough. I was just saying to one of my mentees yesterday that we do two things wrong: we apologize too much and we don’t give ourselves enough praise. You and I being the same age, we’re both 24, there are moments where we really have to look back on what we’ve done with our platform and how many lives we’ve touched because even though we may feel like something we’ve done may not be that big of a deal because we’re just so used to being that badass, know that what we did could’ve possibly changed - or saved - somebody’s life. Just by saying “hello” is impactful in itself. Thank yourself for doing the seemingly microcosmic things because you don’t know how that may have affected somebody. Always praise yourself because no one’s gonna reward you like you reward you.
Thank you - wow, I needed that today.
I just like to be honest with people because I’m a firm believer in mental health and I feel that you are in charge of how you talk to yourself. You’re the first voice that you hear in the morning and you’re the last voice you hear at night. You can be your own best friend or your own worst enemy; I would like to be my best friend because I’ve talked to myself horribly sometimes and I know how nasty I can get.
Same. I one million percent believe in that. Sometimes when I was younger and I would go to shows, I didn't really truly understand the impact that I had on other people. I think that's the most beautiful thing about being an artist is that we feel alone, but then when you make music and other people listen to it, you're touching so many people around the world that you literally don't even know. Whenever I would go on tours and do shows, beautiful brown girls would come up to me and say, "Thank you for just being you, living up there, being brave, getting on stage and speaking your truth," and I didn't really realize the impact it had until I went into the world and people told me.
"I think that's the most beautiful thing about being an artist is that we feel alone, but then when you make music and other people listen to it, you're touching so many people around the world that you literally don't even know."
Your gift is something that a lot of people can’t say that they have. You have the power of influence through your talents and your artistry. Your music has even touched me as someone who has been in toxic relationships and someone who has been that Black girl from the projects of Brooklyn and didn’t feel like she was gonna make it out. Your influence is powerful and always remember that. I will never let anyone, especially someone as young and talented as you, ever doubt their ability to touch people. That’s just not gonna happen in my book.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I love this phone call (laughs)!
No problem, and it really makes me sad because one day I was listening to one of your interviews on HYPEBEAST Radio about a time where you nearly wanted to quit music. What was going through your mind and what kept you going?
I guess it was just a moment of self-doubt. You kind of get confused because I've been doing this since I was signed professionally at 17 and I'm 24 now, so I guess I was in a place where I was like, "What am I doing? Why hasn't this gone anywhere yet?" Those are the moments where I had to sit back and realize [that] I have accomplished so many things and it doesn't just end here - there's so much left to go.
If SZA said, "Alright, well what's going on?" and just quit, she wouldn't be the huge star she is today. There's so many artists today that have the same story. [Where would they be] if they just let their self-doubt get in the way of who they are today? With the pressure that we now receive from social media and all that stuff, it's just so in-your-face and you see it. It's easier said than done to be like, "Oh, don't look at it," and it kind of just eats at you. In that moment, I felt like I was having a little bit of a breakdown as to what I was doing with my life and what I was doing wrong, but then, I had to sit there and think about all of the things I've done right and keep moving forward.
"In that moment, I felt like I was having a little bit of a breakdown as to what I was doing with my life and what I was doing wrong, but then, I had to sit there and think about all of the things I've done right and keep moving forward."
Obviously, you’ve grown a lot as an artist, but I can only imagine because I’ve never been in the public eye, and you are someone that everybody recognizes. As such a beautiful, talented, down-to-earth, vibrant Black woman, I’m sure even you have your days where you, as you mentioned, doubt yourself. When was the moment when you started to love yourself for who you are and how do you practice self-love?
I'm not gonna lie, it probably was about two years ago - maybe about a year and a half. I'm still practicing self-love and learning how to love me, every part of me and I think that the first step is acknowledging your flaws and ending with the great parts of you, you know? Just wanting to be a better person every single day when you wake up.
It's not that complicated, but it is complicated because of all of the other elements in the world. It's just tuning out that part out and surrounding yourself with people who believe in you [and] encourage you. I feel like that was a big issue for me too that I didn't really have that strong of a team, and now I have such great people around me that support me and encourage me to believe in myself.
"I'm still practicing self-love and learning how to love me, every part of me and I think that the first step is acknowledging your flaws and ending with the great parts of you, you know? Just wanting to be a better person every single day when you wake up.It's not that complicated, but it is complicated because of all of the other elements in the world."
What advice do you have for any creative who’s currently struggling to manage their mental health and practice self-love?
It's not easy at all (laughs). I don't know if I even have the best advice, but nothing great in life and nothing that you value in life is going to be easy. I feel like I just said that to someone the other day, but once you go through those hardships and those obstacles and you do what you've wanted, you feel so much better.
Speaking of obstacles, there’s a lot happening in our community in a time during COVID-19, the death of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and a countless list of names that have been transformed from hashtags to movements. How have you utilized your platform in the music industry to uplift the Black agenda, Black people, brown girls, and raise awareness about current events in the Black community?
As this is going on, I'm also educating myself on the situations that have been happening that I may not have been aware of myself. It's just completely and utterly disgusting and devastating. What I've been doing is protesting, I've been with the people, I've been donating, [and] even talking to my wealthy friends to see what we can do, how we can donate, how we can make a change. I had a meeting with about 40 people the other day where we just discussed, "Alright cool, we can march, we can do this and do that, but how are we gonna make real change to something so close [to] even the people we hang around?"
We just sat down, told our stories and why we were there, and came up with a list of what we can do and the first step was creating a union where the first question was, "Have we experienced racism or white privilege, or [have] been witness to it?," so we had an open discussion about that especially with a lot of people being in the industry.
[Second], we made a promise to each other that we'd be there to support speaking out against that in the industry because that's where it starts. If you're in a meeting with a brand and they're like, "We don't want to use [that] Black person because they're too Black," it's just [about] speaking up because a lot of people admitted they were scared to do so because they'd lose their jobs. If we are here and know we have this foundation that will support us whenever we see something going on, that's just one step closer to ending this racism within our industry.
On top of that, we’re also in a quarantine and COVID-19 has impacted so much for Black people and people of color because of unemployment, lack of healthcare opportunities that already weren’t there, and being turned away from hospitals and facilities for testing. How has COVID-19 stifled your creativity or your creative process, or has being in social isolation actually helped you?
Honestly, it has helped and it has hurt because I'm the type of person that needs adventures and we've been kind of locked away, so not much has been happening in order to write about [it], but I have been tapping into emotions and other feelings that I've felt before in the past, but it might not necessarily be new stories. Some of them are new stories, but it's been strange for me creatively, good because I've been working on my writing and I feel like I've been getting better and better each time.
A dream of mine has, also, been to work with Timbaland and that's been happening, too, to the point where we're just consistently on the phone talking about new beats, new sounds, and I'm just learning so much. I haven't even met him in person yet; we just literally go on FaceTime and work remotely. It's so crazy that this came out of that.
It’s funny because I was just about to ask you about the collaboration you two have been doing, Space and Time Sessions. Timbaland is such a powerhouse in music and production, to say the least. How did that come about and what has your relationship with him been like?
He saw a video of "Recover" that I did with my friend and he's known about me - it's been in talks, but he saw the video on my Instagram and he DM'd me and was like, "Hey, I wanna do one." I was like, "What? What do you mean?" (laughs) and he just started sending me beats and I started writing to them.
Then, we created something with my management team who is also very good friends with [Timbaland] as well - Space and Time Sessions. There's gonna be another one this Friday, but we kind of put a halt to it as many artists during this time out of respect for what's going on in the world. It just doesn't feel right.
Switching gears a bit, I want to talk to you about 'Bare With Me'. Super excited about that - how is that a reflection of your growth as an artist since your Tumblr days, the release of 'Skye High', and dropping YouTube covers?
I wrote a lot more on this project, and it's been more personal than any of my other music. It was my first project that I released independently, so that was a huge milestone for me and - well, I don't want to say risk because I feel like it was the best thing that I've ever done so far. It's definitely my favorite project that I've ever put out and I feel like every time I get into the studio, I'm consistently evolving. That's what music is really about for me: beating the last thing that you did.
"I feel like every time I get into the studio, I'm consistently evolving. That's what music is really about for me: beating the last thing that you did."
Amen to that. What was the primary inspiration behind 'Bare With Me' and the title?
Basically, it was a double entendre - kind of like bear with me while I work on the album because it was the Bare With Me EP. Then, as I was recording and working on my next project, I came across some songs that were still tied to the emotions that I had while I was working on the Bare With Me EP. I just wanted to repackage it with those new songs and finish that cycle of emotions that I don't feel anymore.
Without giving away too much, what’re some of your favorite songs and what can we expect?
My favorite song is definitely "Million Days" which is one of the new songs that you'll hear on the project, because it's super personal. I don't know if everyone else will love it as much as I will, but for me, it's just very cinematic. Every time I hear it, it's like a movie playing out of that exact moment and point in time in my life where I felt that vulnerable.
What advice do you have for anyone that’s looking to break into the music industry, or is already in the music industry and looking to grow, but they’re also in their own way?
I would say that there's a lot of people who are gonna try to tell you what they think you should do and there's a point that I hit in my life when I was just trying to listen to everyone else instead of myself. I kind of lost who I was in that process and in the past year and a half, two years, I've gotten out of that and been whole again with me and on this journey of figuring out exactly who Justine Skye is and what her sound is. Really listen to yourself (laughs) and I know it sounds super cliche, but if you feel strongly about not doing something or strongly about doing something, then definitely follow your instincts because 90% of the time, you're right.
For more of Justine, follow her on Instagram. Bare With Me, The Album is out now, stream it on Spotify and Apple Music.
Featured image courtesy of Justine Skye
Exclusive: Dreka Gates Talks Farm Life, Self-Mastery, And Her Wellness Brand
Dreka Gates is making a name in wellness through authenticity and innovativeness. Although we were introduced to her as a music manager for her husband, Kevin Gates, she has now carved out her own lane outside of music as a wellness entrepreneur. But according to Dreka, this is nothing new.
In an xoNecole exclusive, the mom of two opened up about many things, including starting her wellness journey at 13 years old. However, a near-death experience during a procedure at 20 made her start taking her health more seriously.
“There's so many different levels, and now, I'm in a space of just integrating all of this good stuff that I've learned just about just being human, you know?” Dreka tells us. “So it's also fun because it's like a journey of self-discovery and self-mastery. That's what I call it. So it's never-ending.”
Courtesy
If you follow Dreka, then you’re familiar with her holistic lifestyle, as she’s no stranger to promoting wellness, self-care, and holistic living. She even lives part-time on a Mississippi farm, not far from her grandmother and great-grandmother’s farm, where she spent some summers as a child.
While her grandmother and great-grandmother have passed on, Dreka reflects on that time in her life and how having a farm as an adult is her getting back to her roots. “So the farm was purchased back in 2017, and it was like, ah, that'll just be a place where we go when we're not touring or whatever,” she said.
“But COVID hit, and I was there, and I was on the land, and I just started remembering back to going to my grandmother's during the summertime and freaking picking peas and going and eating mulberries off the freaking tree in the bushes.
“And she literally had cotton plants. I know some people feel weird about picking cotton and stuff. She had cotton plants and I would go and pick cotton out of her garden. And she had chickens, and I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots.”
"I literally just broke down in tears one day when I was on the farm just doing all the things, and I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh. I'm literally getting back to my roots."
You can catch glimpses of Dreka’s farm life on Instagram, which shows her picking fruit and vegetables and loving on her animals like her camel Eessa. Her passion for growing and cultivating led her to try and grow all of her ingredients for her wellness brand, Dreka Wellness. However, she quickly realized that she might be biting off more than she could chew. But that didn’t stop her from fulfilling her vision.
Watch below as Dreka talks more about her business, her wellness tips, breaking toxic cycles, becoming a doula, and more.
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Is It 'Sex On The First Date' If You've Been Virtually Talking For A While?
Aight. Even if the title of this article seems a bit…odd at first, hear me out. For starters, let’s begin with some data. Did you know that, reportedly, somewhere around 53 percent of people under 30, 37 percent of people between the ages of 30-49, and 20 percent of those between the ages of 50-64 either have used or are currently using dating apps (for the record, and I think this will come as no surprise, Gen Z actually prefers meeting people online)?
As far as the dating apps that led to some type of long-term success, a survey from The Knot says that Hinge leads the pack (with 35 percent) followed by Tinder (with 25 percent). Then, if you take into account a Lovehoney survey of 2000 people, which revealed that 60 percent of men and 42 percent of women have admitted to having sex on the first date — uh-huh, now do you see why a piece like this is both relevant and necessary?
Virtual dating isn’t going anywhere any time soon, and although “first date sex” used to be somewhat taboo, clearly, that isn’t even close to being the case anymore. So, since both are a big part of our culture, let’s explore how to approach merging the two (if you’ve been wondering if you should…that is).
What’s the Purpose/Agenda of a First Date?
GiphyOkay, so let’s start by laying a bit of foundation because, personally, I am a big believer that when we don’t know the purpose of something, it’s almost guaranteed that on some level and in some way, we are going to either misuse or abuse it — dating is no exception. And what’s the purpose of a first date?
To get to know if there is more of a connection than just an initial attraction or surface-level chemistry (check out “What's The Difference Between Chemistry And Compatibility?”). And honestly, that’s why all of the social media debates about women expecting a $200 date off the rip and men expecting sex in return if that does indeed go down are nothing short of nauseating to me. ON BOTH SIDES, all it sounds like is a transactional hustle.
Nothing about that type of motive says, “I’m trying to see if there is something real here;” both are about nothing more than how much juice is in the squeeze (and that’s putting it politely — SMDH).
Although there are dozens of reasons why I think dating has become so chaotic for a lot of people these days, here are two of the main ones as it relates to this article in particular:
1) More people need to remember what author M. Scott Peck once said, "Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it." When it comes to first dates, specifically, that’s why I don’t get what all of the drama is behind coffee dates. While TikTok is telling you that agreeing to those means that you are settling, if you value your time, you absolutely aren’t — especially if there have been no real conversations prior to the initial meet-up.
A coffee date or drinks after work doesn’t say, “He’s cheap,” so much as, “If there’s something here, then we can build on that. If there’s not, you got 30 minutes of my time; no harm, no foul.” Time is something that you can never get back, so why waste it? Besides, if you feel the need to brag about going on an expensive dinner, go out with some of your girls, and y’all split the tab.
At least you’ll know that you’re going to have a good time because you actually know those people (by the way, if that triggers you, that already reveals a lot, as far as your motives are concerned). No one should need a date to validate them — especially a first date. If they do, there’s some stuff going on that a date, a man nor a relationship is going to fix (just sayin’).
2) Talk to the long-term couples who are 50+ (if they’re 50, that now means they were in college in the early 90s, by the way). Ask them about what dating was like when they were younger and single. I’m wiling to bet that, for one thing, expensive ass first dates weren’t even on their radar, and two, it was rare that they went out with someone before talking to them, at least a couple of times on the phone.
Yep, as semi-antiquated as it may sound in the world that we live in now, it was pretty standard that if you saw a stranger who caught your attention, you would get their number, talk on the phone to see how the two of you vibe and then some successful conversations down the line, if you both believed that something was there between the two of you, you would mutually decide to go on a date.
And because some type of foundation was already laid, if the first date did end up going beyond just coffee or drinks, it was because the two of you had already invested time — you already knew that you wanted more. And honestly, to me, that is one of the benefits of virtual dating or talking on the phone for a couple of weeks before going on a first date — you can actually get to know someone…beyond what you can get out of them.
“Sex on the First Date” Has Levels to It
GiphyAnd when you take into account all of what I just said, it seems to me that there are two kinds of “sex on the first date” scenarios that should be pondered. One is the kind where you meet someone, text each other about a place to meet up, get to know each other for 1-2 hours max, and then go back to somebody’s place to get it in. The other is when you meet someone and, whether online or by phone, you both decide to ease into things by talking first…for a while. Then, after an awesome first date, sex comes naturally to both of you.
And how long is a while? I mean, because this platform is for women — until you feel safe. Until you have asked the kind of questions that make you feel like you want to spend more time with him on a deeper level. Until you get that his intentions aren’t just shallow…or physical. Until you know that you aren’t just attracted to him — you know that there are things about his personality and character that you actually like. Until you want to go on a first date.
And unless the two of you are talking for 2-3 hours a day, every day, for a week straight, you can’t really come to this kind of conclusion in record time. It may take a few weeks or even a few months — and that is perfectly fine. Someone who wants to know you for you is going to be okay with communication being set as the foundation of the relationship that the two of you are potentially building anyway, so…by the time that you both decide to meet up for a first date, it will be the icing on the cake.
And, because you actually like him for him, the kind of date that he plans, you won’t be grading it based on nothing more than the price tag; it’s a win for all parties involved.
Okay, so if you do decide to go the route of a “slow build,” you do take your time before a first date, and then you do decide to have sex with him — does it constitute as “first date sex”? I mean, technically, probably. However, the reputation of first-date sex is someone is getting to know everything about you (you know what I mean) without knowing much about you at all. On the other hand, when you opt to communicate for some time before a first date (and the sex that follows), it’s not so casual…and yes, that makes it — different.
3 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Sleeping with Anyone New
GiphyNow that I hope I’ve brought some peace of mind to if it’s a standard “sex on the first date” type of situation if you’ve been virtually hanging out with someone for a while, let’s talk about some of the main things that you should consider before having sex with anyone who you are beginning to interact with on a physical level.
What is the energy like?
One day, I’m going to write about how true it is that energy is exchanged during sex. A big part of the reason is that we are sources of energy — and honestly, the kind of energy that you experience with someone when you’re not in their physical presence vs. when you actually are? It tends to be quite different.
Therefore, it’s a good idea to intentionally “tap in” to see what kind of vibes are exchanged when you’re around each other before deciding to take it there because there is a possibility that how you feel about someone in person may be different than how you do online or over the phone.
What type of sexual accountability conversations have you had?
One of the biggest mistakes that people make is thinking that real life is a soap opera or a rom-com — for instance, you can have sex, and there be no real consequences. Chile, please.
Don’t ever put yourself in the position where you think that the two of you connect so well that you shouldn’t talk about how often you both get tested, what your approaches are to birth control, what your sexual deal-breakers are, and what your sexual expectations may be.
And listen, if all of this seems like too much for a first date, then you already have your answer about if you should have sex after the first date…RIGHT? Because how is it that you don’t want to get into his mind, yet you’re okay with him getting inside of you? Nope. Uh-uh. Nada.
What would sex on the first date accomplish?
Back when I used to mentor teen moms in public schools here in Nashville, I would always call them out whenever they told me that unprotected sex “just happened.” NO. IT. DOES. NOT. There are so many steps involved, from calling the person, setting up a plan, meeting up, pulling off clothes, etc. — all of us have plenty of opportunities to rethink what we are doing. Same goes for first-date sex.
Listen, no matter how much you are feeling the guy from communicating before the date and even more once you meet him, take the time to ask yourself, “What will sex right now accomplish?” An accomplishment is something that brings about credibility. An accomplishment is something that makes you feel fulfilled. An accomplishment is something that causes you to believe that you achieved something great.
That said, if all you’re after is a good time and maybe an orgasm, perhaps sex on the first date will be an accomplishment for you. However, if after starting off solid with this new guy, if you’re not sure what sex will accomplish, in the grand scheme of things, pause until you know. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that — and the right guy for you will agree.
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Bottom line, if it’s a first real date and you do have sex after it, yes — you just had sex on a first date. Although, when there has been a foundation built prior to it, via healthy communication…it’s less risky and something that you (typically) can feel more confident about — especially if you take all of what I just said into (serious) account.
Sis, when it comes to giving any of yourself to someone new — online or not — please make sure that you do.
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