Explore your sign’s 2024 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
June is a month of owning your power and aligning with your strength and perseverance. There isn’t much going on in the sky in June. However, what is happening is significant. Mercury moves into Gemini at the start of the month on June 3 and will be in this sign until June 17. Mercury loves being in Gemini and communication channels get a boost of positive growth in this energy. Mercury in Gemini is the grand communicator and important insights and messages are getting across this month.
With Gemini season also fueling most of June, the best thing to do right now is to expect the unexpected.
The New Moon of the month will be in Gemini on June 6, and this New Moon is important when it comes to gaining some renewed inspiration for a new beginning. This is the New Moon to set intentions for your self-expression, communication, the people you want to connect with, and the places you want to go. This is a good time of the month to network, put yourself out there, and experience a meeting of the minds. A few days later, Mars enters Taurus on June 9, and Mars in Taurus brings the focus to luxury, self-care, love, and stability.
Mars, being in this lush earth sign until July 20, will be an exciting time for financial growth, and this is good for creating new plans financially, paying off debts, bringing more comfort into the home, or increasing your income in some way.
What June 2024 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
Venus, the planet of love, is in Gemini until June 17 and will be keeping things spicy and a little up in the air until she moves into Cancer. With Venus in Cancer from June 17 until July 11 and Mercury in Cancer from June 17 until July 2 as well, this is a good time for experiencing healing and nurturing energy in your love life, and this is also the time to focus on the needs of your relationships.
Venus in Cancer is a giver, and people are more willing to love and be there for their loved ones in this energy. Mercury in Cancer speaks from the heart, and you can expect important communication happening regarding love matters this month. However, be careful with overextending yourself emotionally during this time as well, and remember balance is key no matter what you are doing or saying.
Cancer Season officially begins on June 20, and this heart-centered switch of energy is exactly what we need right now. The following day, there is a Full Moon in Capricorn and this Full Moon is bringing things full circle when it comes to your finances, achievements, and goals in life.
This is a good time to allow yourself a little break and congratulate yourself on how far you have come. Before the month ends, the most important transit of the month occurs, and that is Saturn going retrograde in Pisces from June 29 until November 15. With Saturn in retrograde motion for the next five months, there will be a lot of shifts happening when it comes to people’s belief systems, spirituality, emotional clarity, and creativity.
Saturn retrograde helps you retrace your steps and gives you the push you need to see what you are building for yourself in a new light. In Pisces, a lot of this energy and change will be happening behind the scenes and within our emotional world. Overall, this is a good month for progress and a new beginning, but you may need some extra support right now to make that happen.
Read on for your sun sign and rising sign below to see what June 2024 has in store for you:
ARIES
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleDreams are coming true for you in June, Aries. This is an important month for financial freedom, clarity, and reaching some new goals. You have been creating plans for yourself and putting things into motion, and you are going to start seeing some significant manifestations in your life unfold this month.
The New Moon at the beginning of the month on June 6 will be a good time for you to express yourself and your mind and to allow your voice to be heard. Set intentions for the way you want to communicate and be received right now.
Moving further into June, Mars enters your 2nd house of income on June 9 until the end of July, and you are feeling motivated financially. This is a good time to ask for a raise and go after that promotion, to create greater stability for yourself and your financial world. Saturn will be going retrograde at the end of the month, and this change of energy will be creating a shift for you emotionally. You are moving through some closures this summer, and you are being guided to let go of what is no longer needed or healthy for you anymore.
TAURUS
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleJune is all about making your voice heard, Taurus. Mars enters your sign on the 9th, where it will be until the end of July, and you have a lot of passion and energy at your disposal right now. You are going to want to move forward, take initiative, and create breakthroughs in your life, and you are letting nothing get in the way of that this month. The more you allow yourself to communicate and share your perspectives and ideas, the more confident you are going to feel about the new beginnings you are creating in your life right now.
Venus, your ruling planet, moves into your 3rd house of communication on the 17th, and this is going to be helping you align your heart with your head and make some important decisions in your life. On June 21, there is a Full Moon in fellow earth sign Capricorn, and this Full Moon is highlighting your sense of adventure in life. Plans and intentions are coming to fruition for you now, and you are getting the opportunity to see the future a little clearer. By the end of June, you are looking to get inspired, get some space, and follow your passions.
GEMINI
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleYour season is here, and it’s your time to shine Gemini! This is a month of freedom, empowerment, and also a month of getting some more rest and taking care of yourself. You have a lot going on in June and you’ll want to remind yourself that you can’t be at your best if you are not allowing yourself the sleep and rest it takes to get there. Mercury moves into Gemini on June 3, however, and with your ruling planet in your sign for most of the month, you are feeling pretty clear-headed about what you want and what you need right now.
On June 6, there is a New Moon in your sign, and this is a fortunate time to manifest and create a new beginning in your life. This is a New Moon to take a look in the mirror and remind yourself you are that girl and that you deserve everything you are seeking in your life right now. With Venus entering your 2nd house of income, gifts, and values on June 17, love and money come together for you right now in a new way that allows you to support and nurture both. Before June ends, Saturn goes retrograde in your 10th house of career, and you are going to be moving through some changes professionally during this time.
CANCER
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleJune is about opening your heart and allowing yourself to be the person you are, Cancer. This month is a time of shining in your truth, getting back to you, and feeling the love and support in your life. The New Moon happening at the beginning of the month will allow you to let go of what has been making your heart heavy, and you will get the closure you need to move forward again.
This is a big month for making new developments in your life and love, but you need some time to close some doors before then as well. On June 17, Venus and Mercury both enter your sign, and this is when things are going to start picking up for you this year.
You are not only feeling a little more heard and understood right now, but you are also feeling more of the love and like your relationships are supporting the growth you are moving through. On June 20, Cancer season officially begins, and you get to be your emotional, supportive, moody, and creative self without feeling as much judgment from others for doing so. Overall, this is a month of receiving the love you have been giving and feeling more of a connection and nurturing in your life.
LEO
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleYou are not messing around or playing any games in June, Leo. You are highly focused and in tune with your desires this month, and you are focused on what you need to do to create a better long-term future for yourself. You are cutting out what is not serving you or your life and making plans for what you feel will. The New Moon happening on June 6 is going to be one of the most important New Moons of the year for you to manifest, and it’s time to write a list of your visions and what inspirations and dreams you want to come true for you.
Mars moves into your 11th house on June 9, the same area of your birth chart the New Moon was, and you are moving into a few months of receiving new opportunities and miracles. The 11th house is all about your hopes, dreams, manifestations, and friendships, and that is where a lot of your energy will be going while Mars is here until the end of July. Before the month ends, however, the Sun moves into Cancer and into your 12th house of healing and endings, and you are going to be taking the time you need to regroup, rest, and renew as June ends.
VIRGO
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleJune is about growing in stability and finding your balance in life, Virgo. You are an overthinker at the core of you and are learning to let go of this energy in June and allow yourself to think more positively about what is possible for you in this life. With the Sun in your 10th house of career for most of the month and a New Moon here on June 6, you are focused on your goals and achievements right now, but you may be being too hard on yourself on how things are developing. Take moments to appreciate the little things and set your intentions for what else you want to see through within your professional world.
On June 7, Venus moves into Cancer and enters your house of friendship, and some new support and comfort are coming into your life during this time. While Venus is in your 11th house, you may meet some new people, feel more community in your life, and overall feel a little more stable and secure right now. However, with Mars entering your 9th house of adventure a few days later, there is a bit of a push and pull you are moving through this month when it comes to feeling stable and wanting more freedom. Balance is key for you overall this month, and remember you are creating your life by the thoughts you are thinking.
LIBRA
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleYou are moving into a successful month, Libra. You have the power, vision, and stamina with you to see your goals through in June, and you are doing so with the support of others. The month begins with a New Moon happening in your 9th house, and this is a good month for you to travel or to create your intentions and plans for where you want to go this year.
You are beginning the month feeling inspired and like the wisdom you have gained so far in life is serving you well right now. On June 17, your ruling planet Venus, moves into Cancer and enters your 10th house of career, reputation, and professional life.
With Venus here you are receiving some extra love at work and when it comes to what you are putting out into the world. Financially, you are also growing in your wealth and are overall focused on building your legacy right now. Before June comes to a close, there is a Full Moon occurring in an area of your chart having to do with the home and family, and you are ending the month needing some time with the people who keep you feeling grounded.
SCORPIO
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleJune is all about perspective for you, Scorpio. You are gaining some much-needed clarity this month, but the insights can feel like a whiplash at times. You are being guided towards seeing things with an open mind, and not letting yourself get too mixed up in how you think things should be that you miss the gift and opportunities of where they are now. The New Moon in Gemini on June 6 will be opening a door for you for rebirth, and this is a New Moon to focus on your health, shared finances, and emotional world, and to allow yourself a fresh start.
Mars moves into Taurus, your opposite sign, on June 9, and this is good news for your love life. Mars in Taurus will be bringing passion to your one-on-one relationships, and things are getting sexy for you right now. You are focused on building with the people you love and are creating space for more emotional connection and passion to enter your life. Before the month ends, Saturn goes retrograde in your 5th house of romance, however, and you are still learning the lessons of balancing your heart with your head.
SAGITTARIUS
SAGITTARIUSKyra Jay for xoNecoleEverything's coming together for you this month, Sagittarius. You are feeling renewed in your life and like you are more on top of things over the next month, and this energy is like a breath of fresh air for you. With the Sun being in your 7th house of love and partnership for most of the month, and with a New Moon here on June 6, there is a lot to be grateful for right now and a lot of love to hold onto. You are moving into June feeling a sense of security that you are going to be able to build upon.
On June 21, a Full Moon is happening in your house of income, values, and self-confidence, and you are seeing the fruition of your desires right now. This Full Moon is about allowing yourself to take note of the gains you have made this year and what you want to do with the financial stature you find yourself in now. By the end of the month, Saturn goes retrograde in your 4th house of home and family, and some changes may need to be made in the home over the next month. Overall, June is about supporting yourself, supporting others, and allowing yourself and your life to thrive.
CAPRICORN
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleJune is a month of putting in the work, Capricorn. You are focused on your dreams and goals right now and are working diligently to reach them. The month begins with Mars moving into your 5th house on June 9, and this is fueling your passion for your creativity, your self-expression, and the things that make you happy. You are focused on having fun right now, but you are also concerned with taking the appropriate steps and finishing the projects you have to do before then. Remember to give yourself some breaks this month.
On June 17, Venus moves into Cancer, your opposite sign, and love takes on a new tone. Venus in Cancer is good news for you as a Capricorn, and it signifies a time of the year when you are feeling more support, connection, and reciprocity in your love life.
Before the month ends there is a Full Moon in your sign on June 21, and this is the Strawberry Moon of the year. This Full Moon is a big full circle moment when it comes to the way you see yourself and your life, and you are acknowledging your growth and are focused on your life path right now. Overall, this is a month of effort, intention, and love for you, Capricorn.
AQUARIUS
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleYou are taking initiative and focused on your abundance this month, Aquarius. This is a month of feeling inspired, capable, and like you have reached some important goals in life. You are feeling comfortable with the position you are sitting in, and growth is all around you. On June 6, there is a New Moon in a fellow air sign, Gemini, and this New Moon is opening your eyes to the love that is possible for you in life. This is a good New Moon to set your intentions for your happiness, the romance in your life, and how you want to express your heart and feel understood.
On June 21, a Full Moon is happening that is creating some closures in your life, and you are ready to create space for greater abundance to enter. During this Full Moon, make sure you are taking care of your body, your mind, and your heart, and remaining open to receiving some guidance from the universe. Before June comes to a close, Saturn goes retrograde in Pisces and will be retrograde in your 2nd house of income until November. What this is going to do for you is help you rebuild financially, and it will be putting you in different experiences and around different people to do so.
PISCES
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleMake a wish, and believe in yourself, Pisces! June is a beautiful month for you and you are feeling emotionally satisfied. There is a lot of love and support coming your way this month, and you are also giving out this abundant sense of energy as well. June begins with a New Moon in your 4th house, and this is a good time to set your intentions for your stability, your home, and your relationships with your close loved ones. You are entering the month feeling a little more stable and sure of yourself, and this is attracting miracles into your life.
On June 9, Mars moves into your house of communication, and you have a lot to say right now. Be careful with impulsive speaking and remember to think things through; however, overall this energy will be good for you and making new connections. On June 17, Venus and Mercury will enter fellow water sign Cancer and will move into your 5th house of romance. You are hearing some good news when it comes to your love life by the end of the month, and it’s changing things for the better for you moving forward.
Before the month ends, Saturn goes retrograde in your sign until November 15, and it’s best not to rush yourself or your progress during this time.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
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Taja, an actress known most for her role on BET’s The Oval, and businessman/model Ryan Easter tied the knot on July 27 in an intimate and beautiful wedding in LA - surrounded by friends and family. During our 40+ minute conversation, the newlyweds opened up about the inner work journey they both went through individually to become their best selves.
Taja revealed that her grateful and light spirit came after being in a depressive state and doing a great deal of healing and education. And Ryan shared how losing a parent as a youth affected how he showed up in the world and the truths he had to face to embrace who he is wholly.
The pair also chatted about the power of intention, the importance of working through trauma, and the work they do every day to honor their partnership. There’s a reason their glow is so beautiful! It comes from the inside.
“You're meeting me now after I've done all this work, but I had to go through it to get to that space and be in a very happy, healed relationship,” Taja says. Check out the layered conversation below.
xoNecole: I’ll start with the most obvious question: how did you two meet, and what were your initial feelings about each other?
Ryan Easter: We connected through friends. At the time, I was in New York, and she was back and forth between LA and Atlanta. But our mutual female friends were together and decided they needed to set me up. So they confirmed I was looking for something serious and then sent me her picture.
And I was like, "Okay, she looks good - a chocolate drop." But then I thought, "What's wrong with her? So, I called them up, and one of them was messing with me and said, "Oh, she's a little crazy." I was like, "Whoa, I can't do crazy anymore. I've dealt with that before. I’d rather stay by myself than deal with that again." Then she clarified, "No, I'm just kidding. She's crazy in a good way. She's a lot of fun and has her stuff together. That’s how it started for me.
Taja Simpson: I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it.
Later, I thought about it and figured it could just not be a good picture. So she sent his Instagram which had all these modeling fitness pictures and stuff. And then I was like, wow - you had my whole husband this time and didn’t tell me - now I told her she could give him my number.
"I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it."
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: I love that because, you know, there's all these conversations about the ways people meet, and I still feel like friends and family are one of the best ways. It’s like they know you! What are your thoughts?
Ryan: Yeah, absolutely! You feel a great sense of obligation to be the best version of yourself because you’re not just representing yourself; you’re also representing the person who referred you. I can’t go out there acting like a fool and have them looking at their friend like, "Why did you hook me up with this clown?" It’s like, we're gonna be clear and honest about our intentions. And if it works, great, and if it doesn't, it's okay.
Taja: Exactly. When he called, we spoke that day for like, an hour. The rest was history. We just connected, and it was great. After that, we started talking every day, and now here we are.
xoN: Okay, so tell me about your first date! Do you remember where you went? What did you do? How was the vibe?
Taja: Our first in-person date was two months after we met over the phone. This was during COVID, so we got introduced in July 2020 but didn’t meet until September. From July to September, we were doing video dates and phone calls, building up this excitement about meeting in person. I was really nervous. I thought, "Oh my God, is it going to be like it was over the phone?" We really connected and vibed. I was there to pick him up at LAX, and I felt like this was it. I thought, "God put this brother in my life to be this good, this perfect." It felt too good to be true.
I actually had a friend meet us at the airport to film our meeting without him knowing. I told her to stay in the corner and keep the camera hidden. When he was coming down the escalator, I had this whole plan to run up to him in slow motion and jump into his arms. When I saw him, I froze. I was so nervous that I couldn’t move! He came up to me, gave me a big hug, and swung me around, and I just thought, "Wow!" Everything I planned went out the window.
Ryan: I was really excited to meet her, too. Technically, our first date was at Firestone Brewery. After the airport, we went back to her place to drop off my stuff, and then she said, "I like to drink beer," so she took me to a brewery nearby.
I remember being there, and we were kind of embracing, but not too much since it was technically the first time we were in physical proximity. You still have to play it cool, even after talking for a while. But every time I touched her, it felt good. I thought, "Yeah, this is it." When we hugged at the airport, I felt like, "Yo, this is home." At that moment, I knew she was the one.
xoN: Ugh, I love that. So when did the courtship start to develop into a relationship? Did y'all have that conversation?
Ryan: Initially, we were very clear about our intentions. We were both dating with purpose and had similar aspirations of eventually finding someone to marry, start a family, create businesses together, and live our lives to the fullest. We knew from the beginning that this was our goal and checked in with each other to see if we were on the same page.
After establishing our intentions, it was about having those small conversations. We discussed what was important to each of us—our needs, wants, likes, dislikes, triggers, and traumas. All those details are crucial for building a solid foundation for a healthy relationship. We spent a lot of time getting to know the real person, not just the representative we might present to the world.
Sometimes, it’s difficult because it requires us to be extremely vulnerable. For men, especially in our society, vulnerability is often frowned upon, making it hard to expose that sensitive side. You never know how people will react—some might use it against you, while others might protect you.
I think for her; it took her understanding that mentality that men have and use that to her advantage to make sure she's like, look, this is a safe space for you to allow me to see the full person that you are. I appreciated that because, like, I would tell her, if you really want a man to value you, he has to feel safe with you, right, not necessarily in a physical capacity but more so from an emotional standpoint; I need to feel like I can be safe with you emotionally.
So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow.
"So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow."
Taja: I mean, that's exactly right, and a lot of it we spoke about even before we met. Because it was this free thing where we didn’t know each other. We didn't have to be a representative. I was just my authentic self. It’s like - I'm an actor, and I got five or six characters that may come out in our conversation. I'll be funny, then the next moment, I'll be serious. It just happens.
I was very vocal about how I foresee my life going. Also, because I'm in entertainment, that played a part. I had met people before who couldn't handle that. They wanted a woman with a nine-to-five, a teacher, or just somebody with a very strict schedule. But that wasn't me. So I think we were super intentional when it came to dating and making sure we can build and grow together. So, we made that commitment prior to him leaving. He came to LA for a week, and the day before he left, it was like, okay, so this is it.
xoN: I’ve noticed that intention and vulnerability are both powerful words that you two keep using, which I think is essential for any long-term relationship. What are some of your other shared values?
Ryan: Also, we both understood the power of mindset. When you see successful or unsuccessful people, sometimes others will attribute their state to their family or money. And I'm not saying that that doesn't help. But there are a lot of people who have come from very humble beginnings and very troubled past that have gone on to do great things, and it all had to do with their mindset. They had to leave and see themselves doing what they desired to do before it became a reality in the physical realm.
I think a lot of those beliefs and mentalities that we shared was refreshing because, you know, we've all known people that every time you talk to them, something bad is going on. And it's such a drag because they can bring your energy down. We don't subscribe to that. Not saying that we don't go through tough times. But when we do, the question that we always ask ourselves is, what is it that I'm supposed to learn from this? I think those type of elements of just being in alignment mentally about how we view the world definitely help to solidify our relationship and our connection.
Taja: When we met, I was in a headspace of growth. We now call it believe, evolve, become because you have to believe that thing right in order to show up. We both understand that your vibration precedes your manifestation, so you have to vibrate and believe at a certain level. Act as if you have to be in that space, that energy, in order for that thing to come so you can evolve and then become whatever that said thing is. But I was in that headspace before we met, and I was clearing out people in my life.
I was really intentional with finding someone that was in that headspace, too. I was not okay with anyone being stagnant.
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: You two seem so evolved individually and collectively. I'm curious, were there any challenges that you two had to get through together, and what did you learn from that experience?
Ryan: Being parents. And if your partner doesn't have a great pregnancy, then it can be tough, and it stretches you in a lot of ways. But I would definitely say the first five months of being new parents was a lot because we were both exhausted. And she's also trying to heal her body because giving birth puts a tremendous amount of stress on the woman's body. It gives you a different respect for the strength of femininity because I wouldn't want to go through that. And I was there the whole 29 hours.
So during that time I'm getting snappy because I need to rest. I have not been able to rest, and I'm sleep-deprived, and I don't feel like I got my foot in yet. And, and then, on top of that, you have this, this really small human that's completely dependent upon you. They can't do anything for himself, and that, even psychologically, that's a lot to carry. But the thing that I think that has helped us is that we understand that we won't always be on the same page. It's okay to have disagreements, but you always have to lead with love, meaning that if I'm upset with her or she's upset with me, we focus on what the issue is.
Taja: I had a horrible pregnancy and was still feeling like I want to be productive; it’s just part of who I am. And during the newborn phase, like he said, we were exhausted. We were zombies. I'm getting whiny. I need sleep. He's getting snappy and short, and we're having to figure out us. The hardest thing is trying to still learn how to effectively communicate in the midst of this space where you are exhausted; you don't feel good, nothing's going your way.
But I'm a big believer of being accountable, especially for women, because women are not always accountable. But we encourage each other to address the trauma and encourage positive self-thought and talk. Because what you think, speak, and do creates power for better and worse.
xoN: Were there any past traumas you had to heal from in order to love each other correctly, and do you feel comfortable discussing them?
Ryan: For me, the biggest thing was my father’s death at nine. You’re young, and you don’t know how to process the loss. It’s one of those things I thought I dealt with, but when I got into my adult years, I realized it didn’t. I always felt like I had to go above and beyond because I didn’t have my father there to be a man - I excelled in sports and academics, but it was based on an inadequate feeling.
I understand the importance of fathers in children’s life but you still have the power to be the best version of yourself whether your father is there or not. And I believe the almighty Creator will put people in your life to be the best version of yourself. I wanted to be that confident person for her and our children - and I didn’t want to carry that trauma into our relationship or our son. So I worked on it before us and I continue to now.
Taja: Mine was colorism. I grew up where the brown paper bag thing was a thing. There were kids I couldn’t play with because “I was too Black.” I had a family member who called me “Ew.” Like she’d literally say, come here, Ew, you ugly thing. And my family, for a long time, didn’t realize how it was breaking me. But eventually, my mom noticed and taught me more about self-esteem and then I started to do the work. But it still shows its head. I still would have thoughts that I’m not good enough because of how I look. I’ve literally not tried out for roles because of that. One of my friends’ friends has literally called out once that I was the only dark person at an event.
So when I started doing the work, I noticed the ways it showed up, like I just wouldn’t want to be in the sun long. I mean when I was younger, I used to pray to God to make me “better” or lighter. It took a long time to really get over that. There’s a book I wrote called Women Who Shine - where I got my thoughts out about this.
So he knows my sensitive spots and speaks to the little girl in me. It's so interesting how the things we go through when we’re young affect us in adulthood. Mental health is as important as physical health - and I’m grateful that he understands the importance of both of those.
xoN: Thank you for your vulnerability. I hope it helps someone else. Finally, I’ll close with this: what’s your favorite thing about each other?
Ryan: Definitely her mindset. She doesn’t have a victim mindset; she’s empowered. That’s so attractive. I believe that she prides herself on being a good, great communicator. She moves with integrity, you know, I think that's important. And you know, she also understands the importance of taking care of her physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing.
Taja: There’s so many. Where do I start? My husband is supremely supportive. I absolutely love that about him. Also, I love his intention. I love how effectively he communicates. I love how he fathers our child. I love how he looks. Because, praise God. Okay, I'm just gonna put that out there.
But you know what, my favorite thing about him is that I love that he's a man of integrity.
Integrity was the highest things on my list when I’d write out what I wanted in a partner. Because it’s everything. And so I love that I feel the level of safety that I feel with him, that I can completely be my 100% authentic self. I know that he's taking care of me, my heart, and our family. We're good.
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Feature image by @jorgemezaphotos
Relationships aren’t for people who merely want to be catered to (or is it coddled?) all of the time. Relationships are for those who want to be transformed — and that requires being challenged to become a better version of yourself. And yes, that means being willing to give exactly what you want to receive.
Keeping that in mind, what is something that research says will cause a relationship to be a thriving success? Well, before we get into all-a-dat, I’ll just say that I’m not even sure how many therapists/counselors/life coaches would remain in business if people really put what I’m about to say into genuine and consistent practice — I’m not exaggerating either. Because, when I read an article not too long ago about the one thing that science says creates happy unions (although, I personally think that healthy should always trump happy), it made all the sense in the world why “it” would be the answer — and why so many folks struggle to do it.
Because although the answer is simple, easy? Well, that’s another matter entirely. If you keep reading, I think you’ll get where I’m coming from when I say that, too.
The Key to a Happy Relationship Is…
GiphyOkay, so this past winter, Newsweek published an article entitled, “Science Reveals the Simple Secret Behind Happy Relationships.” Before I share, do you first want to take a stab at what the secret is? Well, according to a particular popular study, something that can either help you to remain satisfied if you are currently in a relationship or can make you especially attractive if you are currently looking for one is the art of knowing — more specifically, being intentional about understanding your partner and communicating in a way where you are clearly understood (in walks, the famous quote by author Stephen R. Covey via his bookThe 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: “First seek to understand, then to be understood.”).
My mind constantly has songs running through it (which I personally think is a good thing) and the one that immediately came to mind here is Xscape’s throwback “Understanding.” Sing it with me now: “What I need from you is understanding. How can we communicate, if you don’t hear what I say? What I need from you is understanding. So simple as 1, 2, 3. Understanding is what I need.”
And while, on the surface, this revelation might seem like the biggest “duh” to be shot around the world, the reality is that if understanding was so obvious, why aren’t more people actually being that way towards their partner? While it could be that some folks are either too emotionally immature or too selfish to be in a relationship, to begin with, I’d venture to say the far greater issue is a lot of people know what understanding looks like in theory but not fully and totally when it comes time to actually execute it.
So, allow me to take out a moment to explain six ways that understanding manifests itself in a relationship and then four ways that it…well, doesn’t.
Signs of an Understanding Partner
1. An Understanding Partner Is Empathetic
GiphyIf you are not just willing but as able as possible to put yourself into the shoes of another, this makes you a pretty empathetic individual. That’s because empathy is literally about trying to see things from another person’s perspective so that you can understand them — and what you may be going through with them — better. Empathetic people are good listeners (more on that in a sec). Empathetic people focus more on the present than the past or the future (which keeps them from nagging or worrying).
Empathetic people are good with their body language (no eye-rolling, finger-tapping, or shoulders crossed, which typically convey cynicism or detachment — check out “15 Relational Body Language Cues You Definitely Shouldn't Ignore”). Empathetic people think before they speak. Empathetic people seek clarity over passing blame. Yeah, can you just imagine how much happier and especially healthier relationships would be if folks simply strived to be more empathetic? Have mercy.
2. An Understanding Partner Is a Good Listener
GiphyThere is a married couple in my life who, when it comes to communication, I am absolutely floored that they have lasted as long as they have. The husband? He’s charming and extremely funny, oh, but he can’t be quiet long enough to let you complete a sentence to save his life. SMDH. Meanwhile, his wife? To this day, she is the best listener that I have ever known. So much, in fact, that sometimes, when I’m talking to her on the phone, she is so quiet that I think that the call has dropped. LOL. And yes, this clash in their communication styles has caused her to consider divorce court more than a few times. I get why, too.
Cutting people off, talking over them, telling folks what you interpreted from what they said over what was actually stated, gaslighting or making definitive statements over asking questions — all of these are signs of not only being a poor listener but being rude, arrogant, and dismissive as well.
Y’all, while once reading an article on what makes someone a good listener, I really liked that the author said that a good listener is sincere, open-minded, and they are curious — they want to be a “student” of the conversation and not a teacher (hell, some folks act like they are nothing but a self-appointed principal!). When it comes to your listening skills, can you say that you listen like this? Better yet, ask your partner (or friends if you are single) what they think…then LISTEN for their answer.
3. An Understanding Partner Is Considerate
GiphyOne of my clients? I’ve known him for about 20 years at this point, and he continues to hold the blue ribbon for being the politest person I know. Hmph. Ain’t it wild how we can be so hard on children for not displaying good manners, including basic things like saying “please” and “thank you,” when we can’t even do these things our damn selves? That said, a considerate person, yes, has great manners. They also care about not hurting other people’s feelings, will often put others’ needs before their own, are patient with people (bookmark that), and will take accountability for their actions; this includes apologizing when they are wrong.
This brings me to another married couple I know and how the husband tells me that his wife never apologizes. Ugh. The level of arrogance (and/or insecurity) that comes with not being able to humble oneself and admit when they are wrong? There is no way that I could even attempt to go the distance with the kind of person who rolls like that. Sadly, though, many do, and one study calls people who act like this “defiers.” It then went on to say that these types of individuals oftentimes cross boundaries, are apathetic, and tend to have a lower level of emotional intelligence than others do.
When I put my life coach cap on about this, I’d venture to say that a lot of people who suck at apologizing probably had parents who also sucked at modeling it to them. Either way, you can’t really love well if you’re not a considerate person (even the Bible says that love is not rude — I Corinthians 13:5 — AMPC), and a part of what comes with that is owning your mistakes, poor choices, and offenses. No wiggle room here.
4. An Understanding Partner Is Kind
GiphyOne day, I’m going to write a full article on the importance of wanting a kind man over a nice guy and why it’s also essential to be kind to that kind man as well. Like I say often, a nice person is agreeable while a kind person is benevolent — and yes, there is a big difference between the two. One of the reasons why I thought it was important to bring kindness into the chat as it relates to how to be a more understanding individual is because you don’t have to agree with everything your partner says, does, or even expects of you to be kind.
No, kindness is about being thoughtful in your approach. Kindness is about speaking in a way that you would want to be spoken to. Kindness is about being compassionate. Kindness is about finding ways to compromise so that both individuals can be happy.
Kindness shows humility. Kindness accepts that others are not like them — and that is okay. Kindness makes things easier instead of more difficult. In short, kind people like peace. And while that doesn’t mean that they are going to “lose their voice” in order to get it, at the same time, they are going to deliver everything that they do in a spirit of peacefulness…and that goes a really long way as far as any relationship is concerned.
5. An Understanding Partner Is Generous
GiphyI don’t know about y’all, but when I’m in the relationship space on social media, mostly what I see and hear is pure and unadulterated selfishness. All folks are talking about is what someone should be doing for them (monetarily or otherwise), and being self-absorbed is a surefire way to sabotage a relationship (once again, even the Bible says that “love is not selfish” in certain translations of I Corinthians 13). So yeah, that being said, something else that an understanding partner does is show how much they care by being proactively generous.
A generous individual gives freely (meaning that they don’t just give to get; that is usually a form of manipulation); they also like to see what they can do to help those around them. However, some other cool things about generosity are it isn’t mean-spirited, it likes to motivate and inspire others (especially their partner), and it is quick to compliment, encourage, and also be grateful for what it receives. Know what else? Generosity knows how to be content. Most definitely, generous people live in a state of satisfaction because — get this — they plant so many seeds in so many ways that they trust in karma to take care of them…and typically…it does.
6. An Understanding Partner Is Forgiving
GiphyAnother type of person who should never get into a relationship: someone who doesn’t forgive. Forgiveness can be explained in a billion different ways and yet, at the end of the day, I think one of the easiest breakdowns is it’s granting someone the kind of mercy and grace that you know you need to receive. Whew, the hypocrisy of individuals who think that they should be pardoned for their offenses while holding forgiveness like a weapon over other folks’ heads? How delusional can they be?
Anyway, understanding people get that forgiveness is a key ingredient to a successful relationship. For everyone else, check out “Are You A 'Bad Forgiver'? Read This And See.” — if you see yourself in it, either apologize to your partner for being that way or pump the breaks on getting into a relationship until you can “refine that skill.” Because, if there’s one thing that you’re going to have to do, more than a lil’ bit, it’s forgive (and, if you’re really being real…you’re going to have to ask for forgiveness too).
Signs Your Partner Doesn't Understand You
1. A Misunderstanding Partner Is a Poor Communicator
GiphyWhile checking out an article on a lawyer’s website not too long ago, it stated that 70 percent of men said that nagging and complaining led to the ultimate breakdown in communication when it came to their marriage. And before anyone deflects or dismisses this, even the Good Book says, “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop [on the flat oriental roof, exposed to all kinds of weather] than in a house shared with a nagging, quarrelsome, and faultfinding woman.” (Proverbs 21:9 — AMPC)
The article then went on to say that 60 percent of men stated that a lack of appreciation also caused communication issues. Meanwhile, 80 percent of women shared that they felt a disconnect in the communication department whenever their thoughts and feelings weren’t validated, while 60 percent were simply sick of their partner talking too much about himself.
And y’all, if one person feels nitpicked to death and the other feels unheard, how can there be any type of effective communication going on — and without that, no real connection can be made/nurtured/maintained.
This one right here? From the first date with someone, pay very close attention to if they are displaying any of these signs and if you are as well. Because there really is no point in trying to build with a person if poor communication is evident straight out the gate.
2. A Misunderstanding Partner Is Unappreciative
GiphyAt the end of the day, appreciation is really all about gratitude — about displaying an attitude of thankfulness. And when it comes to being appreciative, I’ve always liked the quote by author Eckhart Tolle that says, “Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance;” the quote by author and professor Sonja Lyubomirsky that says, “Gratitude is an antidote to negative emotions, a neutralizer of envy, hostility, worry, and irritation;” the quote by actor Doris Day that says, “Gratitude is riches. Complaint is poverty;” the quote by author John Ortberg that says, "Gratitude is the ability to experience life as a gift. It liberates us from the prison of self-preoccupation” and the Vietnamese Proverb, “When eating fruit, remember the one who planted the tree.”
What all of these things mean to me is when you look at what you already have and acknowledge how grateful you are for it, that keeps you in the present moment so that you are putting less pressure on your partner and your relationship. And y’all, even though sometimes pressure produces diamonds, as Chad from Insecure once said, “Pressure busts pipes” — and not always in a good way. Balance is key. Appreciation helps to keep things in balance.
3. A Misunderstanding Partner Is Disrespectful
GiphyY’all want to talk now or later about how Scripture instructs husbands to love their wife and wives to respect their husband (Ephesians 5:33)? Respect is about esteeming someone, and if you really want to take it to church, the Classic Amplified Version of I Peter 3:2 says that husbands should also be reverenced and that should look like this: “…[for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him—to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].”
Yeah, there really is no telling how much marital relationships would improve if more husbands decided to love from a “nourish and cherish” perspective (Ephesians 5:29), and more wives actually put respecting their husbands into daily rotation.
Anyway, in general, no one really understands how to love someone properly if they are disrespectful towards them: yelling in conversations and/or belittling in arguments; being dismissive of boundaries; acting flippant about their partner’s needs; making commitments and then not honoring them; being hypercritical; acting abusively (on any level including mentally and emotionally); not valuing their partner’s thoughts and opinions — oh, I could go on and on with this one. Truly, words cannot express how many people ruin their relationship, and it’s all due to how disrespectful they actually are.
4. A Misunderstanding Partner Is Impatient
GiphyLove. Is. Patient. It’s Scriptural, too (I Corinthians 13:4). Being patient is about not only knowing how to wait but how to wait well. In fact, as I’ve shared in other articles on the platform before, patience is defined as “bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like.” Hmph. It’s a sermon series, all on its own, how many people don’t love as much as they think they do (and definitely not as well) because they don’t know how to deal with trials that come in relationships — and trials WILL come.
Signs of being an impatient person: you get irritated easily; you have a short temper; you find yourself competing with other people; you think “wait” means “no” (or never); you make snap decisions; you constantly put feelings over actual facts; your tongue moves ahead of your brain; you stress yourself and others out; you rush, and you don’t know how to handle delays in a calm and mature manner. Would you want to be in a relationship with someone like this? Okay, so why would you expect someone else to be fine with it? (Ouch.)
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The fun thing about writing articles like this one is, that although the study simply said that understanding is what’s required to have a great relationship, that means nothing if we don’t understand what understanding actually is.
Hopefully, now, you’ve got a bit more insight into it because, now that you see what comes with being an understanding individual, it should be more evident than ever why these kinds of couples are able to see the distance in their own relationship as they find themselves smiling and oh so very satisfied along the way. Salute.
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