July is about healing, focus, and making a change. Cracks in the foundation are being shown, and depending on your perspective, you can move forward toward change or entertain the negatives. Perspective is everything, and as the month begins in Cancer Season, emotions can cloud your vision. Thankfully, the Capricorn Supermoon on July 3rd will be bringing things back to reality and helping you find your ground through the emotional whirlwind that has been. This Full Moon is an activating time that’s creating breakthroughs, building new bridges, bringing things full circle financially, and shining the spotlight on what needs to be seen.
There is even more earth energy flowing through the collective in July, with Mars entering Virgo on the 10th, where it will be until August 27th. Mars in Virgo is dedicated, compassionate, and efficient. Mars in Virgo gets things done, focuses on good health, and lends a helping hand to those who need it, and this is where a lot of people are taking action right now. This month there is positive energy flowing toward acts of service, routine, and creating order; however, be careful not to get lost in the details and perfectionism that you miss the full picture. On July 11th, Mercury enters Leo, and mentally, there is a strength here that is helping those overcome any mental burdens that have been influencing their daily life.
On July 17th, there is a New Moon in Cancer that will be closing out Cancer Season. This New Moon is a good time to set your intentions for love, emotional harmony, family, and the home. This New Moon is highlighting the emotions but is creating an opening to greater love, protection, and honesty where needed. This new Moon is about meeting your needs, dreaming the dream, and showing up for love. A few days later, on the 22nd, Venus goes retrograde in Leo, and Leo Season begins. This is when things really start heating up and when change prevails. Venus will be retrograde in Leo until September 3rd, and egos are more likely to clash during this time.
Honor the value of self-love, and you will see how this directly influences your relationship experiences with others.
As the month comes to a close, Chiron, the wounded healer, goes retrograde in Aries from July 23rd until December 26th, and Mercury enters Virgo from July 28th until October 4th. Healing is taking place in July, and sometimes it happens when we least expect it. The more you can find the balance between your head and your heart right now, the more you can see things clearly. July is therapeutic and is needed.
ARIES
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleJuly is all about going after what you want, Aries. Focus on your positive intentions and create a plan to succeed. You have the energy, the charisma, and you are in the right place to make things happen this month. Mars, your ruling planet, moves into your 6th house this month, and you are all about good energy, good health, and creating routines that both nourish and bring order to your daily life.
You are someone who is independent and who loves to do things alone, and this month you are realizing that you can accomplish your personal goals with others by your side. The New Moon on the 17th of this month is happening in your 4th house of home, and you are connecting to those that have your back and support your well-being. July is a perfect month for you to set your intentions and show up.
TAURUS
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is a time of finding your balance, Taurus. You are feeling in tune with the ebb and flow of life, and you are seeing a positive return on the things you have been investing in. Energy is everything, and you are receiving the abundance that you have been giving. A Supermoon is happening in a fellow earth sign at the beginning of the month, Capricorn, and July 3rd will be a time of clarity, closure, and happiness for you. Don’t be afraid to communicate your needs this month, Taurus.
Moving into July, Venus goes retrograde in Leo until September, and for you, you could be spending more time at home over the next few months. Your safe spaces are where you feel most comfortable and loved, and right now, that’s with your family, close loved ones, and objects of treasure. Over the next few months, you will be tuning into your heart and discovering where you want to lay down new roots, where you can give yourself more TLC and self-care, and who you want along with you for the ride.
GEMINI
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleJuly is a month of communication, executing your plans, and seeing through the smoke and mirrors. You are rising above what’s been and are ready to see things in the light, Gemini. At the beginning of the month, you are feeling things through and taking the time to honor your emotional well-being, rest, and seek more time tending to your own needs. You are prioritizing your time and energy and focusing on the things that truly matter to you at the end of the day.
The New Moon happening this month on the 17th is a time for you to set intentions when it comes to your finances, income, balance, and self-confidence. This New Moon is urging you to see how willing you have been to see a new beginning here and will be opening new doors that you will have to find the courage to walk through. Venus goes retrograde for the summer toward the end of July, and for you, this time will be helping you communicate more effectively and to re-discover some of your truths.
CANCER
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCancer Season is underway, and July is a month of love for you, Cancer. This is a time when partnerships in your life are thriving, and your life is colored by love. You have come to such a good place emotionally that you can’t help but to rejoice in where you are and your current reality. Things are changing, but you are embracing every moment of it. The Supermoon on July 3rd will be when you begin to see these changes and growth within love and when you are getting the full picture of some important relationships in your life.
The July New Moon will be in your sign on the 17th, and this New Moon is a magical one. You are in tune with the universe, and where your life is is where you want it to be. Set your intentions for the path you see for yourself in the future, and don’t be afraid to take risks right now. July is all about investing in yourself and your relationships. You have what it takes to feel balanced in not just one but many areas of your life, and this is the month that’s opening that door for you.
LEO
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleJuly is all about owning your strength, Leo. You have been moving mountains, and this is another one of those months where some more courage is needed. Your mind is especially active this month with Mercury entering your sign on the 11th, and this energy can lead to overthinking. Meditate, find your ground, and gain new inspiration. You are protected as you prepare, focus on yourself more, and figure things out this month.
The New Moon on the 17th is when you are ready to let go of the past, heal, and see how better things will be for you when you free yourself from past burdens. You deserve healing, and as Venus goes retrograde in Leo from the 22nd until September, you are finally getting that opportunity to heal. Leo Season begins on the same day, signifying a time when the focus is on you and your heart and when you are experiencing a personal transformation.
VIRGO
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleJuly is a month of abundance for you, Virgo. Your cup is full and overflowing, and you are feeling gratitude for the blessings that are appearing for you now. This is a month to honor your skills, dedication, work ethic, and determination and to accept your due rewards with an open heart. The Supermoon at the beginning of the month is showering some love and receptivity in your life, and you are feeling heard and seen in July, Virgo. You are entering the month with an inner confidence that is leading you to success.
Mars enters your sign on the 10th, where it will be until late August, and you have more energy at your disposal during this time. You are all about action and putting in the effort, and your spirits are high this month. Mercury enters Virgo before the month ends, and more energy is working in your favor. Your mind is in the right place, and you are turning dirt into diamonds. This month is reminding you that you deserve to enjoy the successes you work so hard for, and there is plenty of it to enjoy.
LIBRA
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleJuly is a month where you get to take a deep breath, Libra. You have been worried about the things you are seeing come to fruition this month and seeing that everything turned out better than expected for you. Your career, finances, and safety nets are a big priority for you right now, and you are experiencing positive revelations here this month. The Supermoon happening at the beginning of July is helping you feel more grounded and fruitful and is bringing good energy into the home for you.
The New Moon happening later in the month is aligning with your 10th house of career and achievements, and you are claiming your successes. You have been working on your skills and mindset and are in a position now where you can help inspire and give opportunities to others. You are seeing growth financially in July, and life is coming full circle for you. Before the month ends, Venus goes retrograde in Leo, and this for you will be tapping into your friendships. Try to see all perspectives and focus on building your community right now.
SCORPIO
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is an inspiring month for you, Scorpio. You are feeling enlivened after somewhat of a stagnant year, and you are reaching for the stars right now. One thing is happening after the other, and you have been looking forward to this change of pace. The Supermoon on the 3rd will be opening up new channels of communication for you and will be giving you some clarity on the answers you have been looking for. You are ready to move on from what hasn’t been working and are effectively seeing new pathways and opportunities in your life.
Mars moves into your 11th house of hopes and dreams, friendships, and community in mid-July, and you are spending more time around your soulmates and your people over the next month. You are in a social time in your life, and there are plenty of fun experiences to be had. Venus goes retrograde at the end of the month and will be bringing things into perspective when it comes to your career, reputation, and where your heart stands with how you are showing up for your goals. Be patient when it comes to what you are trying to achieve right now.
SAGITTARIUS
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleDivine timing is everything this month, Sagittarius. Your intentions will seed to fruition, but some more time may be needed right now. Remember that protection can sometimes look like rejection and that what is meant for you will be for you. With Mars aligning in your career zone over the next month, you may be feeling more pressure to perform, to be successful, and to reach the goals you have been working towards. However, don’t forget to appreciate where and who you are now while you strive for what you want to become.
There is a New Moon on July 17th that will be in your 8th house of commitment and intimacy, and you are getting an opportunity to see where you feel that emotional receptivity in your life and where you can be a little more vulnerable and experience more growth here. Giving yourself and others grace is key this month, and it's best to not take anything personally. Venus goes retrograde in a fellow fire sign, Leo, at the end of the month, and it’s best to plan out all of your adventures thoroughly over the next few months.
CAPRICORN
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleJuly is the start of something new for you, Capricorn. You are ready for a new adventure, and you are embarking on one right now. This is the month when you are seeing previous roadblocks disappear and new life appear. There is a Supermoon this month on July 3rd, and it’s happening in your sign. You are closing out a chapter of your life that felt more personally limiting to you and are breaking free from what has been. This Full Moon is a time of letting go of what was and getting excited about what’s to be, and this is an impactful time for you.
Mars moves into Virgo on the 10th and moves into your house of adventure, travel, education, and spirituality. The next month is a great time for you to travel, spend time in nature, and explore the world around you. This is an inspiring month for you overall, and you will be getting into a lot of different fun activities. The New Moon happening before the month ends is occurring in your sister sign, Cancer, and love is moving into a new chapter for you. Your willingness to move forward is creating more room for love to enter your life.
AQUARIUS
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleIn July, you are embarking into the unknown, Aquarius. You are taking a leap of faith in yourself, and you are trusting that the universe will be there to catch you. You are finding your balance with what you are working on letting go of and where you want to be, and you are being nudged to get out of your comfort zone more this month. The Supermoon happening at the beginning of the month will be helping you overcome fears and see where this has been coming from so that you can heal and let go where needed.
Moving further into July, there is a New Moon on the 17th, and this is a good time for you to set your intentions for your daily life, routine, health, and working world. Get things in order this month, and focus on what is going to benefit you now and in the long term. Venus goes retrograde in Leo on the 22nd before the month ends, and you are going to be learning a lot about love and your close relationships and will be experiencing a rejuvenation and change here over the next couple of months.
PISCES
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecoleFireworks are going off for you this month, Pisces. July is about seeing the growth in your life and about enjoying the present moment. You are free to be, to live, and to love, and you are feeling all the things this month. With a Supermoon at the start of the month happening in your house of hopes and dreams, you are feeling inspired to live your life to the fullest and to nurture the things that light you up inside. You deserve to take those moments out to enjoy your life, and you are great creative when doing so right now.
Mars moves into your sister sign, Virgo, on July 10th, and you are motivated to connect, focus on your one-on-one relationships, and express your heart. You are feeling the passion for love and your relationships, and love is in the air for you in July. What you believe, you can make a reality, and you are seeing some of your intentions for love manifest for you this month. The New Moon on the 17th will be ushering in some more good energy into your love life, and this is a month of romance for you. Look at new beginnings in your life as the blessings they are, and have fun this month, Pisces.
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Tayler Barakat is a Mystic who has studied Astrology for over a decade. She does intuitive astrology and tarot readings for people all over the world, and her work focuses on healing and empowering individuals. Follow her on Instagram @taylerbarakat_ and check out her website www.listentothevirgo.com.
A Cosmic Guide To Love In 2025: What The Stars Have In Store For Your Heart
The most important lesson we are learning about love in 2025 is change. Many major Astrological transits are happening this year, and these will last for years to come. As we walk through this new year, we are being asked to let go of the things we can’t control, and give more grace to the things we can. This is a year of a new perspective on love, finding gratitude in the little things, and watching as the universe supports us and the dreams we build for ourselves here.
At the beginning of the year, we are being shown how significant 2025 will be for love. From March 1, 2025, until April 12, 2025, Venus, the planet of love and relationships, will be retrograde. Venus goes retrograde approximately every 18 months and hasn’t been retrograde since the Summer of 2023. With love taking a step back at the beginning of the year, we move through a time of understanding the emotional world better and letting go of trying to control outcomes here.
What Does 2025 Have in Store for Love?
It’s time to refocus your relationship priorities overall, and with this retrograde happening in both Aries and Pisces, Aries being the first sign of the zodiac and Pisces being the last; there is a chapter we are closing and a new one we are walking into.
Another significant factor that is influencing relationships this year, is Jupiter’s entry into Cancer. Jupiter brings blessings, abundance, luck, and expansion, and in water sign Cancer, brings these gifts to your emotions. Cancer rules emotional safety, foundations, close loved ones, family, support, and emotional well-being, and with Jupiter in this sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, we experience blessings in stability within love. This is a good year for building stronger foundations in love, aligning with those who are loyal and supportive, knowing what you need emotionally, and being a lot clearer on it.
Letting Go of the Past: The Astrological Theme of 2025
Overall, the guideline for the year when it comes to love is to focus on the bigger picture and let things work themselves out without forcing them to. Magic will come in for you this year when you can assess your needs and wants, let go of illusions or smoke and mirrors, and focus on the things you want for yourself rather than what you don’t. Your focus and beliefs on love are the priority right now, and things will be coming full circle for the better.
Read below to see your personal 2025 love forecast. Read for your sun, moon, and rising signs.
What Does Your Zodiac Sign Say About Your 2025 Love Life?
ARIES
2025 is one of the more significant years for you, Aries. A lot of the major transits are happening in your sign, which includes Venus retrograde in Aries at the beginning of the year, Neptune in Aries from March 2025 until 2039, and Saturn in Aries from May 2025 until 2028. Not to mention, Chiron, the wounded healer is currently in your sign until 2027.
What this means for you when it comes to love, is that you have learned a lot about where you want to be here, and it’s the year to implement more of these tools and knowledge of the heart.
This year for love is about honoring your integrity and what you need personally to thrive in life and creating that space to let it in. You need someone who will be there for you through whatever you are experiencing in life and not someone who adds to these challenges. This year is a time of rising above, and choosing better for yourself.
TAURUS
2025 for you when it comes to love, is all about perspective and taking better care of your heart, Taurus. Uranus, the planet of change, rebellion, progress, and upheaval, has been in your sign since 2019, and this year you get a break from all of the surprises. From Jul. 7, 2025, until Nov. 7, 2025, Uranus leaves your sign and enters Gemini, giving your mind and your heart some time to breathe.
This year you are being given the opportunity to see things for what they are, rather than what you fear them to be. You are able to see your relationship dynamics clearer, allowing you to feel more confident in what you are building and creating for yourself in this area of your life. What you are working on this year is letting go of overthinking, and allowing things to play out the way they are meant to in love.
GEMINI
This year you are feeling in balance when it comes to love, Gemini. Relationships are important to you in life overall, as you are a relationship-oriented sign, but it can be difficult at times to keep the balance and perspective here. This year, with lucky Jupiter in your sign until June, you have the opportunity to be blessed with some fortunate circumstances personally and within romance.
You are feeling yourself this year, and this is attracting you success and new opportunities within love.
Uranus will also be in your sign this year from Jul. 7 until Nov. 7, and some surprises are in store for you. Pay attention to what happens in your love life during this period, as similar themes will be coming back around for you when Uranus officially enters its Gemini transit from 2026 - 2032. Overall, this year is about balancing what’s coming and going in love, and finding your peace within your inner confidence for it all.
CANCER
2025 for you, Cancer, is about stability in love. You are growing emotionally from the ground up, and are feeling a sense of support, confidence, romance, and receptivity in your love life this year. You are one of the lucky signs of 2025, and this is due to Jupiter, the planet of blessings, entering your sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026. While Jupiter is in your sign, your life expands and you are able to see the gifts of your world that may have been harder to come by previously.
This is a year of spending more time with your loved ones and feeling more heard and supported emotionally. Safety and security are especially important to you this year, and you are only entertaining the people who feel that way about you and provide that. Many Cancers will be expanding their families this year or developing a long-term relationship, and overall this is a year of feeling stronger when it comes to love.
LEO
When it comes to love this year for you, Leo, it’s about trusting your intuition and listening more to what your heart is telling you. There are not many major transits happening in Leo in 2025, which means there is a lot of room to grow, but you may be feeling a lack of support or encouragement to do so. A lot of Leos are taking a step back to look at where they are currently in love, and yearning for some change and a new direction here.
Neptune will be in your 9th house of adventure for most of this year, and you are being asked to get inspired and do things differently, but don’t take unnecessary risks in love that may not serve you in the long run.
It can be easy to get lost in the fantasy of love rather than the actual reality you’ll live in here, and taking more time to understand yourself, your relationships, and the dynamics in your love life will be necessary. Overall, your heart is healing this year and you are moving away from the past and creating your new future.
VIRGO
This year when it comes to love, you are going through changes that are aligning you closer to your goals and dreams here, Virgo. You are focused on making things work that you want to see bloom, and also letting go of putting effort into people that aren’t reciprocating the same energy. With the North Node entering your sister sign Pisces and the South Node moving into your sign from Jan. 11, 2025, until Jul. 26, 2026, you are doing a lot of letting go over the next year.
However, with the North Node being in your 7th house of love, new doors and gifts are also opening up for you and your partnerships. The more you can let go of perfection and overworking your mind and your heart, the more blessings you will experience when it comes to love this year. In 2025, you also have two Eclipses in your sign, and there are overall a lot of changes Virgos are moving through this year. Your main guidance for love is to stand by the things that serve your heart and release yourself from what burdens it.
LIBRA
Love is coming to fruition for you this year, Libra. You have been through a lot in your personal life these past few years, and walking into 2025, you are ready for some positive change. This is a year of feeling in balance with your personal goals and dreams, and what you are experiencing romantically and financially as well. Relationship dynamics are serving you and your sense of abundance, and many gifts are coming your way in love this year.
With Neptune, Chiron, and Saturn all being in your 7th house of love, your love life and partnerships are the main focus for you in 2025.
You are moving through changes, overcoming previous obstacles, and bringing back the dreamy energy here. With Chiron in the 7th, you are still doing some healing of the heart, but with Neptune now entering, it all feels a little more romantic and spiritual at the same time. This year is about believing in the impossible in love, taking care of yourself, and allowing someone else to take care of you as well.
SCORPIO
This year is all about opportunity when it comes to love, Scorpio. You have your eyes on the prize and are focused on what you want for yourself, but also how you want to show up for love as well. You have goals and intentions that you are setting for your love life this year, and a lot of them reflect the passion and strength you are feeling as you enter the year. Vesta is in your sign this year until September, and you have a spark within you that is a magnet for success and love. You are walking forward confidently and are feeling inspired, sexy, and magical this year.
This is a very sensual and powerful year for you, and this energy is being reflected in the relationship experiences you are having. Jupiter also enters your 9th house of adventure halfway through the year, and there is something special about the trips you are taking and the risks you are taking in love. Overall, this is a year of doing things your way and attracting love to you through your inner confidence and charisma.
SAGITTARIUS
This is a beautiful year of feeling balanced and abundant in love, Sagittarius. There is a lot of energy coming in and you are giving a lot of love as well. This sense of synergy you are feeling within your love life this year has a lot to do with Juno, the asteroid of soulmates, in your sign from Feb. 19 - Apr. 15. Your people are coming in and you have options this year, Sag.
This is a year of feeling loved for the inspiring, outgoing, and unique being you are, and meeting more people who match your energy.
Saturn also enters your 5th house of romance this year, and you are learning a lot through your experiences with others. You are learning how to be more confident in who you are and what you want for yourself and also recognizing the importance of making more time for fun and playful experiences. This is the year to see love as a more light-hearted experience and to not take yourself too seriously.
CAPRICORN
You are letting things come to you when it comes to love this year, Capricorn. You are feeling beautiful, capable, and worthy, and you are receiving the gifts that come from this sense of confidence and patience. This past year, you were setting a lot of new goals for yourself and your relationships, and in 2025, you are experiencing the results of these efforts.
Jupiter moves into your sister sign Cancer from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, and enters your 7th house of love, partnerships, romance, marriage, and harmony. Your love life and experience of it all are expanding this year, and benevolent Jupiter is sending blessings to this area of your life. This is a year of things coming full circle for you in love, and you feel less confused about it all and more sure of yourself and what is becoming for you here.
AQUARIUS
Love is a highlight for you this year, Aquarius. You are coming together with another, and many Aquarius’ will be forming new relationships or growing within a strong relationship. You are experiencing the fruition of your dreams in love, and are also able to heal and let go of past emotional experiences that have been overwhelming for you in the past.
The North Node enters your 12th house of closure this year, and you are motivated towards change, cleaning house, and releasing the cobwebs of the past.
You are walking into new emotional experiences with less baggage and self-doubt, and are experiencing a fresh start in love. This is a year of asking for what you need emotionally and receiving it. Love is coming in for you in harmonious and magical ways, and you are rewriting your story in love in 2025.
PISCES
You are moving through a lot of changes when it comes to love in 2025, Pisces. This is a year of closure, healing, and giving yourself a fresh start, and the way you enter the year will be a lot different than the way you end it. The North Node of Destiny enters your sign this year, and the South Node of Karma enters your 7th house of love. So, a lot of your focus this year is on your personal goals and path, and there may be some neglect or lack of focus on your relationships.
This can create some discord with those close to you, and your guidance for this year is to try to balance the personal successes and wins you are experiencing, with the love changes that also need your attention right now. Know that what leaves your life this year is being replaced by something better, and also know that your healing doesn’t need to have a timeline and you can take as much time as you need to grow. Overall, you are turning a new page in love in 2025.
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New year, new dating style. Courtesy of a former sugar baby.
Being a sugar baby had its (obvious) perks, but the most significant ones didn’t center around the material benefits. To date, I have a bigger appreciation for the lessons I’ve learned and applied them to my dating life.
Dating men of higher social status shortened my tolerance for a lot of things I was convinced were normal. I blamed the universe for attracting undesirable men when it was my fault for allowing undesirable behavior. An interesting dichotomy between those guys and sugar daddies was the treatment I accepted.
It was easier to put my foot down with men of opulence because their privilege meant there was no limit to meeting my desires. Plus, recognizing my own worth made them (the good ones) want to treat me with the same high regard.
I’ll admit you don’t NEED to be an SB to enhance your dating style, but that’s the path I journeyed. It taught me how to be gracefully tough on men based on the simple fact that I’m invaluable. I’ll never convince anyone to be an SB, but feel free to pick a few gems I learned that might take your 2025 dating style to the next level.
Don’t overdo it by showing gratitude.
Let’s stop praising men for the bare minimum.
Yes, it’s okay to make a man feel affirmed but don’t let those affirmations come off too intensely, especially for things that require minimal effort. Don’t tell him about your ex never opening the passenger door for you, don’t brag about him being "The One" because he texted to make sure you got home safely, and most definitely don’t offer up the cat just because he paid a $150 dinner bill (give it because you want to, not out of obligation).
To be honest, I barely even say thank you when a man finds me attractive. “You are so beautiful.” I would respond, “Aww, you’re so sweet.” When he holds the door open, I graze his arm and smile.
Showing too much excitement about the bare minimum strokes his ego and draws a ceiling, which he doesn’t feel he needs to surpass. It tells him you’re not used to regular treatment, so you’ll be grateful for anything. Why do more than necessary? I like my men reflecting at the end of our date, thinking, “What can I do to impress her?”
Don’t stop having manners, though. Just keep it simple and move on.
There’s no such thing as “dating for potential.”
Hold my hand with this one.
There comes a time when the word “potential” shouldn’t be a part of your dating vocabulary. It’s nothing more than the encouragement of false hope. He’s not flaky with time because his schedule is too busy between balancing family and work. It’s because you’re not important enough to prioritize making time for.
He’s not stingy on dates because he’s having a rough time handling all his financial responsibilities. It’s because he’d rather spend his money on things that don’t involve you.
Trust me when I say men don’t date with potential in mind. Many of them hold themselves in very high regard with an “I can do better” mindset, and so should you. There’s A LOT of weight in the saying, “If he wanted to he would.” So stay away from Mr. Shoulda Coulda Woulda because, at the end of the day, he didn’t.
*P.S. If he ever says he doesn’t deserve you, he’s not being sheepishly humble. Take his word for it and run.
Do NOT be afraid to say no.
How many times have you put yourself through something you didn’t want to do based on feeling obligated? You compromised yourself in order to please the person you’re dating because it seemed like the easier option. Let me just remind you of the old saying, “Nothing good in life comes easy.”
I like comparing men to children, not to demean them but to draw similarities. Children often like to push and see how much they can get away with until the parent says no. Once you allow them to get away with one thing, they’ll nudge the limits to see how often they can skate by.
Dating is just like this. Get comfortable giving rejection. It can be an uncomfortable concept for some, so consider saying no and following it with a light reason. For example, “Do you want to come over and watch Netflix?” “No, I don’t feel comfortable going to strangers’ houses.” If his response is anything but understanding with a Plan B, on to the next.
Those boundaries were created to protect you. Any man who respects you will respect them too.
Don’t lay all your cards on the table.
When a man asks, “So what exactly are you looking for?” The vaguest response comes to mind.
It’s a common mistake to think men (not all) ask questions for unselfish reasons. That one, especially, is basically like asking for cheat codes to a game. Describing your idea of a perfect man, dating intentions, etc. allows him to know who he needs to morph himself into in order to get what he wants. Enter love bombing, physical intimacy, delusions of potential, then ghosting.
I’ve said the below on a few first dates and wasn’t surprised by how quickly the guys weeded themselves out.
"I’ve been having fun figuring things out as time goes on. There are times when I love going out to meet new people and times when I love cuddling up on the couch. It depends on how I’m feeling.”
I just said a whole lotta nothing, leaving it up to him to decipher. It’s open-ended, which forces him to show his intentions and let things play out naturally with as little manipulation as possible.
The first date defines how he views you.
This is where all those conversations leading up to this day come into play.
The perfect first date doesn’t only have to consist of 5-star dining and lavish wine collections. Those are merely perks. The perfect first date is valued based on how much effort he put in to show he’s been listening.
You’ve been dropping subtle hints that tulips are your favorite flowers. Did he show up empty-handed? You shared your discomfort with driving to far places at night. Did he book a 9 p.m. reservation somewhere 30 minutes away? You told him about your new venture into veganism. Did he take you to his favorite steakhouse?
These aren’t small things and they’re DEFINITELY not things for you to take on as a challenge. These could be easy signs of a life full of selfishness and laziness if shrugged off by the belief you should be satisfied with him making time for you.
Will taking my advice find you a husband faster? Who knows? But, ultimately, dating isn’t supposed to be an earnest search for a man. It should be a time of personal growth while sorting through experiences to find a partner who will appreciate the valuable woman you are.
Having high standards for yourself doesn’t make you difficult or unreasonable. To the right man, it definitely won’t make you undateable. Like I said before, nothing good in life comes easy.
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