At the top of the month, we find Saturn dipping back into Capricorn to revisit some themes surrounding the structure of our government and our relationship with authority. On the 5th, we've got the final Full Moon Lunar eclipse closing out the Capricorn/Cancer eclipses, making this a good time to reflect on how you've improved your approach to work-life balance. Our beloved Mercury (*rolls eyes*) finally goes direct on the 12th, shortly followed by a rare phenomenon—a double New Moon in Cancer on the 20th (the first one took place on June 21st)—making this a good time to review previously set goals. The Sun enters dazzling Leo on the 22nd, sprinkling a little extra confidence onto us to boldly move our plans forward to claim the success we deserve.
Check out how the cosmos affects your sign this month!
Aries
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleIn the beginning of the month, you'll find Saturn retrograding back into Capricorn, giving you a chance to reevaluate your career moves and redefine what success means to you. The Pluto and Jupiter conjunction encourages you to push past your fears to boldly step into your mission which may be going through some major changes at this time. On the 5th, the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse illuminates your path ahead as your public image is on the rise. Don't be afraid to say goodbye to any endeavors that you've outgrown as you continue to go through your metamorphosis.
Between the 7th and the 9th, Mercury and Mars are squaring off in the sky. Be mindful of butting heads with family members as you figure out what you really want outside of their expectations of you. Speak your piece but try not to be an asshole about it. On the 11th, Chiron begins its retrograde in your sign, bringing unresolved identity issues to the surface. It's time to consider where your true motivations lie that don't revolve around seeking validation from others. Mercury goes direct the next day, making it a good time to push your plans forward in regards to home renovations, relocation, and family planning. On the 22nd, the Sun enters Leo, inviting you to express your creativity in bold new ways.
Taurus
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month opens up with Saturn dipping back into Capricorn, giving the the chance to reassess your faith. The truth can be subjective to our personal experiences so be flexible when it comes to redefining what matters to you most at this time in your life. The Pluto/Jupiter conjunction encourages you to be open-minded as you reconstruct a new perspective of the world around you. The Full Moon Lunar Eclipse on the 5th allows you to release outdated beliefs regarding the social, political, and religious ideas. If you're a writer, this energy is super supportive in helping you get your work published on a larger platform.
On the 11th, Chiron begins its retrograde through Aries which is setting you free from past life experiences that contribute to a fear of rejection for being your true self. It's time to separate yourself from the pack as an individual with your own needs, desires, and goals in mind. Mercury goes direct on the 12th, making it a great time to take a road trip to the nearest beach. On the 20th, the New Moon in Cancer invites you to recommit to your self-care in ways that empower you to express your deeper emotions through written or verbal communication. Your journal is your best friend during this time. The Sun officially enters Leo on the 22nd, bringing your attention to home and family matters. This is a good time to get into some DIY projects and to turn that humble abode into a lavish palace fit for a queen.
Gemini
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month kicks off with Saturn dipping back into Capricorn, giving you the chance to reassess how you've been managing your power. Maybe you've been exerting too much control over situations or allowing others to have too much power over you. If you have any outstanding debts, now is the time to get on a payment plan to work towards your financial freedom. On the 5th, the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse illuminates a traumatic experience you've gone through but trust that when the darkness comes to the light, healing can be found. On the 11th, Chiron goes retrograde, allowing you to tend to old rejection wounds that have resulted in a social anxiety or a fear of making new friends. Your tribe is waiting on you to embrace those quirky qualities that make you the dope ass person that you are.
On the 12th, your ruling planet goes direct, moving money matters forward for you and renewing a sense of confidence in yourself after you've taken the time to nurture self-esteem. Between the 12th and 13th, the Sun and Neptune meet up in the sky, heightening your sense of optimism and magical events unfolding around you. The New Moon on the 20th invites you to set intentions for how you want to go about making money in ways that are fulfilling to your soul. Reconsider any old beliefs that require you to sacrifice your happiness and well-being for the almighty dollar. On the 22nd, the Sun enters Leo, making you a busy-body with your creative projects during the next month. On the 26th, Venus squares off with Neptune for a few days, reminding you to stay realistic about your career goals. Things may not take off overnight but slow motion is better than no motion.
Cancer
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleThe beginning of the month draws your attention to your relationship as Saturn dips back into Capricorn, making it a good time to reassess your boundaries and expectations. The Full Moon Lunar Eclipse on the 5th also highlights this area as well which could have you reconsidering whether a relationship needs to end or go to the next love. Mercury and Mars square off from the 7th-9th, resulting in a bit of friction between you and an authority figure. The pressure is on, baby. Can you stand the heat? On the 11th, Chiron goes retrograde, inviting you to reflect on past experiences in which you gave up your sense of identity to fall in line with what others' vision of success was for you.
Mercury goes direct on the 12th, accelerating your personal interactions with others and sharpening your mind as well. Use this energy to study, write, or teach others about something you're an expert on. Around the same time, the Sun trines Neptune, inspiring you to push beyond your intellectual and spiritual boundaries. You're at one with your Higher Self and the wisdom you gain can be shared on a wider platform through a book, blog, or podcast. On the 20th, you get the gift of a second New Moon in your sign, inviting you to assert yourself more confidently in the world. Come on out of that shell, my love. The Sun officially enters Leo on the 22nd, shifting your attention to using your creative gifts for financial gain. This fiery energy will give you all the confidence you need to boldly tap in.
Leo
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleAt the beginning of the month, your focus is shifting to readjusting your boundaries with work and your physical health. Try to find a better balance that enables you to get to the money and also get in a few workouts on a weekly basis. On the 5th, the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse can reveal the root of any health concerns, leading you to make changes in your diet and routines. Between the 7th and 9th, Mercury and Mars square off, encouraging you to slow down when it comes to your reactions. Someone around you may feel like they know best—particularly when it comes to your spiritual journey. Choose your battles wisely in defending your own beliefs as it may not even be worth your energy.
On the 11th, Chiron goes retrograde, giving you the opportunity to release any fears about walking your own spiritual path—however different it may be from the status quo. Mercury goes direct the next day, making you more confident in the messages you're receiving from the spiritual realm. Your mantra? I am my own guru. The New Moon on the 20th initiates you deeper into your spiritual growth through your connection with your ancestors. It's time to get that altar set up and don't forget your offerings! On the 22nd, your birthday season officially begins, giving you a boost of energy and showering you with all of the attention you deserve.
Virgo
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleJuly begins with Saturn dipping back into Capricorn, inviting you to redefine your relationship with your creativity and inner child. This may also be a time in which you reassert your boundaries in dating so you can actually align with the kind of relationship you desire. When Jupiter and Pluto meet up in the sky, you can transform some of those painful love lessons into wisdom that can be shared through your creative medium of choice. Who knows? You could be sitting on the self-love anthem of the year. On the 11th, Chiron goes retrograde, inviting you to reclaim your sexuality in a way that feels right for you which involves you reassessing various taboos about this very natural aspect of life.
The next day, Mercury goes direct, making you more clear about the friendships you want to nurture more moving into this next season of your life. You'll likely find yourself prioritizing more emotionally nurturing connections at this time. On the 20th, the New Moon has you open to exploring new friendships that align with your mission of offering healing to the collective in some shape or form. As the Sun moves into Leo on the 22nd, you may notice your energy levels wane as you focus more on rest and self-care in preparation for your solar return next month.
Libra
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleOn the 1st of the month, Saturn dips back into Capricorn to continue its retrograde which invites you to reassess your boundaries with your family and home matters. This is a good time to restructure your routine by prioritizing more discipline in your life—especially if you're working from home. You may also need to chat with your roommate to work out any kinks regarding your interactions with one another and household responsibilities. On the 5th, the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse can suggest a relocation on the horizon if you've outgrown the space or people you live with. Mercury and Mars will link up between the 7th and 9th, encouraging you to be mindful of your reactions with bae, a business partner, and your social network. Take a deep breath and count to ten to ensure that you communicate from a more thoughtful space.
Chiron, the wounded healer, goes retrograde on the 11th, helping you sift through identity issues and ways that you enmesh with others—specifically in committed relationships. It's important that you still maintain a sense of autonomy even within your partnerships. On the 12th, Mercury goes direct, helping you get clear about your career trajectory and how you can heal, support, and nurture others in the work that you do. The New Moon on the 20th brings about a new opportunity that allows you to put these skills to the test. On the 22nd, the Sun enters Leo, making you the center of attention, and a valuable source of inspiration, for your friends. When you dream big, you motivate others to do so as well.
Scorpio
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month kicks off with Saturn retrograde moving back into Capricorn which is helping you get more centered in your thought process. When we talk about boundaries, we usually think of asserting them in response to other people but the attention is more so on you during this transit. How do you overstep your own boundaries by engaging in self-talk that is not beneficial for you? The Full Moon Lunar Eclipse on the 5th will expose the more critical side of yourself that needs to be uprooted for you to embrace the power of your imperfections with more grace. On the 11th, Chiron goes retrograde, giving you the chance to heal any harmful ways you've identified with your physical body due to the projections of other people's standards.
Mercury goes direct on the 12th, making this a great time to get your work published, teach a workshop, or mentor someone who looks up to you. Your ancestors are working through you at this time so make sure you're sharing the wisdom you're receiving. When the Sun and Neptune meet up around the 12th and 13th, you're feeling super creative and in your feels, making this a good time to go on a romantic getaway or even plan something Rona-friendly at home. The New Moon on the 22nd may be calling you on a spiritual pilgrimage or cultural exchange that allows you to experience connectedness to your fellow human beings. When the Sun enters Leo on the 22nd, your motivation is to make some career moves that can catapult you into the spotlight.
Sagittarius
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleJuly begins with Saturn retrograde dipping back into Capricorn, making it a good time for you to reassess your money management habits as well as your values. What does a prosperous life look like to you and is it solely based upon your material assets? On the 5th, the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse illuminates some problem areas that you need to rectify which could involve paying off debt or asserting boundaries between you and someone that you share your financial resources with. On the 11th, Chiron goes retrograde, inviting you to address your inner child wounds that make you feel like you need to fit in with the crowd to be accepted. By doing so, you'll experience a breakthrough of creative energy that allows you to boldly express yourself moving forward.
On the 11th, Mercury goes direct, making you curious about exploring the mysteries of life and of others, as well as your desire to go beneath the surface is intensified. The New Moon on the 20th, could mark a transformational time in which you commit to bettering your psychological wellness through therapy or spirituality. On the 22nd, the Sun enters Leo, motivating you to absorb as much wisdom as possible through seminars, books, and even a mentor. You could even find yourself in a teaching position as you use your life experiences to inspire those around you. When Venus and Neptune square off between the 26th and 27th, be realistic when it comes to your expectations about love. You may be in for a reality check as you get more clear about the direction a partnership is headed in.
Capricorn
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleThe beginning of the month centers around you as your ruling planet, Saturn, dips back into your sign in the midst of its retrograde. Re-examine what, and who, really matters to you as you readjust your boundaries with your work, health, and relationships. On the 5th, the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse has you feeling the need to revamp your image or personality. How would you like to present yourself in the world a little differently? Between the 7th and 9th, Mercury and Mars square off which could result in some family drama or tension with a roommate. Pause, take a deep breath, and count to ten before you respond.
On the 11th, Chiron goes retrograde, encouraging you to address emotional wounds that make you feel like the black sheep of the family. Reframe your perspective by considering the leadership role you're meant to fulfill in healing generational trauma and ushering a better way forward. Mercury goes direct on the 12th, helping you smooth out any friction with bae or your business partner. Embrace a softer approach to these connections to help them blossom into deeper levels of intimacy. On the 20th, the New Moon helps you (re)establish a commitment making this a great time to renew your vows, tie the knot, or say "yes" to that amazing business proposition. When the Sun enters Leo on the 22nd, you are irresistible and horny af. Whether you're booed up or single, prioritize sexual pleasure in the month ahead.
Aquarius
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleThe month begins with Saturn retrograde moving back into Capricorn, inviting you to face those skeletons in your closet related to control issues, authority figures, and excessive materialism. The Full Moon Lunar Eclipse on the 5th encourages you to find the balance between your work and your home life making it a good time to prioritize your rest and spiritual practices that keep you grounded. On the 11th, Chiron goes retrograde giving you the chance to heal any anxiety related to being criticized by others for being different in comparison to the status quo.
Mercury, the messenger, goes direct on the 12th, encouraging you to prioritize more nurturing activities in your daily routine that can benefit your physical and mental wellness. On the 20th, the New Moon invites you to explore different ways you can nurture yourself and others through acts of service, your diet, and your exercise routine. This could be a great time to get an emotional support pet if you've been feeling a little lonely. When the Sun enters Leo on the 22nd, you're bossing up with an amazing business partnership and maybe even a generous lover ready to shower you with all of the attention you deserve.
Pisces
Laci Jordan for xoNecoleJuly kicks off with Saturn retrograde transiting back into Capricorn, giving you a chance to redefine your boundaries with friends as well as your efforts made towards some of those longer-term goals of yours. Rome wasn't built overnight. Take the small, consistent steps towards your goals and you're bound to experience success in due time. On the 5th, the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse invites you to expand your social circle by letting go of the dead weight and embracing new connections. You'll also get clear on which relationships actually just need a little more of your time and energy for them to fully flourish.
On the 11th, Chiron goes retrograde, encouraging you to embrace your own values and release any resentment you have towards those who rejected you for asserting your own individuality. By no means are you anyone to just follow along with the crowd so take pride in that regardless of what other people think. Mercury officially goes direct the next day, helping you smooth out things with a romantic interest. This is also a good time to nurture your inner child so you can tap into your creative genius. The New Moon on the 20th invites you to enroll in those dance classes, record that song, or paint that masterpiece. When the Sun enters Leo, you'll be focused on improving your health and your daily routines so they support the momentum you're building up towards accomplishing your dreams.
Featured image by Laci Jordan for xoNecole
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
And that is why, while I was recently out in cyberspace seeing what the topic of sex had to offer (of merit), a particular study especially caught my attention. The reason why is because, while the topic of faking orgasms has been explored, pretty much ad nauseam at this point, what I haven’t personally seen a lot and enough of is how to stop them from happening so much and when people do them, what personally caused them to in the first place.
Today, we’re going to strive to get down to the root of some of those queries. And so, if you’ve always been curious about how to make the cycle of faking orgasms stop, this piece just might shed a little light. Here’s hoping anyway, chile.
Faking Orgasms. Why I Loathe It So.
GiphyDo you ever stop to think about certain songs from back in the day and wonder if they were released now, would people try to cancel them (hmph, as if this culture ever really cancels anybody for really anything, right?)? An example of what I mean is Alexander O’Neal’s song, “Fake”. If you’re too young to know it, or it’s been a while since you’ve heard it, feel free to go back and listen to the lyrics in order to grasp where I am coming from.
And why am I bringing it up in the context of today’s conversation? Well, whenever I think about folks faking orgasms, that song almost instantly plays in the background of my mind because, while he’s basically talking about the word from the definition of “to conceal the defects of or make appear more attractive, interesting, valuable, etc.,” when I think of “faking it” in a sexual way, definitions like “to deceive,” “to pretend” and “anything made to appear otherwise than it actually is” are what I ponder — because y’all, I don’t care how many people do it, how can any of those definitions truly be good, right or helpful when it comes to copulation? Deceiving your partner into thinking that you climaxed when you actually didn’t? Pretending to be satisfied when you actually aren’t? Making sex appear like it’s one kind of experience for you when it actually…isn’t? SMDH. Yeah, that is something that I can never personally get behind, which is why I once penned, “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP” for the platform. To me, since sex is about establishing a profound mental, emotional, and physical connection, how can that truly and authentically happen if one or both involved individuals are not being honest with each other about what they want, need and desire in order to make that happen?
Yeah, when it comes to the ever so popular fake orgasms, I’ll pass and will forever encourage others to do the same.
Faking Orgasms. Why So Many People Do It.
GiphyHere’s what’s wild, though — even if what I just said made complete and total sense to you, there’s still a really good chance that you’ve faked at least one orgasm before (check out “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not”). Know what else? There’s also a good chance that your partner has done the same (check out “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed)”. And why is it that so many continue to do it, even if, in the back of their mind, they believe that it’s at least somewhat counterproductive?
Well, from the personal conversations (and coaching sessions) that I’ve had with both men and women, the top reason for why so many men fake orgasms is because they don’t want to hurt their partner’s feelings by telling them that the sex isn’t as good as they might think that it is, and when it comes to women, they fake in order to hurry up and get the experience over with — which, when you really think about it, for both genders, the motives are pretty much two sides of the same coin: people not being satisfied and trying to avoid sharing that reality with their partner.
OK, butwhat does science say is the main cause for men and women faking it? Well, a top reason for whya lot of men decide to go that route is because they simply want to get the experience over with (although being unable to orgasm due to drunkenness, medication, and/or boredom ranked pretty highly, too). And women? Difficulty achieving an orgasm is the biggest one (check out “How Can You Know For Sure That You've Had An Orgasm?” and “Ladies, Please Stop Pressuring Yourself Over Vaginal Orgasms”). Hmph, when I stop to take this all in, I find both reasons to be unfortunate. On the male tip, is it just me, or does it seem like there is a real disconnect of intimacy if that is why men fake it? What I mean by that is, if you’d rather “hurry up and get done” — are you having sex with your partner or at your partner (some of y’all will catch that later)? And, as far as the ladies go, if you are so uncomfortable and/or self-conscious and/or embarrassed about not being able to climax to the point that you will lie and say that you did — do you trust your partner enough to tell him the truth and then are you willing to work through the process of achieving an orgasm…together?
These types of questions are what piqued my curiosity when I happened upon a study of over 11,000 participants that transpired over in the UK. The focal point of it? Since faking orgasms is so prevalent, what actually causes people to stop? Because listen, none of us are actually going to get anywhere if we only focus on the problem and don’t seek to find some sort of solution (lawd).
Faking Orgasms. What Actually Makes People Stop.
GiphyOK, so from what I’ve read and researched, The Journal of Sex Research hassemi-recently published the study that I was just referring to. Before we get into what caused people to stop lying — umm, faking orgasms, check out these findings first:
·51 percent of participants claimed to have never faked an orgasm before
·Close to 66 percent of men and 34 percent of women say that they have faked an orgasm
·Almost 19 percent of men and 35 percent of women say that although they have faked one in the past, they have since stopped
·Almost nine percent of men and 20 percent of women are currently “faking it”
Yeah, I already know. The discrepancies between the men and women are quite noticeable. Let’s keep going, though, because the reason for why men and women decided to stop is the main reason why we’re all here — plus, it’s pretty interesting.
So, when it comes to the demographic of individuals who no longer fake it, what brought them to that point and place? Fascinatingly enough, around 26 percent of both men and women said that the communication between them and their partner improved while 24 percent of both men and women said that it was because their partner became more attentive. Well looka there — when couples connected on a mental and emotional level, the physical aspect of sex got better. Some other points did come into play, though:
·Around 29 percent of women and 25 percent of men decided to be content without having an orgasm
·Around 19 percent of men and 18 percent of women decided to get orgasms on their own (i.e., masturbate)
·Around 19 percent of men and (wow) two percent of women were caught faking it
·Around 15 percent of men and 10 percent are currently not having sex
OK, so when you read all of that, what tripped you out the most? As someone who works with married couples and is a huge advocate of them gettingthe most pleasure possible out of their sexual experiences, honestly, the first three (because, if you are married, please don’t settle fora sexless dynamic). I’ll break down why for each one.
First, if you used to fake orgasms and no longer do because you have settled for — pardon the pun — anti-climatic copulation…settling is exactly what you are doing. Listen, even if you’re not able to achieve a vaginal orgasm (and many women are not), it’s important to remember that there are oh so many other kinds to choose from (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”). And what if you’ve tried those and still there are nofireworks? Make an appointment to see your doctor (to get your hormone levels checked) and/or a sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). Remember, the reason whyyou have a clitoris is so that you can experience the heights of sexual pleasure. If that’s not happening for you, it’s important to do all that you can to get to the root of why.
Secondly, not faking it because you have taken matters into your own hands — literally. So, here’s my issue with that. Unfortunately, our culture is so lust-crazed that we tend to forget (or is it ignore?) that sex shouldn’t ONLY be about cumming; sex should also be about connecting. And so, while masturbation may help you out in the climaxing department, it’s essential to not get so used to it that you fail to bond with your partner or that you put up walls of resentment because there are things that are happening when you’re alone that aren’t happening when the two of you are together. In other words, don’t let jacking off or solo sex toy experiences get in the way of heartfelt and honest conversations with your partner about your sexual needs (check out “How To Get More Of What You Need In The Bedroom” and “Sooo...What's Your Favorite TYPE Of Sex?”).
Finally, getting caught lying — again, I mean, faking it. Yeah, I know that I’m not the only one who noticed that there is a pretty big difference between how many women caught their man acting like he had an orgasm when he didn’t vs. how many men noticed that their lady acting like she had an orgasm when she didn’t. To that, let me first say that if you thought, “If a man ejaculated, he came. Duh” — look updry orgasms sometime. Believe it or not, it is possible for men to orgasm without cumming. And to the fellas (who may be reading this): I continue to be amazed by how you can’t tell if a woman is faking it because even if she is yelling and screaming at the top of her lungs, if her vagina isn’t contracting, guess what? Yeah, between that and extra lubrication coming from her vaginal area —those are pretty common signs that an orgasm has transpired; this basically means that if you don’t notice these things going down, how attentive of a sex partner are you? #justsaying3 Tips to Avoid Faking Orgasms
GiphyNow that you know what science says about why people fake orgasms, did any of the intel surprise you? More importantly, if you can personally relate to what was said, did any of the information inspire you to make some changes in your own sex life? Yeah, if faking orgasms is indeed a thing in your own world right now, as I close this out, here's three quick tips:
1. Remember the definitions of fake. Never forget them. Deception. Pretending. Making something look like something that it is not. No time to get into all of this today, yet I have worked with many people who fake orgasms and…fake other things in their relationship. You don’t want to deceive your partner or yourself. It’s not going to help the relationship. Ultimately, it’s only going to cause hurt and/or harm. Communicate your thoughts and feelings in the way that you would like to hear someone convey theirs to you (respectfully, thoughtfully, etc.); do make sure to share them, though.
2. Stop “performing”. Start being REAL. Know who fakes a lot of orgasms? Porn actors (I prefer to call them that over “porn stars”). That’s because sex work is…work; it’s a billion-dollar industry that people get paid to act like sex is always the bomb. You’re not a porn actor, so why put that kind of pressure on yourself? No matter what the reasons are for why an orgasm isn’t coming for you, if you are having sex with someone who can’t handle the realness of the reasons or “worse”, doesn’t care — don’t put that on the sex or yourself. Sis, you are simply sleeping with the wrong person/people.
3. If you build it, one way or another, it will come…and you will cum.Do orgasms come easier for some than others? 1000 and 10 percent. That is absolutely not the point, though. If experiencing this type of pleasure is what you long for, with the help of your intentions, your partner’s willingness, and if need be, professional assistance, you can get there. Not by faking it — by being honest about the fact that you need more time, patience, and empathy.
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Clearly, faking orgasms is a common thing; that doesn’t mean that it has to be the case for you, though. As you unpack what has made you start, process how to make it all stop.
Hmph. Better to take a while in order to experience what true bliss feels like than to keep faking it and never really know.
Words to live — and lie down — by. #wink
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