For better or worse, through thick and thin, we make a commitment to stand by our partners from the day we meet at the altar until death. But sometimes, the story doesn't play out that way. If that happens to be the case, you and your partner have to decide what comes next. Whether it's the kids, the house, or any other material assets that you may have acquired over the course of your marriage, you two must decide how those things will be fairly allocated. Although the last thing on your mind when preparing to marry the love of your life is getting divorced, knowing where you stand if you ever happen to grow apart can be one of the healthiest things you ever do in your relationship.
For example, over the past few years, Jesse Williams and his ex-wife, Aryn Drake-Lee have been engaged in a very public divorce that hasn't quite come to an end. After being married for five years and having two children, Aryn and Jesse split in 2017 but are still having some very public financial disagreements. Recently, it was reported that the Grey's Anatomy actor denied his ex-wife's $200,000 request for attorney's fees, and the actor currently pays $100,000 a month in spousal support and child support (based on a reported monthly income of $521,000).
While their tumultuous divorce may have created some bad blood, there was a time where Aryn and Jesse were very much in love. The two had been together for a total of 13 years, and when they met, Jesse explained that she was a well-traveled go-getter who elevated and supported him in ways he didn't think were possible. In an interview with USA Today in 2010, the actor said:
"I was a teacher when I met her, so she's been with me through all different facets of my career. She's stuck with me through thick and thick and thick and thin. We know each other in and out."
Although Jesse and Aryn may have begun their union with unconditional love and empathy, their relationship is now one that is defined by court orders and tabloid rumors. Jesse and Aryn's messy divorce battle is a cautionary tale that proves every woman should sign a prenup before they get married.
John Shearer/Getty Images for GQ Magazine
While Jessie claims that Aryn is seeking a "free ride", the former real estate broker finally opened up about her side of the story in an interview withPeople. She explained that while initially, she was the sole breadwinner in her household, things changed once they had children and her former husband's career began to thrive.
"When the divorce process started I had two nursing babies, and I am the one that ran our household for the 14 and a half years that he and I were together in the same house. And for our children, and for the creation of the businesses that we built together when I left my career in New York for us to move to California to pursue his, and then, as a result, built it…I knew, as the one that was really holding it all together, that I didn't have a lot of room to fall, even though I was falling."
Aryn explained that during her marriage, she fell victim to the unrealistic idea that a woman should take care of everyone but herself, and it didn't take long for her to reach a breaking point. Now, she's using her own experiences to help other women fight this sterotype and heal themselves in her new podcast, BBSARETRASH (Babies Are Trash). She explained:
"I think a lot of women are still in the place where we're pretending like we can do everything, and it's not realistic, it's not holistic, and it's not sustainable. I want to empower women to find their voice, to take the mask off so that they can really find the connection and the community that they're seeking."
Aryn says that she decided to create the community because she felt so isolated during her divorce and knew that there were other women who had also had similar experiences.
"I was in a place where I needed the support that was going to help to ground me. Most everybody I had spent the eight years here in LA with all went with him. Hollywood and I bump heads. It was never my value system, and it was never something that I was striving for. t never felt comfortable for me because of how superficial it was. And then that all became abundantly clear when everybody went left."
Divorce is scary and sad, and although none of us ever truly want to experience that type of heartbreak, sh*t happens. When people don't grow together, they grow apart, and that's exactly why Aryn says that her split from Jesse was the wakeup call she didn't know she needed.
"It was a blessing in disguise because it was a real slap in the face to see who was around us and why, and at that point, it became very clear. And it cleared a pathway for me to make a shift and get back onto a path that was more in alignment with how I wanted to live my life."
This couple proves that love is great when it lasts, but you should also be prepared for the slim chance that it doesn't. Take a page out of Aryn's book ladies, and ask for an agreement that states exactly how you two will manage if you don't wind up with the fairytale future you'd previously imagined.
The "p word" may be intimidating, but you and your husband-to-be both deserve to have a feeling of stability and security when it comes to your finances in the future. By putting these types of arrangements in place, I'm sure Aryn and Jesse could have both saved themselves a headache and a few hundred thousand dollars in the process.
Read Aryn's full interview with Peoplehere.
Featured image courtesy of John Shearer/Getty Images for GQ Magazine
- Jesse Williams' Ex Aryn Drake-Lee Finally Breaks Silence On ... ›
- Who is Aryn Drake-Lee, The Ex-Wife of Jesse Williams? All the Facts ... ›
- Jesse Williams Hits Back Against Ex-Wife's Request for Increased ... ›
- The real reason Jesse Williams is splitting from his wife | Page Six ›
- Jesse Williams' estranged wife, Aryn Drake-Lee, admits their friends ... ›
- Jesse Williams' Estranged Wife Says He Introduced Kids to His GF ... ›
- Jesse Williams's Ex Aryn Drake-Lee Calls Divorce 'Blessing in ... ›
- Jesse Williams' Ex Aryn Drake-Lee Speaks Out, Launches Mom ... ›
- Facts About Jesse Williams And Aryn Drake-Lee Divorce - Essence ›
- Jesse Williams' Ex Aryn Drake-Lee Talks Motherhood Amid Divorce ... ›
RELATED
Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
GiphyIf you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
GiphyThere is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
GiphySomething that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
GiphyEven if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
GiphyI saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
____
Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by FG Trade/Getty Images