Women should be seen and not heard, speak only when spoken to, and mind their manners in the presence of others. A "well-bred" woman will refrain from using foul language, wear only clothing that is deemed socially acceptable, and be discreet about her sexuality.
If you were raised in the church or any old heads in the South, you know that historically, this way of thinking was dominant in the black community and pretty much the entire world. Oh, the hoops women have to jump through to be considered "ladylike"; it should be a paid position in and of itself. Luckily, we now live in a world where I can proudly say "f*ck that," wear whatever the hell I want to and know that it doesn't make me any less of a woman.
Prince prodigy and sci-fi superbabe Janelle Monae agreed with my way of thinking in a recent interview with ESSENCE. The 33-year-old star of the upcoming feature film, Ugly Dolls, told the publication that how you gauge her womanhood is not and never has been a reflection of the woman that she actually is.
Rich Fury/Getty Images
"There's always this constant idea of what's ladylike and what a woman should do. Let's stop listening to what people tell us we should do and just do what's in our hearts and what's in our spirit."
In the past, the androgynous star has been transparent about her sexuality and her refusal to conform to societal norms has made her one of the hottest entertainers in the industry. After coming out as a member of the LGBTQ+ community last year on the cover of Rolling Stone, she's made an effort to shift the narrative in the black community of what it means to be a queer, Black woman one boss move at a time. In an intimate conversation with fellow songwriter, Lizzo, she had this to say:
"With 'Dirty Computer', I made a bigger declaration to myself — that I'm not putting out an album if I can't be all of me. You're gonna take the blackness, you're gonna take the fact that I love science fiction. You're gonna take the fact that I am a free ass motherf*cker. You're gonna take that all in and because that is what you're gonna get."
She told ESSENCE that her confidence to be the pro-black, non-conformist badass that she was by learning to take the advice of others with a grain of salt. Janelle explained that she knows what it's like to have both your body and sexuality policed by people that don't even know you; even the people we love can sometimes try to push us into being someone that we're not.
The singer emphasized the importance of letting the people around you know that your body is your own, they don't own you. This is why the previously somewhat conservative artist says she's grown comfortable with showing more skin on stage:
"I've always been clear that it's important for me to remind myself and remind others that I have agency over my body. I get to decide when, where, how, and not live by anybody else's interpretation of what they thought I was. The message has always been very clear."
According to Janelle, being honest with others starts with gaining the ability to be real with yourself. Walking in your truth also means learning to love and accept your eccentricities and know that they are what makes you truly unique. She told POPSUGAR:
"We are one living, breathing organism — humanity. We depend on each other to survive. What makes us one is the many unique things about us. A puzzle piece is not the same, but when you come together, you create a beautiful puzzle that was put together and everyone can marvel at. That's what humanity represents. We each are a piece of that puzzle, and we're designed uniquely to do a specific thing."
"Self-love starts inward. If you don't love you, I don't think you could ever really love anybody else."
The Hidden Figures actress explained that after being bullied in her childhood, she had to learn that she may never be ladylike enough for other people, so she just had to be good enough for herself. Once she did, she learned:
"Once you start walking in your truth, you'll start finding your tribe of folks who are walking in their truths. And then you guys can take down the patriarchy and abusers of power."
Power to the people, Ms. Monae.
Read the full ESSENCE interview here and check out the trailer for her new film, Ugly Dolls below!
UglyDolls Trailer #1 (2019) | Movieclips Trailerswww.youtube.com
Featured image by Rich Fury/Getty Images
RELATED
“Your circle is everything,” Reginae shares with a smile, and she’s not wrong. She’s all about creating spaces where we can come together, let our hair down, and vibe with like-minded women. “We deserve spaces to meet, uplift, and vibe with each other. BLK is making that happen,” she adds.
A New Era for Friendships—Social Mode Is Here!
Gen Z is all about building meaningful connections, whether it’s with a date or a new brunch buddy. That’s why Social Mode is such a big deal. Research shows that 65% of Gen Z values friendships just as much as romantic relationships. With BLK’s new feature, users can easily toggle between “Dating” and “Social,” opening up a world of platonic connections—no swiping right required.
Bahja Rodriguez, Reginae Carter, Breaunna Womack, Lourdes Rodriguez and Zonnique Pullins attend OMG Girlz "Make A Scene" Single Release & Video Viewing Party at Trap City Cafe on March 27, 2025 in Atlanta, Georgia
Photo by Prince Williams/WireImage
Reginae Carter Hosts the Ultimate Girls’ Night In—Powered by BLK Social Mode
What better way to show Social Mode in action than with an exclusive Girls’ Night In, hosted by Reginae? The event brought together top influencers, tastemakers, and press for a night of luxury, self-care, and real talk about love, sex, and relationships. From tarot readings to perfume-making and signature cocktails, the evening embodied the “soft life” vibe that many Black women are embracing in 2025—peaceful, intentional, and full of joy.
Guests mingled, laughed, and bonded over the importance of finding a tribe that supports you. It wasn’t just about fun (although there was plenty of that!)—it was about creating a circle of inspiring, strong women. “We need to stick together. We need to be each other’s village,” Reginae says, emphasizing the power of community over competition.
Sisterhood: The Real MVP
For Reginae, it’s all about friendship—and not just the surface-level kind. “We need friends who keep it real with us. The ones who can tell us when we’re right, when we’re wrong, and when we need to calm down,” she says. As someone who navigates the spotlight, she’s got the best of both worlds: friends who understand the grind and those who can give her an honest, grounded perspective.
Her advice for building strong, intentional friendships? “Be confident in yourself and know your worth,” she explains. “Also, hurt people hurt people, so make sure you’re coming from a good place when you’re building relationships. It’s not always about being nice—sometimes it’s about being real.”
Reginae couldn’t have summed it up better: “When you have the right circle, the right tribe, everything just feels easier. And that’s exactly what BLK is giving us—space to connect, laugh, and grow with each other.”
To learn more about BLK’s Social Mode, download or update the BLK app in the App Store or Google Play Store today. Who knows? You might just find your new bestie or your next brunch crew.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Prince Williams/WireImage