In xoNecole's Finding Balance, we profile boss women making boss moves in the world and in their respective industries. We talk to them about their business, their life, and most of all, what they do to find balance in their busy lives.
Now more than ever, the emergence of Black media talent is thriving. We're seeing people on and off the red carpet, in front of and behind the cameras, and creating an atmosphere of inclusivity for all to see.
Jamila Mustafa is no different. She is the epitome of hard work, tenacity, and hustle, only teaching other media personalities what it takes to work hard and in the moment. The award-winning broadcast journalist has done a bit of it all: interviews, appearances, speaking engagements, red carpet coverage, and more.
But one thing about working in media is that the burnout is REAL. So how do you juggle a 24/7 media cycle, a personal life, and your sanity? In this installment of the Finding Balance series, Mustafa chatted with xoNecole on finding the balance in her life and what "balance" looks like for her.
When you have a busy week, what's the most hectic part of it?
Everyday, haha. I wake up at about 4-5 a.m. each morning. I head to set to shoot BET Breaks after a night of researching, writing, editing, and requesting photos for each news story. After that, I may have an interview, another hosting gig, audition, or call back, and some days, I will have all four in one day. Also, I travel a lot to host or cover events, which is fun, but it can get hectic depending on the type of event. In the midst of that, I am currently traveling across the country, on two HBCU speaking tours to help raise and give scholarship money to students, one of them I launched called 'From HBCU to Hollywood'.
Wow, you are always on the go! Do you practice self-care?
Sheesh! I still struggle with that. My sleep pattern is off because I'm a workaholic. Also, I don't eat three times a day, maybe something small early and a big lunch/dinner...maybe. Despite those poor self-care habits, I try to take power naps to rejuvenate my mental, and pack little healthy snacks to munch on throughout the day if I feel my energy is getting low.
No question about it, I am a people person, however, those "Mila Moments" are my favorite. I am a foodie, so I love picking a new restaurant and going there with a book or notepad to eat, write, and relax. I love a little retail therapy, kicking it with my loved ones, and watching movies. It's great being the plug, but sometimes you gotta take yourself out of the socket to cool down so you don't burn out, you know.
"It's great being the plug, but sometimes you gotta take yourself out of th socket to cool down so you don't burn out."
How do you find balance with:
Friends?
Need them. They are my balance. I love having people that can give me a certain positive vibe around. I exert so much energy that it's refreshing just to be around people and not feel the need to do anything. I mean anything. So much so, my friends call me lazy and I'm far from lazy, but around them "less is more" in my opinion.
Love/Relationships?
I believe we can find real love at this age, however, we must always love ourselves more, realizing we are still growing and changing. If it's true, it will be there.
Exercise? Does it happen?
I'm like Angela Bassett after What's Love Got To Do With It. Muscles are a part of my body makeup, even if I'm not working out. I started Martial Arts at the age of 3, my father was a Grand Master, and I became a National Champion by the age of 11. I also, danced, swam, ran track, played basketball. Anything athletic, really. Nowadays, I try to hit the gym weekly and walk a lot in NYC so I can get some exercise.
What is your beauty routine?
I have sensitive skin, so I can't be too adventurous with new products. However, growing up my mom ALWAYS cared about her skin, she wasn't really the make-up type, so that trait rubbed off on me. Now, I'm into texture, tone, and elasticity in the skin.
Do you cook or find yourself eating out?
Ugh! I have to eat better. I love hot wings, ribs, steak, salmon, sushi. I am not a cook, although I can whip up a few meals and that's definitely something I want to dive more into.
Do you ever detox? What does that look like for you?
Physically, I cut back on certain foods and I drink lots of lemon water. Mentally, less action, less communication, and more meditation.
When you are going through a bout of uncertainty or feeling stuck, how do you handle it?
I pray. Have a conversation with the man above and ask Him to keep me still so I can hear my next move. I talk to my mom and sometimes look to my inspirations for encouragement.
What does success mean to you?
Success is being able to make a sustainable life for yourself doing what you love to do and impacting others.
What is something you think others forget when it comes to finding balance?
Something others forget when it comes to finding balance is that you're always finding it — that's why it's called balance. It's not something that you find one time, for one period in your life, and you are all good. No. As humans, we are in constant search for balance and it's our job to secure that level in our lives.
"As humans, we are in constant search for balance and it's our job to secure that level in our lives."
For more Jamila, follow her on Instagram.
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Renae Bluitt On How She Masters Work/Life Balance
Finding Balance: Vanessa Simmons On Juggling Being A Wife, Mother & Entrepreneur
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak