Sometimes the most important messages come when you least expect them. When I came across this recent post by Jada Pinkett Smith, the forever soothsayer of my hidden emotions, I had to stop in my tracks for a moment to digest it. The post threw me all the way back to my own first heartbreak.
We can all admit to having our hearts broken: whether it was our first experience with puppy love, breaking up with a long-time partner, or even growing apart from a close friend or family member. Heartbreak hurts and it's real. For me, my heart truly "broke" for the first time in college. It began as a whirlwind of emotions.
He was the person I always imagined would become a part of my future until he quickly and painfully became a part of my past.
At that age, I didn't really have the capacity to process what was happening. I was in the midst of living in an entirely new part of the country, learning how to survive on my own, and trying to make new friends all while finding a way to be a successful student, varsity cheerleader, and an active member of all of the extracurricular activities at the same time. I remember feeling overwhelmed and destroyed.
No one ever taught me how I would feel when my expectations were met with disappointment. No one told me how much it would hurt to have to maintain my composure when all I wanted to do was stay in my dorm room and cry. And, certainly, no one could have prepared me for the years it took for me to truly move past the hurt, regain my self-esteem, and move forward in a productive and healthy way.
Everyone's first experience with heartbreak is different, but one thing that we all have in common is that there is real pain involved.
As with any type of trauma, we may develop coping mechanisms, ways to avoid the pain, and even, at times, we miss the mark in healing our own hearts. When Jada Pinkett Smith recently took to Instagram, she gave us the game that many of us need.
The actress revealed that her first heartbreak was from her own father and that it wasn't until she developed a relationship with a higher power that she was truly able to begin to heal from it.
"For me, my first heartbreak was from my father at 7 years old, and then many people and circumstances on top of that disappointed me and broke my heart. And it wasn't until I developed a really strong relationship with a higher power that my brokenness and my heartbreak could be healed. But it also made me realize that people don't break my heart. It's my false beliefs around love and my unrealistic expectations of people that break my heart."
Jada reiterated one of the best pieces of advice I've ever received along my journey in love and relationships. When you keep your heart open but your expectations in check, you realize that you can't control what others say or do, but you can control your reactions to them.
By keeping expectations at bay, you realize that others will never be responsible for your reactions: you, and only you, control how you feel and what you think.
Before I knew this, I was definitely guilty of using others to try and fill the cracks in my heart. It's easy to focus on what feels like a new love or new connection and then forget that you still have some work to do on yourself before you bring another love into the picture. For me, because I wasn't fully healed, I wasn't able to allow myself to fully open myself up to the next person, and, in turn, the connection faded because there was no foundation to start with. To Jada, this is another product of our expectations of others. In her caption, she wrote:
"Often times we expect people we love to heal our broken hearts. When we realize our loved ones can't heal our brokenness (for they are broken too) ... we often feel deeply disappointed and/or have feelings of being betrayed even. We can also spend a lot of time punishing people and having deep resentment towards our loved ones for not behaving in a certain manner that makes our wounded hearts feel good ... all day, everyday."
Now that I've been through my own handful of heartbreaks, I've finally had the time to process my part in my own pain as well as any pain I may have caused those around me. But I truly do not believe that I would have been able to start this process without a real effort to start focusing on myself and my spirituality.
God truly began to answer my calls when I was in the depths of my pain. When I asked him "What do You want me to do now?", He guided me through a religious and spiritual experience that included a lot of self-reflection, a lot of tears, prayer and mindfulness, and an overall life evaluation that I don't think would have happened without that call. It forced me to realize that I am responsible for how I feel and no one else could take on that responsibility for me.
In order to lift myself out of any of the pain and despair I might have felt, I had to focus on feeling good rather than looking to someone else to fill those voids.
One of the hardest things to do is admit that we really are in control of how we feel, even if someone else did do things that cause us pain. Jada revealed that she spent a period of time angry with the Higher Power because she felt "entitled to everyone's best behavior and love." The 47-year-old admits that it wasn't until she humbled herself that she realized that she was demanding things from others that she should be demanding of herself. That's when she finally had a breakthrough. She continued:
"When I realized I'm the only one responsible for my pain, even if it's someone else's fault, I was really angry with the Higher Power because 'I' felt entitled to everyone's best behavior and love. When I finally found some humility and got over myself and surrendered to that Power that is far higher than 'I' and do the work to be for myself what I was demanding everyone else to be FOR me ... I was able to find the Kingdom within and every bit of love and healing I had been looking for all along."
Self-work is hard stuff. It doesn't come overnight, and it takes a lot of time, patience, and forgiveness (for ourselves and others) to truly have that breakthrough. I am the first one to tell you that I am a work in progress, but I feel that because I put in the work, I am much better off than I would be had I ignored the pain and continued to blame others for my unhappiness.
Heartbreaks can be healed, but it's up to us to put in the work and love ourselves first.
In the comments, answer Jada's question: "Can you remember your first heartbreak and how it shaped your life?"
Featured image by Gabriel Olsen/WireImage
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert