A friend of mine recently sent an article with the title "What People Don't Tell You About Freezing Your Eggs". After three long blinks and mentally slamming my head into my keyboard at work, I asked myself, "Should I be thinking about this?"
The thoughts and emotions that flooded in all before I even clicked open the link reminded me that there are millions of anxious women having feelings just like this. Feeling as though the dream of a loving marriage and family could end up being just...a dream. This fear of never finding true love, or having the kids they've always wanted is very real for many women. As I thought more intently about this fear that I didn't necessarily share, I recognized that it isn't purely natural, but there are outside influences that make singleness, for women in particular, dreadful.
American society plays a major role in how us gals view our unwedded lives.
There are thousands of movies on love and romance, finding that special someone, or being "lucky" enough for them to find you. The strong emphasis on being "chosen" makes it oddly taboo to discuss being single, as a woman, especially to do so fondly. It's a topic that isn't as welcomed in girl chats as it is in guy groups, and because this status isn't affirmed as much in women, ladies everywhere are urged to feel the way popular culture tells us to feel about it: miserable. It is often this urge that causes women to remain in relationships much longer than they should, or to rush from relationship to relationship without much or any time for reflection and healing in between.
Then there are those that are actually in relationships, married, or with child. Perhaps without even trying, many of them use language that elevates those titles over others. How many captions have you read from a new wife or mom that go something like, "I'm finally complete" or "Now I know what true love is" or 'Motherhood gave me purpose"? And it's not just women who do this. I've seen some damaging statements from men also, that are along the lines of, "You become a man when you become a father." How might that man or woman with reproductive issues feel when reading these?
If he's never been able to help produce a child, or if she's just had her 9th miscarriage, is he or she any less of a man or woman? Of course not.
There's also this stigma that if you're of a certain age and single, that something must be wrong with you.
I've heard so many conversations over the years where a woman who seemingly has a lot to offer is picked apart once it's known that she's single. Comments like, "She must be crazy," or "I wonder what she does to run men off" are prevalent in these discussions. What a flawed, but common way of thinking. In case anyone reading this doesn't know, there are women out here that are literally choosing. Women who could jump the broom at the snap of their fingers but would rather wait until she finds the one her very soul adores, or focus on her own wholeness, instead of rushing to keep up with the world's timeline. Go figure.
Related: Single Or Taken: The Battle Of The Relationship Status Is Tearing Us Apart
I have a somewhat unique perspective, having been on both sides of this pendulum. I've been engaged before, and have experienced "wedding culture" with nearly everyone around me treating this experience like it's the best one that will ever happen to me, when in actuality, ending that particular engagement was! Since being on the other side, I've found and am still finding, such freedom and joy in truly discovering me, my interests, my goals, my heart's deepest desires, without the influence of another person.
It saddens me to hear women discuss their singleness like it's a curse or a punishment - it is neither. If treated well, it is an incredible time of self-discovery and refinement.
I asked my mother a couple years ago, what was the hardest part of marriage to her, and her response has stuck with me ever since. "I didn't realize how much 'me-time' I'd have to give up," she said. "Once I got married, all the time outside of work was shared with your father in some way. Even if I did things by myself, like going to the grocery store, it'd still have something to do with him because now I have to think about what he wants in there. Then the kids came, and I completely forgot what 'me-time' was."
Now, my parents have been happily married for 38 years (TODAY actually), so it's safe to say my mom wasn't lamenting, but just highlighting a very real point. In case I wasn't catching on, she ended with "Enjoy this time alone, 'cause once it's gone, it's truly gone." That advice didn't make me shun marriage, but it did give me a new appreciation for my singleness, knowing that this incredible time to be selfish is precious too.
I wish I could change the narrative of what singleness for women in particular should look and feel like.
It shouldn't be a sad, dreaded experience, but an invigorating and empowering one. It should be a time of growing and learning from the inside out. And it doesn't have to be riddled with any of the various "phases" that people suggest women should experience in their singleness. Along with wholeness, you can be completely liberated without the intimate company of another person.
Related: I Swore Off Dating For the Remainder of My 20s & Survived
It's a fairly common misconception that romantic relationships are the only ones that grow you. I'm thankful for the friends around me, male and female, who push me and make me a better human. Don't take those opportunities to be sharpened by platonic relationships for granted. You can learn compromise, patience, forgiveness, faithfulness, TRUE LOVE, and much more from ya own homies, and I'm learning more everyday. And if you plan to be in a relationship or married someday, it's a good idea to work on these qualities with your friends, your family, your coworkers etc., because they won't magically appear when you're boo'd up.
Society encourages women, in particular, to justify our significance based on marriage and children.
We've been influenced to feel that singleness is a lesser position, and our greatest hope should be that we're one day chosen by someone else. Call me a rebel, but I just can't surrender to that way of thinking about such a sweet time in life! We don't have to play by those rules. Romantic love is one of the MANY things, to be enjoyed in this life, and so is singleness.
Singleness should be treasured and spent well.
I LOVE love, and I deeply value marriage and family. But I desperately want women [people] to know they can and should be whole without either. Romantic love is a desire of my heart, but an even greater desire of mine is to have a life where if it never happens for me again, if I never birth children of my own, or any other of my many hopes, that I am happy, whole, and complete; trusting the God who knew my end from the beginning.
I strive for the apostle Paul's level of fulfillment in being content (satisfied) in whatever state I'm in (Phil.4:11), and I hope the same for you. And if we are not first whole ourselves, we'll never be the wives or mothers we were (possibly) meant to be anyway.
*Article originally published on Joya Smith
Featured image by Isaiah McClean on Unsplash
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The show is exactly what you’d expect when you put a media pro and a sports legend together—a mix of real talk, unfiltered moments, and guest interviews that feel like family kickbacks. As the duo wraps up their first season, Rocsi sat down with xoNecole to talk about teaming up with Deion, the wildest moments on set, and why streaming platforms like Tubi are shaking up the talk show world.
Scoring the Gig & Clicking Instantly with Deion
Photo by Paras Griffin/Getty Images for Essence
Deion Sanders had been dreaming of hosting a talk show, and when Tubi came calling, it was only right he made it happen. But before he found the perfect co-host, he held auditions with different women for the spot.
Lucky for us, Rocsi threw her hat in the ring, and the connection was instant. “You just can’t buy chemistry like we have,” she tells us. “We are legit like big brother, little sister—fighting, cracking jokes, telling each other off. When you watch the show, it’s like watching family.”
Mixing News, Culture & Sports—Minus the Snooze
With We Got Time Today, Rocsi and Deion cover everything from the latest headlines to celebrity tea and, of course, sports. But instead of stiff, rehearsed segments, the show keeps it loose and unpredictable.
“We’re not breaking the mold—it’s not rocket science,” Rocsi jokes. “We just bring our own flair, our authenticity, and our personalities to it. Deion has firsthand experience in sports, so when we talk about athletes, he brings a different perspective.”
And the best part? Unlike traditional talk shows that rush through quick interviews, We Got Time Today actually takes its time. “A lot of shows might give you one or two segments with a guest,” Rocsi says. “With us, we actually sit down and have real-life conversations.”
Her Top Guests (So Far!)
From music icons to relationship experts, the show has already had some unforgettable guests—but a few stand out for Rocsi.
“Ice Cube was our first guest, and he’s just legendary,” she says. “Kirk Franklin had us cracking up when he broke into a full choir freestyle for our Christmas special. And anytime we get Dr. Bryant on to put Deion in the hot seat? That’s my favorite!”
And of course, there’s Nick Cannon. “Nick was amazing,” she adds. “You already know he’s going to bring the energy and say something wild.”
Tag-Team Hosting with Deion: The Inside Scoop
While Deion Sanders is best known for his football greatness, Rocsi says he’s also one of the funniest people she’s ever worked with.
“He’s goofy—like, really goofy,” she laughs. “A lot of people didn’t know that side of him, but now they do. He can crack a joke, and if you’re too sensitive, good luck, because he will go in. But the best part? I throw it right back at him! Sometimes we just look at each other like, ‘Okay, that was a good one.’”
But beyond the laughs, she admires his insane work ethic. “Watching him juggle everything he does is just super admirable,” she says.
How "We Got Time Today" Brings That "106 & Park" Energy
Photo by David Livingston/Getty Images
For those wondering if We Got Time Today feels like 106 & Park 2.0, Rocsi says it’s a whole different vibe.
“The only comparison I’d make is that it’s a destination for the culture,” she explains. “It’s a platform where our people can come, feel safe, and have real conversations. But other than that, this is Deion’s world—we’re just having fun in it.”
The Talk Show Shake-Up: Why This Show Hits Different
Unlike traditional networks, We Got Time Today lives exclusively on Tubi, proving that streaming platforms are changing how we watch talk shows.
“Tubi is giving more people opportunities and making content more accessible,” Rocsi says. “Deion is a huge Tubi fan—he literally loves Black cinema—so it just made sense for him. And honestly? He’s got me watching it too!”
Real Ones Only: Women Holding Each Other Down
Rocsi credits her best friend, Chantelle, for always keeping her grounded. “She kept pouring into me, reminding me of who I am,” she shares. Even Deion Sanders makes sure to give her flowers, often calling her “the hostess with the most.”
In the industry, she’s built lasting bonds with women like Julissa Bermundez, Angie Martinez, and Angela Yee. “Julissa and I still kick it—her house is basically Sephora, so I just shop there,” she jokes. She also cherishes her friendships with Melyssa Ford and Robin Roberts, who have offered unwavering support. “Robin has always been there for me,” Rocsi says, reflecting on the wisdom she’s gained from the legendary journalist.
With the show’s first season wrapping up, Rocsi is grateful for the experience and excited for what’s next. “We’re having a good time, and the audience can feel that,” she says.
And if you haven’t tuned in yet? Well, Rocsi and Deion got time—so you might as well make some too.
Catch We Got Time Today now streaming on Tubi!
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10 of those things are listed down below. And although each of them can benefit you, health-wise, in a myriad of different ways, today we’re going to solely focus on how all of them can be relied upon to get your skin into the kind of condition that you’ve always wanted it to be.
1. Coconut Water Serum
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If you want to get a bit more potassium or antioxidants in your system, coconut water can make that happen. Since potassium is something that helps to keep hydration in your skin and antioxidants are awesome at slowing down the signs of aging, these are already two wonderful reasons to consume coconut water consistently. Aside from that, coconut water is also good for your skin because it contains antimicrobial properties that help to prevent breakouts, plus, it is a solid source of vitamin C which helps to boost collagen production so that your skin has more elasticity.
Wanna hydrate your skin from the outside in? Check out this Coconut Water and Jojoba Oil recipehere.
2. Papaya Masks
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A fruit that also contains a lot of vitamin C and antioxidants is papaya. It also has an impressive amount of Vitamin A in it which is good to know becausevitamin A is a nutrient that can help reduce skin sagging, decrease hyperpigmentation, and even soothe the symptoms that are associated with psoriasis. Since papaya features properties that also fight inflammation, it can help to speed up the healing process of pimples and, if you’re looking forfree radicals to stay far away from your skin, papaya can do that for you as well.
Looking for a gentle way to exfoliate your skin while soothing any skin irritation that you may have at the same time? Check out this DIY Papaya Maskhere.
3. Bone Broth
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I am someone who enjoys cooking withbone broth. If you’ve always wondered exactly what it is, bone broth is simply the nutrients that come from animal bones after they’ve been soaking in water for a long period of time.Since bone broth is packed with everything from protein and calcium to magnesium and amino acids, it’s definitely something that can give your skin a boost of health from the inside out. Specifically, the amino acids in bone broth help to reduce inflammation and help you get a good night’s rest (which is paramount as far as achieving glowing skin is concerned).
Also,the collagen that’s in bone broth can help to make your skin firmer and more youthful-looking. So, if you want to proactively help out your skin, cook with bone broth more often. Within a matter of weeks, you should notice a difference.
4. Black Cumin Seed Oil Cleanser
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I ain’t got not one lie to tell you — when it comes to something that is holistically beneficial for your health, black cumin seed oil is that one. So much, in fact, that there are several articles out in cyberspace (like this onehere) that list over 100 ways that it can do wonders for your overall health and well-being. Your skin will adore this particular oil becauseit contains properties that fight acne, treat psoriasis and eczema, andhelp to dissolve warts. Also, this oil contains antibacterial and antiviral properties that help to keep your skin healthy, in general.
If you’re looking for an all-natural way to deeply cleanse your skin, black cumin seed oil can certainly be of great assistance. You can read more about why and how by goinghere.
5. Watermelon Skin Toner
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On the palate tip, few things make me happier than cubes of watermelon (when it’s in season, which is typicallybetween May and September). Since it consists of92 percent water, you know that watermelon is going to hydrate your skin — plus, the vitamin C that’s in it will do a good job of increasing your skin’s collagen production. Some other great things about watermelon (as far as your skin is concerned) is ithelps to reduce inflammation and oxidative stress and it can evenhelp to even out your skin tone.
A super refreshing way to tone and tighten your skin is to use a toner that has watermelon in it. A quick and easy recipe that will help you to do just that is locatedhere.
6. Hemp Milk Soap
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At the end of the day, hemp milk is a milk alternative that is made by mixing water and seeds from the Cannabis sativa plant (yes, the plant that makes weed) together. Since there are a lot of fatty acids in hemp milk, that automatically makes it “skin worthy” because fatty acids help to hydrate your skin, improve the texture of your skin, and reverse some of the environmental damage that your skin may be experiencing. Since there are also vitamins A, D, and E in hemp milk, that makes it beneficial for your skin as well because vitamin A can help to unclog your pores, vitamin D can help to cultivate new skin cells, and vitamin E can help to smooth out the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles.
If you’re looking for a way to soothe your entire body with hemp milk, there’s a cool (albeit ingredient-rich) recipe for how to make hemp milk soaphere.
7. Tomato Paste Mask
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It’s not that I don’t like tomatoes, it’s just that…if I go months without eating one, I don’t really notice. I wish that wasn’t the case too becausetomatoes are a good source of fiber, folate, Vitamin C, beta-carotene, and potassium.Your skin needs beta-carotene because it’s an antioxidant that helps to protect it from UV damage and it reduces the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles that you might have. Some other benefits that come withusing tomatoes for your skin are they reduce skin inflammation, boost collagen production, help to prevent cellular damage and they work well as a skin exfoliant.
So long as your skin isn’t super sensitive (because there is a fair amount of acid that’s in this particular fruit), it will be so happy that you’ve given it a face mask that has tomatoes as one of its main ingredients. StyleCraze has many for you to choose from. Gohere to check ‘em all out.
8. Fig Face Polish
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If you’ve always wondered whatthe difference is between a fig and a date, let’s get free today. Although they both are fruits, figs contain more calcium, aren’t as sweet or sticky and they also have fewer wrinkles than dates do. On the skin health tip, figs contain fiber which helps you to stay regular which can help to detox your system and prevent breakouts.Figs also contain nutrients that can help to speed up the healing process of symptoms that are associated with dermatitis and eczema.
If you’re looking for something that will deeply hydrate and moisturize your skin, figs can do that. Figs also have a pretty good reputation when it comes to removing dead skin cells so that your skin’s texture will be soft and smooth; this is partly thanks to the antioxidants that are in them.
Ready for your skin to have a brilliant glow? Check out this fig face polish recipehere.
9. Aloe Vera and Honey Facials
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There was actually a season in my life when I used todrink Aloe vera juice. Although I preferred to mix it with juice, I must admit that I could tell that it was good for me when it came tomy digestive system. I’m pretty sure that my skin enjoyed it as well, seeing that Aloe vera, internally, also helps to hydrate skin and keep it well-moisturized. If you actually use the gel on your skin,it can help to heal inflammatory acne, speed up the healing process of eczema and psoriasis symptoms and it can even assist withminimizing the appearance of pores.
As far as honey and your skin go, it’s dope because the properties in it will help to treat issues like acne, eczema, and psoriasis, it can soften the appearance of acne scars and it can even brighten your complexion over time.
If you’re someone who is all about DIY facials, this DIY Aloe & Honey Face Mask (here) will absolutely get you right.
10. Zinc Gel for Glass Skin
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A mineral that your skin definitely needs you to have in your system on a consistent basis is zinc. Studies have proven that zinc can do everything for your skin fromhelping to prevent and heal acne and providing it with protection from the sun tosoothing the symptoms that are associated with eczema and rosacea andhelping to repair DNA damage that could lead to signs of aging. Zinc-enriched foods that can help you to receive these perks internally includelamb, lentils,pecans, shiitake mushrooms, and fortified cereals.
Something else that is high in zinc — chia seeds. That said, if you like the look thatglass skin provides, you can actually make a homemade gel that can help you achieve that look. The instructions that will help you to do so are locatedhere.
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All of these are edible ways to achieve beautiful skin, whether you eat them or apply them.
Give them a shot. They’re delicious (inside) and easy (outside) ways to achieve your skin goals without any of the sometimes expensive, chemical-filled drama that comes with a lot of these commercial brands out here. And that’s just the truth.
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